Teenaged Girls Fashion
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21 year old here and honestly, I used to trade shoes with my mother when I was your daughter's age. My mother has awesome shoes and never told me they looked inappropriate. It's what kids are wearing these days. If anything, get her those fast flats she can put in her purse in case her feet start to hurt.
Shoes, really? You're getting mad over shoes?0 -
My daughter can wear heels if she wants0
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Maybe come at it from a stand point of pain... most 5' heels will not last a night of dancing.
I say, tell her go ahead and wear them... but bring flats for the dancing and later in the evening!0 -
I have to agree here, and I am 36. You are going to end up controlling her right out of your life as she gets older. You are basically stalking her at her friend's house and calling her out to the world on FB. You didn't get what you wanted there, so now you have it on MFP too. At 16, quite frankly, she needs to start making some of her own choices and mistakes. She can't learn from them if she isn't allowed to make them. You are treating her like she is 5. It won't be long before she is out of your house and fully responsible for herself and she isn't even allowed to pick her own shoes yet.Okay, can I just say something here? I'm not trying to be mean either, I'm just trying to be honest from the perspective of a 21-year-old that just left her teenage years.
With the things that you said, I can honestly see how your daughter might want to rebel against you by maybe purposely buying shoes that are too high. You sound a little bit overprotective. Did you really have to call her while she was sleeping at her friend's house (after they'd left the shoe store I'm assuming this was) to ask her about the shoes? You said "some talking" which implies that you spent a while on the phone with her. That would drive me nuts if I was her - why couldn't you just talk to her tomorrow?
And then the fact that you posted about it on Facebook - I'm sure if you are friends with your daughter, she was probably embarrassed. And if you're not, will she be able to hear about it from friend's parents you are friends with or relatives? I would be mortified to find that my mom was posting questions about me on Facebook. MFP is one thing...I've done that. But FB?
Okay, after all of that.
Have to agree with the other poster that they will probably hurt and she'll learn her lesson. But sometimes kids need to learn their lesson on their own. I don't think the shoes are necessarily inappropriate. But after one night in them, they'll hurt and she'll figure out that they're bad. But she can learn that lesson on her own.
But if you really think they're that terrible, I'd say "look, I asked you to get shorter heels so let's go and find some new ones."
However, if you don't want your daughter to further rebel, I'd let her learn her lessons with the shoes. I also have to agree when the other poster says that shoes can't be inappropriate. If it was a shirt or something, maybe it would be a little different.0 -
I train 15-16 female athletes now (mostly swimming and volleyball) and I KNOW that they can still be girly girls. Lots of times it gets pretty irritating listening to they gossip while trying to get them to focus on the training they are supposed to be doing, so I have an idea of what I'm in store for.My DD is 7 right now. Before this comes up, I'll just make sure she's a tomboy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
lol that strategy doesn't always work....sometimes they just do a complete flip to girly girl at an unknown age...sometimes 15, sometimes 16 sometimes later....but good luck anyhow
I'm the cool dad though. Lot more open minded and less over protective than my DW is anyway. All I hope to impress upon my DD is that education is important and that I set an example of what type of person she should be with (by being a supportive, loving, caring, responsible and involved male) when/if that time comes. The rest is a little bit of luck.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I'm only 23 yrs old... And I think there are some thigns that you still have to controll with your kids.. and if it has to be about shoes being to high, then let it be that. 5in are club shoes, should not be meant for any teenage event. I work in customer service and I see alot of young girls and boys. The girls are wearing too tight of clothes with too much skin showing and the boys pants are hanging by their thighs. What is wrong with teaching our kids how to dress right in life?
But if she insist on wearing the shoes, one good lession.. Not only let her wear them to her event... but every wear else you guys go, she wears the shoes. Family paarty, she wears them. After she cries about not wanting to wear them anymore, sit her down and tell her your view of why you didn't want her wearing them in the first place. And no yelling. Talk to her in a calm enviroment. And if you have to, compromise. You want her in 1in and she want 5in, try and go for 3in. She's at the age where you might have to give a little.0 -
Yikes. She's 16, not 12. Let her grow up. I'd be more concerned about what her and her friend were doing at the sleepover (sneaking out, parties, etc.)
