anyone else have a spouse who.....

Un_desirable

Hi,

I was on MFP daily and loved the interaction, the inspiring stories, the positive reinforcement I received from my FL and others. Then the spouse went into my account and accused me of flirting , cheating and lying because I PM females on this site.

Now I have no friends...and only log on to log my exercise and calories....i feel like I lost a part of me as well as my MFP friends. I wasn't on here to do anything that would jeopardize my marriage but it looks like I have....and for that I'm sad!!

I female friend told me in a PM that I looked amazing and had a great physique....it was positive reinforcement...I replied Thank you....you made my day....!!!

now I'm in solitary confinement and I have a new screen name!!

I miss you all!!!!

Sharyn913

Ask yourself this -- If she had an account and other men sent her messages like this, how would you feel? My guess is there are other issues going on that have contributed to your "solitary confinement" IE, maybe she feels you spend more time on the site than with her? You compliment or say things to other women that you don't say to her. On the other hand, she could also be secretly jealous of your progress (Although, as most women would agree-- this would never be verbally communicated) and she is self-conscious about her appearance. Just my two cents! Best of luck!

Un_desirable

you mean like her facebook account where she has 400+ friends a majority of them being men and her nose is buried in it ....during dinner.....vacations....sitting on couch watching television??

yeah...NO!!!

ccpowers

sorry to hear about this. And really this site is a lot about support. If we didn't need or want the support, would anyone even be here? Good luck with this, with friends, if you decide to go that way, or better luck to you if you decide to continue on your own....

grrrlface

She probably feels insecure about herself that she feels threatened and maybe sees the positive comments as flirting.

I wouldn't put up with her being allowed to have her Facebook though if she is making you delete all your friends and screen name on MFP. Double standards...

DieVixen

delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

Daisy_Cutter

I think your new profile pic is HOT! Keep up the great work, man... you're as sexy as they come!

BrettPGH

delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

Thena81

wow, my heart goes out to u!! thats rough!! its hard to lose without some reinforcement and if she isnt willing to give it to u, u need it elsewhere but honestly if some girl told my man he had a great physique in a pm, id be jealous too!! if your not hiding anything, just write on ppl pages!

wrevhn

i'm a wife and can say i get jealous of my hubby at times. he attracts a lot of female attention. He is very cooprative and works with me so I try to work on my issues. The more open and honest he is, the more comfortable I am with him doing what he wants and don't mind the girl thing. Because of how he treats me like a goddess and his bestie and shows me respect and loyalty.

my guess is that you two need to talk this out. relationships are about comprimize. Loving each other and helping each other out. Sit her down, open up about your feelings, address her concerns and work on getting trust back and any other issues there are you can try to fix. Assuming she is mentally at a point of awareness where she is ready to fix things.

DieVixen

Hi,

I was on MFP daily and loved the interaction, the inspiring stories, the positive reinforcement I received from my FL and others. Then the spouse went into my account and accused me of flirting , cheating and lying because I PM females on this site.

Now I have no friends...and only log on to log my exercise and calories....i feel like I lost a part of me as well as my MFP friends. I wasn't on here to do anything that would jeopardize my marriage but it looks like I have....and for that I'm sad!!

I female friend told me in a PM that I looked amazing and had a great physique....it was positive reinforcement...I replied Thank you....you made my day....!!!

now I'm in solitary confinement and I have a new screen name!!

I miss you all!!!!

If thats all that was said then yeah she might be overreacting

Sharyn913

delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!

momshorses

Without knowing all details, I would have to say there is probably alot more to this. That being said, wives need to know that they are loved unconditionally by their spouse and they need to feel that they are the most important person in their spouses lives. What are some steps you can take to make her feel like she is the most special and wonderful woman in the world?

lizzybethclaire

My husband is not too cool with me having male MFP friends, but he told me he trusts me and that means a lot to me. I am also honest abou the fact that I am married with kids. Once you mention kids most guys aren't interested anymore anyway

Bethee101

This post makes me sad. Sounds like she is a bit controlling, I know people like this that are not allowed to have any type of social networking affiliation because the spouse is insecure about it. Personally I think that flirting helps a marriage out because it gives a person self confidence. I flirt, my husband flirts, as long as nothing else goes on I don't see the problem with it. We are humans and it is human nature!

Look at your relationship, does she let you go out? Work? Have friends over or converse with them? If not them maybe you need couples counseling, or you need to move on. Sorry if this is harsh, but it is more than deleting your MFP friends, it goes much deeper into trust and control issues in your relationship.

