Closed Diary's

schpanks

I kept mine closed for a long time. I used to have very disordered eating associated with crippling shame. Not everyone on MFP is nice. Or tactful. I've seen crazy stuff written on other people's diaries. I opened mine to friends when a friend asked me to. I was on MFP for more than a year before I felt comfortable with that. It's a process and it isn't the same for everyone.

Pocket_Pixi

because my diary is to keep me accountable. I am an adult I do not need someone looking at it telling me how bad I have been or how good I have been. I know myself.


Well that and I honestly do not track on here.... but when I was tracking on here, I kept it private then because its for me... if I needed someone to look at it I would make it available with a key or just to my friends.

Why does it really matter?

Kanlassak

I'm not looking for kudos on what I do/don't eat. I know when I've done well or poorly with my eating, and I don't want to deal with comments from people when I pull an all-nighter and thus eat something ridiculous. Or if I count cleaning as exercise when it involves sorting and moving several boxes of books for the library. It's a useful tool, since I'm in college and my school doesn't offer nutrition info for its board plan. I just don't need or want unsolicited comments, good or bad.

lunglady

You are mistaken in your belief that everyone here is in need of support. Some of us just like using the tools available here.

jocelyn_martin

If it bothers you then you could always restrict your friends to those who choose to keep their diaries open. I have a combination of friends with open and closed diaries. Doesn't matter to me either way what they choose, but I do find that the people who tend to lose the most weight are one with open diaries. These people get and give the best advice regarding ways to increase certain food groups or cut carbs or whatever.... They are receptive to and offer constructive criticism and its their openness that appears to make this experience more beneficial for their weight loss goals. I think everyone has to get comfortable with making the decision to stay private or not. When I first joined mine was private, but then I realized that in order to hold myself accountable...I needed others to help me be accountable as well. And that comes through the constructive criticism and encouragement of my Pals.

jocelyn_martin

You are mistaken in your belief that everyone here is in need of support. Some of us just like using the tools available here.

Yup...that too!!!

mommanurse33

Maybe people don't know how to make their diarIES public. I am sure there may be good thoughts behind that. Maybe some are afraid of the criticism of others. For some people, food can be a very touchy subject. It took me a while to open my diary. I fall of the wagon from time to time, and am a little embarrassed by my choices. Regardless, we ought to be as supportive as we can in our MFP friends' journeys.

You're right. Food is an extremely touchy subject for some people. I am one. Thank you for posting this.

You are welcome.

Sabine_Stroehm

I choose (in life and on the internet) who I share information with.
I choose not to share my eating habits with the world wide web.
No eating disorder, no weirdness, no excuses. Just what I choose to share.

I share my diary with my online friends, because I know we think similarly about things.
I don't need random strangers telling me I eat too much protein, or fiber, or that my macros aren't "right" (based on what MFP suggests).

I'm not looking for comments on what I eat. I know how to eat. And, I'm certainly not looking for comments from 45,000 people, 99% of whom know less about nutrition than I do. If someone wants to see my diary because they want to learn something, then perhaps I'll make them my friend.

I don't see what the big deal is.

If I posted a thread asking the world wide web about my calories, or macros, then sure. Otherwise, what's the big deal.

ps: I also don't have a "personal" photo. Again, I choose what to share.

I guess I don't get why closed diaries bother people.

Muldactus

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

If they are my friend, I tell them I don't like it because I can't keep them accountable for being healthy if I can't see what they are eating or how far under they ate (alot of people with ED's on here and I DON'T want to encourage that). And I'm not going to go around calling people out on what they ate, unless we are close MFPers. But if someone ate all fresh vegetables, lean meats, healthy stuff all day and are under, I am going to compliment their diary. If they ate all Mcdonalds and cheesecake, even if they stayed under goal I'm not going to compliment them. I think there is more to MFP than just staying UNDER your goal, although it is an important part.

If they ask me how to open it I tell them. .

If they keep it closed, I defriend them. :ohwell: I feel bad doing it, but I can't really be your "friend" if you are keeping that significant of a secret from me.

If they are not my friend I don't even look anyway...unless they are posting for help in a message board or something.

Honestly people shouldn't need YOU to keep them accountable for their food choices. They need to keep themselves accountable because they won't always have someone saying "you ate too many calories today, bad you!" Or "you need to eat more calories, bad you!" "you had pizza, nooO! mortal sin!" Or whatever needs to be said to "keep them accountable". I can definitely understand not wanting to encourage eating disorders, but other than that...no big deal.

