Teenaged Girls Fashion
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I am the father of 4 boys. I have taught them to stay away from women who dress like sluts and strippers. There is a place and time for it. I am not convinced a prom or high school function is one of them.
My 20 year old, very accomplished, studying to be a state policeman is very popular and with this direction has consistently picked classy, sophisticated, beautiful (and hot) ladies. His brothers are all following his footsteps. None of the girls dress trashy or inappropriately. Why? Because the girls' families were very much involved in their life as well.
You dress the lifestyle you want to lead. Dressing like Snooki "because the shoe fits" is not an option for them in their choices. They see it and have so far picked the right girls.
So if I wear shoes like that I look like a slut according to you? WOW0 -
I am not a mother but I am a high school teacher. We have a pretty strict dress code at our school but that doesn't include anything about the height of heels for young ladies. I think it depends on the shoe, the style, the dress and the occasion. I wouldn't say that five inches to too high for a 16 year old, period. I think you have to look at the big picture. What does the shoe look like, does it go with the dress? Is she going to prom, then I think that is perfectly acceptable but if she's going to a picnic she needs to rethink this. I personally feel there are bigger issues out there than shoes. At sixteen it's more about guiding them into adulthood and making wise choices. I'd want to know what her reasoning was buying the shoes. If she can make a valid, well thought out argument then that skill is going to far outweigh simply following the rules. Besides, shoes don't make the person. It sounds like you are a very good mother I'm sure that you've taught her about responsibility that doesn't change when she puts on a new pair of shoes.0
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seriously? You said you weren't going to change your mind but here's my opinion. I have two daughters 15 and 17. I don't care about the shoes. The dress part would be the most important to me. The shoes won't stay on long and they will hurt her feet anyway. If buying those shoes help her feel that she's fitting in then it's no big deal to me. Now there are some other things that she could do to fit in that are horrible compared to shoes. Also I don't think any shoe beyond the platform with the fish in the heal really look like stripper shoes. Ok the thigh high boots from pretty woman would make me think "professional" woman. but you get the jist.
I'd say let the shoes slide and the day after the event I bet you'll hear that she hated them. Ok well good luck.
You are way more protective than I am that's for sure. I just don't try and control what they wear and they seem to dress appropriately all on their own.
I think I'm raising some decent future adults. 0 -
So if I wear shoes like that I look like a slut according to you? WOW
No, and if that is what you got out of it, I apologize.
The basic message...there is a time and place for everything. And for teenage girls to dress like Snooki is not one of them.0 -
So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...
But we're talking about a wedge, not a stiletto. Probably more akin to this: http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Steve-Madden-Womens-Wimzikul-Platform-Wedges/6481637/product.html?cid=1236200 -
My parents tried to be like that with my sister, and she left home to live with her boyfriend at age 16 because she couldn't stand their "tyranny". She was a pothead, an underage smoker and drinker, has been arrested 3 times, and has been pregnant at least once. She even had a stint with cocaine. I decided through their mistakes that I will never place non-negotiable restrictions on my children as long as they are not putting themselves in physical danger. I don't want my future children to feel like they have to sneak around behind my back - I'd rather know what is going on at all times, and to do that, I need them to trust that I won't flip out and try to control them. It starts with little things like this, in my opinion.
Teenage girls want to feel grown-up. They want to do the things adults do. And honestly, if I ever had a daughter, I'd rather she got that feeling through having the freedom to choose her own wardrobe than through the things my sister did.0 -
As long as she is not in a total prosti-tot outfit (even though the shoes may scream out prosti-tot) you are fairly safe. The shoes will be off her feet faster than you know. I recommend making her carry a pair of those fold in your purse ballerina flats. She will end up wearing them all over instead of the high heeled shoes. I don't like them on a 16yo girl because of the damage it does to their young feet. She will also thank you (maybe in a few years) for turning her onto carrying ballerina flats in her purse.0
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By the time I was sixteen, I was allowed to wear heels as high as i wanted, short skirts, tops with cleavage, short shorts, etc., etc. And you know what? I knew what was appropriate for certain situations and what wasn't. Short shorts and skirts are for the beach, high heels go with more modest clothing.
