Need Advice- My daughter needs to lose weight!
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Get a trampoline!0
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Make her earn her time on the computer.
If she walks 30 mins she get x amount of time, and so forth.0 -
Ok here's a bold one! Ask if she would like a puppy - how could she refuse! Stipulate that it will need walking twice a day!
No offense, but this is a terrible reason to bring a companion animal into your home. Dogs are a lot of work, well beyond the small amount of exercise she *might* get from walking the dog. I emphasize might because she also might just not walk the dog, and then either the dog gets neglected or someone else has to take care of it. Also, she's 16, if she moves out or goes off to college in a year or two, who will take care of the dog then?
Ok clearly if that was the ONLY reason to be bringing an animal into the home then yes, bad idea. Fact is that a lot of families consider it at some time or other and this could be just one more great reason to provide a loving home for a pet0 -
First and foremost, make sure that she doesn't see exercise as a punishment for being overweight - that's how I felt when I was younger and it took me years to enjoy exercise. She might feel like she's not good at it, she'll look ridiculous exercising, etc.
I would absolutely limit her screen time. She shouldn't be allowed to sit at the computer all day - an hour a day (including tv and computer) is plenty. Without that as an option she might be more interested in doing something else. But again, that rule should apply to everyone; she shouldn't be punished for her weight by limiting her computer time. It's just not healthy for anyone!
For now, just take her for a walk with you. Ask her to join you for company. My dad did that with me and that was probably the best thing anyone could have done. Going for a walk doesn't seem intimidating, but "working out" sure does!
This is almost exactly what I was going to say! A lot of times teens don't want to do an activity because they are self-conscious and will feel like they will look stupid.
Also, when I was a teenager I had limits on how long I could use the computer for (I think I had an hour and a half- never really watched TV.) Instead of having her chat with her friends see if she and her friends can meet up for a walk together- I used to love walking around chatting with my friends.
Also, I agree with those who said if she doesn't have a job she should get one. I started working at 15 in a restaurant busing tables- that's a great way to get her moving (and maybe meet new people with healthy habits that will encourage her!) She probably doesn't like how she feels/looks but she might be too embarrassed to talk about it (I always was and I was super active back then- wish I still weighed what I did then, even though I hated myself- being a teenager is awful!
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Oh- and as far as the puppy idea is concerned... shelters are always looking for people to volunteer to come walk the dogs... great for her and the pups!0 -
This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but you can't make your teenager lose weight. People have given great steps for encouraging her to lose, but ultimately at her age she controls what she puts into her body, and what energy she exerts. I would suggest leading by example, as you've been doing. Also, just don't let unhealthy food in the house, and encourage her to exercise by selling it as "something you do together." Emphasize the bonding aspect of exercise, not the inherent disapproval of her weight that exercise implies in this situation, to try and substantiate a lifestyle change that will make being healthier both positive and fun.0
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I'm 20 now, so I hope I can see her side a little more. We're so techy these days I talk to most of my friends online mostly, I don't see them in person as much as I would like, not because I dont want to, but because thats how they do it.
I would totally focus more on food right now. Getting her to get a job could seriously backfire. She'll have money to eat fast food all the time, its how I gained a lot of my weight. I think for now keep it subtle, try to get the whole family more active, hikes, trips to a waterpark or beach etc. have her invite friends, (if it doesn't work you could instill a mandatory weekly family hike), but no matter what you do have her see you working out. Always invite her along, but make sure its just an informal invitation and don't guilt her if she says no "Hey, I'm heading out for a stroll, wanna join?" and if she says no, say "Alright, see ya when I get back!". Keep her in the loop about your weight loss "I fit my old jeans! YAY!" and keep it up. Hopefully she'll see loss from the food and family outings and want to step it up
Take control of what you can (food) but let her know its ultimately her choice.0 -
Maybe you can sit down and talk to her about how you need her help you to stay motivated, that you need a exercise partner, make it seem like she is helping you. Ask her what kind of exercise would she be interested in helping you do. Maybe you can set some goals with rewards for both of you.0
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i'm going to "bump" this topic and post my own as well cause i'm looking for help on a similar issue...i have a niece who lives in maine with my dad and my stepmom (her grandparents) who is maybe 12-13 yrs old...she has the worst eating habits (follows suit with what she sees her grandparents eat) and does not get alot of movement/exercise...
she is easily a women's size Large and a 10 or 12 or 14 and has a very big belly......i know she is not happy with how she looks and feels because she comments often about how she is going to go on a diet or has my stepmom buy her activia yogurt or asks my stepmom to buy her sensa.....anyway, i live in florida and only see her once a year when we go home for 2 wks...we are not close at all, she is a pain in the *kitten* with many many issues but i am truly concerned for her and would like to talk to her this summer when i go home on our vacation...i do not enjoy spending time with her but would try very hard to involve and invite her on my physical activities to try to get her moving.....i want to help her figure out the right things to eat and help her get her voice in demanding my dad and stepmom provide her with the things that will help her to lose weight safely....anyway any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as like i said we do not have the best relationship and she already thinks i'm a bossy *kitten* to begin with
in the past i would never have considered speaking to another person about where they are at especially a child but coming from where i did 263lbs at my heaviest and currently in the 170s and hopefully heading into the 160s soon, i do feel like i know what i'm talking about...i also was a heavy teenager/high school student and was very very unhappy with myself...if i can help her get motivated to make the changes now than i feel like it would be worth the aggravation of the "fight" if that makes sense...
would love opinions....
thanks,
denise0 -
The first step is cooking healthy things at home. Make sure she is eating her meals in not out. I would try to get her to join a sports team or a gym. The suggestion for getting a job, like waiting tables, is also good to keep her moving.
