Is it ok for my wife to talk three hours to a guy. 2 results
Replies
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hmm...
If it were me (in your wifes shoes) Id be angry that you snooped, cause that justifies your mistrust. and I would make it a bigger deal than it should be... wel.. cause im a woman.. thats what we do.
But hey, Im in a relationship with 100% trust, I dont care who he talks to, or for how long, and Die to our respect and trust for each other, He gives the same back to me, He knows I love him, and i know he loves me, end of story. I guess both of us are too lazy to either
A: get jealous and
B- cheat
ahh the joy of mutual laziness..
but i understand not everyone is iek this, we definatey have a different kind of relationship compared to most people
Remember hun, she won't let him talk to ANY other women.0 -
I think you BOTH need to see a marriage counselor. The relationship needs help and there are two people in the relationship- you and your wife. Every marriage has rocky moments but these kinds of things can be difficult to iron out on your own and a mature, emotionally-unattached third party can help mediate and get to the root of the issue. My husband and I have acquaintances of the opposite sex, but we safeguard our marriage and we don't engage in long personal conversation with other men/women because those things can quickly develop into something else if you are building up an emotional tie with someone. I don't know your wife, or her motivations so I can't jump to conclusions, but it's obvious that you love her and I urge you to seek marriage counseling with her.0
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She called the cops? Do you two have a history that would make her jump to that so quickly? That's pretty extreme.
If she's not cheating physically, she is cheating emotionally... on you and your children. She can't be parenting much if she's on the phone for three hours at a time with anyone, male or female.
And if it's making you emotionally uncomfortable, that's a problem... assuming you're not an over-possessive A-hole that is.
Why is it only you who is going to counseling?0 -
I get uncomfortable texting/PMing with men. I try to brush them off as quickly as possible. One guy even asked me if I was getting the seven year itch. Really? Even if I were, I wouldn't discuss it with a stranger... weird.
I used to talk to a very good friend frequently (a guy friend), but my husband wasn't comfortable with it. We now rarely speak because we set up those boundaries-much to my chagrin. He was a really good friend to me when I was a single mom (strictly platonic, but my husband will never believe that). I miss my friend, but my marital relationship was suffering because of it. It just makes sense to make peace on the homefront over being buddies with some person online, IMO.
I honestly don't think that people have any business having friends of the opposite sex unless they are part of a mutual friendship with another couple. Singles and marrieds oftentimes just don't always mesh well anyway--even more trouble when it's opposite sex. Even my single girlfriends and I have pretty much parted ways. My life consists of cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and taking care of kids. Theirs is a life of continual parties and few responsibilities (they may never grow up)....0 -
Not ok. Get rid of her. Call an attorney.0
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I am sorry for you! My husband and I always talk. Being married isn't easy. My husbands cousin was married young, had a little boy with his wife and she started doing the same thing towards him. She was mean and hateful and had to just get out and get away. The entire family didn't find out they had problems until it ended up in divorce. She's still down right hateful to him.
My own brother is fixing to get married to a woman who beats him. My brother could have any woman he wanted, but the fun loving personalities that match mine.. he hates. He hates anyone that doesn't treat him bad. I don't understand this.
My relationship with my husband has its ups and downs. We tell each other everything. I don't keep secrets from him. I don't ever leave the house unless I'm going to meet a freind and her daughters and go swimming. I will not do things, unless my own daughter can be a part of it. Some things my husband can't tell me because of his job, but usually he never keeps anything from me.
A relationship based on trust and faith, is the best kind. I am a woman, who has woman freinds that do these things and I KNOW she's up to something. I just hate that you've got kids involved. I would defidently seek the advice of a lawyer. My own mom planned to divorce my dad 5 years in advance and made sure every bill was late and she took all his savings too, plus everything in the house. I pray for you that your able to work things out.. for the kids sakes, but I would seek advice. She is being fishy!
I wouldn't dare talk to another guy without my husband knowing!! I do not want GOD to strike me down for breaking a vow. Cheaters don't have places in heaven. When you do the right thing, you will prevail! Don't forget that!0 -
Short version of your post:
She demanded that you get therapy (for what, you didn't say)
She said she wanted a separation at least until therapy starts.
