Is it ok for my wife to talk three hours to a guy. 2 results

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Replies

  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats

    Who said he snooped? Maybe she actually showed him the texts. And her response to the argument was inappropriate.
  • cadaverousbones
    cadaverousbones Posts: 421 Member
    Wow, I can't believe she reacted that way. But I don't think he was flirting with her in the text messages. It might have made you uncomfortable what they were talking about, but he was asking her if she had any friends, not saying he was interested in her. I think though that she might be up to something. I think if there is going to be therapy it should be the BOTH of you going, not just YOU. Problems are made by TWO contributing parties, not just one person. Suggest to her that you could do couples therapy and see if she is into the idea? I'm sorry about this. I think its BS that she deleted the fact that you are married on her FB. If I was married I would let my husband view my facebook, and I would be able to view his stuff. How long have the two of you been married?
  • MattDPS
    MattDPS Posts: 9 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    What is he thinking??? That's his wife talking to someone and texting in the evenings. He has every right to snoop. It's his freaking WIFE. You act like that, you deserve to be snooped on. And she did the right thing?? Really?? Seriously....shut up!!!!!

    I thought we were over the whole 'wife == property' thing for a while now? She's still an autonomous person who is allowed to have friends that offer her things in her life that her husband can't or won't. Is she expected to keep logs to turn over to him? I guess he could just chip her and keylog her, too. You shut up.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    What is he thinking??? That's his wife talking to someone and texting in the evenings. He has every right to snoop. It's his freaking WIFE. You act like that, you deserve to be snooped on. And she did the right thing?? Really?? Seriously....shut up!!!!!

    no one deserves to be snooped on. i feel bad for your SO (if you have one, of course)

    telling another person to shut up, real classy.
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
    In my opinion, and honestly no one can give you a for sure answer except her, it sounds like she was just looking for a reason to leave. The fact that she acted and responded that way is very odd to me. I have texted guy friends and hung out with them, but my fiance is ok with that, and the minute he is uncomfortable I stop. It sounds like your wife needs therapy, not you.
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
    dude, seriously? she has been friends with him for 14 years! if either of them wanted the other, it would have happened by now.

    and from what you have said she hasn't hidden anything from you about this guy. she's not sneaking off to talk to him for hours - she's doing it right in front of you.

    there's nothing wrong or weird about you feeling concerned about this guy, but there is also nothing wrong or weird about her being highly offended that you could possibly have an issue. when you've been platonic friends with someone for that long it is hard to even contemplate that someone might not understand and accept the platonic nature of the relationship.

    i also haven't seen you mention that you're sad and concerned that she's not spending enough time with YOU. it sounds like you don't necessarily want her to be spending that time on you, you just want her to be doing anything other than talking to him. that is a control-freak sort of concept and rightfully terrifies most people. i might be wrong, because i can't possibly have seen all your posts.

    taking a vote on a forum is NOT the way to be going about this. think of what exactly it is about her talking to him that hurts you - is it that she is not spending enough time on you, that you think she wants him, that she's neglecting the kids, whatever! figure out your reasons, and tell her what parts of her behaviour hurt you. even if she isn't doing anything wrong, it's important to communicate hurt so that she can change the parts that she has maybe not thought of, and so that you can get over the parts that are only problems in your head.

    she didn't blow up because she's cheating - she blew up because she has made it abundantly clear to you that this guy has been her friend for 14 years and neither of them want the other. if you keep suggesting it seems like cheating, of course she is going to blow her top. she has said it is not, he has said it is not, and they have shown you that it's not - what more do you want? there's not a lot more they can give you if you don't communicate CLEARLY why you are still feeling bad in this situation.

    talking to a counsellor will help you to figure out why it still hurts, and will help you to communicate it to her. ask her to come along, even.

    it's okay to feel bad or threatened in this situation, but if you want your wife to do more about it than she has already done, you have GOT to be able to communicate why you still feel threatened by a guy she is not interested in.
  • blueroses_78
    blueroses_78 Posts: 85
    All I can say is that it would bother me if my husband was doing this.
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    What is he thinking??? That's his wife talking to someone and texting in the evenings. He has every right to snoop. It's his freaking WIFE. You act like that, you deserve to be snooped on. And she did the right thing?? Really?? Seriously....shut up!!!!!

    no one deserves to be snooped on. i feel bad for your SO (if you have one, of course)

    telling another person to shut up, real classy.

    Snooping shouldn't bother someone if they have nothing to hide.
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    The fact that you had to post the original thread AND now this one shows that this relationship is not working. Now, of course, we only got your obviously biased version of the story which was clearly written for the sole purpose of having everyone agree with you.

    What the hell are you doing man, get over it. Lawyer up, get divorced, and go find a shiny motorcycle with a dumb blonde to throw on back.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    The fact that you had to post the original thread AND now this one shows that this relationship is not working. Now, of course, we only got your obviously biased version of the story which was clearly written for the sole purpose of having everyone agree with you.

    What the hell are you doing man, get over it. Lawyer up, get divorced, and go find a shiny motorcycle with a dumb blonde to throw on back.
    Dr Phil :drinker:
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
    Sorry brah, your wife is emotionally cheating on you.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    What is he thinking??? That's his wife talking to someone and texting in the evenings. He has every right to snoop. It's his freaking WIFE. You act like that, you deserve to be snooped on. And she did the right thing?? Really?? Seriously....shut up!!!!!

    no one deserves to be snooped on. i feel bad for your SO (if you have one, of course)

    telling another person to shut up, real classy.

