Teenaged Girls Fashion

Hasu

I never really thought shoes could be inappropriate but I could be wrong.

However I do know that the average heel height has jumped over the years. I am NOT a fan of high heels. Its a personal choice. Stick me in a pair of AVERAGE heels [which nowadays are approx 5 inches] and I'm over 6'. So yeah, I don't usually rock heels lol. But I do know from my own shopping woes, MOST of the really cute and popular shoes that a 16 year old [Hell even shoes I'd want to wear and I haven't been 16 in a long while] would want to wear are around 5 inches now.

Its almost impossible to find really nice looking shoes of that type with lower heels. I'm not saying that they're not out there, what I am saying is that they're not that common anymore.

angieleighbyrd

I can understand the whole no cleavage thing.

But shoes? Really? Unless her shoes have pics of boobs on them I don't see a big deal.

Do you trust your daughter? It really doesn't sound like you do. I've learned that if you don't give your kids a little bit of wiggle room, they will just take it.

AlmstHvn

At this point, I'm less concerned about the shoes and more about the mother-daughter relationship. My mom was (and is) very critical and judgmental - and our relationship is still strained today (and I'm 49!)

I think a dinner out for the two of you might help. Explain to her the reasons behind your decisions - it's not just an "I told you so", but the reasons behind your guidelines come from love and trying to prevent harm to her. Make sure to tell her how much you appreciate the compromise on the dress, and how lovely she looks in it (which is probably what her heart was hoping to hear, anyway). Let her know that the shoes aren't your first, second or maybe third choice, but you trust her judgement - and she might want a backup pair for comfort later in the evening.

She's growing, she's branching out, trying new things while in the safety of your home. It's so so so hard to watch, but it's going to happen and a lot more frequently over the next couple of years. What will keep her grounded is a strong solid base that her family is behind her, not fighting her every decision.

Best wishes!

FitLink

first of all, i'm 18. bear with me.

i personally don't think shoes can be inappropriate. as long as she's covered up shoes barely make a difference. TO ME, anyway.

my main point is that i wore five inch heels to prom for about 3 hours.
destroyed my feet. i mean i couldn't walk for like 3 days and i couldn't dance for about 2 weeks.
so they're probably not a good idea no matter what.

I am 35 years OLDER than you (53) and I agree. Shoes cannot be "inappropriate." I encourage my nieces (and would my daughters if I had daughters) to wear lower shoes because high heels will leave you with a lot of foot pain and problems when you're my age, but "appropriate?" Why on earth would they not be? Flat sandals show as much skin as sandals with heels.

HOWEVER, you won't catch me dead in heels.

foxyforce

do you think maybe you are anal about her shoes because of your ocd? i only say this because claiming to be the a gigantic pothead is a little different than someone who smokes reefer for serious pain management

anxiety is highly related to paranoia and your doctor is a dope to prescribe you medicinal marijuana for something so correlated

and p.s., saying you are not a 16 y.o. doesn't give you the right to smoke dope and be a control freak. i'm 26 but i also believe in empowering people (and fyi, being 16 makes you a person). the fact that your daughter sends you pics on her phone of her outfits should be a win for you. so chillout about her clothes and smoke another joint

clothing does NOT make someone a slut. good for her.

foxyforce

wow.

What you have to understand is at 16 in the UK, you are legally an adult, can move out, can have sex, get married, join the army, etc, etc.. So for me you telling me you tell your daughter its unacceptable to wear shoes higher than 4" is hilarious.

And at 16 i didnt own a pair of heels under about 6", and i still dont now.
You will never have control over her, she is at the point in her life where she has realised that, as a human being, she can wear whatever she wants, unless its going to get her arrested for indecent exposure.
It wouldnt surprise me if she leaves your house, and then gets changed into other clothes when shes out of your sight..

Infact every girl i knew did that at 13.
I would say from the day she hit pubity, you have lost that war..

excellently put

mcrowe1016

wow.

What you have to understand is at 16 in the UK, you are legally an adult, can move out, can have sex, get married, join the army, etc, etc.. So for me you telling me you tell your daughter its unacceptable to wear shoes higher than 4" is hilarious.

And at 16 i didnt own a pair of heels under about 6", and i still dont now.
You will never have control over her, she is at the point in her life where she has realised that, as a human being, she can wear whatever she wants, unless its going to get her arrested for indecent exposure.
It wouldnt surprise me if she leaves your house, and then gets changed into other clothes when shes out of your sight..

Infact every girl i knew did that at 13.
I would say from the day she hit pubity, you have lost that war..

