Teenaged Girls Fashion
Replies
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My son is 12 and the girls in his class are wearing all kinds of stuff. Personally I think by forbidding it you just make it worse, so I am quite permissive, also with regard to bedtimes etc. As regards the heels - they are only shoes, she will learn that they are uncomfortable.
I think your rules for shorts and midriff are a bit unfair. She is only young once and if she has a nice body she should be able to wear clothes that show that. I also don't believe that clothes make you slutty - that happens because of a whole different set of stuff including lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
IMO its more important to deal with the things that really matter rather than stuff like clothing which by and large is not really important - you want kids to remember you for how easy you are to talk to as a parent not for how strict you were with their clothing. It's a fine line.
Just read and answered your initial question and not the rest of the thread so may be repeating what others have said.
She is 16 not 21 you know? What ever happened to young ladies dressing like young ladies? I see young girls(13-16) with shorts almost riding up their butts. Every time I see this, the image of trailer park comes to mind.
Show off her body? Really? At 16? Who are you showing your body off to?0 -
I can see where you're coming from with it but being only 20 myself it's easy to realise that younger people are dressing more grown up these days.
Think yourself lucky that it is only the shoes. Several of my friends for their 16th birthdays went out clubbing dressed as "moulin rouge" in other words corset and knickers!
Plus nowadays where I'm from plenty of 14-15 year olds go out clubbing in clothes that barely cover their boobs and bums with a face full of makeup!
It's good that she's wanting you to buy her a sweater cover up as she's conscious of showing too much skin but I think a dress and high heels is fine, and I know if my mum had stopped me wearing things I wanted to wear when I was that age I'd have done it anyway and been more extreme with it.0 -
I'm almost 40, so I don't have the teenage rebellion, parents just don't understand mentality anymore.
But I don't think the heel height is that big of a deal. Have you been shoe-shopping lately? There's not many options between flats and sky-high these days, especially if you want a trendy style. It's really kind of annoying because, ideally, I'd love a three inch heel, but they're not easy to find, except in really frumpy, business casual types. No 16 year old is going to want "old lady shoes." If she can comfortably walk in them, I don't see it as a problem.0 -
In the society where I live, 16 is the age one can legally (without their parent's consent):
- get their own place/move out
- have sex
- get married
- have a full time job
Sounds quite adult to me. Your 16 year old would be treated as a woman in most societies. I guess you live in the US though?0 -
"When she goes out, I would like her to look like a 16 year old young lady, that is my point. "
But what does SHE want to look like? Have you asked her? I highly doubt her response is going to be "I want to look like a *kitten*." She probably also wants to look like a 16 year old young woman, and in her mind, this is how you do that. Maybe discuss that a little more so you guys can truly understand each other.
With a 16 year old baby sister (I'm 28), I understand your concern as I do a little policing of her as well and it makes me uneasy when I see her growing up so fast. That said, as long as her dress isn't too short, I think it'll be fine, and someday, you guys will both look back and laugh about this.
One more thing, and none of my business, but here it is: Pot to manage OCD managed by a doc? Really? I don't know your story, but it doesn't sound like a great example, especially if you and your daughter were raised by addicts. I'd start looking into alternatives ASAP and stop using the OCD as an excuse to get high. :flowerforyou:
We talked about it for a long time, the night it happened, and again yesterday, I did not leave it harsh, we had a long talk about why I do not like it, and she gave her side, and then we made a plan to go shopping and exchange them.