She erased her relationship status.
She called the police on you.
That's some pretty clear writing on the wall. See an attorney and find out what your rights are. Tomorrow. You can usually get a free consultation.
Guard bank accounts and credit cards, if you share the same accounts. If you're going to be legally separated, certain papers need to be drawn up (at least in my US state). It's to protect yourself more than anything.0 -
One word. No.... After reading your post and all the happened. Something is happening and you don't need that drama. I don't mean to sound like a card hearted b*tch but even if she isn't being physically active with him she is still being emotionally attached that in my book is just as bad. Just my opinion. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do.0
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She's banging him...while your on here talking to us!!
Get checked for STD's and move on!!0 -
I don't think it sounds like she wants to be with another guy, but personally, if my husband ever asked me why I was talking to another guy (for any amount of time or at any time of day) I would punch him in the face.
It sounds like there is a different problem going on here: First, if you knnow she doesn't like to talk about things right away, why would you push her on it? Let her walk away and cool down and talk about it later. You said you prefer to solve issues right away but if she doesn't, then you have to let her cool down first.
Second, nobody likes to feel like their partner is insecure and needs to snoop and question them about things. Either you trust her or you don't, and if you don't, then you need to get therapy or end it now.
I am a very happily married women. I do not have guy friends that I call or talk to without my husband. It is just rude and very disrespectful. Let this man figure it out and stay out of his business.
excellent post!0 -
You need me to tell you?
It's over friend.
That other guy's hitting it, and you're OUT!
Don't go all nuts over it, and just move on with your life. This crumb has done you a huge favor.
Work on your own progress in every area of life: health, emotional, financial, career and social.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so the right person will come along.
Keep Punching and good luck.
This.0 -
I have gone through something very similar.
She is giving you a lot of signals that not only does she not regard your feelings as important, she doesn't even feel she owes you the truth or answers. Since you confronting her leads to her backing away and calling for a separation, I would surmise that she is defensive about something, possibly the inappropriateness of the relationship between them.
This really just reads to me as she does not respect you and wants to do whatever she wants. She seems selfish, from what you've posted. She wants to separate until you get counseling? Why is that/what for? YOu don't have to answer that, but that may be part of it. Either way, you are not the only one who needs to do work here. And if she is not willing, that is saying with her actions that she is not going to try to make it work. Actions are much more meaningful than words. I am sorry this is happening to you. IT is conufusing and painful and I am sure it can be hard to know how to handle it. All I can tell you is to try to have healthy boundaries and if you love her, that's fine, but it doesn't mean you have to accept this kind of behavior which is really detrimental to your relationship.0 -
I didn't read through all the replies, but there are several things that stand out to me...
First, why would she change her marital status on FB after an arguement? Red flag number one!
Second, why would she call the cops on you claiming you won't let her leave? Sounds more like she wanted to leave and needed a sure-fire way that you couldn't go with her OR follow her.
Third, you shouldn't have snooped on her, but if she has nothing to hide then she shouldn't care if you see what they are texting.
So sorry you're dealing with this. And I agree with those who advise you to erase this once you're done here. Best of luck.0 -
http://rejoiceministries.org/questions.php
Go to this website. Don't post these details on this website if you want to save your marriage.
Talk to your wife, not us. My prayers are with you.--Ask that her heart be softened.
Fellow fitness pal -ers, please leave this man alone so that he and his wife can take care of their own business. Do not speak to a lawyer. Do not take polls. Talk with your wife even if that means that you need to talk with a nonpartial, confidential counselor together.
Do not spill your heart to anyone of the opposite sex. Stand for your marriage.
Please, for the sake of your marriage, do not post any more details about you and your wife on this site.
A three fold cord is not easily broken.
^^ This.0 -
People. When you are married it is not snooping. I look at my husbands phone and he looks at mine. We have nothing to hide. You only think of it as snooping when you do have something to hide.0
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It's only okay if you know the guy is full out gay.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
People. When you are married it is not snooping. I look at my husbands phone and he looks at mine. We have nothing to hide. You only think of it as snooping when you do have something to hide.
