Is it ok for my wife to talk three hours to a guy. 2 results

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Replies

  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    She called the cops on you because you wanted to talk?

    Can anyone say 'Red Flag'?
  • MNguerita
    MNguerita Posts: 199 Member
    I don't think it sounds like she wants to be with another guy, but personally, if my husband ever asked me why I was talking to another guy (for any amount of time or at any time of day) I would punch him in the face.

    It sounds like there is a different problem going on here: First, if you knnow she doesn't like to talk about things right away, why would you push her on it? Let her walk away and cool down and talk about it later. You said you prefer to solve issues right away but if she doesn't, then you have to let her cool down first.

    Second, nobody likes to feel like their partner is insecure and needs to snoop and question them about things. Either you trust her or you don't, and if you don't, then you need to get therapy or end it now.

    I totally agree with this too!
  • rebeccap13
    rebeccap13 Posts: 754 Member
    Sounds like you married a high school girl if she is making this public to everyone via Facebook relationship status. Good luck with that. And she's clearly doing something wrong if she blew up at you like that. I don't particularly agree with you snooping on the phone, probably should've tried confronting her a little more. Anyhow, she sounds extremely immature and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    I don't think it sounds like she wants to be with another guy, but personally, if my husband ever asked me why I was talking to another guy (for any amount of time or at any time of day) I would punch him in the face.

    It sounds like there is a different problem going on here: First, if you knnow she doesn't like to talk about things right away, why would you push her on it? Let her walk away and cool down and talk about it later. You said you prefer to solve issues right away but if she doesn't, then you have to let her cool down first.

    Second, nobody likes to feel like their partner is insecure and needs to snoop and question them about things. Either you trust her or you don't, and if you don't, then you need to get therapy or end it now.

    excellent post!
  • biglew909
    biglew909 Posts: 57 Member
    She's trying to have her cake and eat it too...if she hasn't cheated on you already, she's going to soon. In a truly loving relationship, people don't talk to others for three hours at a clip as a sign of respect and trust to the person they're with.
    I don't know the whole background here, but it seems like she's decided that she has some issues with you, and rather than talk to you about them, she must be talking to someone else...and it's either this "dork" guy, or he heard it through one of her friends and he's trying to move in.
    Things don't look good for the future of your marriage. Sorry to be so blunt...but I hope you came here looking for honest answers.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    I think you BOTH need counseling. Together.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    talking is not cheating. remember that.
  • Zarebeth
    Zarebeth Posts: 136 Member
    I don't know how it is with you younger generation, but in mine that was known as an emotional affair... and it sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to cut you loose. And you gave it to her. I am not saying you were wrong for doing so, I wasn't there, so I can't judge your reaction.

    But you had every right to be upset, even if you DIDN'T handle it right (not there, not saying you didn't).

    Everyone nowadays things that as long as you aren't screwing someone else that anything goes. Bullcrap. That is a cop out. If you truly love the person you are with you don't even WANT to get in any situation that is dicey. And that was so dicey I'm callin' Yahtzee.
  • engodwin
    engodwin Posts: 516 Member
    This is what happened to my marriage. He would get text from a girl all the time really late at night and phone calls late at night and he'd go to the other room to talk to her and I asked him not to talk to her so late (late hours were Husband/Wife time) but he still did it, he even answered her call one night while we were ..... you get the point. Anyways it made me uncomfortable and I tried to explain my feelings to him but he "blew up" at me eventually this (with other things) led us to the big D. It came out a week or so after I left that he had been seeing her for a while.... And by seeing I mean screwing.

    With that being said. I don't know her or you or how the two of you behave/treat each other.So I can't say that this is what's going on, but I can say in my experience THAT is what was going on.

    I wish you the best of luck.
  • munkey418
    munkey418 Posts: 139
    I agree, if you have an open honest relationship she would talk to you about it. The fact that she wouldn't and that she used it as an excuse to separate makes me think that is what she wanted all along.

