Teenaged Girls Fashion

My1985Freckles

Okay, just one more comment I have to say.

I saw on the other thread about pot that you smoke marijuana. Okay, so it's fine for you to do something illegal but your daughter can't wear a pair of heels that will most likely kill her feet after an hour and regret buying?

It's a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.

Pun Intended????

kelseyhere

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

The fact that you carry this mentality around with you makes you treat your daughter differently, and that's a bigger issue. Because you tell this to the world, I would worry you may be treating her like an outsider and not realizing it. The fact that you say other people's morals are "plain wrong" is kind of disgusting. Just because someone has different morals does not mean they are "wrong." That being said....

If she is a good student, has good grades, doesn't get into trouble, drop the shoe issue. Like the other posters have said, if her dress is age-appropriate, who cares about the shoes. She'll probably come to the realization on her own that 5 inch heels are not comfortable and stop wearing them. The stricter you are with the clothes (and it sounds like you are very strict) the more she's going to want to rebel. She sounds like a really good kid texting you the pictures and stuff, and you're being kinda harsh. I'd back off this issue a bit all together. Also, you say that her friend is "very inappropriate"- remember this is YOUR opinion and what you consider appropriate for a teenager girl others may not agree. Personally I think it's fine for teenage girls to wear short shorts, hell they are the ones who should be wearing short shorts because they have the legs for it! But I agree with you teenage girls do need to cover up to a point, mostly because men and gross and don't care if a girl is 16 or 25 and will treat her the same, even though at 16 most girls aren't ready for that kind of sexual attention. Just try and keep your "policing" in reason. If she is abiding by all of your rules and wearing some high heels behind your back is the worst she's done, you have nothing to worry about.

Lleldiranne

My daughter is 13 and still fairly modest on her own. We've had a couple of "discussions" - mostly about too-tight clothes.

My opinion is that you want to pick your battles. If the shoes are REALLY that big a deal to you, then fight over them. But if it's something that you can let go, let it go. I would much rather let my daughter wear heals that I think are a bit high (but then, I love my high heals myself) and know that she is in a dress I am okay with and have her trust me enough to not freak out over small things. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me, and know that I won't judge when she calls and says she needs a ride at 1 a.m. because the sleepover got too rowdy (or even if she's out over curfew and is trying to get out of a bad situation). If I had CLEARLY stated "no shoes over 4 inches high" and made SURE she knew how to judge it (I know how it is - you see cute shoes and can't judge the heal - I still have that challenge sometimes) then I would push the issue as rebellion. But other wise, I would let her know my feelings, why I am concerned, and then let her make her own choice. And maybe go shopping with her the next time.

cholibear

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

The fact that you carry this mentality around with you makes you treat your daughter differently, and that's a bigger issue. Because you tell this to the world, I would worry you may be treating her like an outsider and not realizing it. The fact that you say other people's morals are "plain wrong" is kind of disgusting. Just because someone has different morals does not mean they are "wrong." That being said....

If she is a good student, has good grades, doesn't get into trouble, drop the shoe issue. Like the other posters have said, if her dress is age-appropriate, who cares about the shoes. She'll probably come to the realization on her own that 5 inch heels are not comfortable and stop wearing them. The stricter you are with the clothes (and it sounds like you are very strict) the more she's going to want to rebel. She sounds like a really good kid texting you the pictures and stuff, and you're being kinda harsh. I'd back off this issue a bit all together. Also, you say that her friend is "very inappropriate"- remember this is YOUR opinion and what you consider appropriate for a teenager girl others may not agree. Personally I think it's fine for teenage girls to wear short shorts, hell they are the ones who should be wearing short shorts because they have the legs for it! But I agree with you teenage girls do need to cover up to a point, mostly because men and gross and don't care if a girl is 16 or 25 and will treat her the same, even though at 16 most girls aren't ready for that kind of sexual attention. Just try and keep your "policing" in reason. If she is abiding by all of your rules and wearing some high heels behind your back is the worst she's done, you have nothing to worry about.