^^^^
Agree. I talk to my male friends on Facebook...but if he wanted to see what we are talking about, it;s fine. >I< have nothing to hide0 -
It's unreasonable to talk to another man for 3 hours and text late into the evening. Those are both giant red flags. I would not let this escalate. Talk to a lawyer, just so you know what your rights are. If she's calling the cops on you, you need to be VERY careful.
I'm sure this is painful, but take care of yourself, your kids and your house. Do NOT agree to leave or separate until you speak to a lawyer.
very good advice!
When my dh and I first got married he received a letter from an old gf, telling him how her engagement fell through, and how she never should have left my hubby go. Very full of innuendoes. He was deployed in the Gulf at the time. when next we spoke, I told him about the letter, and that I was not going to forward it on to him. I also asked that he not get in touch with her. 22 years later we're still married. He never disagreed with me. Was only sorry she chose to express these feelings outloud to a married man!
good luck and don't leave your house and kids if you want them! possession is still part of the law! Do get counceling, her too. it is used in court.
Final question for you to ponder, and be honest with yourself. Are you controlling or suspicious? I do not mean to be mean. Just asking you to be honest w yourself. If you truely are not, then keep in mind many people acuse others of what they themselves are guilty of.
like many other's said...talk to your family and friends, hers too, if they'll talk to you. Maybe couples you guys are friends with?
good luck, I will say a prayer for you. This is very difficult to say the least.0 -
Thanks for all the feedback I appreciate it from all of you you guys are amazing and wonderful and its awesome to have people like you. WHether positive or negative I get to see both sides of the story so thanks a ton0
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i have a male friend of several years. we are close but when i married, my relationship changed with my friend. i still love him and we keep in touch from time to time. i dont know the entire situation but i don't feel it is appropriate for any spouce to be on the phone and txting late at night with a member of opposit sex. it doesn't look good at all, so sorry.
Totally agree.
I am a "guy's girl". Growing up, I had wonderful, close male friends and we are still very close today. They are all some of the most loyal and amazing people I know. But as we got older, and got married, we no longer spent time on the phone or texting a lot. We don't go on vacations or road trips together anymore. My husband has never had an issue with me having male friends or even doing things with my girl friends (I go on "girl vacations" sometimes). He's not the jealous type. In my opinion, because I respect my marriage and my husband, that sort of behavior is inappropriate with my male friends.0 -
i have a male friend of several years. we are close but when i married, my relationship changed with my friend. i still love him and we keep in touch from time to time. i dont know the entire situation but i don't feel it is appropriate for any spouce to be on the phone and txting late at night with a member of opposit sex. it doesn't look good at all, so sorry.
Totally agree.
I am a "guy's girl". Growing up, I had wonderful, close male friends and we are still very close today. They are all some of the most loyal and amazing people I know. But as we got older, and got married, we no longer spent time on the phone or texting a lot. We don't go on vacations or road trips together anymore. My husband has never had an issue with me having male friends or even doing things with my girl friends (I go on "girl vacations" sometimes). He's not the jealous type. In my opinion, because I respect my marriage and my husband, that sort of behavior is inappropriate with my male friends.
Ditto. I agree with both.
I love my husband and when any issues have come up e.g FACE BOOK - Evil! I just came off it, who cares its only Face Book. My husband, children and family are more important. She's flirting with the idea (if she's not involved already) of being with him... She's causing fights maybe, so that she looks all innocent and sad, then you look the bad one.
Keep a diary incase you need it for court, facts of events not thoughts. Good luck!0 -
Facebook never gets in the way of me and my fiancee... Hes not jealous and we never fight or argue... thats true love and we are compleately honest and faithful to one another and if you dont have that then it will never work...0
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I'm sorry, darling, but to put it bluntly, your wife is no longer into you and is looking for excitement elsewhere.0
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As callously put as it is, this is the truth. I say this in part having been "the other man". Well, in a way. I was talking with a woman who was recently separated from her husband, and then it became an "emotional relationship" and from there we made it a physical relationship.
This.You need me to tell you?
It's over friend.
That other guy's hitting it, and you're OUT!
