Need Advice- My daughter needs to lose weight!

bellygoaway

Having a car to drive, a phone to text on, and extra money to spend is a privilege... Not a right. Privileges have to be earned.

Mindarin

You know...it totally depends on her personality. When I was sixteen, I got shoved into the world of basketball, which is super competitive. But it woke me up. I am super competitive as well, but I was super overweight and just couldn't compete! That made me really angry, and I decided it was worth the pain, the sweat, and the hunger. It was enough. I refuse to continue to be overweight and arrive at the end of the court already out of breath!

That's when things started getting better.

However, it was really tough, and if your daughter isn't competitive, isn't interested in sports, or really sweating in general, then you may just have to wait for her to get her own nasty wake up call and be willing to change on her own.

milthom

OK, I have a much different approach for you. This is what finally got ME motivated.

First, forget about dieting for her all together. Just ask her to do two things for 30 days and one these two things. Ask her to log every single thing she puts in her mouth and how many calories it is (MFP is perfect for this). That was the only commitment I made. But she has to do it very religiously and very honestly.

Once I saw how many calories I was really putting in my body, I instinctively started making better choices.

Second. Both of you get a pedometer. They are cheap. Every single night, compare how many steps you each took. This is another great way to become aware of how much (or how little) exercise you are actually getting. When you are truly aware, it is much harder to ignore.

pennyrtyler

I'm wondering if she feels bad about being overweight. She might be embarrassed about going to the gym, since her doctor said she needs to lose weight. You know how teenagers hate to stand out. Maybe you could try taking her to the gym early on a Saturday morning. Don't ask her to go work out. Just ask her to go with you because nobody else is there early Saturday morning, and you would like the company (or any other time no one is there).

chrystee

Get together with her and work out together.
Cut the internet at home.

pennyrtyler

OK, I have a much different approach for you. This is what finally got ME motivated.

First, forget about dieting for her all together. Just ask her to do two things for 30 days and one these two things. Ask her to log every single thing she puts in her mouth and how many calories it is (MFP is perfect for this). That was the only commitment I made. But she has to do it very religiously and very honestly.

Once I saw how many calories I was really putting in my body, I instinctively started making better choices.

Second. Both of you get a pedometer. They are cheap. Every single night, compare how many steps you each took. This is another great way to become aware of how much (or how little) exercise you are actually getting. When you are truly aware, it is much harder to ignore.

I LOVE that idea!

chrystee

Limit her computer/texting time. I limited my kids' tv watching (we didn't have to worry about computers/texting back then!). I also made them participate in at least one physical activity of their choosing. Then I supported the heck out of whatever they chose! You can also do family or mother/daugher activities (non-optional!) such as hiking, biking, etc., so she can get out and experience these activities with you and spend time with you. As others have advised, keep the house junk-food free and provide healthy meals and snacks.

yep, my son has to do some sport. I don't care what he wants to do, but he already does soccer. he wants to try baseball next year. Don't make it a choice.

rmrpender

Try to include her friends in her activity. Encourage her to invite her friends to go out walking, biking, etc. If you go to a gym, let her take a friend as a guest occasionally.

Limit TV and computer time. We had a period during the day that our kids could not use electronics. If they wanted to listen to their ipod or watch a tv show, they had to be doing some sort of activity doing so, whether it was using hand weights, dancing, walking, the stationary bike, etc.

Since it's summer, how about a day camp or volunteering to be a counselor at a kid's camp? Swimming lessons? Or just inviting friends to swim or even run through the sprinkler and run around with water guns?

I have also learned that until your teen is motivated to make changes, it will be a battle so you need to be careful not to stress too much about her weight - it's hard, but you don't want to make her feel that she is defined by her weight. Also, when she starts making progress, go shopping for a new pair of shorts, tank, or workout stuff.

I do like the idea of earning tickets for additional computer or tv time.

