Teenaged Girls Fashion
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I just learned a good rule for heels from the Miss USA pageant. When wearing heels, stand with your knees straight and try to lift your heels off the ground. If you can lift them at least one inch, they are not too high. If you can't lift them an inch, they are too high.
This rule is so that heels don't cause too much physical damage to the back and joints. Wearing heels that are too high will cause improper posture and stride while walking.0 -
It seems to me that people who have freedom (with parents to guide them) as they grow up into young adults are the people who are successful at life. It is those who serve under dictator parents who end up unhappy and dissatisfied. Surely the role of a parent is to teach their children how to make the right decisions, not, at 16, to make their decisions for them. Each child grows up at a different rate but surely by 16 they should be capable of looking after themselves?0
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As the mother of a 19 year old daughter, I taught my daughter the same values about how to dress at that age. I know, my daughter would not have been allowed to buy the shoes without my approval first, after all it is my money. She could go "shopping" for dresses and shoes with her friends, but she could not buy anything without me seeing it first.
As far as the shoes, I would have told my daughter, if you can PROPERLY walk in them, then you can wear them, with 5" heels, that would not have been possible. One of my biggest pet peeves is girls who wear too high of a heel and don't know how to walk in them, they look foolish.0 -
shes 16!!! let her be 16 have some faith in her!!!0
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No. I have watched grown women on TV trying to walk in 5 inch heels....they barely can. Even when I was younger, 3" was my max. I would be afraid my ankle might give out and I could do some real damage. But that's just my experience.
I am glad my kid didn't like heels or dresses at 16.
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All I can say is BE CAREFUL.
My mother was a lot like you when I was growing up, and I was a wonderful child that listened to every bit of advice she had on my life. Until I decided I had enough and picked up and moved over 3000 miles away with some idiot I met online, without even mentioning it to her, I literally disappeared and my parents had no idea where I went.
Just please, don't be too overbearing, it can cause her to snap when she finally gets sick of it.
I bet that went super well.... ha!
By the way, way to be ungrateful to your parents and leave without giving them notice, I bet they were terrified and so worried about you. Or maybe after reading this maybe they were relieved you left? Who knows?
Oh god trust me, I've regretted that stupid choice for the last 8 years of my life. I had never done anything like that in my life and still do this day can't figure out why I did. I was a stupid 16 year old child, that's the only reasoning behind it I can find.
Terrified would be an understatement, I'm the only child, and I'm also adopted. My mother and I have one of the greatest relationships ever since that horrible choice, (years later.). But my point was that if you keep stressing your child and continue to be that overbearing most kids are going to snap and do something stupid.0 -
"When she goes out, I would like her to look like a 16 year old young lady, that is my point. "
But what does SHE want to look like? Have you asked her? I highly doubt her response is going to be "I want to look like a *kitten*." She probably also wants to look like a 16 year old young woman, and in her mind, this is how you do that. Maybe discuss that a little more so you guys can truly understand each other.
With a 16 year old baby sister (I'm 28), I understand your concern as I do a little policing of her as well and it makes me uneasy when I see her growing up so fast. That said, as long as her dress isn't too short, I think it'll be fine, and someday, you guys will both look back and laugh about this.
One more thing, and none of my business, but here it is: Pot to manage OCD managed by a doc? Really? I don't know your story, but it doesn't sound like a great example, especially if you and your daughter were raised by addicts. I'd start looking into alternatives ASAP and stop using the OCD as an excuse to get high. :flowerforyou:0 -
I was wearing 5 inch heels at 14. I see nothing wrong with the size of the heel so long as they can walk, so long as the shoe itself is appropriate. But then, at 16 I was in college and parents don't really have any say over their childs dress sense when the child is working, buying their own clothes with their own money and in college. I think what pre-teens wear these days is disgusting, but as a teen, they kind of need to experiment under parental supervision. I experimented as a teen. I wore hotpants and bikini tops in the summer, mini dresses, I even went through a stage at one point of wearing lycra...skin tight, and I have a pair of pole dancing shoes upstairs. Now they are high. But, I experimented under my mums roof and as such I was protected from the majority of the backlash. My sister didn't start experimenting until she was 20 and going to night clubs and fully developed. Now I dress well, and I'm respected on first glance, my sister looks like a hooker. As kids I looked risque and my sister looked conservative. When we were teens we had parental pressure, no we're not going home with that stranger, no we're not walking down the gennel alone at night, we're going in a group, that and we were teens, we didn't have the confidence for solo acts, it was always a group of us. We were safer to experiment. Now we're adults, we have the confidence, no curfew, no rules but what we set ourselves...I learned as a teen that the wrong sort of clothes attract the wrong sort of attention, my sister didn't. She does accept drinks off strangers, she does stay out till 3am in those clothes, she does go home with strangers, thinking she's safe.
