anyone else have a spouse who.....
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I haven't read past the first page, but it's probably by now, at a point, where everyone is telling you to get a divorce and that you wife is a controlling *****. LOL.
All I will say about this, is that I think your wife has a good point. However, I do think there is a workable solution to the problem. But, that's for you two to work out together.
You haven't missed much - just the OP deactivating his account after admitting that his wife is on MFP, and everyone pointing out the obvious info of "good job complaining about her publicly on a site she frequents about an argument they had over the same site."
On a separate note I want to say, I don't understand people who think trust equals exchanging passwords so that you can spy on each other. I feel (and luckily have a husband who agrees) that is the polar opposite of trust. I have nothing to hide online, or elsewhere, but my husband doesn't need to have access to all my accounts to know that.
To each their own.
The wife and I never spy on each other. We aren't looking for issues, but we both know each others passwords and stuff. I make sure to clearly document every password I have, in case I should happen to die/be killed. I'd hate her to have to deal with everything without any information, or having to go through legal ****, etc etc etc. Plus, we are very open, so its not a matter of she not trusting me or me not trusting her at all. Hell, the only time i get on her facebook is when she forgets to log out, in which at that point I try out some of my comedic genius.
Oh - I should clarify, I don't mean for banks, legal stuff, etc. where my death would impact his ability to set things right. I just mean for social stuff, etc. I agree that it's very important to have each other's passwords for stuff like that. But if something were to happen to me, I think getting into my MFP account would be the last thing on his mind.
Well... if one of my MFP friends died.. I'd want to know. My wife knows which forums and stuff to update if I were to go..but we've spoken about death in great detail. Not that we are obsessed, we just have 3 kids and we feel its responsible to workout plans. Its dark, it sucks, but its part of life. You can't avoid it.0 -
Well... if one of my MFP friends died.. I'd want to know. My wife knows which forums and stuff to update if I were to go..but we've spoken about death in great detail. Not that we are obsessed, we just have 3 kids and we feel its responsible to workout plans. Its dark, it sucks, but its part of life. You can't avoid it.
My husband has a plan for my FB if something happens to me. "Chillin with Jesus"..."This dirt tastes like...dirt"..."I can see you doing that! Knock it off that is gross!"..."I am going to visit a random friend tonight...boo!"
Ok, we are weird.
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I haven't read past the first page, but it's probably by now, at a point, where everyone is telling you to get a divorce and that you wife is a controlling *****. LOL.
All I will say about this, is that I think your wife has a good point. However, I do think there is a workable solution to the problem. But, that's for you two to work out together.
You haven't missed much - just the OP deactivating his account after admitting that his wife is on MFP, and everyone pointing out the obvious info of "good job complaining about her publicly on a site she frequents about an argument they had over the same site."
On a separate note I want to say, I don't understand people who think trust equals exchanging passwords so that you can spy on each other. I feel (and luckily have a husband who agrees) that is the polar opposite of trust. I have nothing to hide online, or elsewhere, but my husband doesn't need to have access to all my accounts to know that.
I don't think that trust=exchanging passwords etc, we just happen to have them saved on the computer and don't mind if the other is on there. Our trust goes way beyond that, our marriage is bigger than that. We see it as "trust" because neither of us have anything to hide. We have spent 11 years building a marriage that doesn't "require" passwords (NOT saying those who do have weak relationships...theirs are just different than mine). If you feel you need to have no access...great, if you choose to allow access...great. It isn't about the social networking, it is about the relationship.Heck, we share an email account. Make it hard for him to surprise me with booking get-aways though...lol. That is when he uses my mother. :laugh:
I get that. I'm not bashing password sharers - I know lots of them, and many of them it just happens naturally - as in "honey can you log onto my (whatever site) and do (whatever task), my password is (whatever)." But it seems like password sharing has become some new thing to indicate that you are trustworthy. Trust comes from someplace deeper than if you have the ability to get into your SO's accounts. Thing is, cheaters always find a way to cheat. It's not the sharing that baffles me, it's the mindset that sometimes goes with it.0 -
How much time do you spend on here and with her? Marriage counseling helps with issues you 2 might have. I am sorry she is like that though.0
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Well... if one of my MFP friends died.. I'd want to know. My wife knows which forums and stuff to update if I were to go..but we've spoken about death in great detail. Not that we are obsessed, we just have 3 kids and we feel its responsible to workout plans. Its dark, it sucks, but its part of life. You can't avoid it.
My husband has a plan for my FB if something happens to me. "Chillin with Jesus"..."This dirt tastes like...dirt"..."I can see you doing that! Knock it off that is gross!"..."I am going to visit a random friend tonight...boo!"
Ok, we are weird.