I have had OCD for 20+ years, we tried MANY medications, and most of them made me non functional......the last one we tried, back in 2005, actually made me suicidal, which I had NEVER experienced before in my life. I ended up in hospital for weeks trying to recover from the advise affects of the drugs usually used to treat things like OCD. Mine is pretty severe, and without taking something at night to unwind, I spend the entire night worrying about stuff, and running around the house doing the same thing 20 times.....and then not eating dinner or going to bed, until well into the next morning (think, 3-4am)......then I can`t work the next day.....this is no way to live. When the DR suggested trying pot, I was a little miffed to say the least. I know in the USA, you guys are a little more anal about things like pot, but man, it was like a whole new life for me. I can work my nine hours or whatever, then come home, do the things I feel need to be done, and then have my smoke, and ACTUALLY relax, have dinner with my kids, and unwind in time to go to bed, which because of the OCD, can take me about 6 hours. Pot has literally saved my life. For several years before I tried the pot, I could not even hold down a job, because the OCD would keep me up all hours of the night, it has changed me, for the better, its like I control it now, when I want it to shut off, I smoke. My friends and family say they have never seen me better. I am a STRONG advocate of medical pot use now, by experience. The pharmaceutical drugs they gave me, almost killed me.0 -
I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.
NO WAY in my household growing up would my father allow me to buy stripper shoes. It didn't matter if it was a trend or not. His money, his say. I bought my first pair of sexy shoes when I was 17 because I had a job and bought them myself. Everyone says oh she's 16, let her do what she wants. That's the problem these days. She is still a child. Her brain is not mature enough to make rational decisions on her own. She is using YOUR money (unless she has a job) to buy these things.
People say that clothing is just made that way now. No, it's not. Parents are just too lazy to look for appropriate clothes or too afraid to say no to their little special snowflake. I've seen shorts that don't look like jean underwear. I've seen tops that aren't skin tight. I've seen skirts that don't threaten to show vag.
Yes, teens are going to be *****y, cranky, snarky, and rebel....but until they move out, they have to follow your rules.0 -
Maybe you should be as liberal to shoe height as you are to alternative medicines?
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I do not have a daughter, but I grew up with a mom similar to yourself. I was the oldest, my younger sister just turned 16. I grew up constantly fighting with my mom over clothes, and shoes, and makeup and it put a huge strain on our relationship. I have encouraged my mom to relax a little bit with my sister, and I really think it's been healthy for both of them. I have to say, I don't see how shoes can be inappropriate, unless she possibly were wearing like thigh high leather boots or something, and it truly depends on the outfit it goes with. I mean I would like at it this way, there are a lot bigger battles you could be having with a teenage daughter, so I would choose my battles wisely,; I just don't see high heels as being a huge deal. I am all for teenage modesty, but shorts to the knee and no high heels, that sort of stuff may cause her to resent you and dress a little wild when she gets older. I know that is the effact it had on me...0
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If you're not seeking approval from anyone on here, why do you make dumb smileys to everyone that agrees with you, then get all defensive with people who disagree with you?
I don't get that.
I feel like with a lot of those responses, I am correcting assumptions, to be honest....
And I do not make nods at everyone that agrees with me (read most posts), only ones that say something that I feel could have been taken right out of my mouth......0 -
In the society where I live, 16 is the age one can legally (without their parent's consent):
- get their own place/move out
- have sex
- get married
- have a full time job
Sounds quite adult to me. Your 16 year old would be treated as a woman in most societies. I guess you live in the US though?
I am in Canada......0 -
Coming from someone who had very strict parents growing up, monitoring and controling your kids to that extent will only make her resent you. It's psychological that when someone is forbidden from doing something (especially as a hormonal teenager) they are going to want to do it more.
Am I condoning your daughter going out in pasties and fishnets, no, but I also do not think that 5 inch heels are going to turn her into a slut. It's not like she is wanting to get tattoos and piercings and sneak out for a night on the town...she wants to look cute and fit in with her friends.
My dad controlled every single aspect of my life until I turned 21 and there are still things I resent him for. Loosen up and enjoy your children instead of being their drill sergant.
Trust me, I can't stand when I see teenagers dressed like they are going to the club and I'm all for teenage modesty but you are going to drive a wedge so far between you and your daughter by acting like this. and would you want your daughting b!tching up a storm about you on Facebook? That is not the place to be airing out your dirty laundry, especially with family related issues. People on there are your "friends" so of course they're going to be biased.0 -
If you're not seeking approval from anyone on here, why do you make dumb smileys to everyone that agrees with you, then get all defensive with people who disagree with you?
