Asking for money instead of gifts

Krissy366

Let's be honest one of the reasong to have a party and put money into a wedding is the return you get from it, which is gifts.

I can honestly say I did not have a wedding because of the "return I would get from it" (how crass) - unless, of course you mean that I got the benefit of celebrating with my family and friends as I married the best man I've ever known. I had a wedding reception so that I could share that moment with all the people that mattered. I did get gifts, and I did get money - but I asked for nothing. I registered for nothing. And had I received nothing, I would still remember the day with nothing but joy and happiness.

If you have everything you need in life, there is no need to ask for more.

Genem30

Probably shouldn't show my son this, he would hand them out for birthdays and Christmas.

natacha305

I hate giving money or gift cards, its impersonal, i like to give something and if they show it off or use it frequently they can say
"(insert name here ) gave me that on my wedding day"


also when people give me money to buy my own "gift" i usually buy drugs or mcdonalds with it.

_Wits_

I see nothing wrong with it. I will add though that wedding etiquette varies around the country.

I find it to be a waste of time and money to give someone a gift just to give a gift in a box compared to a card with a check. Chances are the money being asked for from a wedding is going into a house fund or for a vacation. More power to them for asking for what they want instead of getting that random gift that will collect dust in the basement.

bikinibeliever

Probably shouldn't show my son this, he would hand them out for birthdays and Christmas.

Ha ha! You must have a teenager. :laugh:

bikinibeliever

I love people who are happy with money, I know it will be used. Can't tell you how many times I bought a gift card and found out it was lost or never used. :grumble: I usually always give a monetary gift, unless I know that person well enough to get the perfect gift. My best friend never gets money, but rather a very heartfelt, usually engraved meaningful gift. If I know the person I give the gift of money to really well, I enclose a note saying, you can return this if you find it is the wrong size or color, I add a winky face. Graduates seem to really enjoy that. :laugh:

So I don't see an issue. If I'm giving a gift I would rather it be something they really want, money ensures this.

TMcBooty

If the couple needs money, I would rather them to tell me they need it.

If they need a gift, I would rather them tell me they need that.

this!

TMcBooty

I think it's really really rude to ask for money. I always give money as a wedding present (around €200) but seeing something like that would make me go and buy them a present just because they pissed me off. I'd think twice about even GOING to the wedding.

Where I live (Ireland), no one 'registers' or has 'showers'. Most people give money, but to ask is just so rude. It's putting people under more pressure when they already have to pay for accomadation, outfits, travel, babysitters etc.... Some people would prefer to buy a present that cost maybe €50 but if they're giving cash they'd have to give more so as not to look mean.

Awful.

Rude? Hummm? If you feel that strongly about asking for money, that is when you send you regrets as not attending. Don't get pissed off. There is etiquette is everything. Everyone is entilte to their feelings and opinions about any situation. I really dont think that when asking for monetary gifts is being rude. Now the rude things is if you give a gift and its goes to the trash or a yard sale. How many of us get gifts at Christmas that we can or will not really use. Yesterday I attended a baby shower, I gave a gift card so the expectant mother can get diapers, milk, or anything in the house she may needed. I hate for money to be wasted, so this way she can get what she need for herself or the baby. Babies grow so fast, how many clothes do they need? :laugh:

Which is why I usually give clothes for a toddler at baby showers. In fact, the new parents will need those too. I don't have to give money for diapers. I can give diapers. Especially at a shower, a gift card really just misses the point.

clothes for a toddler, is a good idea except how would you really know what size they would be in and which season it would be? also, babies can be allergic to a certain brand of diapers or they may leak or not work out for another reason.. gift cards are practical and VERY helpful when you are a new mom. Not in an way rude imo.

TMcBooty

as far as the topic in question. I dont think its rude. who wants a ton of stuff they will not get use out of? hoping there is a gift slip so they can return it. oh the fun that is running to 10 different stores and getting a store credit. money and gift cards are much easier for all parties involved. I had a wishing well, most people gave money though we didnt ask for it. We never registered anywhere. Out of 200 guests I think we got 5 gifts, the rest were cards. And we were very appreciative of it.

ComicBookGeekGirl

I have seen plenty of invites that asked for a monatary gift rather than a gift. Usually happens when the bride and groom have all the furniture and household items needed, and don't need anything else. Also have seen it, when the couple are moving after the wedding.
Its less stuff to pack and the extra money helps with the cost of moving.

sleibo87

Friend is getting married this month and already lives with her soon to be husband, so they have everything they need.
People don't always feel comfortable writing checks, although half your guest will just give you money, it is rude to ask for it.

HERE IS WHAT I DID!

There is a website called HONEYMOONWISHES.COM You put in where you honeymoon is and it gives you things you can register for, like a nice dinner for two, or Kayaking, or a couples massage....
Here is the trick..