LMAO! Morbid...but very funny.0 -
Friend request sent!! seriously this is a symptom of a much deeper problem! Might try talking to her about it, instead of this! You are only telling half the story, I'm sure hers would be much different! 0
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To each their own.
The wife and I never spy on each other. We aren't looking for issues, but we both know each others passwords and stuff. I make sure to clearly document every password I have, in case I should happen to die/be killed. I'd hate her to have to deal with everything without any information, or having to go through legal ****, etc etc etc. Plus, we are very open, so its not a matter of she not trusting me or me not trusting her at all. Hell, the only time i get on her facebook is when she forgets to log out, in which at that point I try out some of my comedic genius.
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HAHHAHAHA The hacked status get quite entertaining.0 -
A wise pastor once told me that the bulk or all marriage issues will be your 1) Extended Family Involvement - too much or too inappropriate, 2) Finances - bad budgets, wasteful spending, high credit card debt, etc., and 3) Sexual Intimacy - not just the act of intercourse and reaching orgasm, but the spending of time together, the strolls in the park, the fun things you do together which all contribute to a much more romantic lifestyle with, yes, ...great intimacy. So maybe you can take some inventory and try to understand where she is coming from and give her reasons to trust you and spend more time with you instead of her Facebook. You are the man, so man-up, dude! :-)0
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delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something
Exactly what i was thinking!0 -
I am sorry you have to deal with this but there is a simple solution. If you really want the motivation without making her jealous simply add male friends. There are plenty of males on this site who need and want friends. I understand that perhaps compliments help your ego more if they are coming from a female but that's really not an option if you are worried about offending her.0
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Ask yourself this -- If she had an account and other men sent her messages like this, how would you feel? My guess is there are other issues going on that have contributed to your "solitary confinement" IE, maybe she feels you spend more time on the site than with her? You compliment or say things to other women that you don't say to her. On the other hand, she could also be secretly jealous of your progress (Although, as most women would agree-- this would never be verbally communicated) and she is self-conscious about her appearance. Just my two cents! Best of luck!
I gonna agree with this. I feel like there's some underlying issues here being left out that would have led to this. Would she have a reason to be insecure?0 -
Hi,
I was on MFP daily and loved the interaction, the inspiring stories, the positive reinforcement I received from my FL and others. Then the spouse went into my account and accused me of flirting , cheating and lying because I PM females on this site.
now I'm in solitary confinement and I have a new screen name!!
I miss you all!!!!
My husband is on here too, have nothing to hide from him. I hope you and your wife will get things worked out. Definitely, your spouse is more important than MFP friends tho...right?0 -
Hi,
I was on MFP daily and loved the interaction, the inspiring stories, the positive reinforcement I received from my FL and others. Then the spouse went into my account and accused me of flirting , cheating and lying because I PM females on this site.
Now I have no friends...and only log on to log my exercise and calories....i feel like I lost a part of me as well as my MFP friends. I wasn't on here to do anything that would jeopardize my marriage but it looks like I have....and for that I'm sad!!
I female friend told me in a PM that I looked amazing and had a great physique....it was positive reinforcement...I replied Thank you....you made my day....!!!
now I'm in solitary confinement and I have a new screen name!!
I miss you all!!!!
I don't know if my wife pays attention to my MFP stuff...I full intend on setting her up with a profile after she has the baby. We've had issues before with trust (and I will admit for good reason). However...I also am here purely for fitness/nutrition. I have never said a single thing on this forum or in a PM that would lead someone to believe otherwise and anyone who knows me and reads my posts all the time is well aware that I'm married and that I love my wife. I mention her often.
My belief is that sites like this should be fine as long as its full disclosure...make sure you are making it known that you are married and here only for your own health. And make sure you don't say anything that would point to different reasons.
You have to understand from your wifes point of view that this site is both wonderful and horrible at the same time. I have no problem with all the underwear pics and whatnot everyone has in their profile pics...but I can see a wife or girlfriend getting upset about it.
For the person who said "how would you feel if it was your wife getting messages?" -- I personally would feel proud of her...if she's done enough work to be getting messages like that then its fantastic. I'm secure enough with myself to know she's with me and doesn't need anyone else.0 -
Also...beyond just the messages...what was your friends list like? Was it 90% half naked women? Because I can see her getting upset by that.0
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Hmmm? Apparently I've been using FB the wrong way all these years. I took the "social networking" tag seriously...I should have been flirting with hot strangers and cyber-cheating on my dude instead of making plans with girlfriends, keeping up on upcoming events, seeing photos of friends and their kids who don't live close, paying tribute to the dearly departed, attempting to be funny and laughing at the humor of others, promoting my business, and staying in touch with people I would otherwise have lost years ago. What on Earth was I thinking??? Maybe logging calories on MFP will open up a whole new world of debauchery and deception...*fingers crossed*
:noway:
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omg, that is so true.Really, have you seen that commercial about the father and the son who is going away to college. They are buying a new phone so they can stay in contact via text apparently, and they are texting each other even tho they are standing right next to one another in a store???? That is what our society is coming to:( So sad:(0 -
Yeah just add male buddies to avoid conflct...add me lol0
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My husband spies on my fb and here all the time and deletes friends as he wants he's an *kitten* and always has been to me so he should be insecure and now he gets mad because I'm on here all the time and says "what let me guess your on fat book" so I sort of know how you feel it sucks.
