Women dating younger men

kappyblu
kappyblu Posts: 654 Member
in Chit-Chat
Little back story first: my ex-husband who is my age, 40, is getting remarried. His fiancee is 23 years old. I admit it bugged me at first, but what he does in his personal life is none of my concern, so I have moved past that. I just want her to be good to my children.

But it got me thinking that when a man dates a much younger woman, it usually isn't considered a big deal as long as she's legal. But when a woman dates a younger man, she's a cougar, milf, or whatever unflattering name she is called.

Ironically, there is a man who is 16 years my junior that I am attracted to, but I haven't acted on those feelings because of the age difference. Am I making a mistake here?

So what is your opinion of women dating younger men or men dating older women? Any experiences or advice you would like to share? :flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I personally could never date a man who is significantly younger than me. Probably no more than 5 years younger.
  • 42kgirl
    42kgirl Posts: 692 Member
    I'd date one for the ego boost, but seriously, how much would you really have in common with someone who was born when you were in high school?
  • fixerman
    fixerman Posts: 1
    You should do whatever feels right for you. Age is not what should be important, what is in your heart is. I say go for it! We only get 1 ride on this thing called life so enjoy it to the fullest. Best of luck to you. Be Happy
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    I was with a man 5 years younger than me for 5 years. We had a great relationship and the sex was great!! (TMI, sorry!!)

    I say go for it! And JMO, a 40 year old man who would be with a 23 year old obviously doesn't think he can impress a woman who is a bit more worldly and well rounded. It could also show that he has a controlling personality and knows he can't control a peer. And finally, it's creepy. LOL! JMO, hope I didn't hurt any feelings.
  • kappyblu
    kappyblu Posts: 654 Member
    I was with a man 5 years younger than me for 5 years. We had a great relationship and the sex was great!! (TMI, sorry!!)

    I say go for it! And JMO, a 40 year old man who would be with a 23 year old obviously doesn't think he can impress a woman who is a bit more worldly and well rounded. It could also show that he has a controlling personality and knows he can't control a peer. And finally, it's creepy. LOL! JMO, hope I didn't hurt any feelings.

    No hurt feelings here. lol Thanks for sharing! :wink: But the creepiness is something else I thought of. Is it only creepy when an older man dates the younger woman or is it equally creepy when an older woman dates a younger woman?
  • newfette81
    newfette81 Posts: 185
    My boyfriend is 4 years younger than me and we've been together for 2 and a half years. Age is sometimes an issue meaning that I'm 31, I'm ready to be married and settled down and hes sometime not quite ready for that. It just means I need to be more patient. :o)

    But at the end of the day the age means nothing. Most people think we are the same age because he acts older than what he is and I look and act younger than what I am.

    I've never been so happy in my whole life as i am with him and he loves me more than i ever though someone could... even with all the weight i have on me right now.

    with that being said I don't know if I would be able to date someone who was a lot younger than me. It makes me feel old when my current bf doesn't remember things that happened years ago (like the Nancy Kerrigan incident before the winter Olympics...LOL)
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    I was with a man 5 years younger than me for 5 years. We had a great relationship and the sex was great!! (TMI, sorry!!)

    I say go for it! And JMO, a 40 year old man who would be with a 23 year old obviously doesn't think he can impress a woman who is a bit more worldly and well rounded. It could also show that he has a controlling personality and knows he can't control a peer. And finally, it's creepy. LOL! JMO, hope I didn't hurt any feelings.

    No hurt feelings here. lol Thanks for sharing! :wink: But the creepiness is something else I thought of. Is it only creepy when an older man dates the younger woman or is it equally creepy when an older woman dates a younger woman?

    Here's my guess on this situation. If you try it and feel uncomfortable, you will discontinue the relationship. I think it would probably be fun and make you feel young and alive. But chances are you will grow bored because he won't be able to thrill you in other areas outside the BR. I don't see the harm in stepping outside of the box. I actually do know a couple that is 18 years apart (the female being older). They are married and have a great relationship.
  • Vipecap
    Vipecap Posts: 166 Member
    As a guy, I would say it really comes down more to what you two share feelings wise and what you are looking for out of it. There is no reason to limit yourself because of an arbitrary number that you think society may or may not find acceptable. If you two date and are happy, more power to you, end of story. Don't get caught up on if 4 years or 6 years or whatever is too much, just live life to the fullest that you can.
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    And with regard to the creepy part....I think I probably feel this way because men alot older than me used to hit on me when i was in my 20's. (I was in a male dominated industry so i was exposed to alot). It really turned me off to the concept of the much older man and the 20 something woman. Kind of gross actually.
  • kappyblu
    kappyblu Posts: 654 Member
    "with that being said I don't know if I would be able to date someone who was a lot younger than me. It makes me feel old when my current bf doesn't remember things that happened years ago (like the Nancy Kerrigan incident before the winter Olympics...LOL)"




