anyone else have a spouse who.....

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Un_desirable
Un_desirable Posts: 4
in Introduce Yourself
Hi,

I was on MFP daily and loved the interaction, the inspiring stories, the positive reinforcement I received from my FL and others. Then the spouse went into my account and accused me of flirting , cheating and lying because I PM females on this site.

Now I have no friends...and only log on to log my exercise and calories....i feel like I lost a part of me as well as my MFP friends. I wasn't on here to do anything that would jeopardize my marriage but it looks like I have....and for that I'm sad!!

I female friend told me in a PM that I looked amazing and had a great physique....it was positive reinforcement...I replied Thank you....you made my day....!!!

now I'm in solitary confinement and I have a new screen name!!

I miss you all!!!!
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Replies

  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    Ask yourself this -- If she had an account and other men sent her messages like this, how would you feel? My guess is there are other issues going on that have contributed to your "solitary confinement" IE, maybe she feels you spend more time on the site than with her? You compliment or say things to other women that you don't say to her. On the other hand, she could also be secretly jealous of your progress (Although, as most women would agree-- this would never be verbally communicated) and she is self-conscious about her appearance. Just my two cents! Best of luck!
  • Un_desirable
    Un_desirable Posts: 4
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    you mean like her facebook account where she has 400+ friends a majority of them being men and her nose is buried in it ....during dinner.....vacations....sitting on couch watching television??

    yeah...NO!!!
  • ccpowers
    ccpowers Posts: 203 Member
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    sorry to hear about this. And really this site is a lot about support. If we didn't need or want the support, would anyone even be here? Good luck with this, with friends, if you decide to go that way, or better luck to you if you decide to continue on your own....
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    She probably feels insecure about herself that she feels threatened and maybe sees the positive comments as flirting.

    I wouldn't put up with her being allowed to have her Facebook though if she is making you delete all your friends and screen name on MFP. Double standards...
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something
  • Daisy_Cutter
    Daisy_Cutter Posts: 774
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    I think your new profile pic is HOT! Keep up the great work, man... you're as sexy as they come!
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

    This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.
  • Thena81
    Thena81 Posts: 1,265 Member
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    wow, my heart goes out to u!! thats rough!! its hard to lose without some reinforcement and if she isnt willing to give it to u, u need it elsewhere but honestly if some girl told my man he had a great physique in a pm, id be jealous too!! if your not hiding anything, just write on ppl pages!
  • wrevhn
    wrevhn Posts: 864 Member
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    i'm a wife and can say i get jealous of my hubby at times. he attracts a lot of female attention. He is very cooprative and works with me so I try to work on my issues. The more open and honest he is, the more comfortable I am with him doing what he wants and don't mind the girl thing. Because of how he treats me like a goddess and his bestie and shows me respect and loyalty.

    my guess is that you two need to talk this out. relationships are about comprimize. Loving each other and helping each other out. Sit her down, open up about your feelings, address her concerns and work on getting trust back and any other issues there are you can try to fix. Assuming she is mentally at a point of awareness where she is ready to fix things.
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    Hi,

    I was on MFP daily and loved the interaction, the inspiring stories, the positive reinforcement I received from my FL and others. Then the spouse went into my account and accused me of flirting , cheating and lying because I PM females on this site.

    Now I have no friends...and only log on to log my exercise and calories....i feel like I lost a part of me as well as my MFP friends. I wasn't on here to do anything that would jeopardize my marriage but it looks like I have....and for that I'm sad!!

    I female friend told me in a PM that I looked amazing and had a great physique....it was positive reinforcement...I replied Thank you....you made my day....!!!

    now I'm in solitary confinement and I have a new screen name!!

    I miss you all!!!!

    If thats all that was said then yeah she might be overreacting
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

    This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

    This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!
  • momshorses
    momshorses Posts: 376 Member
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    Without knowing all details, I would have to say there is probably alot more to this. That being said, wives need to know that they are loved unconditionally by their spouse and they need to feel that they are the most important person in their spouses lives. What are some steps you can take to make her feel like she is the most special and wonderful woman in the world?
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    My husband is not too cool with me having male MFP friends, but he told me he trusts me and that means a lot to me. I am also honest abou the fact that I am married with kids. Once you mention kids most guys aren't interested anymore anyway :)
  • Bethee101
    Bethee101 Posts: 99 Member
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    This post makes me sad. Sounds like she is a bit controlling, I know people like this that are not allowed to have any type of social networking affiliation because the spouse is insecure about it. Personally I think that flirting helps a marriage out because it gives a person self confidence. I flirt, my husband flirts, as long as nothing else goes on I don't see the problem with it. We are humans and it is human nature!

    Look at your relationship, does she let you go out? Work? Have friends over or converse with them? If not them maybe you need couples counseling, or you need to move on. Sorry if this is harsh, but it is more than deleting your MFP friends, it goes much deeper into trust and control issues in your relationship.
  • WendySue75
    WendySue75 Posts: 98 Member
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    I think in this day and age, we are gonna be seeing allot more postings like yours. As technology enables us other ways to communicate, we are going to be less verbally communicative! This is sad.... just look already with the slang, the shortening of words example: u r gr8t.... I mean, will we even be able to spell, or use proper grammar (sorry you will find mistakes in this paragraph I am sure :laugh: ) or at least still be talking to each other?? I am a talker, I have a hard time typing to some, because words can always be interpreted differently without facial reaction, annunciation, even hand gestures.... so remember this when you are on all these new aged gadgets.... take the time to share our gift of gab with each other!!! :heart:
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    I couldn't tell by the OP -- but did SHE delete all of your friends on MFP, or did you delete them after the altercation?? This information would help in advice that may be offered to you.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Her response is a symptom of a much larger issue. . .this coming from a previously SUPER insecure wife. What I suggest you consider is asking her why she's insecure about your on line conversations; consider what she tells you and think if you could have stepped across any lines; let her know that you're sorry to have hurt her feelings; then let her know that the support you get on here means a lot to you. See if there is some way you can negotiate a solution where you can have social interaction, but in a range that doesn't make your wife feel threatened.

    And, if you truly have an issue with her Facebook. . .get to the bottom of that one, too.

    My husband and I have all the passwords to all our email/social networks, etc. It makes for instant accountability because i do NOT want him to feel threatened by anything. And, for us, our relationship is #1 our social networks are easily and readily droppable in the event the accounts become a problem. I'd give up 1000 facebook friends (I only have like 250) before I'd see my hubby anxious about anything!!

    Good luck on the relationship issue AND with your continued journey toward fitness!!!
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

    This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

    This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!

    Be a man! She deleted a site you were using, do the same to her! Hell at least this site promotes weightloss, Facebook promotes nothing but advertising and hooking up with people you dated in high school.

    Ignore this woman, man up and go delete her facebook account! Do it, do it, do it!!
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

    This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

    This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!

    Be a man! She deleted a site you were using, do the same to her! Hell at least this site promotes weightloss, Facebook promotes nothing but advertising and hooking up with people you dated in high school.

    Ignore this woman, man up and go delete her facebook account! Do it, do it, do it!!

    Maybe I am missing something but he never even mentioned her and face book... maybe she doesn't even have one?? Leave the poor guy be!
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,926 Member
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    Sounds like there are bigger issues in your marriage than this (if this is happening anyway). Maybe you should think about getting counselling?

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