Need Advice- My daughter needs to lose weight!

Wonderob

Book a badminton court for you and her to have a knock around. Ask her to invite a couple of friends for a game of doubles. Even if they just have a laugh, it's a start, she might like it

Bowling - more active than sat on the PC, fun for you and her too

Swimming is usually fun, have a splash about with her in the pool

Has she a bike? "Don't plan anything for Saturday morning, we're going for a bike ride"

Ok here's a bold one! Ask if she would like a puppy - how could she refuse! Stipulate that it will need walking twice a day!

Most involve a lot of effort (and expense) from you though, but you knew it wouldn't be easy - and think of the great rewards! Good luck

sweetheart03622

First and foremost, lead by example. Cook healthy meals and keep the junk out of the house. If she doesn't have the option to eat crap, she won't. Losing weight is 80% diet.

As far as exercise goes, I would suggest limiting the time she spends on the computer per day. Do you have a dog? Can you make it mandatory that the dog gets two half-hour walks per day in exchange for an hour of computer time? Or make an evening walk after dinner part of your family routine.

Try to schedule family activities that are not food related (but also not a typical workout). Go mini-golfing or bowling. Plan a picnic and bring healthy food and go to a location that you have to walk to. Go to the zoo. Make it her chore to vacuum the house.

She's at an uncomfortable age for this. Don't talk about exercise, just find subtle ways to make her move more and keep the options of bad food out of the house.

Jewcybabe

The biggest battle is won in the kitchen. Perhaps initially concentrate on making healthy filling nutrient-rich meals and snacks. Incorporating fun outdoor activities that your entire family can enjoy is one way to disguise exercise.

KrissyG83

I agree with the above poster's suggestion about sports! Also, force her into the gym with you! She might be resisting now because she doesn't think she'll enjoy working out BUT maybe if you take her with you might learn that she likes it!

Dont ever force a teenage girl into a gym!! Well unless you want her to become even larger and more unhappy! Encouragement and asking her to help you by working out together works better. Teenagers have enough negative people around them. Remember she has to do it for herself by forcing her you are only going to hurt her. YOU ARE SAFE PLACE! Good luck I hope it goes well and you both lose the weight.

rcc1988

Take her on walks! Maybe on weekend or after school some days, go on hikes together and chat.

Pammy1017

16 is such a tough age. I would get her to a yoga class. After one class, she will feel so good. Besides the fact that it is sooo good for your mind and body, it can also be "mother-daughter" time for you guys.

You are her role model. Get started with the yoga and get her involved.

NNAhuja

I've been overweight my whole life. Basically she's not going to do it until SHE'S ready. You can want it for her BADLY but she isn't going to be committed to it until she's ready to make the changes herself. Just be patient =]

GauchoMark

People have to decide to lose weight on their own. Otherwise, it will fail.

My suggestion:
- Be a role model. Don't tell her what she should do, show her.
- Since she is 16 and living with you, control the food available by fixing healthier meals and not replacing junk/snack foods.
- Get your family active. Find something that you all like to do that burns calories. Walking the dog, bike riding, kayaking, etc. Fill your free time with active things so you don't get bored and watch TV, surf, and play video games.

Bottom line, though, is if she doesn't want to change, there is nothing you can say or do.

Alex_is_Hawks

Take her window shopping...and then walk the whole darn mall back and forth 4 times...that'll burn a lot and she won't even notice...and stopping occassionally to try on clothes that would just fit a TAD better should she work on some body definition, may give her the kick in the pants she needs.

GabrielleZelda

This is a very difficult situation.

When my mother wanted me to lose weight, she would often work out by my side to motivate me, even if she has been 120 pounds her entire life. She even brought me to a women's only gym so I could feel comfortable enough to work out .

It was an AMAZING thing she did for me and if ever I was in that situation I would do the same thing because it really, really worked.

Maybe seeing you lose weight will motivate her? I assume that you prepare most of the food in the house - if this is the case, get RID of all the junk and replace them with healthy options. She can't snack on junk if it's not around, and maybe she'll learn to love whole, clean foods. This would be a good start, exercise will come later, hopefully!