    This is something I concerns me, too. Someone so much younger won't remember Mr. Hooper from Sesame Street or understand why we wore such big hair and leg warmers in the 80s. :laugh:
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    with that being said I don't know if I would be able to date someone who was a lot younger than me. It makes me feel old when my current bf doesn't remember things that happened years ago (like the Nancy Kerrigan incident before the winter Olympics...LOL)
    [/quote]

    This is something I concerns me, too. Someone so much younger won't remember Mr. Hooper from Sesame Street or understand why we wore such big hair and leg warmers in the 80s. :laugh:
    [/quote]

    Ahhhh wonderful times!! LOL. You could just borrow him to make an appearance at your ex's wedding....hmmmm...LOL
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    I'm married to a man 12 years younger, him 31 me 43.
    Its more life stages than age. Your divorced with kids, if he has never married you are in quite different places and issues which he may not want to be bothered with come up.
    the bottom line is if he is interested, and you are, as long as you can talk freely about any issues you can work them through.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    OP.
    Milf and couger are positive terms these days. Or so I thought.
  • Specialkayrina
    Specialkayrina Posts: 242 Member
    Age is not a issue for me.
    I say go for it!!
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    My Aunt is married to a guy 10 years younger than her, works perfectly, they have a little boy :smile: She was the wild one and he calmed her down. I think it just depends on your/their personalities.
    Good luck :wink:
  • LovelyLifter
    LovelyLifter Posts: 560 Member
    i say why the hell not....its what makes ya happy
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
    Whatever gets your gears turning.

    If I were a bit older I doubt I'd have a problem (like if I were 30 and dated someone who was 25)

    However, I'm 19...so to date someone 5 years younger, they would be 14, which is just wildly inappropriate. So for the moment, I'm sticking with guys near my own age!
  • kappyblu
    kappyblu Posts: 654 Member
    I'm married to a man 12 years younger, him 31 me 43.
    Its more life stages than age. Your divorced with kids, if he has never married you are in quite different places and issues which he may not want to be bothered with come up.
    the bottom line is if he is interested, and you are, as long as you can talk freely about any issues you can work them through.

    What you said makes a lot of sense. Yep, me divorced with kids and no, he has not been married and he has no children. However, he is so interesting to talk to and acts much older than he is. We do have a lot of the same opinions and likes/dislikes. This is why it is difficult for me. :ohwell:
  • DarthCeltic
    DarthCeltic Posts: 1,236 Member
    OP..

    you have to get men early.. i have been told they are easier to train younger.. and they are at their sexual peak at like 18.. women's peak is like 40.. so when men get to 40.. wed rather sleep and dream about it.. then actually do it..


    oh the joys of getting older for men..
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    But it got me thinking that when a man dates a much younger woman, it usually isn't considered a big deal as long as she's legal. But when a woman dates a younger man, she's a cougar, milf, or whatever unflattering name she is called.

    No when men date somebody younger, they're just called cradle robber or my favorite, perverted sex freak

    edit: dang bad spellings >.<
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
    My ex and I seperated. For about an eight month timeframe we both couldn't really see eye to eye on many things and lost track of each other. Over time we were able to communicate much better and have actually grown to become good friends. We both shared our "dating" stories and it turns out that both of us (38) years old, both went and found younger mates. Hers was 24, mine was 25. We spoke about that, and although at the time we were saying that we got along great and just had a good time together, it came down to sex.

    So is there something wrong with it? I don't think so, sex is great but apart from that...there are so many things that you lose out on and a few gains. I would never date someone in the 20's again...too much drama!
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    I don't think age should matter if the maturity level is there, and you guys have a connection. I'm 13 years younger than my hunni and we have a wonderful relationship. I know that's different because he's the older one, but it shouldn't be. Who cares what anyone thinks? All that matters is what you think and that you're happy.
  • DarthCeltic
    DarthCeltic Posts: 1,236 Member
    But it got me thinking that when a man dates a much younger woman, it usually isn't considered a big deal as long as she's legal. But when a woman dates a younger man, she's a cougar, milf, or whatever unflattering name she is called.

