MEN.. HELP..!! (maybe women moms of pre-teens or teen..)

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  • acman145acp
    acman145acp Posts: 76 Member
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    I say drop it.

    I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......

    I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..

    I dunno how other men vote in this matter but I think you acted appropriately with the situation at hand. You weren't direct but you sent the message to be discreet about these things. 15 is way too old, 12 sounds about the typical age. You should ask the bio father or your husband to talk to him about safe sex though. At this age reminding him again about the dangers of these things isn't a bad idea

    hi bio dad left when he was 1 and never heard from him again. As for my husband his idea of the talk is bringing out a stack of playboys to explain anatomy and porn to explain the act and birth control..
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    I say drop it.

    I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......

    I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............

    8?? wow thats young mysoon to be 7 likes girls but only older ones because he says he likes how boobies look omg
  • gatecityradio
    gatecityradio Posts: 401
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    You probably can't tell him anything he already hasn't learned from people at school. He'll figure out most of it on his own. It would probably be more comfortable for him to have the talk with his dad though.
  • acman145acp
    acman145acp Posts: 76 Member
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    And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.

    Not sure if serious?
    I wondered the same................!?

    Lol, actually, I am serious.

    By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...

    I don't know where you got that info from.

    If that caused physical damage i would have died before i turned 16........ my first girlfriend / wife later on 5 times was a slow day lol
  • acman145acp
    acman145acp Posts: 76 Member
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    I say drop it.

    I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......

    I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............

    8?? wow thats young mysoon to be 7 likes girls but only older ones because he says he likes how boobies look omg

    Older women are hot.......... it was a "bad" 14yr old babysitters daughter who um "educated" me lol
  • TinaBaily
    TinaBaily Posts: 792 Member
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    I'm a mom of 5, the oldest 4 are boys, ages 24, 22, 19 and 16 now. This is a topic that has come up at least a few times in my house, as you can imagine. :-)

    I like that you mention you have an honest and open relationship with your son. That is great! As others have mentioned, this is a normal age for these personal explorations to begin (or have already begun) and it's nothing to be worried or concerned about, unless it seems to you that he develops an obsession about it. The only thing I would mention to him, if at all, is that as he seemed to have figured out, *kitten* is best done in private, as he was doing. This may be a good time to instill a "knock before entering rooms with closed doors" policy amongst your whole family, if you haven't already had that in your home, too. Otherwise, continue to love him, hug him, tell him you love him, and carry on as usual. Let him know that you are always there if he wants to talk. If his father or a male role model is in his life, you might want to let him know that your son may approach him with questions if he hasn't already.

    Enjoy this amazing journey as your son enters his teenage years. I found it to be interesting, challenging at times, amazing, and hilarious, even. Their true nature really begins to shine at this point in their growth, as does a great silliness while at the same time they are trying to show they are grown up. Tempers may flare, tears may flow, he may "hate you" one day and adore you the next. It's all part of the fun of having a boy in his teenage years, but it all starts to settle down as he gets into the later teen years.
  • dlpnrn2b
    dlpnrn2b Posts: 441 Member
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    bumping this for later because I have a boy about to turn 13 and having same issues.. great replies thus far
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
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    I have a 13 year old son.

    He knows all there is to know. I would honestly just leave it alone. You don't want him getting the impression that it is wrong or dirty.

    He is at a good age to have the safe sex/no sex whatever you talk about in your home though.

    Just leave *kitten* out of it. That is something he needs to discover on his own.

    And hey, at least you didn't catch him with a girl
  • Susabelle64
    Susabelle64 Posts: 207 Member
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    Actually I have 5 nephews and am quite close to them and my sisters, I would tell you just to apologize for walking in on him, tell him you are sorry to have embarrassed him and that while he may be embarrassed you do not think poorly of him or feel it was wrong. Let it go, by apologizing you give him his pride back a little. By openly stating you dont think it was wrong, you ease some of the guilt. Nothing more humiliating than getting caught in an embarrassing position by your mother, and I dont even think it matters if you are 12, 20 or 40. At that age his body is going through some pretty wild stuff. "perfectly natural, perfectly natural" (I thought American Pie too).
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    I say drop it.

    I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......

    I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............

