Teenaged Girls Fashion

foxyforce

i read this and decided not to reiterate hat others have said

then read the mary jane post


your daughter is 16 and should be allowed to wear whatever she wants, especially with a "pothead" for a mom. your words, not mine.

doorki

i read this and decided not to reiterate hat others have said

then read the mary jane post


your daughter is 16 and should be allowed to wear whatever she wants, especially with a "pothead" for a mom. your words, not mine.

Was just thinking that lol.

TheFunBun

Honestly, I think you're setting her up for CRAZY out of the house action. She's going to be boobs, stillettos, legs, and midriff madness.

I'm glad boobs were a way of life in my family. I would have gone TOPLESS all day long from 18+ if I couldn't show my cleavage at 16. There's a difference between dressing hookerishly and learning to dress like a woman- you don't learn that awesome lesson by restriction. I spent 16 and 17 making the woman I was going to be. The one who cooks fantastically, the one who only shows boobs or legs, but never both at the same time, and the one who had enough experience talking and being out with boys that I never fell for one giving backhanded compliments or other The Game type crap.

Obviously, it's good to be a part of her closet - but be a gentle part. Already by having a caring and interested parent she's above most of the game... but managing the small bits can lead to a wholelottarebellion.

Just my opinion.

mgnmsn

I am twenty, buy I definitely agree that girls dress so inappropriately for their age. Even when I was in high school, I would still look at them and wonder who let them dress like that. To each their own though.

Romans624

I see where you're coming from, not wanting your daughter to dress inappropriately, But after that story about her dress you got upset about her shoes? Sorry, but it just hit me odd that you obviously found her dress acceptable, but not the shoes.

My daughter is 14 and I let her wear wedge shoes up to 2 inches. She's also a very good student has awesome manners, and is thoughtful of and helpful to others, so I pick my battles.

This is what I was thinking. I mean, yeah I guess some heels can "sex up" an outfit in a way that draws attention. But I was thinking you were going to say she had a ton of cleavage showing. Personally (I'm 25). I wouldn't have a problem with any kind of shoes on my daughter as long as they weren't a walking hazard. But if she's wearing some really revealing or tight outfit the shoes can definitely be part of the sexual allure she is trying to create. I would still focus on the other more obvious sexualized components of the outfit though and not the shoes. And I understand that teenagers often don't think that its not just the cute guy they like that is "thinking" about them, but the skeevy old guy that is a neighbor or at the gas station. Sure they know old men check them out, but really it can be dangerous (personal experience). It can make them more susceptible to predators. It can lead married or older men to start lusting after them (ew) - not sure if that is part of what you are thinking.

Having said all that, I never really pushed for heels when I was in my teens because my feet suck and heels make my feet hurt.

EDIT; I do agree that teen fashion is very sexualized and I wouldn't want my daughter walking around like that every day(when if I have one). It should be for a special serious boyfriend or (preferred), future husband.

D446

See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!

When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

Okay, this is a little bit different. I still think that you do need to trust in her a little bit, and I still think 5 inch heels are okay... I would explain to her, that her perception on things are different to yours because she grew up in a different home.And that you want to trust in her decision making, so of she can show you that you can trust her, then you will loosen up a bit.

Bagman12002

Ok from a Dad's POV. Oh Hell no way my daughter(15) dress like a hooker under my roof. Once she moves out then she can do what ever. That said we have try'd to keep in mind how other girls her age are dressing so we try to let her have some freedom but there are rules for it but 5" heels sorry not going to happen dress has to be between the knee and finger tips and make up need be none slutty.

Pocket_Pixi

I do think some people need to step in with some of the outfits I see young kids (between 8 - 18) wear but I feel like you maybe a little over the top.

I don't have kids and I am pretty thankful I don't when I read some of the posts on here but, I grew up in a house hold where i was able to make all my own choices in regards to clothes, shoes, make up etc. My mother had rules- no *kitten*/boobs hanging out but other than that the door was pretty wide open.

