Does anyone else NOT want kids?

4thehardman

I didn't want children initially and even then I got more than I ever bargained for.

I can totally respect men and women who are choosing not to bring unwanted children into the world. What I don't understand is why you don't just 'own' it! Its your choice and your husbands. Your MIL would probably appreciate the honesty in the end and will stop making comments that she doesn't know are inapropriate. She may not like it but she will have to deal with it. You can tell her all of the wonderful adventures you and he have planned for your lives and that is your future together, not years of dependants.

We are finally in a stage in society where, in most cultures, women have a choice about whether they want children or not. Don't hide away from your choices. You are certainly not alone.

laurenbausch

Nope...Never. We have a chihuahua, and he's enough trouble. Anybody out there want an AKC blue and white chihuahua? He's super cute but VERY clingy.

I'm kidding. My husband would leave me if I got rid of the dog.

MrsB123111

So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?

Your situation sounds similar to mine! I'm 28 and married, but my husband is anti-baby and I'm on the fence. My MIL has accepted that my husband doesn't want them, but made many comments to me about how I "shouldn't throw away my chance". I felt like if I had a strong opinion about wanting kids, I would have left before we got even got engaged. My mom is in denial... She doesn't believe we won't have them.

My issue is that I had Gastric Bypass last year and #1. Don't want to run the risk of hurting myself or the baby by getting pregnant. I barely eat over 1300 calories a day. How could I nurish myself AND someone else?? and #2. I don't want to get fat again! Vain, but true!

cassiemck5

I can totally relate. I am 28 and my husband it 35 and we're BOTH on the fence for the long term but definitely not interested right now. On our wedding day, it felt like everyone expected me to get pregnant right away and it really frustrated me as we would both like to focus on our careers for a few more years not to mention take the time to actually enjoy some time together traveling and having some fun as a married couple. After so much pressure from everyone I finally just blew up and told them to get off my back about it. That it was our decision. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel selfish about that because I really would like to see my grandmother become a great-grandmother but I'm not willing to sacrifice our happiness to do that. Kids aren't for everyone and I don't think we should have to feel like inferior women because we're interested in doing other things. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE kids. I'm the first one to offer to babysit for friends, but as the old saying goes it's always nice to be able to give them back!

BeetleChe13

I love kids, when they're not mine. :laugh: I'm pretty sure that I don't want any, but I know that I could change my mind at some point in the future. In other words, I know I definitely don't want any anytime soon, and my husband is in firm agreement. We've talked about him getting a vasectomy because we couldn't "afford" (financial and otherwise) to have a child right now. If we decide to have one, we both prefer adoption anyway.

As for the MIL, I'm lucky that mine is so understanding. She knows that we don't want any children but is happy because my SIL does. I also have two sisters who already have one son each, so I don't feel too pressured. The rest of society on the other hand...

jean1058

People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them. The last thing we need are parents who are resentful of the children in their care.

THIS is the best advice so far.

I have children and have a VERY different life than what I would have had without them. I never have any extra money. I can never find my scissors. I am forever picking up after everyone, worrying myself silly and generally being a mom. HOWEVER, there is NOTHING like your child looking up at you with their chubby little arms wrapped around your neck telling you "I love you Mama".

BUT, if you do not want children, DO NOT let anyone else decide differently for you. If your husband has changed his mind, let him get a dog. (j/k). You probably should have another heart-to-heart talk with him about it to remind him of your feelings. After all, YOU will be the pregnant one, YOU will end up the main caretaker, even if he says differently.

Good luck with this.

KickassAugust

You can never change your mind about having children once you have had them....

Don't have a child until you are more then ready and sure.

This is not a taboo.. even if it may feel that way.

Stand your ground and keep to the side of the fence that suits you.

binabee2wechanged

I have to say that "it is your choice" BUT being a parent of 20 year old twins boy/girl, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I always told myself that I was lucky my mom/dad put me on this world and I got the opportunity to experience life. If your parents didn't want you than you wouldn't exist...so to me It is only natural to want to have a part of me enjoying what I got to enjoy which is life. Am I broke most of the time, YES...do I go without so my children have it all, YES... Does my heart stop beating when they are hurting, YES...Does my life feel complete and full when I hear their laughter, joy and see their accomplishments, YES... Being a parent is Priceless and being a parent doesn't stop EVER!!! So if you truly feel that you can't love someone that strongly or put yourself behind someone than you aren't ready to be a parent. Being a parent takes LOVE!!!

EpiGaiaRepens

ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.