Best of luck - I've been through this twice with my two kids and it takes a lot of creativity and patience

Rosa1213

You control the food in the house, so led by example: cook healthy meals and don't keep any junk food in the house.
I'm aware that she could go out and buy it herself, but at least you're reducing the amount of it that she gets to eat.

I don't know how you'd get her to stop being on the computer all the time. You are the parent and have control over how long she's on the computer, but it sounds like you've never limited the time she could be on there, so it'll be tough when you first begin to do it.

Best of luck to you and your daughter

carld256

Everyone is going to have different opinions on this but as an overweight child here are some things I wish my mother did.

Stop filling our house with junk food - instead stock it full of healthy snacks. If she won't exercise at least she will eat right.

Yep. Our house wasn't filled with junk, but it was always around if you wanted it. My parents had a bad habit of using junk food as a reward or punishment. No wonder I grew up with such a twisted relationship with food. :laugh:

sexforjaffacakes

just walk together . but do it without here knowing zoo, shopping , paddle boating in a park lake if you have one . wii fit or games that make you move. and make esating right a game if you eat the fewest cal in a day you get the money or pick the movie .

this was good advice except " if you eat the fewest cal in a day you get the money"

WTF?!

MrsBully4

I can't imagine that as a 16 year old girl I would have responded well to veggie points or fruitbucks or whatever other reward systems people have mentioned. I think I would have found it condescending and insulting.

I really think replacing the food in the house with healthy options, just flat out limiting computer time and trying to encourage outdoors activities (in a fun way, like giving her and her friends a ride to the zoo or a water park instead of harping on her to play outside) are the best way to go.

Teenage girls are self-conscious enough without being overweight and 'forced' to go to the gym as other people have said. As an overweight adult I had a heck of a time talking myself into going to the gym. You might check into weight training or fitness classes that may be offered at your local community college. It may make her feel more adult to be going to a class held at the college, AND she's very unlikely to be put in a class with kids that go to her highschool ... which may help her to feel less self-conscious.

sexforjaffacakes

I can't imagine that as a 16 year old girl I would have responded well to veggie points or fruitbucks or whatever other reward systems people have mentioned. I think I would have found it condescending and insulting.

I really think replacing the food in the house with healthy options, just flat out limiting computer time and trying to encourage outdoors activities (in a fun way, like giving her and her friends a ride to the zoo or a water park instead of harping on her to play outside) are the best way to go.

Teenage girls are self-conscious enough without being overweight and 'forced' to go to the gym as other people have said. As an overweight adult I had a heck of a time talking myself into going to the gym. You might check into weight training or fitness classes that may be offered at your local community college. It may make her feel more adult to be going to a class held at the college, AND she's very unlikely to be put in a class with kids that go to her highschool ... which may help her to feel less self-conscious.

I'd say this so much.

YOU control what food is in the house, so feed her healthy food.

DON'T have her calorie count, it's not healthy for young girls to calorie count, they can develop a complex. You do the calorie counting - and teach portion control/healthy food to your daughter.

ENCOURAGE her to exercise, casually through walking etc, DON'T force her

LIMIT screen time, but not too much, because it really will alienate her in this day and age. Perhaps no internet during day time? Only evenings before bed?

Most important, make sure the family all follow the same rules. If she has limited screen time, any other kids have limited screen time too. You all eat the same meals, all take part in family exercise/outings.

Don't talk about her weight or she'll resent it, though of course compliment her when she does lose weight, and perhaps buy her new clothes/shoes etc when she loses significant weight.

stephanj

I can't imagine that as a 16 year old girl I would have responded well to veggie points or fruitbucks or whatever other reward systems people have mentioned. I think I would have found it condescending and insulting.