Kooraloo

I agree with the above poster's suggestion about sports! Also, force her into the gym with you! She might be resisting now because she doesn't think she'll enjoy working out BUT maybe if you take her with you might learn that she likes it!

Dont ever force a teenage girl into a gym!! Well unless you want her to become even larger and more unhappy! Encouragement and asking her to help you by working out together works better. Teenagers have enough negative people around them. Remember she has to do it for herself by forcing her you are only going to hurt her. YOU ARE SAFE PLACE! Good luck I hope it goes well and you both lose the weight.

Actually, that's how my mom first got me into the gym. She forced me in and I started to love it But i know that all people are different so it might not work for everyone...

CallMeCupcakeDammit

Last one, I swear! I was taking a bellydance class and I asked my daughter if she wanted to go with me. She had a blast! I think she liked the fact that we got to wear scarves with the jingley things on them. She took a class somewhere else the other day and felt ripped off because they only got to wear a plain scarf.

I've taught my kids how to read labels and serving sizes, so they're more aware of what they're eating. My son is a stick boy, he can eat all day without gaining an ounce. :grumble:

Bentley2718

I agree with the above poster's suggestion about sports! Also, force her into the gym with you! She might be resisting now because she doesn't think she'll enjoy working out BUT maybe if you take her with you might learn that she likes it!

Or she'll learn to hate it even more.

You can't force her to do anything at this point--even if you physically can, it's likely to damage your relationship, and, as you say, cause her to rebel. What you can do is buy and prepare healthier food at home, set a good example, and encourage her to partake in other activities. Invite her to the gym, but don't force her, invite her on walks, try games if you think she'll like it. In the end, this has to be her decision though, otherwise, it will only create friction and have no lasting impact.

carld256

Physical activity is definitely going to be preferred, but it's not necessary for losing weight.

Buy/prepare less food. If she's not overeating, she's going to lose weight.

I agree with this. You're the mom, and you have some control over meals, use it. Activity is important, but diet has far more impact.

azwildcatfan94

I lot of people have said it already, but here's my 2 cents.

First and foremost, you can't force her to do it. She has to be willing to do it and she has to WANT to do it for herself. Second, you can certainly choose not to enable her. By this, I mean purchase only healthy foods. Get her to help you cook the healthy foods so she learns about choices. Talk to her about the changes you are making for yourself and why you are doing it.

Invite her with you when you do exercise. You may have to do this 100 or a 1000 times before she takes you up on it, but keep asking in a friendly, positive way every time you go. Talk about what you enjoy about exercising.

Finally, and probably what would be hardest for me, don't overwhelm her with all of this. Go slow. She might not ever get it. But, all you can do is encourage her to make the healthy decisions.

tlc12078

I know exactly where your coming from. My daughter who is 11 plus also with puberty here, her weight increased n she is constantly hungry. I tell her shes not, shes just bored. She usually does cheerleading every year, but she stopped cus of favoritism n its hard to find a place to cheerlead when prices r high. I would suggest, dont stop her eating habits, but increase her activity. Even though my daughter is eating like a boy, I make her do certain things with me like walking n she lost 2 pounds. Next we will be playing volleyball

vcorbin01

Bottom line: she is only 16 and still under YOUR roof. If she's that difficult and won't find motivatation to get some sort of exercise you make her get a job to pay for that FB with friends, etc. I was handed absolutely nothing in life, so I have no sympathy for those who got things handed to them (i.e the internet, tv, etc). You've done the offering and she has not stepped up. Now it is time for mom to do something about it. I hope you get her butt in gear and make her realize her life is in jepordy.

By the way - Great job on your life changes! MFP is very welcoming and we love to see people reaching for success =D

PrincessMissDee

just walk together . but do it without here knowing zoo, shopping , paddle boating in a park lake if you have one . wii fit or games that make you move. and make esating right a game if you eat the fewest cal in a day you get the money or pick the movie .

Yep, this.

Maybe not the fewest calories in a day but maybe rewards for eating 5 portions of veg a day, or for going a week without eating mcdonalds or whatever her favourite food is.

