anyone else have a spouse who.....

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  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
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    I got an earful thanks to Black Thong Thursday and Booby Friday....Like I was the perv who invented it
    I don't think I'd appreciate my husband going into a "Black Thong Thursday" or "Booby Friday" thread. Not sure what your replies were there, but something upset her. Now you're creating a new profile "just for counting calories", but you made this public announcement???? Maybe there are reasons she doesn't trust you.....

    Preach it, sista.
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
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    OP, I'm sorry. That situation sucks. Some people have been burnt too many times by cheaters. Its easy to be cynical.

    I struggle with giving compliments to the ladies and men on here. I do encouragement great, but I'm always afraid to actually say "You look good!"... Not because of my wife, but because of their significant others. My wife loves it when I get compliments. The bigger the compliment (" Looking sexy!") the more she loves it. But....we.. aren't like others. but regardless, its all about communication and trust.

    If your spouse can't handle you receiving/giving compliments, maybe cut it out for the mean time. Be an open book. Work with her on honest communication, and really really really build her trust. Creating a separate account isn't honest. Let her know you inside and out. Let her know your most perverse dark secrets(maybe not right away). Let her know that she is your light, your beacon, your whatever she is to you. Come clean about the new account. Just come clean about everything. If she can't accept you for you, this may not be the place for you, perhaps counseling. I'm not a relationship surgeon.
  • nell1972
    nell1972 Posts: 19
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    Hmm, I feel your pain.....I deleted my Twitter account over a year ago when I got "busted" conversing with a random male person who paid me compliments, and to whom I once referred in a tweet as "light of my life" (flippantly, obviously). I had made it clear I was married and wasn't interested in anything other than exchanging witticisms, but even so. I do miss the competitive nature of who can make the funniest, cleverest, most insightful comment in 147 characters, and who can elicit a celebrity response.......sad really!!!!

    The thing is, us flirty people have to understand that even the most confident person can suffer jealousy and anxiety about their partners. The way I see it, I am a person who is quite clever with words, and I enjoy writing/reading/interacting with similar personalities online, male or female - whether weight loss site, social networking site, or whatever. My dear husband, whom I adore, is not that kind of person - he is practical, funny, clever, kind, and a hundred other things besides, but he loathes and despises most online forums with a passion.

    So I deleted my Twitter account and have never returned, because as much as I like to be complimented on my linguistic athletics, its not worth upsetting my husband over.

    Yes, we do have Facebook accounts, but we share many of the same friends and whilst we have never accessed one another's accounts, we know each others passwords. If either of us has an issue now, we try to discuss it, but I know it isn't easy.

    Try to cut back on the online socialising, and if necessary, reject all female friend requests if it bothers her! If you want your marriage to work, its a sacrifice you'll have to make, as I did - but if you DON'T want it to work and you're all done, you guys need a serious chat. :)
  • GrnEydGrl86
    GrnEydGrl86 Posts: 154
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    I find it funny that this is even an issue. If you really had a healthy relationship, she wouldn't of ever felt the need to creep in your mfp messages in the first place. Sounds like you have done something to make her suspicious or she is just insecure. Either way, no es bueno.
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
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    Here"s the deal....

    She had been monitoring my MFP account for days...
    Once she confronted and told me that she was angry about the flirting ( add smileys) etc

    ETC seem like such simple letters to type, but they leave a whole lot unexplained that would probably justify your wife's behavior - if how you have handled this thread is any indication of what you are like IRL. I would be interested to know, too, which smileys you were using exactly.

    There is a huge difference between. "Thanks! That made my day!! :bigsmile: " and "Thanks! That made my day!! :smooched: "
  • BriskisGrl
    BriskisGrl Posts: 461
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    wow you posted this even though she's on here??? This post is just asking for another problem.. You realize she could read this right???

    While I admire that that you deactivated that was not a fix b/c you obviously are upset and have resentful feelings about doing so.

    I have insecurity issues as well. I am TRYING to work though them. Hence why I am here as well as for my health. My husband deserves better as do I. I would not think about asking my husband to delete his account here b/c I do see how the support, motivational pics, advice help him. It's not something that is going to be fixed over night it's something that has be be constantly worked on as well as losing my fat. Sometimes I have to remind myself to put my big girl panties on and not be so sensitive.

    Something caused her to have these issues whether it be something you did or something with her.. Instead of publicly announcing to however many members are on this site. You should be speaking to her privately and try to help and support her in fixing these issues so that it doesn't arise again. I would also ask her to deactivate or cut back her facebook time since it obviously bothers you and you deactivated your account for her.
  • Cgirlish
    Cgirlish Posts: 263 Member
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    maybe just friend males.... I have both but I have a trusting husband, I often share stories and video clips with him I get thru here.. and he is helping on my weight loss journey... Eating healthly, fixing and going on bike rides agreed to vacation in 2015 being for the ironman...

    good luck working thru your trust issue with your wife, like someone else posted, there seems to be more to the issue, than your friends here

    Connie
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    No *kitten*....I delete the account with the friends....i made this account to log my calories and exercise....not to make friends...or accept requests....so don't...i'm not looking for any sympatht from anytone...I just asked a question if anyone else had a similar experience....

    again,
    '
    this screen name is JUST to LOG.....no friends....no drama...just to keep my momentum going.....or I could join weight watchers and sit through meeting where people ask.....if I eat 10 carrots do they count the same as eating a bag of carrots.....ummmm your not at weight watchers because you are eating too many ****in carrots!!!!!!!

    wtf!!