IMHO it's better to let a teen experiment in the final years you have control over them, than hold them back so they experiment without your rules to keep them safe. This, of course, applies to families where the parent/child relationship is strong, otherwise you're asking for trouble.0 -
While I understand your point of view of not wanting your daughter to give off the wrong impression with inappropriate clothes for her age, I'm afraid that if you're too strict on her, she'll push away from you when she goes to college and rebel and possibly get into some real trouble. Give her some leeway on what she wears now, don't be too restrictive, just let her know what you'd prefer for her to wear and why. It's better for her to live and learn while she's under your roof so she'll set higher standards for herself when she's out in the world on her own.0
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These are wedges? Significantly easier to wear, more modest and more comfortable than any other heels. For a 5, I would say 5 inches are standard. Let her wear them!0
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"When she goes out, I would like her to look like a 16 year old young lady, that is my point. "
But what does SHE want to look like? Have you asked her? I highly doubt her response is going to be "I want to look like a *kitten*." She probably also wants to look like a 16 year old young woman, and in her mind, this is how you do that. Maybe discuss that a little more so you guys can truly understand each other.
With a 16 year old baby sister (I'm 28), I understand your concern as I do a little policing of her as well and it makes me uneasy when I see her growing up so fast. That said, as long as her dress isn't too short, I think it'll be fine, and someday, you guys will both look back and laugh about this.
One more thing, and none of my business, but here it is: Pot to manage OCD managed by a doc? Really? I don't know your story, but it doesn't sound like a great example, especially if you and your daughter were raised by addicts. I'd start looking into alternatives ASAP and stop using the OCD as an excuse to get high. :flowerforyou:
This.
All of this.0 -
At this point, I'm less concerned about the shoes and more about the mother-daughter relationship. My mom was (and is) very critical and judgmental - and our relationship is still strained today (and I'm 49!)
I think a dinner out for the two of you might help. Explain to her the reasons behind your decisions - it's not just an "I told you so", but the reasons behind your guidelines come from love and trying to prevent harm to her. Make sure to tell her how much you appreciate the compromise on the dress, and how lovely she looks in it (which is probably what her heart was hoping to hear, anyway). Let her know that the shoes aren't your first, second or maybe third choice, but you trust her judgement - and she might want a backup pair for comfort later in the evening.
She's growing, she's branching out, trying new things while in the safety of your home. It's so so so hard to watch, but it's going to happen and a lot more frequently over the next couple of years. What will keep her grounded is a strong solid base that her family is behind her, not fighting her every decision.
Best wishes!
What an excellent observation. My mom was very critical and judgmental as well, and as a result we had virtually no relationship once I was an adult and moved from her home. She has been gone since 2007, and to be honest, I'm closer to her now than when she was alive. (My dad was very accepting--he's been gone since 1988 and I still miss him terribly.) If it is more important to the OP what shoes her daughter wears than whether she is a part of her life, this is exactly the path she should go down.
If OTOH, she'd like a relationship with her daughter that lasts a lifetime, she might get a grip. They're shoes, after all; nothing more.
Just to point out the other side of the coin here......
I grew up in a house where i did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. In fact, I even had a boyfriend MOVE INTO MY HOUSE, IN MY BEDROOM, when I was younger than my daughter. At 16, my mother, encouraged me to drink, have sex, dress like a slut, do drugs and whatever else you can think of. She encouraged me NOT to go to school, because `that is no fun`.......