F.Y.I. I have a friend who lived in Germany until a few years ago, and she has told me that she would never leave the house without heels when she lived there. I think it is a bit more common to wear flats or smaller heels in the US (I have no idea why).

That being said, let her wear the shoes. High heels are awesome and I wish I had worn them before I was in my twenties.

Brandiandmattsmom

I think you are right. I am so sick of seeing young girls even younger than your daughter showing everything that God gave them. The heels are way to high. From a medical point I'm sure any Ortho doctor would say they are way to high. Heels are very hard on the knees. Stick to your guns momma. In the long run she will thank you for it. It may not seem like it now but she knows you are doing this because you love her lots.

FitLink

At this point, I'm less concerned about the shoes and more about the mother-daughter relationship. My mom was (and is) very critical and judgmental - and our relationship is still strained today (and I'm 49!)

I think a dinner out for the two of you might help. Explain to her the reasons behind your decisions - it's not just an "I told you so", but the reasons behind your guidelines come from love and trying to prevent harm to her. Make sure to tell her how much you appreciate the compromise on the dress, and how lovely she looks in it (which is probably what her heart was hoping to hear, anyway). Let her know that the shoes aren't your first, second or maybe third choice, but you trust her judgement - and she might want a backup pair for comfort later in the evening.

She's growing, she's branching out, trying new things while in the safety of your home. It's so so so hard to watch, but it's going to happen and a lot more frequently over the next couple of years. What will keep her grounded is a strong solid base that her family is behind her, not fighting her every decision.

Best wishes!

What an excellent observation. My mom was very critical and judgmental as well, and as a result we had virtually no relationship once I was an adult and moved from her home. She has been gone since 2007, and to be honest, I'm closer to her now than when she was alive. (My dad was very accepting--he's been gone since 1988 and I still miss him terribly.) If it is more important to the OP what shoes her daughter wears than whether she is a part of her life, this is exactly the path she should go down.

If OTOH, she'd like a relationship with her daughter that lasts a lifetime, she might get a grip. They're shoes, after all; nothing more.

Devolucien

I grew up in a household like this where my mother was very controlling over what I wore and still is to this day. The problem with this is two main reasons that I see. 1. Have you seen the selection available for girls these days? The majority is not very conservative which is simply a fashion trend. She may feel frumpy and plain given the standards you make her adhere to in comparison to the other girls in her class. I understand there have to be boundaries but she bought a reasonable dress- the shoes should not be as big of a battle as it is. More than likely she can return them but is saying that to prove a point to you and be rebellious.

Reason 2. The more controlling and overbearing you are now, the more she is going to rebel after she goes to college or enters 'the real world'. Can you imagine if you do not give her the time to rebel and dress a little bit provocatively now, how she will dress to go to her first college party? Part of the choices made reflect her sense of style right NOW which is greatly influenced by how overprotective you may be being. If you let her rebel now, by the time she hits 18 and is going off to college, the novelty of dressing provocatively and/or doing provocative things will be reduced giving her a one up on everyone in college. It boils down to simple psychology. The more you take something away, the more someone wants it. If you give in a little bit, their desire to have that will be reduced! Also, what are you worried about? What others may think of her, men looking at her inappropriately, or something actually worth worrying about like a man acting on those impulses without her consent? If it's the latter, then teach her strong will, self worth and independence and she will never fall victim to dangerous situations regardless of what she is wearing. If it's either of the former, then I suggest you let go of the reins a bit, stop worrying about other people and give yourself credit for raising a daughter who is obviously respectful and has good morals.

EmCarroll1990

21 year old here and honestly, I used to trade shoes with my mother when I was your daughter's age. My mother has awesome shoes and never told me they looked inappropriate. It's what kids are wearing these days. If anything, get her those fast flats she can put in her purse in case her feet start to hurt.

Shoes, really? You're getting mad over shoes?

DieVixen

My daughter can wear heels if she wants

lambeas

Maybe come at it from a stand point of pain... most 5' heels will not last a night of dancing.

I say, tell her go ahead and wear them... but bring flats for the dancing and later in the evening!

vim_n_vigor

Okay, can I just say something here? I'm not trying to be mean either, I'm just trying to be honest from the perspective of a 21-year-old that just left her teenage years.

With the things that you said, I can honestly see how your daughter might want to rebel against you by maybe purposely buying shoes that are too high. You sound a little bit overprotective. Did you really have to call her while she was sleeping at her friend's house (after they'd left the shoe store I'm assuming this was) to ask her about the shoes? You said "some talking" which implies that you spent a while on the phone with her. That would drive me nuts if I was her - why couldn't you just talk to her tomorrow?