    Snooping shouldn't bother someone if they have nothing to hide.

    we also don't know if he has had issues in the past with jealousy. it's really just speculation. we don't have enough info to go on.

    i am a very private person. i would never want to be snooped on.

    trust is HUGE factor, especially in a marriage.
  • FrenchMob
    FrenchMob Posts: 1,167 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    No wonder you're a single mom.. Blaming him for this is why you're single.
  • engodwin
    engodwin Posts: 516 Member
    All I can say is that it would bother me if my husband was doing this.

    EXACTLY!
  • HollywoodDJ
    HollywoodDJ Posts: 296
    You need to talk to her about it and tell her how it makes you feel.

    Good luck hunne! You are too cute to be insecure~ Just sayin!
  • mckshowie
    mckshowie Posts: 210 Member
    advice is usually what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't.
  • pinkprincess1952
    pinkprincess1952 Posts: 194 Member
    sounds like she was looking for an excuse to leave you and this was an easy way out...
  • utahgirl247
    utahgirl247 Posts: 370 Member
    i have a male friend of several years. we are close but when i married, my relationship changed with my friend. i still love him and we keep in touch from time to time. i dont know the entire situation but i don't feel it is appropriate for any spouce to be on the phone and txting late at night with a member of opposit sex. it doesn't look good at all, so sorry.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    you can't trust her. you need counseling. she did the right thing.
    and now you just proved she cannot trust you.

    you snooped on her. that is definitely not cool.
    what were you thinking?

    you blew the whole thing out of proportion. congrats
    No wonder you're a single mom.. Blaming him for this is why you're single.

    i'm single because i didn't like getting abused. nice try though!
  • goldengirl111
    goldengirl111 Posts: 684 Member
    Good advice.
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
    My husband is friends with a woman and they talk and text all day everyday. I don't worry though because our relationship is very strong and I have met this woman. Your situation sounds different though. Ask to meet the other guy. If he is just a friend you should be able to tell. Bottom line is he is giving her something you are not. That might be as simple as his interest in her makes her feel wanted and sexy. If you want to keep her you have to give her the thing he is giving her. Ask yourself - What did I do when we first got together that I don't do now? It is likely he is giving her that. I know it is tempting to say "well she doesn't do this or that anymore either" but that will not save your marriage. Someone has to make the first move and it sounds like if you don't become the bigger person she will walk. It may already be too late but at least you will know you did all you could.
  • MandaPaigeSparkles88
    MandaPaigeSparkles88 Posts: 1,289 Member
    This is exactly what happened to me and my ex husband. When our marriage first started going down hill he would stay in our computer room on hours end and play World of Warcraft and talk and chat all the time to different people. Well there was an ex girlfriend of his named Brittany and he would message her through hotmail. I got his username and password and she messaged me thinking I was my ex. I went off on her for the inappropriate messages that she sent to him. I confronted him about it and he denied it. Well me and him worked together in a call center and he met his current wife there. He would spend hours upon hours texting her and talking her and even went out with her to a VT game while we were still married. Two weeks after our 2 year anniversary he asked for a divorce. We are divorced now and I am really glad that it's over between us. What I would do in your situation is talk to your wife and if it doesn't work I would go seek legal advice.
  • DawnHowdyshell
    DawnHowdyshell Posts: 5 Member
    I agree that we are all individuals and have a right to talk to whom ever we choose, but if your having feelings that something is going on chances are it is. Her blowing up and calling the cops is proof. She is putting her P's and Q's in order to make you out to be the bad guy. You should have waited cause I was always told "what you do in the dark will come to light". Now the kids will be involved and you guys will be arguing and you still have no proof. Just be careful and keep your eyes and ears open. Good Luck!
  • ndmain1977
    ndmain1977 Posts: 69 Member
    That's classic man... when a woman is cheating on you, she over reacts when you confront her about it. Happened to me too, but i was so in love that I convinced myself that I was in the wrong.

    Now as an outsider looking in, I can't believe how dumb I was. She has a lot more going on with that guy than what she says man. I'm sorry, but I've been there.
  • monipie
    monipie Posts: 280 Member
    in my opinion i don't think it is ok to have such a relationship with another man if you are a married woman (and vice versa). that is an absurd amount of time to be talking to a person who is "just a friend". i think something is going on, if not with this "friend" than maybe your wife was or is looking for an out or having a mental affair. there are red flags everywhere. i am sorry you are going through this. i hope i am wrong.
  • jlenz74
    jlenz74 Posts: 30
    talking is not cheating. remember that.

    However, there is emotional cheating! cheating is not just physical!
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
    I think you were both wrong.

    Her for blowing up and being unwilling to talk with you about it.

    You for being so in her face about it. If my husband acted the way you did for me talking with my males friends I would be pissed!
  • monipie
    monipie Posts: 280 Member
    talking is not cheating. remember that.

    However, there is emotional cheating! cheating is not just physical!

    yup, totally agree!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    talking is not cheating. remember that.

    However, there is emotional cheating! cheating is not just physical!

    yup, totally agree!

    i do also. emotional i think cuts deeper for me. that means there is a deeper connection between the two than just physical. NOT that she is for sure cheating on the OP. i'm just saying how i feel about emotional cheating. my 2 cents, if you're hiding it, you probably shouldn't be doing it. so i don't hide anything from my husband.
  • jfan175
    jfan175 Posts: 812 Member
    There are three sides to every relationship problem. His side, her side and the truth. Considering we're only hearing one side here, we should withhold judgement on either party. If in fact she is having frequent 3hr conversations with someone of the opposite sex, there were problems beforehand where some need of hers was not being met.... and she is now in an emotional relationship with the other guy. He has every right to be concerned.

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