Asking for money instead of gifts

jennifer52484

I just didn't register for my wedding. I received all cash and one gift. I think getting money is perfectly reasonable.. Asking for money is another thing.

thetrishwarp

Given cash or giftcards to places like Lowes/Home Depot at the last...3 or 4 weddings I've been to.

People tend to live together already before being married, so there's no sense buying them a gravy boat IMO. If they can use the cash for a home reno project, or save it for having a baby, or whatever, then I'd be glad to contribute.

ninakir88

Same here.

I am Russian and in our culture everyone leaves at least $50-100 in cash/check in the card. I think its rude just to give 20 bucks for a wedding considering most weddings now days are at least $100 per person.

Its practical and people don't end up in debt for weddings. You don't really ask for it either, it's just implied in my culture.

I haven't registered anywhere for my wedding (in August), I figured that would give a hint, but I am not going to straight up ask for it unless someone keeps pestering me about what I want.

Smuterella

It just makes more sense these days really. It is pretty rare that a couple would be moving in together directly from their parents homes and have nothing of their own anymore. They already have one if not two of everything they need!

livinginwoods

It is common and NOT rude IMO. When my husband and I got married we already had everything we needed. All I wanted was new towels. I did not get these. I got a bunch of stuff I already had and much of it I could not take back. When asked we told them please consider money or gift cards to Home Depot. Instead people bought us useless gifts, probably re-gifted to us. That to me is rude. I wish we would have put something like that in our invites.

Hellbent_Heidi

I've never seen anyone ask for it that way, but I've always just given cash for actual wedding gifts (and household item/gifts at the shower only). I don't see anything wrong with it, but it might come off as a tiny bit tacky (to some guests) for someone to ask for it outright like that.

IMO, if you don't 'register' anywhere, people are going to just give you money anyway.

L00py_T0ucan

You don't really ask for it either, it's just implied in my culture.

^ This.

I've only heard of this Wishing Well thing recently and it was in ADDITION to an actual registry for a Shower (not the actual Wedding). Seems a little grabby. :laugh:

Biggipooh

A good friend of mine is getting married next year. Yesterday, I was over her place, and she asked me to read something. She handed me a piece of paper that said this on it:


"If you were thinking of giving a gift,
to help us on our way.
A gift of cash,
would really make our day.
However, if you prefer to purchase a gift,
feel free to surprise us in your own way."


She said they are called Wishing Wells, and that people are doing it now instead of wanting gifts, as they already have everything they need. I was a little stunned, and quite frankly, had never seen anything like that. I once saw a wedding that asked for a donation to a particular charity in lieu of gifts, but never for actual cash for the bride and groom.

Just wondering what others thought of this, and if it is common and I just have not seen it before. I am not really for or against it, just had never seen it before.......

In my home country, Germany, giving money to a wedding is very normal. Usually you hand it in a nice greeting card over. I personally think it is a great idea. Most couples live together for a while before they get married and already have everything for there household.

sagetracey

I like to put the effort into choosing the perfect gift for the newly weds, something that shows I care enough to really think about them and find that special gift

I can look around my home 28 hears on and say, "oh that was a wedding present from Aunty X and Uncle Y."

but I have to be realistic and understand that times have changed. When my son married earlier this year, they had exactly that wording with their wedding and no one was offended. Plus they received a healthy boost to their home deposit saving fund.

So while I don't always like it, I figure I need to just move with the times.

And it does start with, "If you were thinking of giving us a gift..." so it is not presumptuous at all.

barbara1982

I've seen that several times before! A lot of couples wish for money for their wedding here in Austria! I personally don't like it, as it is very impersonal, but I'd say it's their decission!

CherylGardner

I've been to a couple of wedding this summer and last and it seemed like most people give cash these days anyway.... At least around here. There were a couple of actual gifts, but the majority was envelopes.... I always give cash. I got married 5 years ago and we also got mostly cash.