You could also go the bribery route. Offer to buy her a new wardrobe or a cheap car if she loses X amount?0 -
Get a trampoline!
Ohh, this too! We had one when I was younger, and it was the most fun I ever had. I had my friends over and we'd play on it for hours.0 -
I lot of people have said it already, but here's my 2 cents.
First and foremost, you can't force her to do it. She has to be willing to do it and she has to WANT to do it for herself. Second, you can certainly choose not to enable her. By this, I mean purchase only healthy foods. Get her to help you cook the healthy foods so she learns about choices. Talk to her about the changes you are making for yourself and why you are doing it.
Invite her with you when you do exercise. You may have to do this 100 or a 1000 times before she takes you up on it, but keep asking in a friendly, positive way every time you go. Talk about what you enjoy about exercising.
Finally, and probably what would be hardest for me, don't overwhelm her with all of this. Go slow. She might not ever get it. But, all you can do is encourage her to make the healthy decisions.
Beautifully said!
This. I was overweight my whole childhood, and I didn't start to do anything for myself until I decided I was ready. My mom did all these things for me- but I wouldn't go to the gym with her or eat the good food she made until I was ready.
If she doesn't want it, she won't do it. She has to do this for herself.0 -
I did something with my 8 year old that would probably convert well to a 16 year old. I got a bunch of monopoly money, and a jar, and I "paid" her for every fruit and vegetable, every glass of water, that she had (you could probably pay for physical activity too) and then on Saturdays she can "buy' treats, or after-dinner screentime, or you could trade them in for something more age-appropriate, like borrowing the car or cell phone minutes. I call this my "veggie-bucks" system. The result is that she slowly increased her fruits and veg and decreased her screen time, and it was all self-motivated. This has gone on for 6 months straight and she has very slowly become a healthy weight, and I think slowly is the key for kids.
Just an idea. Hope that helps.0 -
i love this idea.....I know it's easier said than done.. but limit the PC time! Allow her 1 hr a day.. and have her earn more time by doing healthy/positive things! Chores are exercise! Great way to earn more PC time and get active!
I learned a long time ago that some kids just aren't into sports, which makes it extremely difficult to get them active! Good Luck and I'll be looking to see the outcome!0 -
Oh you can force your kids out of the house. Shoot when we were kids, we were only allowed in the house for meals and the bathroom. Lock her butt outside for the summer days. It didn't kill me and all the kids in our neighborhood. I have a 14 yo who was skinny her whole life and then since puberty started gaining. Now that she sees me dieting she wants to do the same. I am going to make her walk/bike ride and go to the beach this summer, yes I said make. She is a child and I am her Mom and figure I am in charge of her health at this point...I lot of people have said it already, but here's my 2 cents.
First and foremost, you can't force her to do it. She has to be willing to do it and she has to WANT to do it for herself. Second, you can certainly choose not to enable her. By this, I mean purchase only healthy foods. Get her to help you cook the healthy foods so she learns about choices. Talk to her about the changes you are making for yourself and why you are doing it.
Invite her with you when you do exercise. You may have to do this 100 or a 1000 times before she takes you up on it, but keep asking in a friendly, positive way every time you go. Talk about what you enjoy about exercising.
Finally, and probably what would be hardest for me, don't overwhelm her with all of this. Go slow. She might not ever get it. But, all you can do is encourage her to make the healthy decisions.0 -
Make her get a job! I lost sooo must weight when I worked at WalMart.0
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Lead by example.
This,0 -
I didn't read all the responses, but...
I would not push her to do group activities with other teens. It would be absolutely humiliating to be the only fat person in a teen dance class with a bunch of thin people who've been doing it their whole lives. Ditto with school team sports. By the age of 16, sports are pretty damn competitive and it is hard to jump in and feel comfortable if you haven't been playing since junior high, especially when you're overweight. You need to have some empathy for your daughter. If you haven't been overweight as a teen, you have no idea how horrifying it is.
I think that as a parent, you need to start spending quality, active time with your daughter every day. Plan fun activities, plan workouts at the gym together, go for walks, play active games on the wii or xbox. Maybe a dog that needs to be walked every night?
I was a painfully shy, self-conscious, overweight teen. Even now, it takes a lot of courage for me to go to a class at my gym for the first time. I would recognize this and encourage her to do things that don't require a lot of interaction with others. She may love martial arts or weight lifting.