From the outside looking in, my friends thought I had the best life. Inside, I was MISERABLE. In addition to that, I am VERY well aware of the dangers out there for a 16 year old girl, and I feel that it is my job, as her parent, to protect her.
In the end, yes, I turned out ok, but many in my shoes do not. My DR tells me all the time that it is a miracle that I even survived. By the end of my mother`s life, I could barely stand to be in a room with her. I make sure, I do not do to my kids, what she did to me.
My daughter and I have a very open relationship. She knows how much I love her, and how glad I am that she is a part of my family, I tell her all the time. We talk about EVERYTHING. She tells me about which boys she likes, or who is cute in school. She tells me all the time ``open your ears and close your mouth`, which is code for, she is about to tell me all the gossip about her friends. She talks to me about how she hates the way her best friend HAS to have a boyfriend, and which of her friend have had sex yet. (Which actually, thank God, is only one, since she hangs out with an academic style crowd). She tells me about the things her friends do that she think is stupid. We do have a close relationship. We talk thoroughly about sex and birth control and drugs, including my pot use. I have very open communication with both my children.
Both my kids are good kids. They are both A students, do their chores without having to be hounded, and I can`t even tell you the last time I had to ground or take away privileges from either of them.
I just want my daughter to look respectable, and like a young lady. That is all, that is all this was about. I never said anything about her character. Yes, she needs a little more guidance, as she had a rough start. So, I feel I have to really watch her, but that does not mean she is not a good kid. A lot of kids that had her first ten years, would not have managed so well.0 -
does she know how much you smoke pot? if she does. you have lost. just a tip. she will at some point throw it in your face if you continue to overbear her.
nevermind...you answered it in your above post.0 -
Choose your battles...shoes ? come on! Chances are she will wear them
once or twice for a little while and realize how uncomfortable they are.
i agree you should lighten up a little0 -
She has rules she knows the rules and she broke them any way. They are your rules and no one else's. Don't ask for approval of what YOU say is right for YOUR daughter.
Haha, I love this....
I am not asking for approval....reading through these posts, I almost feel like nobody actually read the OP I made......I said right off the bat, I am not changing my mind, those are my rules, I just wanted to hear from parents that let their children do that, and why, and do hear from parents that don`t killing the myth that I am the ONLY one....that is all I said!! It seems like no one actually read it.....0 -
I think it just depends on the shoes. I know that the style is those high wedges, I think they look a little stupid watching the girls walk around in them, but it does seem like that is the style. If they are stripper shoes, then no, she should not wear them.
I grew up with a VERY strict mom. She had me as a teenager and wanted to make sure that I did not follow in her foot steps. I always understood that, but I got angry because I got in MAJOR trouble for minor things. While other girls could talk to their moms about teenage girl problems, I could not because my mom would freak out and over react. So, I told her nothing. Now, I did not break her rules about how I should dress or how I behaved, but it would have been nice to have had a mom that could relate a little more...not be my friend...but to guide me through my teenage girl journey. Since I have a big butt (not large breasts) I had to wear super baggy jeans to cover up my butt (so tough to do during the tight Gloria Vanderbilt jeans day). I had to wear one pieces and finally, she allowed me to wear a 2 piece, but no string bikinis. I was the last girl to wear makeup and the last girl to shave her legs. I had to ask permission to stay out past 10:30 pm (my curfew) the night before my wedding...I was 20 years old. Now, I never rebelled and I did get married at 20 and we now have 6 kids...but again, it would have been nice to have had a mom that was not so strict. It took a year of marriage to break the fear of the phone ringing...because while growing up, anytime the phone rang, it was my mom checking up on me or me getting in trouble for something that I did not know what I did.
Right now my teenagers are all boys, the only girl is 2. But, I will raise her the way that I raised my boys. We have been strict on a lot of things, but on things that I feel that I do not have to be so tight on, we have a little "give". My point is, your daughter bought a conservative dress and a sweater to cover up her arms and back...if the shoes are not stripper shoes, maybe give her some freedom on the shoes. There are so many larger problems and issues to deal with than shoes. And, if you are questioning her morals over her 5" shoes...what about when she needs to talk to you because a boys wants to kiss her. Or a boy tried to touch her breast...is she going to feel comfortable telling you these things?