    *kitten*??

    Bad move. I'm gonna go find your wife now.

    the account is deactivated....wth?
  • dhoody
    dhoody Posts: 49
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    Yeah it looks like you both need remove yourselves from these unsettling situations...Buddy Black Thong come'on man Im just saying it dont look good and facebook is trouble correct that issue fast.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    You have a choice...address the issues you have in your relationship, hold true to the reason you are together, and take care of what you can (your side of the relationship) or get out of it. This holds true for both of you. You either want it, or you dont. /endmindgames
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    Here"s the deal....

    She had been monitoring my MFP account for days...
    Once she confronted and told me that she was angry about the flirting ( add smileys) etc

    ETC seem like such simple letters to type, but they leave a whole lot unexplained that would probably justify your wife's behavior - if how you have handled this thread is any indication of what you are like IRL. I would be interested to know, too, which smileys you were using exactly.

    There is a huge difference between. "Thanks! That made my day!! :bigsmile: " and "Thanks! That made my day!! :smooched: "

    What does ETC stand for?
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
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    Yeah it looks like you both need remove yourselves from these unsettling situations...Buddy Black Thong come'on man Im just saying it dont look good and facebook is trouble correct that issue fast.

    I've been on here for 2 weeks, and I'm just discovering there's a black thong thursday?! *pout*
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
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    the account is deactivated....wth?

    Bahaha. Apparently, he didn't like the lack of support he was receiving.
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
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    Here"s the deal....

    She had been monitoring my MFP account for days...
    Once she confronted and told me that she was angry about the flirting ( add smileys) etc

    ETC seem like such simple letters to type, but they leave a whole lot unexplained that would probably justify your wife's behavior - if how you have handled this thread is any indication of what you are like IRL. I would be interested to know, too, which smileys you were using exactly.

    There is a huge difference between. "Thanks! That made my day!! :bigsmile: " and "Thanks! That made my day!! :smooched: "

    What does ETC stand for?

    etc/ETC = etcetera. My caps are probably what confused you b/c it made it seem like I was using an internet lingo abbreviation. Sorry.
  • TheNewDodge
    TheNewDodge Posts: 607 Member
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    don't be chatting up broads if you're married
  • RilantheFirebug
    RilantheFirebug Posts: 207 Member
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    Double standards are irritating. I'm married and I seriously don't understand people saying my spouse won't "allow" me to blah blah... You are your own person, you make your own decisions. Yes, you are married and should talk things over and respect that your wife may be insecure about this but that doesn't mean she gets to make the decision for you.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    We're hearing one side of a story. The only advice I have is to talk to her. Be honest about how you feel. And for the love of FSM, don't post carp sessions like this about her for everyone else on the planet to read and judge.

    My wife and I each have our own Facebook accounts, she's on other social networks and so am I, and we each have MFP accounts. Frankly, I don't even know her MFP username much less password, and we aren't "friend"ed on MFP. We also inherently trust each other and talk out issues.
  • akiss4u2tam
    akiss4u2tam Posts: 50
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    My husband is wonderful... very supportive.... he is over weight as well..... I don't push him to lose ... i just make better choices and keep out the bad stuff in the house.... As far as your husbands jealousy... He sees that you are looking good... feeling better about yourself......he obviously has trouble with that and may think that he is the old model and you may find a new one.... reassure him that things are not that way... invite him to the site... help him set up an account... don't stop your weight loss journey because of his insecurities.... COMMUNICATION is always the key..... Hold your head up... You have friend out there that will continue to support you!!!! GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY!!!
  • DrKittyCat
    DrKittyCat Posts: 108
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    Ask your spouse to make an account and join you on MFP!! Be honest with each other :-)
  • AliciaNorris81
    AliciaNorris81 Posts: 185 Member
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    Nope. My husband not only has access to all of my accounts (FB, MFP, Reddit, etc.) and I his. I don't care if he gets on them and he doesn't care if I am on his (which it is CRUCIAL that I am on his to gift me items on FB games while he is at work! :laugh: ). He will get on mine a lot if there is drama going on between my friends so he can laugh at them. If a guy says something to me, I usually just reply with "Thanks for the compliment". I have nothing to hide. We have enough of a trust in our relationship that he knows he cannot control what others say or think and I cannot either.

    We never get on each other's accounts to "snoop" and if a message pops up on FB while we are on each others accounts I will let the person know (guy or girl) that I am on his account to cheat on FB games and I will let him know he got a message. He talks to my ex on my FB for me all of the time because I don't like to (we have a daughter together). He lets him know it is him (sometimes...lol, it can get entertaining).

    I would say there is other serious issues going on in your relationship that you need to work through. Good luck and I am sorry that you have to go through that.

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