You can't expect her to one day turn 18 and then all of a sudden have learned all of life's important lessons- she needs to learn some things on her own, and if it's about a pair of shoes, so be it.0 -
well, I was a tom-boy up until the 12th grade i think, so I didn't experience the high heel/dress phase until i was 17-18. But. as a new mom to a baby girl, i often think about the battles I'm going to have when my little one becomes a teenager. I just hope she was like me at that age, because i always listened to my parents/good friends/decent grades.
Anyways, I personally find it hard to wear 5 inch heels and I'm a grown woman now lol. If the dress is not short/no cleavage, a little bit of a heel would be fine. I do think 5 inch is excessive. But as others have mentioned, if she bought them and is really wanting to wear them, she wont last long in them cause her feet will hurt after half an hour in them!
Im glad I have a few years to go before the dreaded teenage years that parents talk about0 -
She has rules she knows the rules and she broke them any way. They are your rules and no one else's. Don't ask for approval of what YOU say is right for YOUR daughter.0
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I agree with several other posters, you have to pick your battles. I have 2 daughters (17 and 6), shoes are the last of my worries. If my 17 year old thinks she can walk around in 5 inch shoes, so be it. I know if she's out dancine they will be off in a few minutes.
It's all about picking which battles you want to fight. I have 4 children (23, 17, 11, and 6) and there are many things I have overlooked because they just aren't important in the grand scheme of things. My 23 year old (boy) went through a stage of long hair. Even though I didn't like it, I let him go through his stage because it just wasn't that important. He got past it and has a wonderful short haircut now.0 -
"Just to be clear, it was my daughter that posted the photos, not me, so I could see the dress and shoes the night she bought it....she was excited to show me, and was away from home for the night......"
I feel bad for her that she was so excited to show you and you shut her down
After reading most of the comments and your responses, it kind of seems that you are trying get people on your side, rather that ask for genuine opinions.
Having said all this, I see your point but I still think you're more wrong than right. You probably would have gotten a more positive response if you didn't suggest that your daughter looked like a stripper and that parents should be ashamed of their children. But meh.
I am not `trying to get people on my side
I stated right in the OP that I was not changing my mind.....what I was actually looking for was opinions about who lets their kids dress like that, and why, and that there are some that agree with me, as I know I can not be the only one, like my daughter had thought.....
And I never said she looked like a stripper.....I said, some 16 year old dress like strippers, NOT my daughter, never.....0 -
I am a mom of an 18 yr old dd ( size 4 very cute ) . If the bits are covered properly ( We are a modest family dd doesn't even own a bikini ) I would say let her wear the very uncomfortable , hard to walk in fmp's. Even better have her practice walk in them and film her and see how awkward She walks : ) After setting through 6 formal dance grand marches in the past 2 yrs I can tell you 90% of the young ladies do not know how to walk in heals and would die if they knew how awful the looked hoofing it in them.
I know you weren't looking to change your mind but Shoes are the least of my worries. My dd has learned to dress and act modestly and it sounds like your dd picked a proper dress, be proud of her for that.0 -
See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!
When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.
The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
This right here I believe is one of the problems you are going to face. If she came from "questionable morals" and you are forcing her to now change her lifestyle and conform to YOUR strict morals. If you were to trust her a little and see how she is growing as a woman you will probably be surprised. For lack of a better term, giving her a little slack with her leash will probably do nothing more than bring you closer together and allow her to find her own morals within boundaries.
My best friend growing up came from a household where her wardrobe was policed constantly, and every single day, she would change clothes at school. You're asking her to start sneaking around behind your back.0 -
As a mother of a 2yr old, I would have to inspect any "heels" she wants to wear. 16 yr olds nowadays look like 20 yr olds, it's rather ridiculous.
Anyway, if you don't feel comfortable letting her buy certain heels then she has to confirm. Your house, your rules! End of story.
I mean come on now, who wants their daughter running around looking like some harlot, right? (Oh, wait, never mind there are many people who don't mind their children looking like they should be standing on the street corner, ha!).0 -
What is wrong with teaching our kids how to dress right in life?