I do not know the relationship you have with her. And I am sure that a daughter/mom relationship is totally different than a son/mother relationship. But, we try to pick our battles. It is tough to find that right balance of being too slack and being too strict.
Sorry for the long story, but I wanted to give you the perspective of the child growing up in a very strict home....it can be overwhelming at times.I am not asking for approval....reading through these posts, I almost feel like nobody actually read the OP I made......I said right off the bat, I am not changing my mind, those are my rules, I just wanted to hear from parents that let their children do that, and why, and do hear from parents that don`t killing the myth that I am the ONLY one....that is all I said!! It seems like no one actually read it.....
I think that most of the parents are saying that they would not have a problem with the shoes, because they feel that it is tough for shoes to be inappropriate.0 -
The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
My best friend growing up came from a household where her wardrobe was policed constantly, and every single day, she would change clothes at school. You're asking her to start sneaking around behind your back.
I am so glad i do not have to worry about that.....my kids wear uniforms at school, LOL0 -
Or just show her this picture and remind her that she will be applying 500-800lbs of pressure on the balls of her feet by wear high heels.
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What is wrong with teaching our kids how to dress right in life?
Nothing at all. It's just that some parents prefer to follow the path of least resistance because they have deluded themselves into thinking they are "friends" with their kids. What's even worse is that they call it "letting them grow up." Please. Kids don't know they are making mistakes when their parents freely allow them to do whatever they want, especially when all of their peers are doing the same things. They just see it as normal. They are not experienced enough or wise enough to learn the same lesson from a mistake that you would. And they are not going to be thinking "well, I'm glad you let me figure that out for myself." They're going to be thinking "Why didn't you tell me this was a bad idea?" That is, after all, your job.
I probably would not have any permanent teeth left if I had pulled some of the crap with my parents that teenagers do today. And I'm kind of proud of the fact that my parents never lowered their standards for me based on what all the other parents were allowing their kids to get away with.
:flowerforyou:0 -
My son is 12 and the girls in his class are wearing all kinds of stuff. Personally I think by forbidding it you just make it worse, so I am quite permissive, also with regard to bedtimes etc. As regards the heels - they are only shoes, she will learn that they are uncomfortable.
I think your rules for shorts and midriff are a bit unfair. She is only young once and if she has a nice body she should be able to wear clothes that show that. I also don't believe that clothes make you slutty - that happens because of a whole different set of stuff including lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
IMO its more important to deal with the things that really matter rather than stuff like clothing which by and large is not really important - you want kids to remember you for how easy you are to talk to as a parent not for how strict you were with their clothing. It's a fine line.
Just read and answered your initial question and not the rest of the thread so may be repeating what others have said.0 -
Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.
She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......
She IS a woman.
She is NOT a woman, she is a 16 year old girl. There are also cultures where girls marry at 12 and have babies.....does not make them women,.....0 -
I don't know where you are from but surely a 16 year old can wear whatever she likes! At 16 I'd moved out and gone to university and wore the shoes of my liking. Your kid has grown up. And what difference 3 inches is from 5 inches I don't know - both are intended to make yourself more attractive (presumably to men). Sure give you opinion to your daughter - "those 5 inch heels make you look like a slut" - but maybe you'd have more success if you just shared your opinion rather than tried to rule her life?
Leila, 25, UK
Wow 16, grown up? Really? An adult? Yeah, no, I don't think so. With this kind of mentality, in 20 years, some people will have the audacity of saying idiotic things like "oh, come on now she's 12 and in middle school, she has boobs, she can make her own decisions!".
EXACTLY!!0 -
If you're not seeking approval from anyone on here, why do you make dumb smileys to everyone that agrees with you, then get all defensive with people who disagree with you?
I don't get that.0 -
My son is 12 and the girls in his class are wearing all kinds of stuff. Personally I think by forbidding it you just make it worse, so I am quite permissive, also with regard to bedtimes etc. As regards the heels - they are only shoes, she will learn that they are uncomfortable.