The website doesn't pay for these gifts! They just direct deposit the money into your account (or send a check if you prefer).

Its a little sneaky but hey at least your guest wont feel awkward and will think they will be giving you a wonderful honeymoon gift.
Feel free to use the money to actually Do some of those activities but It was April when I got married so it was a little too cold for Kayaking!

Hellbent_Heidi

Friend is getting married this month and already lives with her soon to be husband, so they have everything they need. Here is what I told her when she said she is just asking for money....its tacky!
People don't always feel comfortable writing checks, although half your guest will just give you money, it is rude to ask for it.

HERE IS WHAT I DID!

There is a website called HONEYMOONWISHES.COM You put in where you honeymoon is and it gives you things you can register for, like a nice dinner for two, or Kayaking, or a couples massage....
Here is the trick..

The website doesn't pay for these gifts! They just direct deposit the money into your account (or send a check if you prefer).

Its a little sneaky but hey at least your guest wont feel awkward and will think they will be giving you a wonderful honeymoon gift.
Feel free to use the money to actually Do some of those activities but It was April when I got married so it was a little too cold for Kayaking!

Just remember when you send Thank you cards to put what they bought you!

You find asking for money tacky, but not this "sponsor a piece of our honeymoon" idea?

I'm not trying to start a fight, but I personally saw someone do this a while back and thought it was really strange and more tacky than just asking for cash..

Krissy366

Friend is getting married this month and already lives with her soon to be husband, so they have everything they need. Here is what I told her when she said she is just asking for money....its tacky!
People don't always feel comfortable writing checks, although half your guest will just give you money, it is rude to ask for it.

HERE IS WHAT I DID!

There is a website called HONEYMOONWISHES.COM You put in where you honeymoon is and it gives you things you can register for, like a nice dinner for two, or Kayaking, or a couples massage....
Here is the trick..

The website doesn't pay for these gifts! They just direct deposit the money into your account (or send a check if you prefer).

Its a little sneaky but hey at least your guest wont feel awkward and will think they will be giving you a wonderful honeymoon gift.
Feel free to use the money to actually Do some of those activities but It was April when I got married so it was a little too cold for Kayaking!

Just remember when you send Thank you cards to put what they bought you!

Except a) I don't think it's polite to trick your guests into thinking they are buying you a wonderful honeymoon experience that you don't actually want/use (same goes for the people who think they are "clever" when they register for stuff they don't want and return all their items for cash), and b) the website takes a cut. If I'm essentially giving cash, I want the couple to get all of it. As for remembering what they "bought" you - did you send a thank you saying, "Kayaking was GREAT! Thanks so much!" even though you didn't go? Seems to me it's more honest to get cash (which is what most people give when you don't register - no need to ask for it) and then say, "Thanks so much for your generous gift - we used it for (some fun excursion) on our honeymoon! Thanks for allowing us the opportunity."

Laces_0ut

Friend is getting married this month and already lives with her soon to be husband, so they have everything they need. Here is what I told her when she said she is just asking for money....its tacky!
People don't always feel comfortable writing checks, although half your guest will just give you money, it is rude to ask for it.

HERE IS WHAT I DID!

There is a website called HONEYMOONWISHES.COM You put in where you honeymoon is and it gives you things you can register for, like a nice dinner for two, or Kayaking, or a couples massage....
Here is the trick..

The website doesn't pay for these gifts! They just direct deposit the money into your account (or send a check if you prefer).

Its a little sneaky but hey at least your guest wont feel awkward and will think they will be giving you a wonderful honeymoon gift.
Feel free to use the money to actually Do some of those activities but It was April when I got married so it was a little too cold for Kayaking!

Just remember when you send Thank you cards to put what they bought you!

You find asking for money tacky, but not this "sponsor a piece of our honeymoon" idea?

I'm not trying to start a fight, but I personally saw someone do this a while back and thought it was really strange and more tacky than just asking for cash..

lol seriously. its rude to ask for cash but its not rude to trick your friends into giving you cash?

Rogiefreida

I place that in the same category as honeymoon registries. "Hey, please pay for us to take a badass vacation so we don't have to pay for it".

That's just my opinion, it's in poor taste. I know people do both (ask for cash and have honeymoon registries) but I don't agree with either.

ETA: spelling fail.

Sepheara

We had a gift registry and then put a box in the back and people put thank you cards, well wishing cards, and checks in to it, I mean it was really just for cards but a lot of people put money in it.
The thing that frustrated me was that we don't have much, especially in the way of things we NEED so I actually did do a registry and got maybe 2 things off it so now I still need to buy a ton of stuff. if I had known no one would use the flipping registry I probably would have just asked for money too. (I mean really I own 1 skillet and 1 pot. and people were buying us electronics.)