Don't go all nuts over it, and just move on with your life. This crumb has done you a huge favor.
Work on your own progress in every area of life: health, emotional, financial, career and social.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so the right person will come along.
Keep Punching and good luck.
The fact of the matter is she's overreacting over small things and is unwilling to talk with you about things. Ignore the girl who said you overreacted and that you messed it up, good job, blah blah blah—she's obviously either been in a situation wherein someone was overreacting or where she was behaving inappropriately with another man. It's not impossible for any partner to do such a thing, but from your threads it's my opinion that you are not overreacting.
You need to begin poising yourself for a divorce and custody hearings. I would recommend counseling only so that a counselor can say "Well ... it sounds like you were trying to fix things up ... and she went crazy and decided to be a nut job ... so ... I'll testify on your behalf for custody of your children for $X."
She's already moved on emotionally. Even if you get counseling and try to work things out it won't have "been enough". I'm sorry, that all sucks hard.0 -
People. When you are married it is not snooping. I look at my husbands phone and he looks at mine. We have nothing to hide. You only think of it as snooping when you do have something to hide.
^^^ yep I am on my husbands fb all the time but its mostly for games I play lol but he knows I do it and he has gotten on my fb occasionaly to send himself game things and we both read each others walls its not a huge deal sometimes even makes great chat durring dinner. My husband dosen`t have a cell phone he just dosen`t like them but if he is going on a long motorcycle ride I ask him to take mine with him just in case and yes I do have male friends that call and text on that phone not a big deal because we have TRUST in our relationship.
--- OP I do have to agree with most that in this case she blew up way to fast and changed her fb status so IMO she is LOOKING for a way out. So call a law office and set up an appointment just to be safe and know your rights before it go`s farther also close joint bank acounts (credit accounts).--0 -
Now, there is always two sides to a story, but based on the information given in this post:
1. aha... the second she changed her facebook status from 'married' to 'single' after an argument, it should've been over. Why? Maturity level. Such a bratty, spiteful thing to do. Her fllipping out and calling the police? Sounds like you both need to sit through some therapy. =/
2. No one is saying that married individuals cannot have friends of the opposite sex or talk to them (that's... dumb), but if you can't tell the difference between having a platonic friend and the aforementioned situation, you're delusional. There are red flags all over that s*** lol Also, if a person is really willing to put their pride and a friend over a MARRIAGE... well, the person has no business being married.
3. If you felt the need to snoop, there were obviously issues before you even snooped. A lack of trust is a serious, serious issue in a marriage - and the marriage will NEVER work if it is an issue that is never fixed. Not to say I wouldn't have done the same thing in that situation, given the circumstances.
You're asking for help, which means you really want to work things out. Sad thing is, it doesn't sound like she wants to. Seek counseling, the both of you, (although as a skeptic, I've never been convinced that counseling even does anything) and if it doesn't work out, or more importantly, if she refuses to see a counselor with you, time to hire an attorney. Never hurts to get some legal consultation in the mean time, though.0 -
Let me add a little to this, she used to never have a problem with me looking at her phone and now she does. That is a serious red flag that is why I am still looking at it, well not anymore but that is why I was because she used to never have a problem with it, it makes no sense for her to act this way at all0
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Sorry but she is completely disrespecting you as her husband. I don't think you did the wrong thing. She obviously wants to be with him. She is just waiting to see which one of you is better. I know many women who have done this.
edited to add- as husband and wife there should never be an issue with looking at each others phone. I have no problem with my SO looking at my phone and vise versa.0 -
Short version of your post:
She demanded that you get therapy (for what, you didn't say)
She said she wanted a separation at least until therapy starts.
She erased her relationship status.
She called the police on you.
That's some pretty clear writing on the wall. See an attorney and find out what your rights are. Tomorrow. You can usually get a free consultation.
Guard bank accounts and credit cards, if you share the same accounts. If you're going to be legally separated, certain papers need to be drawn up (at least in my US state). It's to protect yourself more than anything.
^^ this !0 -
Well i don't think a married woman should talk to another man for 3 hours, friend or not, but i think if both of you want the married to continue both of you need therapy, not just you.0
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