I think your rules for shorts and midriff are a bit unfair. She is only young once and if she has a nice body she should be able to wear clothes that show that. I also don't believe that clothes make you slutty - that happens because of a whole different set of stuff including lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
IMO its more important to deal with the things that really matter rather than stuff like clothing which by and large is not really important - you want kids to remember you for how easy you are to talk to as a parent not for how strict you were with their clothing. It's a fine line.
Just read and answered your initial question and not the rest of the thread so may be repeating what others have said.
Word.0 -
Okay. I'm now 25 years old and grew up with a mom who enforced probably much strict-er rules than you. I wouldn't have been allowed to go to the mall without her there lol
Either way, I have no children and honestly don't know what rules I'll enforce when I do, but I will say I'm a very well adjusted 25 year old, in the 4th year of my career. Yes, my mom and I argued, but she always got her way and I can't say that I look back and regret or hold resentment towards that.
My first 3 years out of college I was a High School teacher, and I will say that what some kids wore was atrocious. I WISH the parents of the children I taught enforced some dress code. Parents need to realize that you are NOT your child's friend..and that's okay. You are the parent and the rule-maker..your house..your rules..and if parents could realize that again this world would improve. Your children have plenty of friends at school..believe me..and dressing them in revealing clothes will most likely attract friends you won't want around your children. Modest dressing will imply modest behavior which will attract modest friends (and as someone who's been a DDD since the end of 8th grade..I agree with modesty).
I say. It's your daughter, she's a minor, so what you say goes. Sure she may attempt to rebel but I'm a firm believer that if you're open with your daughter and respectful in your explanations, you're gonna be fine. One benefit of being the parent is it's your decision..people will raise their kids in the way and with the rules they want and the results will be seen in the future. More power to you!0 -
No I wouldn't let her wear heels, and I am so glad I had boys!0
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What is wrong with teaching our kids how to dress right in life?
Nothing at all. It's just that some parents prefer to follow the path of least resistance because they have deluded themselves into thinking they are "friends" with their kids. What's even worse is that they call it "letting them grow up." Please. Kids don't know they are making mistakes when their parents freely allow them to do whatever they want, especially when all of their peers are doing the same things. They just see it as normal. They are not experienced enough or wise enough to learn the same lesson from a mistake that you would. And they are not going to be thinking "well, I'm glad you let me figure that out for myself." They're going to be thinking "Why didn't you tell me this was a bad idea?" That is, after all, your job.
I probably would not have any permanent teeth left if I had pulled some of the crap with my parents that teenagers do today. And I'm kind of proud of the fact that my parents never lowered their standards for me based on what all the other parents were allowing their kids to get away with.
^^ THIS THIS THIS!!!! ^^
When I was in high school, my parents allowed me to dress "skater/goth" I died my hair every color imaginable, and went to concerts and night clubs (for concerts) starting at age 13. At the time, I thought I had awesome parents. Looking back, I think "Why didn't they beat the crap out of me and send me inside to change and then shave my head?"
Kids these days dress far too inappropriately. I work less than a mile from our local high school, so the kids walk by every day. What they get away with is a shame....0 -
I got my first pair of wedges when I was 8 years old.
I owned 5-inch heels at 14.
Did I look like a stripper? No. Did I act like a stripper? Absolutely not.
At 16, should she be allowed to choose her own clothes without 32908490324 rules from her mother? Probably.
At that age it's all about fitting in. My mother still doesn't agree with everything I wear but she won't forbid me from owning things she personally doesn't like. If in 5 years I look back and say "what was I thinking!?" then so be it, I learned a lesson, awesome.
I mean, provided that the shoes aren't those lucite platforms that strippers actually do wear, it sounds like your daughter has a modest dress, with some fun heels, for a fun event. It's not something to really get all in a knot over....they're just shoes.0 -
I fully agree with you. 5 inch heels are too high for a 16 year old. My step-daughter will be 16 in a few months and there is no way she would be allowed to wear those. 3 inch heels are fine - 4 is pushing it depending on the style. I LOVE shoes, especially heels but there is no reason a 16 year old needs to wear shoes that high. She should be happy you are letting her wear heels at all.0
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