    ^^this
  • Shelgirl001
    Shelgirl001 Posts: 477 Member
    She is or has obviously emotionally distanced herself from you and is afraid that you will find out. If you want your relationship to continue on a better level, you need to talk with her as adults and find out just what she is doing and feeling about you and about him. I was on her side of this, yes and it will not be likely to be an easy fix nor an easy conversation. What is important is that you find out just what drove her to this before it continues and grows. Her defensiveness is a very important sign that something is up and not all innocent I am sorry to say. I hope you can manage to get through this issue and grow stronger together. Try to maybe remind her of what brought you 2 together in the beginning and how it got to this point. It could help out.
  • MattDPS
    MattDPS Posts: 9 Member
    I can't help but think you really screwed the pooch here man. Hopefully you won't have to resort to that.

    I understand your apprehension with her talking to another man so late and frequently. I really do. But any problems with that only come from your own insecurity in your place as her husband, and in your marriage overall. This was reinforced, imo, by the content of the texts that you snooped on (also, really wrong). That should have been the end of it, in my mind. I'd go rub one out to calm myself, and maybe watch a movie, and then move on.

    This isn't what a healthy relationship is built on, and while I feel like your wife overreacted she is on the right track. You both need to seek help from a professional; you to deal with your obvious insecurity and jealousy issues, and her to understand that respecting the wishes of your partner is an important part of a strong relationship. You got kids so you owe it to them to get this fixed now before it escalates further.

    Best of luck to you.
  • dhiannon
    dhiannon Posts: 111 Member
    IMHO if you have nothing to hide then you dont hide anything.

    I am an open book with my fiance and I would never disrespect him like that.

    I used to live with someone who would hide things all the time, he even went out with women to the movies etc when he knew I didnt like them and then lie to me about it.

    She also could be liking the attention from someone else, maybe its a self esteem issue? Who knows but at the end of the day if she is hiding things and ignoring your feelings there is major issues there.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
    http://rejoiceministries.org/questions.php
    Go to this website. Don't post these details on this website if you want to save your marriage.
    Talk to your wife, not us. My prayers are with you.--Ask that her heart be softened.
    Fellow fitness pal -ers, please leave this man alone so that he and his wife can take care of their own business. Do not speak to a lawyer. Do not take polls. Talk with your wife even if that means that you need to talk with a nonpartial, confidential counselor together.
    Do not spill your heart to anyone of the opposite sex. Stand for your marriage.
    Please, for the sake of your marriage, do not post any more details about you and your wife on this site.
    A three fold cord is not easily broken.

    Idealistic advice. But the reality is, this young man's wife is calling the cops on him and talking to another man for hours at a time. Perhaps this is the advice that you would take, but not necessarily what everyone else can or should do. And, sometimes people want to do the right thing, but the spouse does not.
  • Kassielin13
    Kassielin13 Posts: 263
    First off, let me start off by saying, I am terribly sorry that you are going through this. But keep your head held high!
    I haven't read the first thread yet but I will give my input since this is on an open board. I have been in her shoes myself. Things were supposed to be innocent but I did treat my husband (fiance at the time) the same way. Well I never called the cops or anything and never let it get out of hand. But I would take up for the other person I was communicating with. Because I knew I was in the wrong for even communicating with another male, taking time away from my husband to talk with the other person. I would take my guilty feeling out on him. I would blow up anytime he would ask me questions or look at my phone. I swore he had trust issues.
    Before things could get completely out of hand as in meeting with the person or cheating, things like that, I took at look at my husband's point of view (and of course, my mother's opinion lol), I broke all ties with the other guy in the picture.
    Now a few years later, I look back and realize, I was the one with issues not him. My opinion is that you may or may not need therapy but therapy for this issue, I don't believe so. Maybe marriage counseling or something of that nature but not by yourself. The fact that she erased the married relationship status would seem to me that there is something being hidden. Things just do not seem right.
    If it seems odd to you, trust your gut. Check things out for your own knowing before you make any decisions.
    ***Keep in mind, I am not a professional or an all knowing, I could be completely wrong.I am just stating my opinion.***
  • Leimaro
    Leimaro Posts: 148 Member
    Wow, sounds like she has been thinking about separation for sometime, especially when she calls the cops for apparently unjustified reasons, immediately ask for a separation and proclaims to family, friends and others on Facebook that she is not married. Maybe it has to do with this guy, maybe not. Hope you can save your marriage!!
  • sheiwat
    sheiwat Posts: 47
    http://rejoiceministries.org/questions.php
    Go to this website. Don't post these details on this website if you want to save your marriage.
    Talk to your wife, not us. My prayers are with you.--Ask that her heart be softened.
    Fellow fitness pal -ers, please leave this man alone so that he and his wife can take care of their own business. Do not speak to a lawyer. Do not take polls. Talk with your wife even if that means that you need to talk with a nonpartial, confidential counselor together.
    Do not spill your heart to anyone of the opposite sex. Stand for your marriage.
    Please, for the sake of your marriage, do not post any more details about you and your wife on this site.
    A three fold cord is not easily broken.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    You need me to tell you?
    It's over friend.
    That other guy's hitting it, and you're OUT!
    Don't go all nuts over it, and just move on with your life. This crumb has done you a huge favor.
    Work on your own progress in every area of life: health, emotional, financial, career and social.
    Nature abhors a vacuum, so the right person will come along.
    Keep Punching and good luck.
  • iris8pie
    iris8pie Posts: 224 Member
    sounds like sabotage
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    First of all, NO it's not ok.
    Second, Why are you posting this in Chit Chat, Fun, and Games? Is this a real situation or are you posting to get responses for some reason?
    Third, I'm really sorry if you're going through this for real. Not a good situation. Please speak to friends or family or someone in your life cause it sounds like there's a lot you are dealing with.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    um... negative. i don't have random long conversations with men. i, of course, have male friends, but i am sure not to be too friendly to the point where my husband would be uncomfortable out of respect for our relationship.
  • theNurseNancy
    theNurseNancy Posts: 149
    This happened to my husband and I and almost ruined our relationship. Trust your instincts!
  • anaussie
    anaussie Posts: 88 Member
    It's unreasonable to talk to another man for 3 hours and text late into the evening. Those are both giant red flags. I would not let this escalate. Talk to a lawyer, just so you know what your rights are. If she's calling the cops on you, you need to be VERY careful.