HeidiMightyRawr

I'm going to my cousins wedding in a couple of weeks, and got a card with the exact same message on!

I don't have a problem with it myself, I'd rather get a gift, but then again they lived together before marriage and I wouldn't know what to get them anyway! I'm sure the money will help with something, plus they're more likely to get something they actually want or need

andivaclavicek

I've seen it. Don't see the problem - much easier than hunting down a registry and trying to decide what to get.
you'd be parting with the cash anyway.

^This

LovingLisa2012

I have no problem with it
I am planning on tell the family , no gifts for xmas, they can give me the cash .. but we are looking to move in a couple years and the money can go into saving for a down payment

thingal12

This is very common in some cultures, including my mom's. People generally don't give gifts, they give cash (no less than $50).

WaterBunnie

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago of a mature couple who were merging 2 homes together so had no need of anything housey so they asked people for travel vouchers so that they could go on honeymoon with them. I thought that was a really nice way of contributing towards their celebrations and to my mind so much better than buying something they would never get any benefit from.

tinacc1

We always give money instead of gifts , it just makes sense, especially if they've been living together for a while.
But just last week, I had an invitation with "Greenback" written right above the wedding info!

beckylawrence70

Looks fine to me and not inappropriate at all, I'd rather get cash and I'd rather give cash too........just easier......

thingal12

I love people who are happy with money, I know it will be used. Can't tell you how many times I bought a gift card and found out it was lost or never used. :grumble: I usually always give a monetary gift, unless I know that person well enough to get the perfect gift. My best friend never gets money, but rather a very heartfelt, usually engraved meaningful gift. If I know the person I give the gift of money to really well, I enclose a note saying, you can return this if you find it is the wrong size or color, I add a winky face. Graduates seem to really enjoy that. :laugh:

So I don't see an issue. If I'm giving a gift I would rather it be something they really want, money ensures this.

Same here! (w/the gift cards being lost)

korsicash

At least it is cutesy. With that said I was once sent an invitation to a baby shower and inside the invite was the gift they chose for me to purchase. It was a stroller way out of my price range. Needless to say I did not go as I could not afford the gift chosen for me to purchase. That is crass. I feel gently putting out the word is okay but including in an invite what you would like is tacky.

Erisad

My friends did this for their wedding. It made it much easier on me, considering I bought them stuff for the bridal shower. I'll most likely do this for my wedding too. I've asked for cash instead of gifts for Christmas and my birthday for all 4 years of college. My family got sick of it really fast and bought me gifts anyway. Oh well, worth a try! XD

bltrexler

For my friends bridal shower and wedding they asked for cash to help make their dream of homeownership come true. I was also stunned by the request. I did give cash for bridal shower but am giving a gift for the wedding.

Krissy366

I'm going to my cousins wedding in a couple of weeks, and got a card with the exact same message on!

I don't have a problem with it myself, I'd rather get a gift,

And that's my issue with it. Right there. You'd rather buy them a gift, but their request (demand) has guilted you into giving something you'd prefer not to give. Even if in the end it works out fine, and you are glad that they are able to buy something they need/want, you have acted contrary to what you wanted to do because they have inappropriately told you what to get them, when a gift is a gesture on the part of the giver, not an entitlement on the part of the receiver.

Further - the request for cash puts people on a limited budget in a really poor position. If Aunt Mildred wants to get the couple a really nice gift she can shop around for a great price, use coupons, find a sale, use a store gift card that she has and get a $50 item for half price. But I (sadly) know many couples that would turn their noses up at and belittle a $25 cash gift. Afterall, they *gasp* paid $150 a plate for Mildred to eat - what a cheapskate! It's kind of pathetic that so many people think that getting married means they get to rake in the dough. And so many people spend beyond their means to foster that idea and give couples money or gifts outside of what they are comfortable with just to save face. It's wonderful when one's family and friends are generous (and can afford to be) in their gifting in celebration of marriage, but seems like some couples just have weddings for the loot. God forbid a guest just show up and celebrate and give a card, or a small amount of money - well, let the trash talking begin.

Krissy366

Looks fine to me and not inappropriate at all, I'd rather get cash and I'd rather give cash too........just easier......

But it's not about whether it's ok to want cash, or whether it's ok to give cash. It's about whether or not it's ok for the potential recipient to request (without being asked first) cash. It's totally separate from what people's preferences are. It's simply an etiquette question as to whether or not it's appropriate to ask for cash. As etiquette states that it's not appropriate to request gifts at all within the invitation, it is also not appropriate to say that you want cash.

annemw82

Some people like giving gifts. Some people prefer to give cash. When my husband and I got married last year we put together a small registry at target for the gift givers and also put together a honeymoon fund at depositagift.com for the money givers and just had links to both on our wedding website. People gave what the wanted and it worked out great for us.