I do feel that by allowing me to dress the way I wanted I learned a lot, at 16 I knew what I was or was not comfortable with. This is of course just my opinion but I feel like you may be setting your daughter up to rebel... and rebel hard against you when she leave home (I had a friend that turned into an absolute skank when she left home) and that was horrible.

I really do not think 5 inch heels should be a concern... I have seen slutty shoes with minimal heals - hell I have a pair of wedges that have been called hooker shoes...

ninerbuff

My DD is 7 right now. Before this comes up, I'll just make sure she's a tomboy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

taunto

My DD is 7 right now. Before this comes up, I'll just make sure she's a tomboy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I can always rely on you to give the perfect advice good sir!

kaylurzz

I think in a situation like this trust and communication is key. I really hope you trust your daughter to make good fashion choices that are appropriate for her age. And communicate what you would like her to wear and what she wants to wear.

Worked perfectly fine for me all during high school, no fashion fights with my parents at all.

jadedone

My mom had conservative rules about dressing when I was growing up. Perhaps not as restrictive as your rules. (skirts/shorts had to pass the fingertip test, which matched our school dress code) Makeup was pretty much banned (my mom doesn't wear it so she didn't see a need for us to either.) Nail polish was allowed. I seriously thought makeup was for white people. All of my white friends used powder etc. All the black girls stopped at lipstick. I don't remember my mom having a a policy on heels, but she had serious issues with backless shoes. :P

I know that 16 is the age where teens really start experimenting with adult looks, so it is good to set boundaries for these. I think 5 inch shoes are absurdly high, but they are also insanely popular in the stores. I think as long as the style of shoe is suitably classy, it isn't a problem. She will learn soon enough that they really aren't all that fun to where.

It is very important to pick your battles, and give your kids leeway and space to make their own decisions and mistakes. Letting the little ones happen is a good strategy to prevent the big ones.

I have some friends who had super strict parents. Now (as we are in our 30s) they have cut their parents mostly out of their lives due to the over-protectiveness. This started as soon as they got their first taste of freedom in college.

becoming_a_new_me

i read this and decided not to reiterate hat others have said

then read the mary jane post


your daughter is 16 and should be allowed to wear whatever she wants, especially with a "pothead" for a mom. your words, not mine.

Was just thinking that lol.

Yes, I found that strangely ironic, however what is done behind closed doors......not that I condone it, and quite frankly someone who adopted a child from a morally corrupt person ranting about morals in public but then lighting it up after work....well I think shoes are the least of the concerns here.

Kenzietea2

I have a daughter on the way, so I have no idea what to expect in the teenage years but here is my opinion.

I think that so long as the dress itself covers most of her body then the 5 inch shoes shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Heels are inappropriate on a 16 year old if she is wearing them everyday, or with short shorts, or a looks like she is going to a club. If she is going to prom AND has a full length dress, I really think she will look fine. She is starting to become a woman and should be allowed to start transitioning what she wears to more mature outfits. There is a huge difference between dressing a little older for her age and looking like a hooker. It sounds like she will look beautiful on her prom and you shouldn't stress too much.

You sound like my mom when I was in high school. Although she is a wonderful mom, when she loosened the reigns a bit, we got a long much better and I felt more comfortable being honest with her about things.

Anomalia

I don't see how shoes can inappropriate. I don't see what the height of heel has to do with anything.