AGREED!

kapeluza

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

NoAdditives

Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.

She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......

She IS a woman.

She is NOT a woman, she is a 16 year old girl. There are also cultures where girls marry at 12 and have babies.....does not make them women,.....

From a biological standpoint, if she's getting her period, she's a woman.

BAMFMeredith

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

I probably had shoes that tall when I was in high school. But I wasn't wearing them with a mini-dress either. It's all about the clothing worn with the shoes, I specifically remember an outfit I wore to a homecoming dance involving shoes comparable to those---with a knee grazing A-line dress. Nothing inappropriate about it, I still don't see the issue with the shoes themselves.

mcrowe1016

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

They are kind of ugly (I am not a fan of stilettos, but love a HIGH heel, and seriously, I don't own any outfits that would look good with a white shoe), but what about those says "I am immoral"? If combined with a trashy outfit, it would be worse, but the OP already said she was ok with the dress.

ComicBookGeekGirl

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

I don't see what the big deal is. If its for a dressy occasion and she can walk in them without killing herself, why can't she wear them? maybe a deal where she can wear the shoes, so long as the dress is modest?

BigDaddyRonnie

I am the father of 4 boys. I have taught them to stay away from women who dress like sluts and strippers. There is a place and time for it. I am not convinced a prom or high school function is one of them.

My 20 year old, very accomplished, studying to be a state policeman is very popular and with this direction has consistently picked classy, sophisticated, beautiful (and hot) ladies. His brothers are all following his footsteps. None of the girls dress trashy or inappropriately. Why? Because the girls' families were very much involved in their life as well.

You dress the lifestyle you want to lead. Dressing like Snooki "because the shoe fits" is not an option for them in their choices. They see it and have so far picked the right girls.

mcrowe1016

I am the father of 4 boys. I have taught them to stay away from women who dress like sluts and strippers. There is a place and time for it. I am not convinced a prom or high school function is one of them.

My 20 year old, very accomplished, studying to be a state policeman is very popular and with this direction has consistently picked classy, sophisticated, beautiful (and hot) ladies. His brothers are all following his footsteps. None of the girls dress trashy or inappropriately. Why? Because the girls' families were very much involved in their life as well.

You dress the lifestyle you want to lead. Dressing like Snooki "because the shoe fits" is not an option for them in their choices. They see it and have so far picked the right girls.

So if I wear shoes like that I look like a slut according to you? WOW

cgray

I am not a mother but I am a high school teacher. We have a pretty strict dress code at our school but that doesn't include anything about the height of heels for young ladies. I think it depends on the shoe, the style, the dress and the occasion. I wouldn't say that five inches to too high for a 16 year old, period. I think you have to look at the big picture. What does the shoe look like, does it go with the dress? Is she going to prom, then I think that is perfectly acceptable but if she's going to a picnic she needs to rethink this. I personally feel there are bigger issues out there than shoes. At sixteen it's more about guiding them into adulthood and making wise choices. I'd want to know what her reasoning was buying the shoes. If she can make a valid, well thought out argument then that skill is going to far outweigh simply following the rules. Besides, shoes don't make the person. It sounds like you are a very good mother I'm sure that you've taught her about responsibility that doesn't change when she puts on a new pair of shoes.

bethvandenberg

seriously? You said you weren't going to change your mind but here's my opinion. I have two daughters 15 and 17. I don't care about the shoes. The dress part would be the most important to me. The shoes won't stay on long and they will hurt her feet anyway. If buying those shoes help her feel that she's fitting in then it's no big deal to me. Now there are some other things that she could do to fit in that are horrible compared to shoes. Also I don't think any shoe beyond the platform with the fish in the heal really look like stripper shoes. Ok the thigh high boots from pretty woman would make me think "professional" woman. but you get the jist.

I'd say let the shoes slide and the day after the event I bet you'll hear that she hated them. Ok well good luck.