But the main thing here is that I was given the room to exercise my own judgment. Because my parents trusted me, I felt the responsibility of not betraying that trust. And this perpetuated modest dress because I wanted to attract friends and boyfriends who would also have a sense of responsibility, in other words people who don't want girls who dress as sex objects. All in all, high-heeled shoes were simply not an issue. I loved them, I still do, and I wear them with appropriate clothing. No one sees me as any less because of it. As long as the dress is about knee-length or longer and not too tight, I don't really see how those shoes are bad.
The fact that she is adopted and that her biological mother allegedly had no morals is not the issue here. Just the fact that you would treat her suspiciously because of it tells me that you are the one with the problem here, not her.0 -
Gotta tell you. for the most part I'm not looking that low. Feet do nothing for me. I've noticed that women are WAY more concerned with shoes than me, that's all I was saying.
So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...0 -
By the time I was sixteen, I was allowed to wear heels as high as i wanted, short skirts, tops with cleavage, short shorts, etc., etc. And you know what? I knew what was appropriate for certain situations and what wasn't. Short shorts and skirts are for the beach, high heels go with more modest clothing.
But the main thing here is that I was given the room to exercise my own judgment. Because my parents trusted me, I felt the responsibility of not betraying that trust. And this perpetuated modest dress because I wanted to attract friends and boyfriends who would also have a sense of responsibility, in other words people who don't want girls who dress as sex objects. All in all, high-heeled shoes were simply not an issue. I loved them, I still do, and I wear them with appropriate clothing. No one sees me as any less because of it. As long as the dress is about knee-length or longer and not too tight, I don't really see how those shoes are bad.
The fact that she is adopted and that her biological mother allegedly had no morals is not the issue here. Just the fact that you would treat her suspiciously because of it tells me that you are the one with the problem here, not her.
WORD.0 -
I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.
IOW, all these other people are people who are not like me so naturally they are not as good as me. They are young or old, don't have children or have children but don't raise them as I think is best. None of these people are as smart as me and people who agree with me.
I have to laugh.
lol what?
If you missed it, what I was saying is the people giving OP a hard time are teens, just got out of their teens, older women with no children or parents who treat their children like friends. Someone who is 18 is going to agree with the 16 year old because they were just there. The parents with teens who actually parent will take the moms side.
It's called BIASED. So yeah, I have to laugh because the people who say "Let her do what she wants" are barely adults themselves!0 -
let your daughter learn her own lessons, said by the 25 yo in 6 in heels...0
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I have an 20 year old daughter and a 15 year old daughter. I understand where you are coming from. I have learned to pic my battles the hard way.
But have you been to the shoe departments lately? All there is is 5-6-7 inch heels, unless you want the granny shoes. I can't wait for this trend to go away! Good Luck...and remember the saying...raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-o to a tree!
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I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.
IOW, all these other people are people who are not like me so naturally they are not as good as me. They are young or old, don't have children or have children but don't raise them as I think is best. None of these people are as smart as me and people who agree with me.
I have to laugh.
lol what?
If you missed it, what I was saying is the people giving OP a hard time are teens, just got out of their teens, older women with no children or parents who treat their children like friends. Someone who is 18 is going to agree with the 16 year old because they were just there. The parents with teens who actually parent will take the moms side.
It's called BIASED. So yeah, I have to laugh because the people who say "Let her do what she wants" are barely adults themselves!
Well at 27, I wouldn't say I'm "barely an adult" and I disagree with the OP's outrage about the shoes. Oh, and my mother, who was ALWAYS a parent, and didn't become more of a friend until I was an adult, allowed me to wear whatever shoes I wanted because she trusted my judgement and respected my opinions as a teenager, since I showed her that I could make good decisions (made good grades, didn't skip school, didn't lie to my parents, etc). And no, I never dressed like a hooker either, nor would that have been acceptable. High heels aren't like some gateway drug into dressing like a streetwalker.0 -
So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...
I find it interesting that most posters are not concerned with the height from a physical health perspective. (Though I agree I would never let a 16 year old wear such shoes, and sighed with some relief to see there are others who wouldn't either, though apparently not the majority). I don't think shoes this height would meet that Miss USA test that another person posted for ensuring heels are not so high as to possibly cause damage, lol.0 -
Its just shoes, its not like they are stripper boots.