WendySue75

I think in this day and age, we are gonna be seeing allot more postings like yours. As technology enables us other ways to communicate, we are going to be less verbally communicative! This is sad.... just look already with the slang, the shortening of words example: u r gr8t.... I mean, will we even be able to spell, or use proper grammar (sorry you will find mistakes in this paragraph I am sure :laugh: ) or at least still be talking to each other?? I am a talker, I have a hard time typing to some, because words can always be interpreted differently without facial reaction, annunciation, even hand gestures.... so remember this when you are on all these new aged gadgets.... take the time to share our gift of gab with each other!!!

Sharyn913

I couldn't tell by the OP -- but did SHE delete all of your friends on MFP, or did you delete them after the altercation?? This information would help in advice that may be offered to you.

sevsmom

Her response is a symptom of a much larger issue. . .this coming from a previously SUPER insecure wife. What I suggest you consider is asking her why she's insecure about your on line conversations; consider what she tells you and think if you could have stepped across any lines; let her know that you're sorry to have hurt her feelings; then let her know that the support you get on here means a lot to you. See if there is some way you can negotiate a solution where you can have social interaction, but in a range that doesn't make your wife feel threatened.

And, if you truly have an issue with her Facebook. . .get to the bottom of that one, too.

My husband and I have all the passwords to all our email/social networks, etc. It makes for instant accountability because i do NOT want him to feel threatened by anything. And, for us, our relationship is #1 our social networks are easily and readily droppable in the event the accounts become a problem. I'd give up 1000 facebook friends (I only have like 250) before I'd see my hubby anxious about anything!!

Good luck on the relationship issue AND with your continued journey toward fitness!!!

BrettPGH

delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!

Be a man! She deleted a site you were using, do the same to her! Hell at least this site promotes weightloss, Facebook promotes nothing but advertising and hooking up with people you dated in high school.

Ignore this woman, man up and go delete her facebook account! Do it, do it, do it!!

Sharyn913

delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!

Be a man! She deleted a site you were using, do the same to her! Hell at least this site promotes weightloss, Facebook promotes nothing but advertising and hooking up with people you dated in high school.

Ignore this woman, man up and go delete her facebook account! Do it, do it, do it!!

Maybe I am missing something but he never even mentioned her and face book... maybe she doesn't even have one?? Leave the poor guy be!

kristen6022

Sounds like there are bigger issues in your marriage than this (if this is happening anyway). Maybe you should think about getting counselling?

beije24

delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something

This. Seriously delete her facebook. And then be sure to post all the details here. I'd love to know more.

This may work if they were just dating, but not when married. Bad advice!

That is bad advice!!!
This is all social networking and yes this is to help lose, gain, maintain weight but everyone has a jealous side. I occasionally FB stalk my hubbys page but its all in good fun...well curiosity.
Stay positive and don't Piss her off. Keep a close net of supporters on here...its not a popularity contest.

BrettPGH

Maybe I am missing something but he never even mentioned her and face book... maybe she doesn't even have one?? Leave the poor guy be!

Post right after yours. His wife has a Facebook account of nearly 400 people, mostly male.

momshorses

Awesome advice!!!
:happy:

Her response is a symptom of a much larger issue. . .this coming from a previously SUPER insecure wife. What I suggest you consider is asking her why she's insecure about your on line conversations; consider what she tells you and think if you could have stepped across any lines; let her know that you're sorry to have hurt her feelings; then let her know that the support you get on here means a lot to you. See if there is some way you can negotiate a solution where you can have social interaction, but in a range that doesn't make your wife feel threatened.

And, if you truly have an issue with her Facebook. . .get to the bottom of that one, too.

My husband and I have all the passwords to all our email/social networks, etc. It makes for instant accountability because i do NOT want him to feel threatened by anything. And, for us, our relationship is #1 our social networks are easily and readily droppable in the event the accounts become a problem. I'd give up 1000 facebook friends (I only have like 250) before I'd see my hubby anxious about anything!!

Good luck on the relationship issue AND with your continued journey toward fitness!!!

theartichoke

If there are children involved in this then you do what you need to do to keep your family together. Period.

Barring that there has been infidelity to give her just cause...