Ouch! LOL.
I guess I should clarify that it's not like I was suggesting you should just implement some system without having her on board. The "game" was just a means to an end, a way of tracking health without becoming obsessive.
I had a very long discussion with my daughter about how painful it was for me to be an overweight child, and told her personal stories about being made fun of or feeling unhealthy and left out because of my size, and that I don't want her to go through that pain. Having her "buy into it" was key. I always put the emphasis on health, on increasing healthy foods (rather than decreasing all foods) and not calorie counting, but good lifelong habits.
And I agree, the whole family had to live by the same rules, we could all stand to be healthier. Those who need to gain weight can eat more, but they don't need to be eating poorly, right? Good luck with it, I know how hard it was to watch my daughter going down the same path I did, and I never regret fighting hard to stop it from getting worse. But a 16 year old is practically an adult, it will ultimately have to be her decision. ((hugs))

FoodieGal09

For me what opened my eyes was seeing the amount of heart disease, diabetes and other avoidable illnesses that are rampant in my family, family members getting sicker from these diseases and knowing that I was headed down the same road.
I think that you should take her with you to see a nutritionist. Talk about the consequences of poor food choices. She does not have to exercise or count calories. But she does have to eat what food you cook/buy.

Personally, I think when she sees you getting results she'll get motivated. Don't be pushy, don't be forceful but do be a positive role model. I agree with PP's to limit her online/gaming time in exchange for some activity or attending something with you. I really think that getting her to a nutritionist would be really worthwhile though and something worth putting your foot down over.

dhencel

get her an exercise ball and make her sit on it while she is on the computer.. It will help her core and she may even lose pounds by just keeping her balance...

2012asv

They say 80% of it is what you eat... so if you can feed her good/healthy food than that's a HUGE start. After that maybe dropping a few pounds will get her more excited about it.

When I was at my peak- the last place I wanted to be in was a gym or class around a bunch of fit ppl. I think leading by example and continuing to be supportive and positive is the best thing. Talk about the dangers of being overweight, and the MANY benefits of being healthy. I wish someone had guided me when I was 16, instead of telling me to just eat less and run = \

whatthedeuce23

Speaking as someone who was overweight at 16 - with the same message from the doctor - there's not a whole lot you can do unfortunately...Even if you can force her into some activity, if you don't know why she's gaining (emotional, self-punishment, etc), nothing will work until she's ready. My parents supported me through weight watchers AND jenny craig before the age of 21 and while I learned things, I wasn't ready or committed. It took me 22 years (total, not after 16 ) to finally get mad about what I was doing to myself and my life, and that's when I cut the crap and started really working towards my goal. Don't stop offering suggestions and support to her - and maybe also think about finding her someone to talk to ( like a counsellor) about her self-image and feelings, because most 16 year olds won't talk to their parents about what's bugging them - and while facebook is vent-central for a lot of issues, not many people I know talk about weight/fitness woes on there... Best of luck! Send me a private message if you would like to talk about it more

ninerbuff

First you need to get her to admit that she's overweight. Then once that's done, you need to get her to tell you what she thinks she needs to do to lose weight. Then you say "How can I help you?".
If they can't admit that they are overweight and have a problem first, chances are that they will fight tooth and nail against everything done to change something that they don't think is a problem.
Also kids her age aren't buying the food in the house. They eat what's at home. Better choices will make it harder to eat junk, if there isn't junk to eat.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

stinamarie17

zumba would be awesome, it is a lot of fun but SUCH a workout haha.. what about some sort of swimming activity? water aerobics? i know one thing that i enjoyed was doing these activities with my mom, not just on my own... i was never big on sports (i was a dancer) even though all my friends were, but i would go to jazzercise classes with my mom a few times a week and i would actually enjoy myself... but if she's really resistant to those sorts of options, maybe it would be better to start out in the nutritional department? healthy eating habits are just as important as exercise.

Mamoonie

So many suggestions have been made, so many opinions worded... here's mine.