She is 16, she should make some of her own choices.0 -
23 years old here. In my house there were the following rules when I was 16:
-Skirt must be finger tip length and worn with shorts underneath if requested by the parent
-You are married to the shoes. You will not go barefoot because "ow they hurt". If they hurt, then you shouldn't be wearing them.
-You must be capable of shedding the shoes and running away from a murder or be traveling with your father.
-If I think you will break your ankle in those, I reserve the right to take you shopping and get a different pair.
(Note: 5 inch wedges would have been fine if they were platforms because I had proven to my mom I was capable of wearing them safely (wore them in the house and could go up and down the stairs). Stilettos would not have qualified because I always wobbled on them.)
- You may have one inch of cleavage or a skirt above knee length, never both at the same time unless you are staying home.
-If the school sends you home for being too risque, we are removing it from your wardrobe.
I always thought those were fair rules because they were very practical. The focus was more on safety than "slut".0 -
Eventually at some magic age, you have to let your kids go. There is a LOT of information they need to know before you do that. Every child is different and you need to start from day one teaching them, loving them, raising them up to believe they CAN do anything they set their minds to and that they matter. But to do that, you do need to let go of their little hands and begin to just guide them instead of controlling them. They will mess up, so do we. But you need to be there to nudge them and guide them back on THEIR right track not YOUR right track. For every child the magic age is different. Communication is sooooo key. Only when they get out on their own will you know if you did a good job or not. Parenting is not black and white at any stage and it's hard for everyone. Trial and error. You learn from each other...at every age. I absolutely loved being a parent. It was and is still extremely rewarding 0
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So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...
I find it interesting that most posters are not concerned with the height from a physical health perspective. (Though I agree I would never let a 16 year old wear such shoes, and sighed with some relief to see there are others who wouldn't either, though apparently not the majority). I don't think shoes this height would meet that Miss USA test that another person posted for ensuring heels are not so high as to possibly cause damage, lol.0 -
Well at 27, I wouldn't say I'm "barely an adult" and I disagree with the OP's outrage about the shoes. Oh, and my mother, who was ALWAYS a parent, and didn't become more of a friend until I was an adult, allowed me to wear whatever shoes I wanted because she trusted my judgement and respected my opinions as a teenager, since I showed her that I could make good decisions (made good grades, didn't skip school, didn't lie to my parents, etc). And no, I never dressed like a hooker either, nor would that have been acceptable. High heels aren't like some gateway drug into dressing like a streetwalker.
WORD.0 -
I find it interesting that most posters are not concerned with the height from a physical health perspective.
For me, that's because a 5" wedge with a 2" platform provides the same incline as the 3" heel height the mom would have been ok with.0 -
I'm a teenager myself, and no, I wouldn't be caught dead in 5 inch heels. Gross.
I do agree with most of your dress rules though. Except the shorts thing. But you're being a good parent by giving her rules.0 -
those shoes are so cute
i see no issue with them at alllllll. you people that are hating on heels for teenagers just want teenagers to have ugly shoes, i get it.
and she was talking about a wedge...i know they aren't wedges, but don't you people remember the spice girls and the shoes that came from that. everyone wore them!!! including teeny boppers...ESPECIALLY them!0 -
I find it interesting that most posters are not concerned with the height from a physical health perspective.
For me, that's because a 5" wedge with a 2" platform provides the same incline as the 3" heel height the mom would have been ok with.
I don't see where she said they are wedges, unless I missed it. I see in the original post that she said her daughter has four inch full wedges, which she is okay with, but it seems like the shoes her daughter bought are heels.0 -
So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...
Yes, those with jeans to me are completly fine. With a skirt showing that much leg is where I have an issue0 -
Okay, just one more comment I have to say.
I saw on the other thread about pot that you smoke marijuana. Okay, so it's fine for you to do something illegal but your daughter can't wear a pair of heels that will most likely kill her feet after an hour and regret buying?
It's a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.
Pun Intended????
Haha didn't even think of it that way! But damn that is a good pun.The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
You can't just parent the exact opposite way and hope it works. It doesn't work.