I made a serious vow to myself and my bf and I promised each other that no matter what happens, no matter how many kids we wind up with...we will never, ever own a minivan. It's just...I can't do it. I'd rather fork over the extra cash (and extra cash for gas) for an SUV than drive a minivan.

haha. My sweetie drives my kid to school in one of these:



but I hope someday he'll get a ride to school in one of these:

b1505

I know I'm only 20 but for years I've not wanted kids, all my friends are always going on about how many kids they want and when they want to have them and they seem shocked when I say I don't want them. I like kids but I don't think I could cope with looking after them 24/7 which is why for me it would be best not to have them at all.

4thehardman

One of the worst things about having children is that when you are struggling, people say 'well its what you wanted', I guess you will get equal amounts of comments when you hold a relatives baby etc.
FWIW I got duped by mother nature! I only planned to have 2 children. my 2nd pregnancy was full of surprises and suddenly I had 4 kids from 2 pregnancies!

KittieLea

I'm on the fence about kids. Some days I think it might be fun but some days I would hate the responsibility of caring for someone else. I'm 31 so I might change my mind, who knows? Having kids is a personal decision in my opinion. For people who ask, I'm completely honest with them about my feelings about having kids. Once they know the idea doesn't thrill me, they quit asking.

juliaamilee

get her a puppy to baby sit. Just tell her straight up thats now what you and your hubby want right now. Thats def a topic for the two of you and no one else should be concerned in that. I always wanted a huge family like 8 kids. BOY did I get a wake up call. I have 2. Both planned. One girl 13 one boy 10. DONE! I will definiately say there are times when I feel like I have 2 too many. and they are times when I get that baby twinge, and I go home to the insanity of fussing and fighting. I'm glad those twinges pass easliy! lol

JustJennie1

People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them. The last thing we need are parents who are resentful of the children in their care.

It would be so nice if all people would abide by this. There would be less unwanted children and less people having them because they were pressured into it.

It's your choice. If you don't want to have them then don't and don't let anyone talk you into it. After a while my mom has come to accept the fact that I am not going to have children. She still gets it in her head that the fact that I love animals and recently became a happy fur mommy that means that I have "womb throb" meaning what I really wanted was a child. Um, no. I don't think so. I just adore animals and love my dog to death.

4thehardman

I'm on the fence about kids. Some days I think it might be fun but some days I would hate the responsibility of caring for someone else. I'm 31 so I might change my mind, who knows? Having kids is a personal decision in my opinion. For people who ask, I'm completely honest with them about my feelings about having kids. Once they know the idea doesn't thrill me, they quit asking.

There are days when I would swap my ticker picture for yours!!!!!

pullipgirl

Don't really want to have kids now, but if I decide later I will most likely adopt

cds2001

I used to want to have a couple of kids but I work where I have to deal with them everyday. So now I DO NOT WANT KIDS!!!!!!!! Just the thought makes me want to vomit.

saragato

I've never wanted kids. It's not that I don't like them, lord knows I can get down on their level, but I come from an abusive parent who screwed me up pretty badly. I realize I'm only 22, but considering my boyfriend has a son and we've already talked about children it's not like some thing that will never happen anyway. I also have a mental disorder that's genetic and considering the hell I was put through before my mother and doctors both decided it was real, I don't ever want my child to go through that or the lifetime of therapy, medication, possible blood testing every 6 months depending on medication. And I don't want them to have me as a mother.

In all honesty I don't think I could ever handle having a child and the thought of having one never seems pleasant.

hdroddy

Depends on how diplomatic you wish to be. Could just tell them that you and your spouse are waiting until you feel the time is right for you. It is possible that the way you feel will change. It is also possible it will not. And, life happens. You just never know. When I was in my early twenties, I wanted kids. By the time I married, my stance on that had changed for various reasons. On the up side, my spouse felt the same way, so no drama there. But then, after we'd been married less than a year, our niece's parents died and she came to us. We've been raising her since. It is tough, but she's ours and we love her, and we have no regrets. She's about to go off to college now. And we're happy to return to a childless state. But, you know, I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy grandchildren somewhere down the line (several years, at least, I hope!!)

A side note - my niece was conceived even though her mother was on birth control. So, again, you just never know.

neverstray

I think people that don't want kids are selfish.

LOL. Ducking.

Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.

Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.

It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.

I find it interesting that you said that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but then say that you had kids so that you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old. How is that not selfish?

That's not what I said. Don't take things out of context. But, I do think it's important to think about your future. Yes, your kids can rob you blind, and stick you in a state run facility to die. That's on them, at that point. They will have to live and die with that. But, that's like saying, I'm not going to save money because I'm just going to die anyway. Or, I'm not going to clean my house because it's just going to get dirty again. It's kind of silly. What I am suggesting is not the ONLY reason to have kids, but it is a reason. You have to learn to read thorugh sarcasm if you want to make it in life.