Nothing at all. It's just that some parents prefer to follow the path of least resistance because they have deluded themselves into thinking they are "friends" with their kids. What's even worse is that they call it "letting them grow up." Please. Kids don't know they are making mistakes when their parents freely allow them to do whatever they want, especially when all of their peers are doing the same things. They just see it as normal. They are not experienced enough or wise enough to learn the same lesson from a mistake that you would. And they are not going to be thinking "well, I'm glad you let me figure that out for myself." They're going to be thinking "Why didn't you tell me this was a bad idea?" That is, after all, your job.
I probably would not have any permanent teeth left if I had pulled some of the crap with my parents that teenagers do today. And I'm kind of proud of the fact that my parents never lowered their standards for me based on what all the other parents were allowing their kids to get away with.0 -
Another thing to consider is just about every store caters to that kind of fashion, trends come and go, but that is what is trendy now. mini's, high heels, etc etc etc. Go into any store, express, american eagle, I could go on and on. Your making your daughter work damn hard to find clothing that is "appropriate" in your eyes, when there is hardly any out there to begin with that is readily accessible.0
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Im sorry but I just really felt the need to point out one thing on the 'morals' front.
to start off, she is not her mother, I am not aware of all the facts but to say her mother may have had issues with moral boundaries is a bit off-topic.
Are you exactly like your own mother? I'm guessing no..
Morals are not something you inherit and are as much to do with her birth mother as they are to You, Her Friends, Her Teachers, The Area you live, What TV shows she watched and what books she reads.
To say you 'trust' your birth son more because you raised him from day one is ridiculous as well.
I know plenty of teenagers (now adults) who grew up in wonderful, supportive and conservative environments who went on to become completely mental crack heads.
I also know some who grew up with abusive fathers, drug addicted mothers and violence in their day to day lives that are the most well-rounded successful people I know.
At the end of the day, 5 inch heels are not going to turn her into a crackhead, prostitute.
Relax. It will all be fine.
I grew up with a drug addict mother, and I turned out fine. I also know others that grew up with addicts, whom are now dead, or addicts themselves. She was being raised by a drug addict as well, when she said she did not want to go home anymore, I called the police, got a child protection order, hired a lawyer and started a custody suit....one, by the way, that I was told I had no chance at all to win, since I was not related to her at all.....I loved her, and did not want to roll the dice to see which side she would land on.
I have seen this theme a few times in the responses......
I do not think that wearing the shoes will turn her into some kind of stripper or addict or something.....I never said that....
I do not think that shoes like that are appropriate for a young lady to wear. I do not think it will change her as a person to wear them, that is a little silly. When she goes out, I would like her to look like a 16 year old young lady, that is my point.
As far as things with my son, what I am trying to say is, my daughter has a few left over ideas from her birth mother that I do not find alright. So there are times, that when I get upset about something, she can`t understand it, because her birth mother never would have even noticed. That was my point there......0 -
Personally I think your daughters old enough to dress herself without your opinion.
She 16, which means that in the UK she would of already left school by now and she's old enough to get married and do various other things by law.
You need to start treating her like an adult rather than a child, because believe it or not, she's not going to be your baby for much longer and when she's 18 your not going to be able to stop her... like it or not... then she will probably just dress like that out of spite.0 -
I don't know where you are from but surely a 16 year old can wear whatever she likes! At 16 I'd moved out and gone to university and wore the shoes of my liking. Your kid has grown up. And what difference 3 inches is from 5 inches I don't know - both are intended to make yourself more attractive (presumably to men). Sure give you opinion to your daughter - "those 5 inch heels make you look like a slut" - but maybe you'd have more success if you just shared your opinion rather than tried to rule her life?
Leila, 25, UK0 -
Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.
She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......
She IS a woman.0 -
I don't know where you are from but surely a 16 year old can wear whatever she likes! At 16 I'd moved out and gone to university and wore the shoes of my liking. Your kid has grown up. And what difference 3 inches is from 5 inches I don't know - both are intended to make yourself more attractive (presumably to men). Sure give you opinion to your daughter - "those 5 inch heels make you look like a slut" - but maybe you'd have more success if you just shared your opinion rather than tried to rule her life?
Leila, 25, UK
Wow 16, grown up? Really? An adult? Yeah, no, I don't think so. With this kind of mentality, in 20 years, some people will have the audacity of saying idiotic things like "oh, come on now she's 12 and in middle school, she has boobs, she can make her own decisions!".0 -
Just my opinion - shoes, to me, are not inappropriate because they are high heels. If they are pumps, I think they are fine. I would be more concerned with the actual style of the shoe myself. That said, I have some four inch heels and that is about as high as I can go, so I can't imagine walking in five inch heels.
