My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

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  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    Well, my husband isn't happy about my butt getting flatter, but he likes the fact I want to have sex more often :D. So he doesn't complain and is excited that when I get down to goal that we'll be able to do more interesting positions >:D
  • misticache
    misticache Posts: 364 Member
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    This is going to sound mean but get a new boyfriend. He must feel insecure and that's why he wants you heavier. If he can't be supportive now he will never make a good husband so don't waste your time or his. Try to talk to him about why this is important. Maybe he will come around.
  • cunfewzed1
    cunfewzed1 Posts: 80
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    I wouldn't dump him. He's probably not trying to be a jerk. My guess is he's trying to show you that he loves you with or without the 5-10 lbs. As a man, I like a larger cup size just like the next guy but I doubt he's that dumb.
  • DaveRCF
    DaveRCF Posts: 266
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    You're not married. No lawyers needed. Just dump him and move on.

    Gimme a break. What happened to working through issues? People these days give up on relationships too easily. For all you know she's got a significant emtional capital invested in this relationship.
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
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    You need to do what makes you happy.....your boyfriend needs to respect that!!

    ^^ This definitely!!
  • eliz_in_pink
    eliz_in_pink Posts: 278 Member
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    Here is what you say to him...
    "If I am healthier than I will be around a lot longer. You can have me for a lot longer to love on."
    Tell him you are giving him the gift of a longer, fuller, better, healthier life. :)


    My hubby LIKED me heavier too, but he got over that when my sex drive went up :) And he also saw how much happier and care free I am now that I have shed 90 pounds. He would never take my happiness away from me.
  • still_crafty
    still_crafty Posts: 692 Member
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    Some guys just like curves.

    I'm not "heavy" any longer and still have curves.

    He's an asshat . . . move on and find someone who will like you no matter how you look so long as you are happy.
  • kylejh
    kylejh Posts: 221 Member
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    My ex-GF was the same with me. Back in January, I had looked at some pics of myself from Christmas, and was disgusted with how I looked. I told her I was too fat, and she said I wasn't. I dumped her the same day I started my weight loss journey (for other reasons) and have never looked back. I'm sure she would have tried to sabotage me with sweets and fatty foods along the way.
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 910 Member
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    its all abt YOU BABY!! =)
    sometimes you just have to do and say that.
    also, cup size? really? i have a feeling thats where this is coming from and thats pretty lame.

    if i were you i would get new pants tho.. we all look pretty hot when our clothes fit nice and smooth =)

    be proud, be happy, keep with your goals. its not abt anybody else. my husband constantly tells me i look good, he loves me how i am.. but i KNOW once i lose my weight and get back to pre-baby size he will love that JUST as much!
  • 1horsetown
    1horsetown Posts: 247 Member
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    This can be one of 2 things.

    1. He just likes the feel of a 'curvier' body. It takes all types to make the world go round.

    or.

    2. Some where in his little brain he wants control. Heavier women are frequently seen as less secure/ confident. (I'm not saying they are or aren't) But if you are heavier, you would be less desireable to other men and less likely to leave him.

    The question is: which one is he?

    In my opinion: it's control. He should love you for who you are, where you are. He should want you to be happy/healthy.
  • dfborders
    dfborders Posts: 474 Member
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    Like I always say - sit down with your boyfriend and talk - have a heart to heart. Explain why you are doing this and how his comments, however well intentioned, seem to not be supportive. No one can read anyone else's mind so like some were saying it could be his own insecurity, he could be afraid if he starts complimenting you on the weight you lost then what happens if you fall off the wagon and gain it back (a reality when dealing with weight issues) will you hold it against him, it could be a control thing, etc. You just don't know until you talk to him. Then there is also the reality that some men find a heavier woman attractive. If that is the case then the two of you need to decide can you both get what you need out of the relationship and if you can both be happy - again the only way you will figure all of this out is if the two of you talk. Good luck - I know it is not easy but all we are doing is guessing only your boyfriend can give you the answers!!:flowerforyou:
  • mandylooo
    mandylooo Posts: 456 Member
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    I can't tell from your profile whether you're going from an unhealthy place to a healthy one, or vice versa, so I can't make a call on your boyfriend's position.

    The only thing I can say is that whatever the situation, you need to have a proper, even tempered conversation with him. Maybe he liked you the way you were? Or he may feel threatened by the changes you're making and you need to reassure him that you're still you. He may be concerned that you're getting too thin.

    Before you make up your mind that he's being shallow about your body - you must talk to him properly.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.


    ^^ 100%. This^^. Good luck!
  • Amazon_Who
    Amazon_Who Posts: 1,092 Member
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    Give him some time to get use to it.
  • jah0217
    jah0217 Posts: 51 Member
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    Some guys just like curves.

    This is so true! Even when I'm "in shape" I still have quite a bit of curve to me, and that's part of what attracted my husband to me. He didn't want a girl who he felt like he would snap like a twig when he touched her. That being said, he has never been intimidated by me loosing weight or doing other things that make me feel better.
  • xxthoroughbred
    xxthoroughbred Posts: 346 Member
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    After going through an awakening of sudden girl power a few years ago, I wish every woman would understand how important their happiness and well-being is over a boyfriend!! Whether you're deeply in love with him or not, he should respect your choices and love you for it. Wouldn't you think he was an *kitten* if he liked you skinnier and you were heavier instead? It's the same thing.

    Any man is a supplement to your life. YOU are what matters in YOUR life. One day, he may be gone and you'll have to live with how you are because of him. Don't live your life according to a guy because things change.
  • Kara_xxx
    Kara_xxx Posts: 635 Member
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    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

    Short, sweet and true.
  • anku08
    anku08 Posts: 82 Member
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    Well its ur health and ur decision... He has to be supportive wid your choice.. :flowerforyou:

    I had dis guy(not BF:yawn: ) after me for like 4 years.... whenever I lost some weight n got into good shape.. He would tell me "you look so undernourished... (undernourished:noway: ????? Dude I am 20kg overweight:sad: )...
    In the end i had to yell at him to stop looking after me as he is not my bf n he can not have control over my life and decisions :grumble:
    and he himself was 6"4 and all skinny... :ohwell: he would have been with me if he would have been a good friend
  • artslady96
    artslady96 Posts: 132 Member
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    My husband likes chubby girls, but he prefers a happy wife. If your boyfriend is worth keeping, he ultimately feels the same way. I encourage you to talk with your boyfriend about his comments make you feel. He may not even realize it because, let's face it, men aren't the best in the emotional IQ.
  • sandylion
    sandylion Posts: 451 Member
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    Get some new jeans that are nice and snug to show off your assets just as well?

    I had this same issue with my husband, but he seems to have developed a fondness for muscle definition now as well, but I found being able to show off the highlights of the nice new you helped a lot.

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