At 16, with quite a bit of excess weight, she will probably have thought about losing it but will not know where to start, so take the first few steps with her

mznisaelaine

Studies have shown that kids will emulate their friends -- ie an kid with active friends will be more active.
So get her off the computer, and have her spend time with her friends face to face. Offer to take her to the beach, to a waterpark, someplace where there is activity -- even if it is just walking on the boardwalk, or the mall.


Also, she is 16. Make her get a summer job for 10-12 hrs a week, even if it is unpaid volunteer work. Get her outside the house.

Definitely something like this. Also, make sure you are definitely cooking healthier meals at home and buying less junk food.

Kooraloo

I agree with the above poster's suggestion about sports! Also, force her into the gym with you! She might be resisting now because she doesn't think she'll enjoy working out BUT maybe if you take her with you might learn that she likes it!

Or she'll learn to hate it even more.

You can't force her to do anything at this point--even if you physically can, it's likely to damage your relationship, and, as you say, cause her to rebel. What you can do is buy and prepare healthier food at home, set a good example, and encourage her to partake in other activities. Invite her to the gym, but don't force her, invite her on walks, try games if you think she'll like it. In the end, this has to be her decision though, otherwise, it will only create friction and have no lasting impact.

Haha, I guess I'm just weird because that's how my parents did it with me and it worked.

cyberskirt

Change her diet... you don't have to tell her you are, just stop getting processed/quick foods, more veggies and fruit in the house, more veggies with dinner and smaller meat and starch portions...

Just changing taking out processed foods should help (no kraft dinner, canned soups and such.. nothing in boxes and cans...) cook from scratch.

change the bread from white to whole wheat. make snack foods veggies...

Bentley2718

Ok here's a bold one! Ask if she would like a puppy - how could she refuse! Stipulate that it will need walking twice a day!

No offense, but this is a terrible reason to bring a companion animal into your home. Dogs are a lot of work, well beyond the small amount of exercise she *might* get from walking the dog. I emphasize might because she also might just not walk the dog, and then either the dog gets neglected or someone else has to take care of it. Also, she's 16, if she moves out or goes off to college in a year or two, who will take care of the dog then?

Bentley2718

I lot of people have said it already, but here's my 2 cents.

First and foremost, you can't force her to do it. She has to be willing to do it and she has to WANT to do it for herself. Second, you can certainly choose not to enable her. By this, I mean purchase only healthy foods. Get her to help you cook the healthy foods so she learns about choices. Talk to her about the changes you are making for yourself and why you are doing it.

Invite her with you when you do exercise. You may have to do this 100 or a 1000 times before she takes you up on it, but keep asking in a friendly, positive way every time you go. Talk about what you enjoy about exercising.

Finally, and probably what would be hardest for me, don't overwhelm her with all of this. Go slow. She might not ever get it. But, all you can do is encourage her to make the healthy decisions.

Beautifully said!

next_bold_move

Something along the lines of, for every 30 min you spend on the computer/infront of the TV you have to do an hour of some sort of activity.. pick what it is.. over-weight or healthy weight my mom would make me get outside and get active when I was younger..

This.

TheRoadDog

Lead by example.

WendyA1119

OMG thank you all so much for your wonderful and helpful suggestions. It means alot.

linda1243

just walk together . but do it without here knowing zoo, shopping , paddle boating in a park lake if you have one . wii fit or games that make you move. and make esating right a game if you eat the fewest cal in a day you get the money or pick the movie .

I like this idea. Make it about you and not her. Tell her that you want to get healthy but you need a workout buddy. Ask her to go on walks with you and try to do a lot of activities together. Maybe you could even have a little competition and say at the end of summer whoever loses the most or whoever has the most activity (depending where you want the focus) can choose a mother/daughter treat such as a pedicure or movie. I think you can use it to get closer to your daughter and teach her to be more active.

mystiedragonfly

At 16, it's hard to be motivated to do something like exercise. Especially consciously making an effort to do it.

I agree with others who have said to nip it in the bud with the food she eats. You may not be able to control how much exercise she gets, but the one bringing the food into the house and preparing dishes certainly can. Only buy fruits and veggies with hummus or salsas for snacks, etc. Stop buying pop at all for the house. If you HAVE to have flavor to the water, do Crystal Light or herbal tea. If it's not in the house, she most likely won't eat it.