I try to look at the overall effect of the outfit itself. Is it tasteful? Appropriate? My 13 year old wanted to wear cowboy boots and a country style strapless dress to a party recently. The dress was too tight. If it had fit right, I would have let her wear it. It wasn't too too short and even though it was strapless it covered up her back and there was no cleavage.
I was extremely rebellious in high school, so I've chosen to pick my battles carefully with my girls, and clothes usually isn't one of them unless its extreme. Neither is hair. Friends? Yes. Internet? Yes.0 -
I've gotta say I disagree with all the "She's 16. She can wear whatever she wants." My house. My rules. My money. My clothes. Period.
My daughter is barely 15, tall, very curvy, large chested, etc. She gets hit on by grown men when we go places. With me and her dad RIGHT THERE. I do give her a little bit of freedom to pick her clothes. Some of the stuff makes my face twitch a little, but for the most part, she's very modest. If she puts on somethng that makes her look 25 (more so than she already does), I have a problem with that. If it's too short, I have a problem. If it's too tight, I have a problem. And, I win.
ETA - Shoes! Forgot about them. If she didn't buy them at the stripper supply store, I'm OK with them for the most part. She's more of a comfy shoe girl anyway. But, if I did have a problem with them? I'd still win.0 -
Kudos to you OP! I agree with you and am proud to see I am not the only one who thinks this way! My natural daughter is only 11; the former boyfriends daughter is 16 and I had to deal with a lot of this. I believe in this world there is so much pressure for young ladies to grow up too fast and be women before they are ready. I will not have any girl under my care dressing like an adult and drawing adult attention her way. I was absolutely against her wearing 4-5 inch heels as well or any dress that made her look anything older than 16. For me, I refuse to conform or let my daughter conform to what this world deems as acceptable. I don't care how many other of your friends can dress however they want. You may as well get used to being a counter-culture when you live in my home because there are no negotiations in my house. We agree on a set of rules and parameters that are appropriate for your age and if you defy them out of my presence its a waste of your money cuz the stuff is going in the trash.
You can look beautiful, and classy (not sexy - at 16 - no need to look sexy) with appropriate clothing and shoes. You will not look like anybody from Jersey Shore or any other main stream idiotic media that serves to influence this generation into a life of destruction. Nope. I won't have of it. At 16, I don't need you to like me - you can hate me for my rules now - but you'll appreciate me later.
I like how you think OP 0 -
I see where you're coming from. Every parent has the right to set standards for their children, and that happens to be the standards the OP has set for her daughter. I'm only 26, and don't have any children- but 16 is still very young, and when I have a 16 year old, I will definitely be inspecting what she wears.0
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I believe clothes can be inappropriate, but not shoes. If she wants to wear shoes that are going to kill her feet, I say go with it.0
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Absolutely NOT!0
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All I can say is BE CAREFUL.
My mother was a lot like you when I was growing up, and I was a wonderful child that listened to every bit of advice she had on my life. Until I decided I had enough and picked up and moved over 3000 miles away with some idiot I met online, without even mentioning it to her, I literally disappeared and my parents had no idea where I went.
Just please, don't be too overbearing, it can cause her to snap when she finally gets sick of it.0 -
My mom taught me that clothes don't make someone a "slut" and shoes definitely don't either. I can remember the first pair of high heels I bought at like 15 or 16 that were a good 4-5 inches. Right before I was going out with my friends she saw the shoes, smirked, and said good luck. By the end of the night I was in tears from the pain of never having walked in those bad boys :laugh:0
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All I can say is BE CAREFUL.
My mother was a lot like you when I was growing up, and I was a wonderful child that listened to every bit of advice she had on my life. Until I decided I had enough and picked up and moved over 3000 miles away with some idiot I met online, without even mentioning it to her, I literally disappeared and my parents had no idea where I went.
Just please, don't be too overbearing, it can cause her to snap when she finally gets sick of it.
I bet that went super well.... ha!
By the way, way to be ungrateful to your parents and leave without giving them notice, I bet they were terrified and so worried about you. Or maybe after reading this maybe they were relieved you left? Who knows?0
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