She could either find a way to live with it or find the door. I don't go for this whole poor woman with her hurt feelings and insecurities crap. Eff that. She could get involved too. Have her own MFP account and walk this with you. When things are on point like that it wouldn't matter that you got a compliment. She'd feel like it was a compliment to her too. Why do we have to tiptoe around people's issues? Everyone has limitations but that doesn't mean my life has to contort to fit someone else's reality. We can be loved, and loving, through our limitations. It doesn't mean we get to make others miserable in the process.

beije24

Awesome advice!!!
:happy:

Her response is a symptom of a much larger issue. . .this coming from a previously SUPER insecure wife. What I suggest you consider is asking her why she's insecure about your on line conversations; consider what she tells you and think if you could have stepped across any lines; let her know that you're sorry to have hurt her feelings; then let her know that the support you get on here means a lot to you. See if there is some way you can negotiate a solution where you can have social interaction, but in a range that doesn't make your wife feel threatened.

And, if you truly have an issue with her Facebook. . .get to the bottom of that one, too.

My husband and I have all the passwords to all our email/social networks, etc. It makes for instant accountability because i do NOT want him to feel threatened by anything. And, for us, our relationship is #1 our social networks are easily and readily droppable in the event the accounts become a problem. I'd give up 1000 facebook friends (I only have like 250) before I'd see my hubby anxious about anything!!

Good luck on the relationship issue AND with your continued journey toward fitness!!!

Great advice!!! Every few months I go through my FB friends and ween out the ppl that aren't friends. Suggest that to your wife and possibly do the same yourself.
Hubby and I tried the whole sharing account info...everyone needs space and "privacy". If that's the case, delete your individual pages and get a combined page.

lovedtorun

Wow thats nuts... if she only new the truth about MFP. EVERYONE of us is here to encourage people to be healthier... so you can be sexier for her!!! Try telling her that! Not that it will work since she is insecure about something.... Ask her to join MFP and see the results for herself... maybe then she will realize the benfits from it and be happy for you and herself

Un_desirable

Here"s the deal....

She had been monitoring my MFP account for days...
Once she confronted and told me that she was angry about the flirting ( add smileys) etc I immediately told her this wasn't worth it to me so immdiately deactivated my account. I then made a new account that I use to only log in and add my calories and exercise.

She is a high profile person at her place of employment and does NOT lack for confidence....she is working on her body using MFP and in fact I wrote to a friend how proud of her I was of her progress....

I got an earful thanks to Black Thong Thursday and Booby Friday....Like I was the perv who invented it....?/

I am proud of EVERY man or woman on this site who Tracks daily...has had a success and shared it....who is an inspiration to myself and others...when I'm on my runs now and I feel like I have legs of Jello I get an energy burst thinking about how I am going to feel when I post a ran 50 minutes at 6.0 and burned 800 calories....that inspires me to continue this journey....that inspires me to want to help others on this site who are frustrated with the scale and need to know that NSV's count just as much if not more..

Thats as real as I can be!! This site was helping me connect with others who can help me....and I can also help!!

Sharyn913

Maybe I am missing something but he never even mentioned her and face book... maybe she doesn't even have one?? Leave the poor guy be!

Post right after yours. His wife has a Facebook account of nearly 400 people, mostly male.

Yeah, I missed that. Now I find it hypocritical, but I still think there are other issues going on. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying not to add fuel to the fire!

BrettPGH

Here"s the deal....

She had been monitoring my MFP account for days...
Once she confronted and told me that she was angry about the flirting ( add smileys) etc I immediately told her this wasn't worth it to me so immdiately deactivated my account. I then made a new account that I use to only log in and add my calories and exercise.

She is a high profile person at her place of employment and does NOT lack for confidence....she is working on her body using MFP and in fact I wrote to a friend how proud of her I was of her progress....

I got an earful thanks to Black Thong Thursday and Booby Friday....Like I was the perv who invented it....?/

I am proud of EVERY man or woman on this site who Tracks daily...has had a success and shared it....who is an inspiration to myself and others...when I'm on my runs now and I feel like I have legs of Jello I get an energy burst thinking about how I am going to feel when I post a ran 50 minutes at 6.0 and burned 800 calories....that inspires me to continue this journey....that inspires me to want to help others on this site who are frustrated with the scale and need to know that NSV's count just as much if not more..

Thats as real as I can be!! This site was helping me connect with others who can help me....and I can also help!!

Whoa whoa whoa..she's on MFP too? But she deleted your account? And you don't think she'll see this?

This gets better and better. Pass the popcorn, I wanna see how this one turns out.

BrettPGH

So she was upset about your use of MFP, you apologized and said you'd delete. You did and then started a new account you didn't tell her about...

Listen brother I want to root for you here, I really do. But that's a rookie mistake right there and you hate to see that sort of thing.