I don't get that.
I feel like with a lot of those responses, I am correcting assumptions, to be honest....
And I do not make nods at everyone that agrees with me (read most posts), only ones that say something that I feel could have been taken right out of my mouth......
I think it is funny that you think most people agree with you....0 -
My mother was the EXACT same way about clothing, makeup and even ear piercings. And, I resented the hell out of her for it. She was strict about a lot of things, actually.
Now, at 36, I see what the teen girls are wearing and I think: "Thank god my mom didn't let me dress like that." I went with a friend to pick up her daughter at an underage club - holy hell. I saw a girl in a sheer neon orange body stocking with turquoise blue panties and bra underneath; I saw daisy dukes, sheer tops and towering heels and much *less*. The upper limit for the club was 16 & many were 10!!. Their mothers picked them up from the club, so their mums knew full well what they were wearing.
I totally get wanting to fit in with peers (that was my complaint & believe me it bothered me), and I don't think suggestive clothes make a person slutty. However, girls are way too sexualized in our culture - way too young. I don't see a problem with trying to reign that in until the girl is an adult. There are always more modest versions of the popular outfits. And, I am not at ALL conservative about these things in general. You have the rest of your life to be an adult and dress like one - you only have a few years of childhood and teenage.0 -
I've gotta say I disagree with all the "She's 16. She can wear whatever she wants." My house. My rules. My money. My clothes. Period.
My daughter is barely 15, tall, very curvy, large chested, etc. She gets hit on by grown men when we go places. With me and her dad RIGHT THERE. I do give her a little bit of freedom to pick her clothes. Some of the stuff makes my face twitch a little, but for the most part, she's very modest. If she puts on somethng that makes her look 25 (more so than she already does), I have a problem with that. If it's too short, I have a problem. If it's too tight, I have a problem. And, I win.
ETA - Shoes! Forgot about them. If she didn't buy them at the stripper supply store, I'm OK with them for the most part. She's more of a comfy shoe girl anyway. But, if I did have a problem with them? I'd still win.
This.Exactly!0 -
Coming from someone who had very strict parents growing up, monitoring and controling your kids to that extent will only make her resent you. It's psychological that when someone is forbidden from doing something (especially as a hormonal teenager) they are going to want to do it more.
Am I condoning your daughter going out in pasties and fishnets, no, but I also do not think that 5 inch heels are going to turn her into a slut. It's not like she is wanting to get tattoos and piercings and sneak out for a night on the town...she wants to look cute and fit in with her friends.
My dad controlled every single aspect of my life until I turned 21 and there are still things I resent him for. Loosen up and enjoy your children instead of being their drill sergant.
Trust me, I can't stand when I see teenagers dressed like they are going to the club and I'm all for teenage modesty but you are going to drive a wedge so far between you and your daughter by acting like this. and would you want your daughting b!tching up a storm about you on Facebook? That is not the place to be airing out your dirty laundry, especially with family related issues. People on there are your "friends" so of course they're going to be biased.
That's odd, because my parents were strict but then again they did instill great values in me, one of them being modesty and having self respect for myself and my body. I never resented my parents. I was a good kid and had a great childhood. They were permissive with other things but never when it came to the way I dressed.0 -
Coming from someone who had very strict parents growing up, monitoring and controling your kids to that extent will only make her resent you. It's psychological that when someone is forbidden from doing something (especially as a hormonal teenager) they are going to want to do it more.
Am I condoning your daughter going out in pasties and fishnets, no, but I also do not think that 5 inch heels are going to turn her into a slut. It's not like she is wanting to get tattoos and piercings and sneak out for a night on the town...she wants to look cute and fit in with her friends.
My dad controlled every single aspect of my life until I turned 21 and there are still things I resent him for. Loosen up and enjoy your children instead of being their drill sergant.