You are way more protective than I am that's for sure. I just don't try and control what they wear and they seem to dress appropriately all on their own. I think I'm raising some decent future adults.

BigDaddyRonnie

So if I wear shoes like that I look like a slut according to you? WOW

No, and if that is what you got out of it, I apologize.

The basic message...there is a time and place for everything. And for teenage girls to dress like Snooki is not one of them.

LorinaLynn

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

But we're talking about a wedge, not a stiletto. Probably more akin to this: http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Steve-Madden-Womens-Wimzikul-Platform-Wedges/6481637/product.html?cid=123620

bulbadoof

My parents tried to be like that with my sister, and she left home to live with her boyfriend at age 16 because she couldn't stand their "tyranny". She was a pothead, an underage smoker and drinker, has been arrested 3 times, and has been pregnant at least once. She even had a stint with cocaine. I decided through their mistakes that I will never place non-negotiable restrictions on my children as long as they are not putting themselves in physical danger. I don't want my future children to feel like they have to sneak around behind my back - I'd rather know what is going on at all times, and to do that, I need them to trust that I won't flip out and try to control them. It starts with little things like this, in my opinion.

Teenage girls want to feel grown-up. They want to do the things adults do. And honestly, if I ever had a daughter, I'd rather she got that feeling through having the freedom to choose her own wardrobe than through the things my sister did.

TOYGRRRL

As long as she is not in a total prosti-tot outfit (even though the shoes may scream out prosti-tot) you are fairly safe. The shoes will be off her feet faster than you know. I recommend making her carry a pair of those fold in your purse ballerina flats. She will end up wearing them all over instead of the high heeled shoes. I don't like them on a 16yo girl because of the damage it does to their young feet. She will also thank you (maybe in a few years) for turning her onto carrying ballerina flats in her purse.

losingthehealthyway

By the time I was sixteen, I was allowed to wear heels as high as i wanted, short skirts, tops with cleavage, short shorts, etc., etc. And you know what? I knew what was appropriate for certain situations and what wasn't. Short shorts and skirts are for the beach, high heels go with more modest clothing.

But the main thing here is that I was given the room to exercise my own judgment. Because my parents trusted me, I felt the responsibility of not betraying that trust. And this perpetuated modest dress because I wanted to attract friends and boyfriends who would also have a sense of responsibility, in other words people who don't want girls who dress as sex objects. All in all, high-heeled shoes were simply not an issue. I loved them, I still do, and I wear them with appropriate clothing. No one sees me as any less because of it. As long as the dress is about knee-length or longer and not too tight, I don't really see how those shoes are bad.

The fact that she is adopted and that her biological mother allegedly had no morals is not the issue here. Just the fact that you would treat her suspiciously because of it tells me that you are the one with the problem here, not her.

jdploki70

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

Gotta tell you. for the most part I'm not looking that low. Feet do nothing for me. I've noticed that women are WAY more concerned with shoes than me, that's all I was saying.

BAMFMeredith

By the time I was sixteen, I was allowed to wear heels as high as i wanted, short skirts, tops with cleavage, short shorts, etc., etc. And you know what? I knew what was appropriate for certain situations and what wasn't. Short shorts and skirts are for the beach, high heels go with more modest clothing.

But the main thing here is that I was given the room to exercise my own judgment. Because my parents trusted me, I felt the responsibility of not betraying that trust. And this perpetuated modest dress because I wanted to attract friends and boyfriends who would also have a sense of responsibility, in other words people who don't want girls who dress as sex objects. All in all, high-heeled shoes were simply not an issue. I loved them, I still do, and I wear them with appropriate clothing. No one sees me as any less because of it. As long as the dress is about knee-length or longer and not too tight, I don't really see how those shoes are bad.

The fact that she is adopted and that her biological mother allegedly had no morals is not the issue here. Just the fact that you would treat her suspiciously because of it tells me that you are the one with the problem here, not her.

WORD.