You can't force a 16 year old to go on a diet or to work out if she doesn't want to. She may "do" it, but hate it all the time, and lack as soon as you're not pushing and forcing anymore. Your forcing may even destroy the relation you 2 have, because she doesn't have you as a friend anymore, just as a drill master who's always emphasizing how big she is, and how much weight she needs to lose.

You need to stay friends with your daughter, and help her, not punish and hurt her!

Best help for her weight loss is your offer in food. You do the cooking, you decide what's in the house to consume, so that helps already a lot.

Do have ONE serious talk with her, and tell her it's the only one you'll have. Ask her what activity she likes to do, there are so many possibilities that don't feel like working out ( badminton, rollerblading, swimming, dancing, whatever). Tell her she has to change something and that you're going to help with this.
Don't try to get her off the computer, she'll not like you for it. Don't limit FB or screen time to a very short amount, she'll hate you for it. You might try to tell her to "not use a computer" for an hour maybe, at a time SHE decides, so she can chose a time when no friends are around to chat. That's the time she may do the activity from above.
Maybe try to find a gym with internet access. She could walk on the treadmill or ride the bike while being on FB with her friends... Ask if she has a very good friend who would join her in her activity, and make it possible.

Don't go down the forcing or limiting road, it will backfire!
Always remember, you can't force her, you can help her, motivate her, lead by example.

mogletdeluxe

I don't envy you; this is a dicey issue. My Mum, well-meaning as she was, went about it all the wrong way and it put me off healthy eating and exercise for years.

I echo other people's sentiments; make it fun, and make it as little like 'working out' as possible. I know she's at an age wherein she can buy her own unhealthy food, but as others have said limit what's in the house. I used to binge-eat junk food as a kid, and it was always replenished. Not good.

All the best, really hope this works out for the two of you.

lauravasseur

So many suggestions have been made, so many opinions worded... here's mine.

You can't force a 16 year old to go on a diet or to work out if she doesn't want to. She may "do" it, but hate it all the time, and lack as soon as you're not pushing and forcing anymore. Your forcing may even destroy the relation you 2 have, because she doesn't have you as a friend anymore, just as a drill master who's always emphasizing how big she is, and how much weight she needs to lose.

You need to stay friends with your daughter, and help her, not punish and hurt her!

Best help for her weight loss is your offer in food. You do the cooking, you decide what's in the house to consume, so that helps already a lot.

Do have ONE serious talk with her, and tell her it's the only one you'll have. Ask her what activity she likes to do, there are so many possibilities that don't feel like working out ( badminton, rollerblading, swimming, dancing, whatever). Tell her she has to change something and that you're going to help with this.
Don't try to get her off the computer, she'll not like you for it. Don't limit FB or screen time to a very short amount, she'll hate you for it. You might try to tell her to "not use a computer" for an hour maybe, at a time SHE decides, so she can chose a time when no friends are around to chat. That's the time she may do the activity from above.
Maybe try to find a gym with internet access. She could walk on the treadmill or ride the bike while being on FB with her friends... Ask if she has a very good friend who would join her in her activity, and make it possible.

Don't go down the forcing or limiting road, it will backfire!
Always remember, you can't force her, you can help her, motivate her, lead by example.

Stay friends with her??? I don't think so, they aren't friends, she is her Mother.

cheesy_blasters

It's hard to know what kind of things she would respond to without knowing much about her personality but I think geocaching is a great activity (http://www.geocaching.com/). It's easy for a family or group of friends to do too.

Indoor rock climbing is fun too. One of my goals is to get in good enough shape to go ice climbing and indoor rock climbing is what started me on that.

Horseback riding (it can be expensive depending on the style and barn, but I started doing trail rides as a very little kid, started taking lessons a few years later and ended up getting into competitive riding/jumping as a teenager). It's a great sport for more introverted kids because you're alone with the horse and you really get to connect with another living thing but it's hard.