Trust me, I can't stand when I see teenagers dressed like they are going to the club and I'm all for teenage modesty but you are going to drive a wedge so far between you and your daughter by acting like this. and would you want your daughting b!tching up a storm about you on Facebook? That is not the place to be airing out your dirty laundry, especially with family related issues. People on there are your "friends" so of course they're going to be biased.
That's odd, because my parents were strict but then again they did instill great values in me, one of them being modesty and having self respect for myself and my body. I never resented my parents. I was a good kid and had a great childhood. They were permissive with other things but never when it came to the way I dressed.
you didn't live my childhood...so how can you say it's odd? I had nothing permissive about anything. When you wake up and spend your entire day walking around on eggshells because everything you do can be seen and heard, tell me what kind of childhood you have.0 -
If you're not seeking approval from anyone on here, why do you make dumb smileys to everyone that agrees with you, then get all defensive with people who disagree with you?
I don't get that.
I feel like with a lot of those responses, I am correcting assumptions, to be honest....
And I do not make nods at everyone that agrees with me (read most posts), only ones that say something that I feel could have been taken right out of my mouth......
I think it is funny that you think most people agree with you....
When I first read this, I didn`t know what you were talking about, as I never said, most people agree with me....then I noticed my typo......`read most posts` was suppose to say `read MORE posts``
Meaning that I am not pointing out everything that agrees with me, just a few that I felt said exactly what I have been thinking, without saying it out loud......0 -
I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.
NO WAY in my household growing up would my father allow me to buy stripper shoes. It didn't matter if it was a trend or not. His money, his say. I bought my first pair of sexy shoes when I was 17 because I had a job and bought them myself. Everyone says oh she's 16, let her do what she wants. That's the problem these days. She is still a child. Her brain is not mature enough to make rational decisions on her own. She is using YOUR money (unless she has a job) to buy these things.
People say that clothing is just made that way now. No, it's not. Parents are just too lazy to look for appropriate clothes or too afraid to say no to their little special snowflake. I've seen shorts that don't look like jean underwear. I've seen tops that aren't skin tight. I've seen skirts that don't threaten to show vag.
Yes, teens are going to be *****y, cranky, snarky, and rebel....but until they move out, they have to follow your rules.
THIS!!!0 -
I say kudos to you unknown-siste for CARING about your daughter enough to give her boundaries and teach her appropriateness.
My parents were strict, however I still managed to get away with "enough" to have a "fun" childhood, and I maintained respect for my parents the entire time. I NEVER talked back, yelled or slammed doors. Totally unacceptable in our house. However, I did learn when to keep my mouth shut and head down when I wanted to "get away" with a little something.
Do I think my parents may have been a bit overboard on occasion? Yeah, sure. But, it did me no harm. Now I'm an adult and have the grounding my parents gave me to make good judgements for myself. I wonder what I might do now if they had let me do whatever I wanted then.
Again - kudos to you! :flowerforyou:0 -
The good Lord graced me with boys for a reason! We just went to our younger son's 8th grade "graduation" and there were at least 5 girls wearing strapless micro-mini (like, just below butt-cheek short!) dresses with 6" platform stilletos. They really did look like "working girls." Interestingly enough, they all were Honors students, so clearly the package they were presenting was not all they had to offer - so I'll at least grant that. However, I found it sad that they didn't just dress like the girls they really are. Several of the young ladies wore very cute, age appropriate, dresses with adorable shoes (some with kitten heels, some wedges, one gal rocked some new black Chuck Taylors with her fantastic dress).
Now for the Love and Logic lesson: Tell her you love her too much to argue with her about this. Tell her you hope she doesn't hurt her feet too badly. Do not lecture - she won't hear more than two words of what you say.
BTW: Did you fund the clothing purchases? If not, then you can not really control what she purchases with her money. If so, then you have every right to say, "I am happy to fund clothing I've approved, all else is up to you to pay for."