Mostly, you can lead by example and inclusion. Include her in your quest to be healthy by planning, shopping and preparing healthy meals and snacks together. Include her in your exercise routine. Start a new routine together.
You do have the upper hand in that you control the groceries that come in to your home, and the money that she has to buy food outside of the home. I would also recommend putting some time limits on the computer, cell phone and tv, or making time with electronics contingent upon participating in healthy activities WITH you.0 -
Hi-
She's not going to do anything unless she wants to do it and is ready. I know this from experience with all types of addiction, and food falls into that catagory. The good news is that you are on your journey and when she begins to see the progress you're making, she may decide it's time for her as well. My advice is to be a power of example and as difficult as it may be, keep your suggestions and opinions to yourself. Good luck!0 -
Whatever you do, make sure to frame it in a way where she's not being punished for being overweight. If she has to exercise to earn tv/computer time while everyone else in the family does as they please, she's going to be very resentful.0
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As I am only 21 and am not a mom I think I loved Gavin bonding time with my momma at the gym we use to walk on treadmill and talk about our day. I would do that and only buy healthy food. I wouldn't push too hard exhaust she will pull away from you. But just say every day for 2hrs you need to do something away from tv and comp. Even if it's cleaning0
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maybe you can try to get her and her friends to sign up for an active activity together like dance or a sport, that way they will be doing it together and it will seem less like a work out. even if they just walk around the neighborhood together to chat, or maybe u could suggest her riding her bike to school?0
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Don't nit-pick or nag her! Tell her YOU need her help to lose weight, tell her you feel funny going to the gym or wherever alone. Ask her to help you, if she says you are just trying to get her to lose weight, tell her she's young and has a great metabolism, she could take it off no problem, but you are older and need help!0
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Praise and reward positive behavior. Limit access to negative factors: television, video games, computer etc.
Good luck:flowerforyou:
Thanks for being a good mom.
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I know I saw at least one other person say it, but dance games are AWESOME. I have a bunch for the Wii, and you can have up to four players on, so she and her friends can play together and you get a good sweat up! Have lots of fruits and veggies available for after a good session of play.0
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Everyone is going to have different opinions on this but as an overweight child here are some things I wish my mother did.
Stop filling our house with junk food - instead stock it full of healthy snacks. If she won't exercise at least she will eat right.
Moderate her online time - we didn't have the internet growing up but we did have Nintendo and it's along the same lines. I would sit in front of that thing for hours upon hours. I think 2 hours max of media time is enough (online, games, TV - period)
She will also emulate what you do. If you are healthy/active make good eating habits and workout she will pick that up and use it when she's older.
Just a few ideas Good luck! 0 -
My 14 year old too. I can't get her up off her butt. I have an exercise bike in the bedroom, and I told her that I'd like to see her doing at least 30 minutes a day on that (considering I signed a waiver for school that says I'll make sure she gets her exercise since she's taking band and can't take P.E.). She does it once in a blue moon, if I hound her... I took her to boot camp at my church, and she did work her butt off... but ended up throwing up (I think a combination of the workout and the heat). She refuses to go back. I am at a loss too... I've paid for a year at the gym for her. She used it and did really well for about the first three months.... hasn't been back since.0
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continue cooking her healthy meals, get rid of the junk in the house and replace it with healthy snacks, and lead by example. She needs to make the decision herself, really.
^^^This. She isn't going to excercise until she is ready. The best thing you can do for her is to make sure your house is filled with healthy foods, and to set a good example for her by working out and eating right yourself. Maybe you could limit her computer time....she can't sit at the computer all day if she's only allowed to use it for an hour a day!0 -
Limit her computer/texting time. I limited my kids' tv watching (we didn't have to worry about computers/texting back then!). I also made them participate in at least one physical activity of their choosing. Then I supported the heck out of whatever they chose! You can also do family or mother/daugher activities (non-optional!) such as hiking, biking, etc., so she can get out and experience these activities with you and spend time with you. As others have advised, keep the house junk-food free and provide healthy meals and snacks.0
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maybe an active video game system like the wii - they have tons of active games and most kids (and my husband) love them. If her friends play too thats a bonus (like come over and play with her).0
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Mother of 4 teens here.
1. Don't buy any snack food.
2. Don't tell her to diet. She won't.
3. Remove computer, cellphone, all means of internet from her possession. Give it to her for like 1-2 hours a day.
She will get up and get out of house. Maybe she'll walk the neighborhood with her friends instead of texting. If she still won't get out, then give her house chores to get exercise. Your not being mean, your being a good mom (not friend).
I do this to my kids. Not because they are overweight but because they would spend their lives in front of the tv or computer. I have a password on the computer so only my husband and I can log into it. They get tv until we get home from work then the tv is off. I give them the option of cleaning (usually bathrooms on a nice day) or going outside. Win win situation for me. They go out and I get peace and quiet or I get a clean bathroom etc0
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