Cmonnowguys

It is hard with how quick times are changing that clothing is becoming less modest at younger and younger ages, but as others said, a shoe cannot be judged purely by its height. I hardly ever see anything under 4 in, and a vast majority would not look inappropriate when paired with a dress like the one you described. Plus, I highly doubt she'd even want to wear them beyond a fancy night out because she'll realize they're rarely comfortable anyway.
As for parents who abide by the "she can do what he wants when she's 18/moves out" rule... I can say that you are setting your daughters up for Girls Gone Wild the moment they step out of sight. I can't tell you how many countless girls I've met who have no ability to decipher bad situations because they grew up too sheltered. Many of the skankiest of skanks are the ones who's parents didn't allow them to be out past 7pm, hang out with boys, wear shorts, have privacy, wear any makeup etc. As soon as can they will go out and do all those things they were " banned" from, except now they are clueless about things like how to not wear TOO much makeup or safe sex. I knew one specific girl who came back to her college dorm room asking for morning after pills because she had slept with three guys that weekend - she had been a virgin three days earlier! She was so sheltered by her parents that when she moved out she assumed it was the norm to meet and have sex with strangers. I later found out she had also contracted an STD.
I know this sounds like an extreme horror story, but it is common knowledge that when kids are overprotected, it increases the risk of them rebelling. Better to let her wear heels now, than to have her just secretly wear them anyway, along with the mini skirt and tube top.

duhblond

Hello!

I can understand a battle over an inappropriate dress but in my opinion shoes are shoes and I find it hard to picture wedge shoes as anything inappropriate.
i happen to love heels and I wear them with just about everything.
I think everyone has a right to pick their battles, but to me arguing over an inch or two on heels seems drama for nothing.
Best of luck to you

sarahsxt

Just relax!

Let your daughter explore her own creativity - and she might surprise you by growing into a classy adult. It is normal for teenage girls to go through a "slutty" fashion phase because that is all she sees in magazines. Most girls get it out of their system by college at the latest. But if you never let her have her phase, she might swing the opposite way. Better she wears it at 16 while under your protection than at 22, right?

Just speaking from experience. My mom let me wear whatever I wanted and I eventually "calmed" down to a classy sense of fashion. My friend's mom made so many rules and she let it ALL out in college and it was not pretty.

littlepinkhearts

My DD is 7 right now. Before this comes up, I'll just make sure she's a tomboy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

lol that strategy doesn't always work....sometimes they just do a complete flip to girly girl at an unknown age...sometimes 15, sometimes 16 sometimes later....but good luck anyhow

runningfromzombies

I would pick my battles, if I were you. I've personally never been able to stand heels that high (I never wore them higher than 2", and I still won't, they're too uncomfortable), but honestly. It's just shoes. I would be more worried about the dress. Shoes don't reveal a damn thing, but a dress can, and it sounds like hers is perfectly acceptable.

islandgirl1984

Ughhhh.... I'm sorry but there are other things to worry about. Pick your battles and allow her the freedom for some expression with your strict dress code. I honestly do not see how heels could be inappropriate and I'm sure the facebook pics were a little humiliating for a 16 year-old girl.

This topic drives me nuts because my mother still critiques my clothes. Yet, I'm a fantastic mother and earned a 4.0 every year I attended school, never did drugs, and I think I'm a pretty darn good person.

Sometimes daughters are more willing to please their mothers when they're just happy to be their mothers and can praise them for the good they do..

Umeboshi

When I was 14 my parents let me buy huge 5 inch platform heels, and I wore them to school every single day. They also let me go goth and put pink in my hair. ;P My parents were pretty cool. None of these things ever changed me as a person. I got good grades, hung out with the geeks, never did drugs, etc. :P Self expression is fun.

Kryssaxo

If my daughter was covered up, well behaved and acted appropriately then she could wear 20 inch heels if she wanted. I wore heels like that when I was her age and it gave me a sense of maturity. If 16 year olds can be trusted to drive, they should be trusted to wear a pair of shoes of their liking. She will learn in 1-2 hours that her feet won't be able to tolerate many other pairs simular to it.

Italian_Buju

This exactly....it's all about picking your battles and you need to be really selective at that age. You need to make sure you're leaving them with their confidence, self-esteem and the feeling that you trust them to make good choices when you're not around. Raising children is sooooo hard. Ohhhh the memories haha

Definitely!

On facebook, yes we are friends, I do not think I would allow my kids to have a closed facebook account with me on it....however, I posted the status with custom settings, which will not allow anyone under 18 to see the post, so none of her friends would have saw it....