Good luck!0 -
The good Lord graced me with boys for a reason! We just went to our younger son's 8th grade "graduation" and there were at least 5 girls wearing strapless micro-mini (like, just below butt-cheek short!) dresses with 6" platform stilletos. They really did look like "working girls." Interestingly enough, they all were Honors students, so clearly the package they were presenting was not all they had to offer - so I'll at least grant that. However, I found it sad that they didn't just dress like the girls they really are. Several of the young ladies wore very cute, age appropriate, dresses with adorable shoes (some with kitten heels, some wedges, one gal rocked some new black Chuck Taylors with her fantastic dress).
Now for the Love and Logic lesson: Tell her you love her too much to argue with her about this. Tell her you hope she doesn't hurt her feet too badly. Do not lecture - she won't hear more than two words of what you say.
BTW: Did you fund the clothing purchases? If not, then you can not really control what she purchases with her money. If so, then you have every right to say, "I am happy to fund clothing I've approved, all else is up to you to pay for."
Good luck!
Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in.... that the good Lord graced you with boys..... until they get someone pregnant at 16 or 17... right?! (lol)0 -
The good Lord graced me with boys for a reason! We just went to our younger son's 8th grade "graduation" and there were at least 5 girls wearing strapless micro-mini (like, just below butt-cheek short!) dresses with 6" platform stilletos. They really did look like "working girls." Interestingly enough, they all were Honors students, so clearly the package they were presenting was not all they had to offer - so I'll at least grant that. However, I found it sad that they didn't just dress like the girls they really are. Several of the young ladies wore very cute, age appropriate, dresses with adorable shoes (some with kitten heels, some wedges, one gal rocked some new black Chuck Taylors with her fantastic dress).
Now for the Love and Logic lesson: Tell her you love her too much to argue with her about this. Tell her you hope she doesn't hurt her feet too badly. Do not lecture - she won't hear more than two words of what you say.
BTW: Did you fund the clothing purchases? If not, then you can not really control what she purchases with her money. If so, then you have every right to say, "I am happy to fund clothing I've approved, all else is up to you to pay for."
Good luck!
Yes, I did fund it....I was at work, and she stopped by to get money to go shopping with.....
I will say though, that in my opinion, funding it is not the be all and end all.....I remember having a friend in school, that was 17 and worked like a dog to pay for a car.....and whenever he got in trouble, his parents took the car....and he bought the car, and paid the insurance, all on his own......but, he still lived in their house....
My kids pay for their own cell phones and iPods etc, but I have taken them on occasion, as grounding.....but, it does not happen often, my kids are usually very well behaved.....
And with that, I must head out to work.....I did not expect so many responses overnight, this took me all morning to read through, LOL......I will have to get back to this tonight......have a good day everyone.....0 -
16 years old and no mini-skirts and short shorts?! Really?! I'm talking about normal length where a butt is covered, you can sit normal without flashing, and a girl feels comfortable. That applies to all the women from 15 to 77 in my opinion.
Of course, it's not appropriate to go to school like that. But to a party or to a mall? Sure it is!
Hey teacher, leave them kids alone! As Pink Floyd would say. They are doing nothing wrong.
As for the whorish dresses and shoes, nobody should wear them.0 -
Wow! Seven pages of answers so far, must have hit a nerve! I am a 50 year old Mom of two girls 21 and 19 and a 17 year old boy. PICK your battles! Are the shoes really that big a deal? She will hate how her feet feel after a few hours in them, but she probably will still love the way they look. She isn't wearing a sleezy dress, she is growing up and trying out her wings. She let you lead her on the coverup for the dress, let her have some say. You raised her with love, you have showed her what your expectations are, now it's time to let her try out her wings a little bit. The whole idea is to raise a confident, caring, intelligent strong adult right? You have to trust them to make their own decisions sometimes.0
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I think that when I was 16 I started driving and also started lying to do whatever I want SOLELY because my Mom didn't want me to. Still graduated 3rd in my class, still went to a top league school, still am extremely responsible (already saving for retirement at 21!!) , even graduated college early and am getting a PhD. NOTHING bad happened from me having some fun in high school or in college but it would have been nice if my Mom wasn't so overprotective and we could have shared stories and laughed about it instead. In two years your daughter will be on her own at school so you better let her make mistakes now while you're still there to help her pick up the pieces before she's at school and she makes them on her own.