And then the fact that you posted about it on Facebook - I'm sure if you are friends with your daughter, she was probably embarrassed. And if you're not, will she be able to hear about it from friend's parents you are friends with or relatives? I would be mortified to find that my mom was posting questions about me on Facebook. MFP is one thing...I've done that. But FB?

Okay, after all of that.

Have to agree with the other poster that they will probably hurt and she'll learn her lesson. But sometimes kids need to learn their lesson on their own. I don't think the shoes are necessarily inappropriate. But after one night in them, they'll hurt and she'll figure out that they're bad. But she can learn that lesson on her own.

But if you really think they're that terrible, I'd say "look, I asked you to get shorter heels so let's go and find some new ones."

However, if you don't want your daughter to further rebel, I'd let her learn her lessons with the shoes. I also have to agree when the other poster says that shoes can't be inappropriate. If it was a shirt or something, maybe it would be a little different.

I have to agree here, and I am 36. You are going to end up controlling her right out of your life as she gets older. You are basically stalking her at her friend's house and calling her out to the world on FB. You didn't get what you wanted there, so now you have it on MFP too. At 16, quite frankly, she needs to start making some of her own choices and mistakes. She can't learn from them if she isn't allowed to make them. You are treating her like she is 5. It won't be long before she is out of your house and fully responsible for herself and she isn't even allowed to pick her own shoes yet.

ninerbuff

My DD is 7 right now. Before this comes up, I'll just make sure she's a tomboy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

lol that strategy doesn't always work....sometimes they just do a complete flip to girly girl at an unknown age...sometimes 15, sometimes 16 sometimes later....but good luck anyhow

I train 15-16 female athletes now (mostly swimming and volleyball) and I KNOW that they can still be girly girls. Lots of times it gets pretty irritating listening to they gossip while trying to get them to focus on the training they are supposed to be doing, so I have an idea of what I'm in store for.
I'm the cool dad though. Lot more open minded and less over protective than my DW is anyway. All I hope to impress upon my DD is that education is important and that I set an example of what type of person she should be with (by being a supportive, loving, caring, responsible and involved male) when/if that time comes. The rest is a little bit of luck.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

mandi2r

I'm only 23 yrs old... And I think there are some thigns that you still have to controll with your kids.. and if it has to be about shoes being to high, then let it be that. 5in are club shoes, should not be meant for any teenage event. I work in customer service and I see alot of young girls and boys. The girls are wearing too tight of clothes with too much skin showing and the boys pants are hanging by their thighs. What is wrong with teaching our kids how to dress right in life?

But if she insist on wearing the shoes, one good lession.. Not only let her wear them to her event... but every wear else you guys go, she wears the shoes. Family paarty, she wears them. After she cries about not wanting to wear them anymore, sit her down and tell her your view of why you didn't want her wearing them in the first place. And no yelling. Talk to her in a calm enviroment. And if you have to, compromise. You want her in 1in and she want 5in, try and go for 3in. She's at the age where you might have to give a little.

tinana_RN

Yikes. She's 16, not 12. Let her grow up. I'd be more concerned about what her and her friend were doing at the sleepover (sneaking out, parties, etc.)

You can't expect her to one day turn 18 and then all of a sudden have learned all of life's important lessons- she needs to learn some things on her own, and if it's about a pair of shoes, so be it.

AlbaAngel25

well, I was a tom-boy up until the 12th grade i think, so I didn't experience the high heel/dress phase until i was 17-18. But. as a new mom to a baby girl, i often think about the battles I'm going to have when my little one becomes a teenager. I just hope she was like me at that age, because i always listened to my parents/good friends/decent grades.

Anyways, I personally find it hard to wear 5 inch heels and I'm a grown woman now lol. If the dress is not short/no cleavage, a little bit of a heel would be fine. I do think 5 inch is excessive. But as others have mentioned, if she bought them and is really wanting to wear them, she wont last long in them cause her feet will hurt after half an hour in them!

Im glad I have a few years to go before the dreaded teenage years that parents talk about

Ashley_Panda

She has rules she knows the rules and she broke them any way. They are your rules and no one else's. Don't ask for approval of what YOU say is right for YOUR daughter.

RunnerBlonde808

I agree with several other posters, you have to pick your battles. I have 2 daughters (17 and 6), shoes are the last of my worries. If my 17 year old thinks she can walk around in 5 inch shoes, so be it. I know if she's out dancine they will be off in a few minutes.

It's all about picking which battles you want to fight. I have 4 children (23, 17, 11, and 6) and there are many things I have overlooked because they just aren't important in the grand scheme of things. My 23 year old (boy) went through a stage of long hair. Even though I didn't like it, I let him go through his stage because it just wasn't that important. He got past it and has a wonderful short haircut now.