Just because you do that, doesn't mean someone like a parent's friend or a relative can't tell your daughter "guess what your mom said about you on facebook" or even inadvertently make a comment not realizing your daughter didn't see the post. Again, I'd be humiliated if I found out my mom was posting stuff like that on FB behind my back. That would be a quick way to tear down your relationship with her and cause her to rebel.

So just because she can't see it doesn't mean she won't hear about it.

I told her about it myself....I never said I was trying to hide it from her, I just made the post custom so she can decide if she wants to tell her friends or not, they will not see it themselves....

Italian_Buju

Okay, just one more comment I have to say.

I saw on the other thread about pot that you smoke marijuana. Okay, so it's fine for you to do something illegal but your daughter can't wear a pair of heels that will most likely kill her feet after an hour and regret buying?

It's a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.

1. I am an adult, not a 16 year old girl

2. I use marijuana under a DRs care to control OCD......not related to this what so ever....

Leanne3552000

I'm only 20 and may be slightly bias because I love heals but I don't think the shoes sound inappropriate when combined with the dress you described. You sound like you have a fairly strict dress code for her that she generally follows. Let the shoes be her little bit of freedom.

115perfection

Not trying to be mean or nasty, but you asked for opinions so here it is.

You are being way to harsh and you ARE babying her (again, my opinion). Lots of girls actually pretend they are wearing something else to their parents and change at a friends house; at least she had the respect to show you and tell you. If I were you I would feel honoured that a 16 year old girl even lets you into her life that much.

Also, you are her mother, and this event is probably very important to her. I'm sure she would have loved it if you told her she looked beautiful. Girls that age are self conscious enough, so its awesome she found something she felt good in.

One more thing, you said "What some girls wear that age, should make their parents ashamed." How could you be ashamed of your own child just for wearing "high" shoes (not that high, my sister gradded in 7in's)? Thats horrible! And the fact that you brought it on to the internet for all of your facebook (and now MFP) friends to see? Whos ashamed of who? I would be mortified.

Okay. That was a LOT harsher than expected and I do appologize for that, however I stick to my points.
I hope you resolve this!

themommie

See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!

When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

I can so relate I have 3 children that I adopted and 2 of them what they wear is a constant battle. I would have to see the shoes, but I wouldnt let my 16 yr old daughter wear anything with a 5 inch heel. I would go with her to take the shoes back and find something that would be a compromise. Example my 12 yr old wanted to put crazy streaks in her hair for crazy hair day. She has really blonde hair and I didnt want her to ruin her hair or have it in for a month so I suggested that we buy some colorful extensions that she could wear. She was happy and thought she was cool I was happy because it was only for 1 day and other days she does makeovers with friends. Raising children is so hard we have to pick our battles

Italian_Buju

Ughhhh.... I'm sorry but there are other things to worry about. Pick your battles and allow her the freedom for some expression with your strict dress code. I honestly do not see how heels could be inappropriate and I'm sure the facebook pics were a little humiliating for a 16 year-old girl.

This topic drives me nuts because my mother still critiques my clothes. Yet, I'm a fantastic mother and earned a 4.0 every year I attended school, never did drugs, and I think I'm a pretty darn good person.

Sometimes daughters are more willing to please their mothers when they're just happy to be their mothers and can praise them for the good they do..

Just to be clear, it was my daughter that posted the photos, not me, so I could see the dress and shoes the night she bought it....she was excited to show me, and was away from home for the night......

115perfection

"Just to be clear, it was my daughter that posted the photos, not me, so I could see the dress and shoes the night she bought it....she was excited to show me, and was away from home for the night......"

I feel bad for her that she was so excited to show you and you shut her down

After reading most of the comments and your responses, it kind of seems that you are trying get people on your side, rather that ask for genuine opinions.

Having said all this, I see your point but I still think you're more wrong than right. You probably would have gotten a more positive response if you didn't suggest that your daughter looked like a stripper and that parents should be ashamed of their children. But meh.