Just put her on some good birth control (something like shots or an IUD where she can't forget to take it!!), teach her the best you can, and send her on her way. She'll learn to say no or she'll learn the hard way and that's life.0 -
I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.
NO WAY in my household growing up would my father allow me to buy stripper shoes. It didn't matter if it was a trend or not. His money, his say. I bought my first pair of sexy shoes when I was 17 because I had a job and bought them myself. Everyone says oh she's 16, let her do what she wants. That's the problem these days. She is still a child. Her brain is not mature enough to make rational decisions on her own. She is using YOUR money (unless she has a job) to buy these things.
People say that clothing is just made that way now. No, it's not. Parents are just too lazy to look for appropriate clothes or too afraid to say no to their little special snowflake. I've seen shorts that don't look like jean underwear. I've seen tops that aren't skin tight. I've seen skirts that don't threaten to show vag.
Yes, teens are going to be *****y, cranky, snarky, and rebel....but until they move out, they have to follow your rules.
THIS^^^
I have a 2 year old daughter, so thankfully I have a while before I have to deal with these types of situations. BUT... When I was growing up my parents were very strict with me. Sure, I resented them at the time and thought their sole purpose in life was to make mine miserable (and they did a good job!) but now, as an adult and parent myself, I realize why they were like that and appreciate their rules and boundaries. And am enforcing the same types of rules and boundaries for my own 3 kids. It's MY house, *I* pay the bills, supply the clothes, etc. Therefore, I have final say in what will or will not be worn.0 -
This is why God gave me a boy
But, I'd stay it was more the style of the shoe than the height. If they are stillettos or tend to look like something you'd see on a stripper.. then maybe they should go back.
But if they have a thicker heal, are a cute color or print.. or even better, a neutral.. then I'd stay let it slide.
But I don't go along with this whole "She's 16, she's old enough for short shorts, miniskirts, and super high heels"
I'm much more modest and even as a young adult (I'm 28) I wouldn't wear those things... and I know my 17 year old neice better not be wearing them either!0 -
Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.
She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......
She IS a woman.
Nope, here in the US she's still a minor.
I remember being 16.. I thought I was grown. I realize now I was FAR from it.0 -
first of all, i'm 18. bear with me.
i personally don't think shoes can be inappropriate. as long as she's covered up shoes barely make a difference. TO ME, anyway.
my main point is that i wore five inch heels to prom for about 3 hours.
destroyed my feet. i mean i couldn't walk for like 3 days and i couldn't dance for about 2 weeks.
so they're probably not a good idea no matter what.
I also think shoes generally dont make a huge difference aside from shoes obv made to be sexy like stripper style shoes, super spike heels things like that, if a hooker or kardashian would wear it\, then its probably not for young girls lol0 -
I still don't get why shoes are a big deal.There are a lot of things that are big deals. Skirts? Yes. Boobies hanging out? Yes Tummies showing? Yes. But shoes when you're in high school? Really?
I am one of 5 girls, and my mother made sure that before highschool, no one wore heels or makeup. IN high school? we could heel it up. We never could show any cleavage, ever, no bare shoulders, no bikinis, no "shorts" only petal pushers/long shorts type shorts. Skirts to the knee. I thought we were pretty square looking girls. If it wasn't for free range with our hair, makeup, and shoes we might have gone nuts.
My parents were strict with dress code, but the only cleavage I ever had was toe cleavage :P Heels look great with jeans. I'm my mid 20's, I dress similarly to my high school persona. Plain colored tops, no cleavage, big necklaces, makeup/fake eyelashes, jeans and super tall shoes.
They're shoes! It's about what you pair them with that makes the statement.0
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