I think it's rude to ask for it outright but really, registries are just as rude technically. You're asking for gifts on both fronts. It's just funny that one is considered outright rude. It doesn't really bother me personally. I would just not say anything about any kind of gift.

steph124ny

I generally give cash anyway, but it is MAJORLY rude to ask for it. Some people will say that it is commonplace nowdays....and that may be true. But it doesn't make it any less tacky and rude.

Just don't register and you'll get cash. No need to come out and say it.

Snow__White

Ive never heard people ask for money
but ive never been to a wedding where they didnt have a box to put an envelope in.
nobody gave us gifts for our wedding just envelopes...and thats all we ever give when we go to a wedding
we give around $250-$300,enough to cover our plate and open bar for the night

alexandria412

My husband and I hadn't lived with our parents for a combined total of 15ish years when we married. Needless to say, we didn't need anything that you could register for (toasters, towels, etc).

On our invitation, we wrote something along the lines of, "We're fortunate enough to have a lovely, tiny home filled with everything we need and are not registering for gifts. The best present we can receive is your presence blah blah blah"

FitLink

I have everything I need, but there are still lots of things I want. The idea has a certain practicality, but also seems a bit crass in my opinion.

I have everything I need, and lots of things I want too. So I'd put the wants on the list. No one really NEEDS most of what what they put on wedding registers, they're wants. Asking for money seems very "crass" to me.

If someone feels having a big wedding and reception so your friends and family can help you celebrate this thing you do once in a lifetime costs too much, the actual "getting married" is fairly inexpensive. It's the big party for your friends and family that costs. Specifying that you want cash to pay for the wedding rather than a gift seems like saying to my friends "Pay to come to my party."

AlbaAngel25

Ive never heard people ask for money
but ive never been to a wedding where they didnt have a box to put an envelope in.
nobody gave us gifts for our wedding just envelopes...and thats all we ever give when we go to a wedding
we give around $250-$300,enough to cover our plate and open bar for the night

this exactly for us too!

RobynC79

I (and many of the people from my culture) find requests for money incredibly vulgar. If couples don't want gifts because they are already well provisioned, then they shouldn't be asking for money either. Giving a gift is not a requirement of attending a wedding; it's not a transaction. Even registries are considered rather tacky. If I received that note, I would think of it as a calculated attempt to make a grabby request like cute and sweet.

Italian_Buju

Just to be clear, as we are all in different places around the world....

I am in Canada, and it is not uncommon to give money either, I would say, at least half of the wedding gifts are money at any given wedding, sometimes more, I was just wondering about the idea of ASKING for money, that is all....

Because she is a close friend, and I saw it now, a year before the wedding, I found it odd.

However, had I just gotten one of those notes in a wedding invite, from someone, esp someone not so close, I might have found it rude. That is why I asked, as I do not go to weddings often, so I was not sure if it was proper or not.

FitLink

Same here.

I am Russian and in our culture everyone leaves at least $50-100 in cash/check in the card. I think its rude just to give 20 bucks for a wedding considering most weddings now days are at least $100 per person.

Its practical and people don't end up in debt for weddings. You don't really ask for it either, it's just implied in my culture.

I haven't registered anywhere for my wedding (in August), I figured that would give a hint, but I am not going to straight up ask for it unless someone keeps pestering me about what I want.

No one MUST go into debt to get married. It's the wedding, not getting married, that costs. If you are unable or unwilling to pay for a party to celebrate this once-in-a-lifetime event, get a license, pay a JP and do it. Expecting your friends to finance your wedding/reception/honeymoon is rude.

kobiemom

Times haven't changed that much. I got married in 1980 and so did many of our friends. Everyone was trying to do the cash-instead-of-useless-gifts thing then, too. We couldn't figure out how to do it without looking greedy. Nobody owes anybody a gift. It's customary to celebrate the couple's happiness by offering a gift. Assuming that people will give one then telling them what to give is tacky and always will be. We've received invitations where the couple asks guests to pay for their dinner at a fancy restaurant in lieu of offering a reception. They got talked about forever. Start your lives together the right way - have the wedding and reception you can afford. Then have the life you can afford.