Another option (which is what I was into when I was younger) is getting her more interested in the outdoors. Depending on where you live, try hikes in national parks, canoeing, snowshoeing in winter, trying to get her more interested in environmental issues can help foster that relationship. I did Outward Bound (http://www.outwardbound.net/) as a teenager and it was AMAZING. Maybe start a weekend ritual of watching one of those Planet Earth/Frozen Planet/etc. specials and then finding a new place to walk and explore.
Volunteering with a tree planting group in another option. Do you have a garden? Get her to help you by giving her a plant or section of earth that she's responsible for.

I think it is a much slower way to change than some suggestions but I think if you combine with other ideas, you can start setting up an interest in activity and being outside, experiencing life that she'll follow for life.

Someone suggested getting a dog but you can always volunteer with her at an animal shelter to play with and walk dogs. She could start an after school business walking neighbours dogs too.

I agree with whoever said be careful with the after school job suggestions because once she has her own money, she can buy junk for lunches, movies and snacks, hidden snacks in her room. It will get her lots of activity but may also end up causing issues (working at a coffee shop or fast food place you often get free meals and discounts). The only reason I didn't gain a massive amount of weight in high school was because I was vegan and worked at an ice cream place. I think volunteering is a better option (and will be just as good on her resume/college applications).

Involve her with meal planning. Look up recipes online- show her how to figure out the nutritional information (for the WHOLE family, don't single her out), ingredients, vitamins/minerals, , get her to help prepare a dish.

Sometimes I feel like being an overweight teen is a sign you're missing something in your life- you want more but you don't know how to ask for it or sometimes even what you're missing. I loved being active with my mom because I didn't get to spend much time with her. It was special when we went for walks just her and me. I loved horseback riding because no one I knew did it. No one in my family, none of my friends. It was my cool special gift.

SabrinaJL

I have an 18 year old that is probably the laziest person I know and would much rather sit in front of the computer and eat junk than do anything else. It is something we argue about. Not because she's overweight (she's tiny with a high metabolism), but because it IS a health issue. I tried to do forced activity when she was 14/15. Had her in Krav Maga twice a week for a year. That was a nightmare. Every Tuesday and Thursday, it was a fight to get her there. Every single time. It sucked. You definitely have to find something she'll enjoy. Mine decided the color run looked like a blast, so she signed up for that with us and is now doing more walking so she won't die during it. :laugh:

Thesoundofwolf

Dude when I was 16, all i wanted to do was play video games, go to my AP biology and ignore people. Why?

Because I hated how I looked.
I hated my body.

For me, my weight loss never happened in my teen ages because my mother's own body image issuses. I had no clothes that fit me, and I hated trying to look good in clothes because of it.

It wasn't until I found clothes and a fashion sense on tumblr of all places (****yeachubbyfashion, and ect), that I learned that I can be good looking in clothes, no matter what.

And then the weight started to come off, and I started to feel confident.

---

So there are two lines of thought.
Hippie love huggy "Do this together with me, and we will be rewarded by an X thing". Like loose a pound a week for one month, and have a spa day together. Or a mini shopping spree. Something she likes. Use a carrot on the stick method.

Or the military "restricted access to your digital media unless you did a work out that day".

Or you can terrify her, and have her watch episodes of "Super Size vs. Super Skinny" and show her the damage fat and unhealthy bodies (not nessisarly fat bodies either)- can do to long term living effects.

You're the parent.
You're in charge
Do not forget that.

roachhaley

Weight loss is done in the kitchen. Start preparing and buying only healthy food. Make her work for money if she wants to use it for fast food. I reckon she'll opt for your free food.

AmberJslimsAWAY

This makes me roll my eyes.

ChitownFoodie

I used to go out with my friends and hang out at the mall. Quality time with friends and a lot of walking.

Samstudent88

I was overweight as a child/teen.....
My dad tried to take it into his own hands, and he bought an elliptical....
we had to do at least one hour on it before we could play on the playstation....computer..use the phone..
and on the computer/phone we could only use it an hour a day...