    8?? wow thats young mysoon to be 7 likes girls but only older ones because he says he likes how boobies look omg

    Older women are hot.......... it was a "bad" 14yr old babysitters daughter who um "educated" me lol

    lol.. how sweet she wanted to be a teacher from such a young age..
  • dvisser1
    dvisser1 Posts: 788 Member
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    I say drop it.

    I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......

    I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............

    8?? wow thats young mysoon to be 7 likes girls but only older ones because he says he likes how boobies look omg

    I was about 9... Nothing unusual about that age. Kids grow up a lot faster than parents want to think, that's all.
  • kiku76
    kiku76 Posts: 352 Member
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    aww the things I get to look forward to with my son.

    I think talking to him about it will just embarass him more. But it also depends on how close you are. if you have a pretty open relationship, you can talk to him about it. Assure him that what he was doing is not wrong, nor should he be ashamed (assuming he was since he lied to you about it). Just let him know that it's something that should be done in private and you will also make an effort to respect his privacy. sucks, but he's growing up and will need a little of it...privacy I mean.
    That does not mean he should alienate himself or stay in his room grabbing his willy all the time. Make a point to enforce that family time, just like personal time, is important. He's getting to a touchy (no pun intended) age where you can either lose him or make your relationship stronger

    edit: just read your update LOL. you did awesome! And it sounds like you guys have a great relationship. great job mama!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    Glad to see you got it figured out! Yeah, kids are getting younger and younger. A friend of mine had a little brother who got a girl pregnant at 13. So it does happen, even if people want to pretend its not. I'm not sure if it's our culture or what, but kids in junior high are having sex so it is wise to educate!
  • mikey1976
    mikey1976 Posts: 1,005 Member
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    Actually I have 5 nephews and am quite close to them and my sisters, I would tell you just to apologize for walking in on him, tell him you are sorry to have embarrassed him and that while he may be embarrassed you do not think poorly of him or feel it was wrong. Let it go, by apologizing you give him his pride back a little. By openly stating you dont think it was wrong, you ease some of the guilt. Nothing more humiliating than getting caught in an embarrassing position by your mother, and I dont even think it matters if you are 12, 20 or 40. At that age his body is going through some pretty wild stuff. "perfectly natural, perfectly natural" (I thought American Pie too).

    this is awesome advise he will learn to lock the doors soon enough most times. boys will be boys you or your husband will catch him in the act again just don't make it awkward
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
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    I wouldn't have a talk about this particular incident or even about *kitten* in general. He was doing it in private, so there's really nothing to say about it.

    However, the safe sex talk needs to happen now if it hasn't already.
  • ELENA_Z
    ELENA_Z Posts: 78 Member
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    thank you all for your responses.
  • Lifting_chick
    Lifting_chick Posts: 275 Member
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    oh my gosh I have a son...please lord never let me catch him in the act...now with that said I wondered why he spends so much time in his room now
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I'm a mom of 5, the oldest 4 are boys, ages 24, 22, 19 and 16 now. This is a topic that has come up at least a few times in my house, as you can imagine. :-)

    I like that you mention you have an honest and open relationship with your son. That is great! As others have mentioned, this is a normal age for these personal explorations to begin (or have already begun) and it's nothing to be worried or concerned about, unless it seems to you that he develops an obsession about it. The only thing I would mention to him, if at all, is that as he seemed to have figured out, *kitten* is best done in private, as he was doing. This may be a good time to instill a "knock before entering rooms with closed doors" policy amongst your whole family, if you haven't already had that in your home, too. Otherwise, continue to love him, hug him, tell him you love him, and carry on as usual. Let him know that you are always there if he wants to talk. If his father or a male role model is in his life, you might want to let him know that your son may approach him with questions if he hasn't already.

    Enjoy this amazing journey as your son enters his teenage years. I found it to be interesting, challenging at times, amazing, and hilarious, even. Their true nature really begins to shine at this point in their growth, as does a great silliness while at the same time they are trying to show they are grown up. Tempers may flare, tears may flow, he may "hate you" one day and adore you the next. It's all part of the fun of having a boy in his teenage years, but it all starts to settle down as he gets into the later teen years.

    This woman gets it.

    On a side note: Can't believe these kids nowadays. No creativity. Getting caught. Whatever happened to taking "long showers"? I mean we know now that our parents knew but atleast nobody caught us red handed lol. Have these kids never heard of public restrooms at schools?

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