    No when men date somebody younger, they're just called cradle robber or my favorite, perverted sex freal

    I HATE being called a freal... it sucks..
  • bm99
    bm99 Posts: 597 Member
    This applies to men and women: I think that when the age discrepancy is large, like 10-20 years there is a good chance it is not going to be an equal, partnerlike relationship. One of the couple is in power and the other (the younger) is there to please the older person. Often the older person has more money and success (and intelligence IME) and really isn't looking for someone to share their life with so much as someone to be their companion and amuse them. The younger person usually knows the deal and is "taken care of" (depending on the wealth of the older person, sometimes this doesn't happen financially) by the older person.

    I just can't see it as being equal, but all parties know what they want and apparently have it, so who cares?
  • RedneckWmn
    RedneckWmn Posts: 3,202 Member
    I say go for it. Age is just a number. If you have things in common and have the same values etc then there shouldn't be a problem. My friends call me a puma because the guy I'm dating is younger then me. My other 2 best friends are both dating people younger then them. It can work. It's worth a shot!
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
    Um I wouldn't date a guy younger than me. I don't even prefer the same age, preferably older than me by a minimum of 3 years.
  • Soon2BeMrsThomson
    Soon2BeMrsThomson Posts: 167
    I was with a man 5 years younger than me for 5 years. We had a great relationship and the sex was great!! (TMI, sorry!!)

    I say go for it! And JMO, a 40 year old man who would be with a 23 year old obviously doesn't think he can impress a woman who is a bit more worldly and well rounded. It could also show that he has a controlling personality and knows he can't control a peer. And finally, it's creepy. LOL! JMO, hope I didn't hurt any feelings.

    I'm 15 years younger than my fiance and he is not controlling and I am very worldly and well rounded for my age - I think your generalisation of this situation is very unfair to be honest!!

    OP - if you get on and like each other there is no reason you shouldn't go for it hun!!!
  • TrainingWithTonya
    TrainingWithTonya Posts: 1,741 Member
    My husband is 4 years younger then me. We've been married 11 years on Saturday. He is my soul mate and age means nothing. My Mom and Dad were 7 years apart (with her being older) and they were married for 22 years before she passed away. Again, soul mates. Age is completely irrelevant. It is all about how the two of you get along and feel about each other. If you don't have that unseen connection, it wouldn't matter if you were born on the same day in the same hospital in the same delivery room, you won't be happy. Being happy is much more important then a number.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    I can offer a different opinion on the other side...

    i've dated a 54 year old man when I was 24. He was four years older than my dad.

    We connected on several issues such as his job within the consulting environmental industry and academics and so forth. We were VERY well matched intellectually, emotionally, physically etc. and it was one of the best relationships I ever had with a person, and considering all of that we are still friends. I also know that it was one of the best relationships that he ever had.

    Why didn't it work out? Because I was at the end of my school career and wanted to actually go out into the work force and make something of myself, I had ambitions and desires to be successful. Something that he greatly admired about me. But he was preparing to retire and sail around the world (which he's currently doing, he's in Bali right now), something I really admire about him and you can't have a job while you are on a boat in the middle of nowhere.

    So we called it quits, decided to be friends and no regrets.

    Age is just a number, if the person is someone that you can really connect with, talk to and care enough about to make the compromises that inevitably show up in a relationship, then you can make anything work.

    Younger, older, same, whatever.

    We cared a LOT for each other, but in the end, not enough to compromise our life goals. I would still do it again in a heartbeat and I know he would too as it was an incredible learning experience.

    Anyways...age is JUST a number, if you connect, you connect. End of story.

    L
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    I was with a man 5 years younger than me for 5 years. We had a great relationship and the sex was great!! (TMI, sorry!!)

    I say go for it! And JMO, a 40 year old man who would be with a 23 year old obviously doesn't think he can impress a woman who is a bit more worldly and well rounded. It could also show that he has a controlling personality and knows he can't control a peer. And finally, it's creepy. LOL! JMO, hope I didn't hurt any feelings.

    I'm 15 years younger than my fiance and he is not controlling and I am very worldly and well rounded for my age - I think your generalisation of this situation is very unfair to be honest!!

    Agreed! ^

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