Would you move anywhere for your lover?

michelleepotter

Wow, I would be very, very hurt if my husband chose a place to live over our relationship. A few years ago we moved to Phoenix because of his job. I was willing to be supportive and go there with him and give it a shot and hope it worked out, of course, but it was something we decided together. If he'd said he was going with or without me, I'd have had an absolute fit. Same deal when, four months later, we decided we both HATED Phoenix. If I had loved it there and wanted to stay, I definitely expect he would have found a way to make it work. It goes both ways.

I know that one day my husband wants to leave Houston and retire somewhere more rural, maybe the hill country. We've talked about moving to Austin, and maybe even Arkansas. He knows that I love Houston and don't really want to ever leave again, so our decision -- staying or leaving -- always rests on both of us caring more about each other than where we live. Sounds like you've already grasped that concept, and your husband needs to as well.

ColleenAtherton

My husband is in an apprenticeship program and since work is scarce in the profession he's chosen around where we live, he has been working 3-5 hours away from home, 5-6 days a week since February 2011. It sucks and I miss him like crazy, and have contemplated moving, but...... There is no guarantee he will be at any particular job location for a substantial amount of time. His program moves him where the work is available, so he could be at one location for 3 months and then with only a day or two's notice, move to another location hours away and be there for 6 months. With 3 kids (one is in school) it's just not feasible. And with our luck, the kids and I would move to be with him and then 2 weeks later he'd be transferred to another job in another state...then the kids and I would be stuck in the exact same situation we're in now, only with no support system nearby.

gdr1976

sure would

Twilightsunflower

i wouldnt have moved anywhere for my lover... but i did move 3000 miles for my love... he didnt pressure me or tell me i had to it was a choice i made freely because in my heart it was the right...

histwinkletoes

Of course. My husband is Active Duty Army and we moved from Texas to Germany 2 1/2 years ago. I've only been "home" once to visit my parents and this is the longest I've ever been apart from them. My husband is my #1 now so where he goes, I go except when he's deployed of course.

SPNLuver83

I would move in a heartbeat.

svetz

Absolutely!! I want to be wherever my partner is. I don't care where that may be. Done the long distance thing and it sucks. I have the strength to deal with anywhere, if the guy is worth it! Just make sure he's the right guy before you pick up and move. He should be willing to do the same for you if circumstances allowed. Life is an adventure, might as well give it a shot or what's the point ?

AlabasterJar

I actually did move to my husband's home town after a 2 year long distance relationship. He asked me to marry him after a year of dating, but I was not ready after going through a divorce. Well here it is 9 years later and we are married and I believe that I made the right choice. I am thankful each day.:happy:

Yes2HealthyAriel

Obviously as I moved clear across the country to be with my boyfriend after he lost his job and moved back to his hometown. I drove from Oregon to South Carolina with 3 kids in the car

TazzytheMotivator

I would move if he was my husband, not my lover. Committment is the answer .

BriskisGrl

I have and do.... Since 07 We have lived in Oklahoma, Utah, and now Texas.

abyt42

My husband and kids live in a different state than I do: I'm here because I have a good job with benefits. He's there because he likes it there, hates it here, we were able to purchase a house, and he could actually find work there. If I were able to find work in my chosen field I'd be there in a heartbeat.

So far, no dice. But, since I'm the primary bread winner, I'm a long distance mom and an alaska air mvp.

jboccio90

Nope, My Mom and Family are too important for me to leave them. Relationships don't always last, but my family will ALWAYS be there for me.

ash190489

I am currently in this dilemma. :sad: However, I have ended up saying yes. So I am moving 13 hours away with him with no family, friends of my doggie to whoop whoop! Out to the country... and trust me, I am no country gal. Hmmmm... STRESSED OUT!

ChelleDJM

My husband moved from Denmark to the US to marry me :-) So yep, 11 years later, I would do the same for him.

hedgiie

yes

SteffieMark

Yes, I would and have. I moved from Po-Dunk, Arkansas to Mid-Town East in Manhattan. Talk about culture shock. But, I grew to love it...Just in time to move clear across the country to Seattle! lol

In his defense, he would do the same for me.

mminor77

I would move for my husband too! Anywhere! BUT you are not married so I think for him to want you to move he needs to marry you AND not move back to the same place your rapist lives! How can he even want to go back there knowing that freaking creep is not behind bars! Maybe convince him to move somewhere else?

I agree. I guess since it happened months before he and I met, it doesn't seem as real to him as it does me. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me that he wants to go THERE so badly instead of finding a new place.

Ok, from what I have read, you have a good reason NOT to return. It is a place you do not feel safe.
I am sorry but if your trauma is not REAL to your man, then he is not your 'partner'. A real partner would be more interested in your feelings, in your needs, in your safety. He would want the mother of his child to feel safe and happy.

A compromise and a move to a place that fit's his personality could be done when it would be a logically financialy feasable step.
If the changes, and moves, and sacrifices you have made so far are not enough for him, I can tell you now you will "NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY!" Happiness comes from being satisfied with yourself, not what someone else can give.

Best wishes to you and yours.

This is so very true. and hearing everyone's opinion on the matter really made me realize that I shouldn't move back to Austin, and that it should be more of a compromise and also that if he makes any other inconsiderate moveslike this I should just leave him. But everything is harder when you want your daughter to be with mommy and daddy everyday. I hope he likes the San Antonio idea honestly, so that I can get him off of moving back to Austin.

I just had to comment on your last comment about wanting your daughter to be with mommy and daddy everyday... it really hit home for me. I moved to IL to be with my husband (originally from FL), got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. In the meantime my husband was cheating on me the whole time, lying about everything, taking advantage of me and my kindness every chance he could get and I would confront him and he would apologize and promise never to do it again, etc. I took so much abuse- physical, mental, emotional etc just to keep our family together because I wanted my daughter to have a family and in the end all my sacrificing didnt matter because he put us in a car on Easter and drove me and our daughter to my parents house in FL and dumped us because we were 'interfering with his life and personal matters too much.' He only thought about himself and put himself first never considering the fact that he had a family now. In a relationship where I was constantly giving and sacrificing myself and my happiness to try to keep this family together wasnt worth it. I was selling myself short and teaching my daughter all the wrong things as far as a respectable relationship goes. Him dumping us was the best thing that could have happened to us. We are happier, stronger and closer because of it. I realize in most instances that her and I being on our own is better than the 'family' I worked so hard to keep together. Im not saying that your situation is just like mine but I got the vibe that he seems a little selfish and your comment hit home.
My advice to you is if you are happy where you are, are making good money and its a good place to raise your daughter you need to think long and hard about leaving all of that for someone who gives you an ultimatum, has made you move before because he was unhappy, and isn't more sensitive to you about your reason to not be in Austin anymore. Its a whole different ball game with a little one involved...

LaGordita87

Yes i would and i have. I moved to Mexico with my husband and things were so different there and there were tons of things that were much harder about living there than living where we do, but i would do it all over again just to be with him.

hallie_b

Doing it now, hate it, if I could go back in time I would not have moved...here at least... at least once a day I yell to myself "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"