Also, I understand that you are using pot for medical reasons...however, when kids learn in school that it is illegal and wrong, they might perceive you being a rebel even if you aren't. So if you do it, it is okay for her to do it. I would just think about that. And the fact that many high schoolers have sex, do drugs or drink alcohol, get pregnant. And then realize the shoe thing isn't a big deal...
Shoes aren't a gateway drug to promiscuity.0 -
Okay, just one more comment I have to say.
I saw on the other thread about pot that you smoke marijuana. Okay, so it's fine for you to do something illegal but your daughter can't wear a pair of heels that will most likely kill her feet after an hour and regret buying?
It's a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.
Pun Intended????
Haha didn't even think of it that way! But damn that is a good pun.The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
You can't just parent the exact opposite way and hope it works. It doesn't work.
Also, I understand that you are using pot for medical reasons...however, when kids learn in school that it is illegal and wrong, they might perceive you being a rebel even if you aren't. So if you do it, it is okay for her to do it. I would just think about that. And the fact that many high schoolers have sex, do drugs or drink alcohol, get pregnant. And then realize the shoe thing isn't a big deal...
Shoes aren't a gateway drug to promiscuity.
I never ever said that the shoes would turn her into a slut and stripper or whatever else you guys have said.....I have said more than once, that I do not think that, and that is just stupid.....I just want her to LOOK like a young lady, as she is, that is all I have said about it....that it is not appropriate for her to wear shoes like that at her age....
Also, in Canada, we have medical pot regulations, and my children and I have talked about this many many times, and will continue to, they have well seen the difference in me, and I am sure they prefer a mother that can take care of them, and function, to one that spends the entire day doing OCD rituals....in fact, they have told me so themselves.....once again, my mental illness and treatment, has nothing to do with what is appropriate for a teenaged girl to wear.....0 -
I find it interesting that most posters are not concerned with the height from a physical health perspective.
For me, that's because a 5" wedge with a 2" platform provides the same incline as the 3" heel height the mom would have been ok with.
I don't see where she said they are wedges, unless I missed it. I see in the original post that she said her daughter has four inch full wedges, which she is okay with, but it seems like the shoes her daughter bought are heels.
They are not wedges, you are correct.....0 -
I never ever said that the shoes would turn her into a slut and stripper or whatever else you guys have said.....I have said more than once, that I do not think that, and that is just stupid.....I just want her to LOOK like a young lady, as she is, that is all I have said about it....that it is not appropriate for her to wear shoes like that at her age....
Also, in Canada, we have medical pot regulations, and my children and I have talked about this many many times, and will continue to, they have well seen the difference in me, and I am sure they prefer a mother that can take care of them, and function, to one that spends the entire day doing OCD rituals....in fact, they have told me so themselves.....once again, my mental illness and treatment, has nothing to do with what is appropriate for a teenaged girl to wear.....
So you have now clarified that your concern is not with her behavior, but with her looks. High-heeled shoes with a modest dress (or with jeans) will not instantly make her look like less of a young lady. She will be graduating before you know it anyway, and if she's not trusted to make even the smallest of decisions, she will have a problem moving forward.. If the shoes pose a health risk, it's one thing. Wanting her to LOOK a certain way is quite honestly petty compared to how she behaves. If she gets good grades, tells the truth, and isn't running around doing illegal drugs or having sex, I don't honestly see why letting her make small decisions like this are such a big deal.
Let your daughter express herself reasonably now, or risk losing honesty and openness with her later. I have seen far too many of my friends alienate from their parents because they pressed issues like this that weren't about morals or modesty but just about control. I am sad when I see that happen.
All the best.0 -
Wanting her to LOOK a certain way is quite honestly petty compared to how she behaves. If she gets good grades, tells the truth, and isn't running around doing illegal drugs or having sex, I don't honestly see why letting her make small decisions like this are such a big deal.
Let your daughter express herself reasonably now, or risk losing honesty and openness with her later. I have seen far too many of my friends alienate from their parents because they pressed issues like this that weren't about morals or modesty but just about control. I am sad when I see that happen.
All the best.
AGREED.
You said exactly what I think. Like I said before, better wearing high heels then having sex or doing drugs. Pick your battles and be happy you have a solid, confident daughter.0
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