I also like the idea of restricting her internet use to an hour or two a day/night. If she insists on still not going outside to play, insist on her using the time not on the computer to read books.

On the weekend or your day off a week, plan a hike/picnic with the whole family OR just mommy daughter date. Make a deal with her that she can be on the computer for however long she goes walking/hiking with you. 4 hours hiking = 4 hours computer. I bet by the time you get home, she will be too whooped to be on the computer for 4 hours.

Get a family YMCA membership where you and her can go swimming once a week. Or Zumba.

If she has a Ipad or I-touch, download movies on it that she can watch while on the treadmill.

mjbrowne

I posted the same issue about a year ago. (Do search on" teen daughter weight", several topics have been posted with lots of great advice). My daugher is 16, non-athletic, loves to play guitar and sing for hours, or is looking up videos on youtube learning new songs. I did get her a gym membership and she was going fairly regulary with her friends before summer break (they would walk to gym after school and she can also walk to gym from our house). This has helped some..but her diet is still an issue.

My question to EVERYONE who is saying "get all of the junk out of the house" is how to you handle a "mixed" household? My daughter and I are battling weight and my son and husband struggle to GAIN weight. SO..we have healthy options and I don't cook fried or starchy foods. (my husband was raised on typical southern country cuisine-red meat, white bread, and fried potatoes. Cake for dessert every meal, and little produce. So..my refusal to cook "heavy" foods (fried, fatty, creamy, etc) has caused a few fights in the past few years as my daughter started gaining weight and I changed my cooking habits to reduce temptation).

However, when I'm not in charge of dinner (have a meeting after work or something), they always make mac-n-cheese or biscuits and gravy. I DO make my husband keep the Debbie cakes and candy he takes to work for break in his truck in the winter and in his dresser in the summer. He gets them out for him and my son. NOt having them in kitchen DOES keep them out of sight.

I agree that it has to be HER choice. Mydaughter's Dr has talked to her two times in past year, offered nutritionist referral (my daughter declined). Her weight (esp her huge chest) is now hurting her back and I took her to my wonderful chiro who tactfully explained what weight was doing to her spine. (hold a 10 lb flour sack right next to your navel, then hold it out a few inches, then out a few inches more..you can see how the further out the weight is from your body...aka big belly or boobs..the more it hurts/pulls your back). He stressed no sodas, "clean" eating, and most importantly TONE THE CORE. This will hold your back in the correct position.

She finally mentioned to my mom that she knows her weight is her back problem. However, she gets all touchy and sensitive if I say something to her. So..all I can do is set a good example, eat healthy, get real excited when she does go to gym with me, and get real excited to "share" my "new found" produce recipes with her.

I DID let her join MFP too..with fake age date. Just so she can log on her ipod. She's friends with a few select people I know and I monitor her use just like with FB. Good luck!

FireTigerSoul

Ok here's a bold one! Ask if she would like a puppy - how could she refuse! Stipulate that it will need walking twice a day!

No offense, but this is a terrible reason to bring a companion animal into your home. Dogs are a lot of work, well beyond the small amount of exercise she *might* get from walking the dog. I emphasize might because she also might just not walk the dog, and then either the dog gets neglected or someone else has to take care of it. Also, she's 16, if she moves out or goes off to college in a year or two, who will take care of the dog then?

Completely agree. A dog is a lifetime commitment - their lifetime. Don't adopt one because you want to walk a dog for weight loss. There are so many animals in shelters and being put to sleep because people didn't think their commitment through.

If you want to walk with a dog, why not offer to walk other people's dogs?

As far as encouraging your daughter to eat right and lose weight, I have to agree with a previous poster in that it really has to be her decision. I went through the same thing with my mother when I was a teenager. She was losing weight and bugging me to do the same. I refused and dug my heels in...until nearly a year later when someone took a picture of me at a party from behind. THAT sparked me to get moving.

If you do, however, want to keep encouraging her...ask her what SHE likes to do. I think exercise should be fun. If she enjoys a particular sport, or maybe a fun activity like rock climbing, let her pick what she wants to do.