    I'm sure this is painful, but take care of yourself, your kids and your house. Do NOT agree to leave or separate until you speak to a lawyer.

    This
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    What the hell is there to talk about for 3 hrs at a time every evening (or however frequent the convos are)? The only people I know of that have lengthy conversations like that on a regular basis are couples getting to know each other in the first stages of their relationship (or couples that are having issues and spend that much time talking things out).

    Sounds to me like she is having an emotional affair. She took this as her first opportunity to separate so that says she has wanted away from you for a while and you are just now finding out about it. Ask Dork Friend for details - I'll bet he knows all about it.
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
    I have been in this situation, both ways, and it was a learning experience. But we didn't learn fast enough apparently.

    You can PM me if you want more details, but the bottom line is, as your wife, she should be mindful of your feelings. Saying she doesn't care about how you feel about it SCREAMS she doesn't respect you.

    Your snooping is a completely different issue.
  • sheiwat
    sheiwat Posts: 47
    Talk to your wife and do everything you can to save your marriage...I feel you are doing the same on here, your just talking to a variety of ppl...If she is spending that much time talking to someone else, trust me she is feeling a void in her marriage and you should make every attempt to find out what it is..Pray as I will be praying for you. Ask God for newness to return to your marriage. God Bless!
  • jwshmoe75
    jwshmoe75 Posts: 119
    3 hrs on the phone w a "friend" and texts in the evening. You confronted her and she blew up. And the kicker....she deleted her married status on fb. You have some red flags you can wave around all over the place. Follow gut feelings. If I was in your shoes I would think she is fooling around. Especially after the fb incident. Good luck!!!
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    I only read the first 2 sentences, but I think she's either already screwing around on you or she's about to. I have 2 friends who are both engaged to other people. I'm close friends with the guy. I love him to pieces. I llike the girl, but I'm not as close to her. The two of them text each other all the time and make googly eyes at each other all the time. They haven't done anything yet physically, but its clear there's something between them. Sounds like your wife has the same thing going on.
  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
    I hope it is COUPLES therapy you are going to. She belongs in therapy maybe more than you!
  • jwshmoe75
    jwshmoe75 Posts: 119
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    What is he thinking??? That's his wife talking to someone and texting in the evenings. He has every right to snoop. It's his freaking WIFE. You act like that, you deserve to be snooped on. And she did the right thing?? Really?? Seriously....shut up!!!!!

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