DTMFA. Seriously. Google it then do it.
LMAO I did google it LOL not that simple although I wish it was sometimes. Thanks for the laugh tho!0 -
Do you think this thread will help or hurt your current situation?0
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This is why women shouldn't be allowed out of the kitchen.
WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, if we're not allowed out of the kitchen, how else are we supposed to bring you your sammich?? :laugh:
Apparently someone really thought it was horrible and reported it.0 -
you mean like her facebook account where she has 400+ friends a majority of them being men and her nose is buried in it ....during dinner.....vacations....sitting on couch watching television??
yeah...NO!!!
Doesn't seem like a good relationship to me.
I love that my boyfriend and I can be completely honest with each other. I could totally go into his room and log onto his facebook and check all his messages and stuff. But I trust him.0 -
Frankly, this is about you. You decide whether you want to be on this site or not. If it contibutes to your success, then use it. If you have problems with your wife, then you guys should talk. Not about this site, but about the problems. If that doesn't work, try counseling. Otherwise, consider whether you want a relationship that is supportive. My experience is that whatever I am doing comes back to me. When I am loving and supportive to my spouse, then he brings it back to me double. What do you want from a relationship? Are you willing to give that? Thoughts from the peanut gallery. I hope that you decide to create something wonderful for yourself and your wife!!0
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delete her stuff then it will be WAR!!! But really ive come to find that those that are constanly accusing are usually guilty of something
Rule number 69-Never trust a woman that does not trust her man.0 -
there is a simple solution to this problem...create a fake account under a fake gmail account and then you can have all the fun and whoring that you desire! She will never know, thus the trust wil NEVER be broken! Just make sure you continue to log under the "real" one so when she checks up on you again she will have complete faith in you...0
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Awww poor guy
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Here"s the deal....
She had been monitoring my MFP account for days...
Once she confronted and told me that she was angry about the flirting ( add smileys) etc I immediately told her this wasn't worth it to me so immdiately deactivated my account. I then made a new account that I use to only log in and add my calories and exercise.
She is a high profile person at her place of employment and does NOT lack for confidence....she is working on her body using MFP and in fact I wrote to a friend how proud of her I was of her progress....
I got an earful thanks to Black Thong Thursday and Booby Friday....Like I was the perv who invented it....?/
I am proud of EVERY man or woman on this site who Tracks daily...has had a success and shared it....who is an inspiration to myself and others...when I'm on my runs now and I feel like I have legs of Jello I get an energy burst thinking about how I am going to feel when I post a ran 50 minutes at 6.0 and burned 800 calories....that inspires me to continue this journey....that inspires me to want to help others on this site who are frustrated with the scale and need to know that NSV's count just as much if not more..
Thats as real as I can be!! This site was helping me connect with others who can help me....and I can also help!!
Whoa whoa whoa..she's on MFP too? But she deleted your account? And you don't think she'll see this?
This gets better and better. Pass the popcorn, I wanna see how this one turns out.
Yeah, this is some good stuff. :devil:0 -
Just noticed the OP's account is deactivated already. She must have caught him again! :laugh:0
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Just try to make her understand the situation and that your intention was not to make her feel insecure in your relationship. Explain that we are here for encouragment and nothing else. Good luck.0
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I will say what others have said....There must be deeper issues with your marriage...First rule of marriage is Trust.This is usually does not come early on in marriages it is something that comes later.I don't know how long you and your spouse have been married,but The first 5 yrs are the hardest with this issue...and even longer if there is reason for trust issues...I have been married 17 yrs this time around...my first marriage 12 yrs and he had horrible trust issues...and then He was the one who messed around..Go figure!...If you can not trust each other Then it makes for a miserable marriage....Something I have learned with technology now a days...Me and my spouse both know each others passwords to anything we do online...no hiding anything phones,etc.....you both need to talk about these things and you need to let her know how important MFP is to you for your well being....0
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First of all, change that user name. That's just not right. Second of all, reassure your wife every day in small ways. Third and most importantly BE HAPPY however that translates for you. 0
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However if this is a 'control issue' that's another can of worms. Maybe look into counseling.0
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