You know what, I don't NEED the OP, or anyone else to keep me accountable for my food choices. That ain't the point. I DO welcome feedback, advice and suggestions. "have you tried this", or "this choice might have been better than X", or "I noticed your Potassium was a bit low. Maybe add in XXX?" It isn't about NEEDING someone to keep me accountable, or NEEDING someone to vindicate me. It's about knowing that some people (like jsapninz by the sound of it) are truely the type of MFP friends that are just cheerleaders (rah rah rah - you're under your calories - do a cartwheel!), but actual FRIENDS that are willing to take time to encourage, perhaps coach a little, and give advice and suggestions.

If you're not interested in sharing your diaries, that's perfectly fine. But please understand that you're missing out on one of the more subtle tools that MFP has to offer that also help to maximize the goals that we're all shooting for. That said, I'm not (yet anyway) to the point of unfriending people who don't share their diaries, but I can see why it's a bit frustrating.

becka63

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

Um. No it's not.

I don't need anyone to be accountable for me, I'm adult enough to do that myself.

Also, your opinion of what is a 'good' diary day might differ from mine.

I have friends who choose not to have their diaries open, that's up to them and I find other ways of showing support.

small_ninja

Wow, I didn't realise how touchy a subject this is till I read all these comments...

Angellore

I have mine open to friends only because I don't want or need some random person on the forums giving me advice on my food because I am losing weight and generally within my macros, so it's no-one elses business what I eat. I had one 'friend' who I had to delete because she was constantly calling me out on my food choices. One day I was 50 calories over at the end of the day (but well under on fat) and she posted "Did you NEED that second chicken burger?" That was kind of the last straw for me. I'm an adult and if I want two chicken burgers I'll bloody well have them!

tigersword

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

No, it's really nothing like that, at all. There are many more important things I can do on this site than play food police for my friends. If you "need" to see my diary on pain of defriending me, than I wouldn't want you as a friend anyway, because I don't deal well with obsessive control freaks. I have never once even glanced at any of my friends' diaries, unless they specifically ask me. It's their job to keep themselves on track, not mine. My job is to give advice when they ask, and be social.

mommanurse33

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

Um. No it's not.

I don't need anyone to be accountable for me, I'm adult enough to do that myself.

Also, your opinion of what is a 'good' diary day might differ from mine.

I have friends who choose not to have their diaries open, that's up to them and I find other ways of showing support.

Did we really compare an open diary to having sex with our spouses? Really? I don't tell my husband every little detail of my life and I certainly don't expect him to. We do have a bit of an "honor code," if you will. We are supportive of each other no matter what and we hold each other accountable, but we are also adult enough to be accountable for ourselves as well. Nor does what we do when we aren't around each other depend on whether or not the bedroom door will be closed for the night. :smooched: (We have kids. LOL) Hence, if someone doesn't want to show their diary to the freaking world, well then, leave them be.
There are definitely ways we can be supportive without seeing the diaries of others.

abencase

This has been the first time I feel differently about what I am doing and I enjoy the support/ encouragement/ accountability. It doesn't bother me if someone has a closed diary or not. I do look at the diaries that are open. I don't look to be nosy or to rub someone's face in an extra hundred calories or more, but to get ideas on food choices. Just the other day I looked at a diary and saw X (whatever it was) and how many calories it had. I had written that particular food off on an assumption of its nutritional value. In saying that, I do completely understand why some people choose to keep it private. I just want to let y'all know that not everyone that looks wants to be your MFP "momma".

roachhaley

My diary keeps me accountable, not other people. I dont even close it at the end of the day because I dont want people commenting on it. It's a personal choice to have it public, not an obligation.

Witchmoo

Because some people don't want the support aspect of the site, they just want the tools.

This! I don't have friends or my diary open, tried it and got sick of being supportive to others for nall all in return so now I use it for me as a means of controlling my calories and that's it....I don't need the support as I'm fine on my own so why should I share my diary with randoms?

And trust me if mine is under my calorie goal it's only just!

xRagster

I eat about 1200 / day and burn at least 2500 a day. I couldn't begin to imagine all the people complaining lol. But I've lost 31 pounds, body fat from 32.7 to 25.9. That's 24 pounds of fat. Now if I made my diary open people would complain that I'm barely eating, doing more harm etc. So I, and maybe people like me, would keep it closed since what we do works even though others won't like it.

jinxstrange

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

It's more like saying: "I don't know you or what you know about anything, and your opinion isn't nearly as important to me as you think it should be. And that you compare food diary sharing with marriage intimacy is really kind of creepy."

:bigsmile:

Thomasm198

Open, closed, published in hardback format and available through all good bookstores? Who cares?

It's closed because it's mine and I can close it if I want. If anybody on my FL threatened to "unfriend" me because my diary is closed I would say "hit the road Jack and don't let the door hit you on the way out!".