My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

Josette89

I thought this might have been an issue with my bf, but he was just telling me not to worry about him. If I get healthy and fit he'd be happy. I hope your man can realize this as well. Tell him this is what you want and you would like his support. He will eventually see how he may have been an a** and adore you for your new confidence and health.

Hezzietiger1

You are happier now. You feel more attractive now. You are more confident now. You are more comfortable now. You love yourself more now. But has your love for him changed because you lost 10 lbs?

I don't see a reason for you to stop focusing on fitness and weight loss and loving yourself more, building your confidence, being more comfortable in your skin, and increasing your attractiveness because he is less attracted to you physically.

If you are pursuing a life long relationship with each other things are going to change over the years and physical attraction is going to take the back burner to everything else anyway. I doubt his love for you is based on 10 lbs. HIs love for you is based on your heart, spirit, soul, personality, attitude, mind, etc.

Keep up the hard work and keep loving him for all the reason's you love him and let him love you for all the reason's he loves you.. and forget about the comments.

That's my advice

Hezz

cmwhited6204

First and formost, you lose weight and get in shape for yourself. Second if he cant support something this small in the scheme of life, walk away now!

beyondjupiter

There are a million reasons why a guy would say or think that. Not a single one is healthy or conducive to a healthy relationship.

Agreed.

My first thought was insecurity, my second thought was shallow, and my third though was not worth it. I know I love my husband no matter how he looks and he says the same to me. He wants me to be healthier and happier but that comes from within, not my pants size. My husband has gained weight and lost weight and I told him, and meant it, that as long as he was happy, I was happy. I don't like bulky muscles personally, but if that made him happy, I would be happy too. That is how relationships work. Obviously this guy isn't there yet. I think dumping him outright is a little drastic but talk it out, if he keeps it up, let him go. Find someone who loves you with or without 5-10 extra lbs. Because last time I checked, weight shouldn't have much to do with what you love about your significant other.

katoato

MFP Community,

I log off for work and come back and see so many amazing comments. Thank you SO SO much! I have read every single one and every single one means so much to me - you took the time to lend your wisdom and expertise, thank you so much.

As far as the other questions you have posed -

Are you healthy, what is your size, and are you doing anything that's bad for your body?, I am 5'4", 140lbs, cup size C (which is why I thought it was ridiculous for him to make the boob comment, there is plenty to go around! And even if there weren't, HELLO, they're STILL BOOBS and BE HAPPY!). I'm a medium-large frame. I now fit into size 6 pants, and have realized I have no desire to go smaller, have been losing at the rate of about 4 lbs/month, and am almost ALWAYS over my calorie goal for the day pre-exercise. I have no problem eating, my relationship with food is actually pretty healthy! Yay for that.

Is your boyfriend overweight? Yes, he is. He has a very skinny frame and is 215 at 6'4", but I would guess his body fat percentage is rather high. He eats a lot of crap. It makes me sad. Still trying to figure out how to best tackle this because he is stubborn.

Do you like the way you look? How do YOU feel? I love the way I look. I have a body that is healthy and can do wonderful things, run 6 miles, climb rock walls, and look cute in a pair of jeans. I love my body now. Every moment dedicated to this endeavor has been worth it.

These are all I can remember right now, if you have more, please ask! Thank you so much for all of your help. The resounding advice has been to do what makes me feel right. In addition to communicating with him about my feelings. And I am going to do those things. Thank you for your help. If this continues to be a problem that talking cannot solve, I will reevaluate my goals in the relationship.

Thanks to each and every one of you. I now have a much clearer way forward! Best wishes and many blessings to everyone on this thread. So happy. Thank you everyone.

JeSuisPrest

Kat....so glad you wrote back and updated us. Sounds to me like this story will have a happy ending!! Kudos to you!!

kissenkate15

My boyfriend has told me over and over that he thinks I am perfect the way I am. However, I don't agree and I don't care what he thinks. (I do about most everything but this) If I want to lose weight and tone my body that is my choice. He loves me and he will get over it. He has actually come around to the new 10 pounds lighter and toner me. He thinks I look great and is being supportive now. We live 4 hours apart and I made him make a deal with me that he will not Skype with me unless I work out. And it has really helped!!! I am the last person to ever want to work out so him refusing to Skype till after I work out is the best motivation ever! Do what you want. If your boyfriend is worried about your cup size and not how you feel he's not a good boyfriend. Good luck!

NYChick84

What is his body like? Do you think that he doesn't want you to be skinnier because you're going to look at him differently? Or maybe he thinks that you'll get the "wandering eye" and leave him. Does he have sef image issues within himself that he's afraid you may leave him? My ex did that to me...HENCE the reason he's an ex. He used to get upset at me for looking and feeling better about myself. He always thought I was going to leave him. I had enough of his crap, and DID eventually leave him. Maybe try incorporating him into your exercise regimen. Maybe he'll understand why you are doing this. Just food for thought.....calorie free too! lol

KariQuiteContrary

Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

THIS. All day long. Period.

Fani2003

Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

THIS!

brittany17love

It's really your choice honestly. He shouldn't want to make you feel bad for losing weight. The guys I have been with prefered me heavier because I had bigger breasts. They are all exes. I wanted to be alone and single so that I could really focus on losing weight without distractions.

I've been down this road before but I always gained back. This is my 4th day on a new routine and I am not going to screw this up.

ytfelmi

Oh man.. I can relate to this for sure!

Back in '07, I lost 60lbs on Jenny Craig. My boyfriend at the time was a skinner guy. 6'1, maybe 150-160? I'm bad with guys weights.. But he was defnitely on the scrawnier side. When I hit my halfway point, he told me to stop. Asking why I thought I needed to lose more when I had already done so much, and looked great. All the while, saying he liked "thicker girls", referring to me. Not what I wanted to hear when I already felt bad about my weight. He was always supportive, but little comments like that we're definitely frustrating.

Once I got down to my smallest, 127, he became insanely jealous.. And TOLD me it was because I was thin and confident, and that he didn't think I would want to be with HIM anymore..

Eventually we broke up, but he still remains one of my best guy friends. I crawled back up to 160 (down 8lbs now though! Yay).. But he still tells me that this is where he thinks my body looks best. It's funny.. His current girlfriend lost a ton of weight dating him this past year, and he says the same thing about her. Not sure why his girlfriends keep dropping the lbs around him. Haha

Anyway.. I've been with my current bf for over 2yrs now, and he's been such a motivator. I was never at my smallest with him, but about 15lbs lighter when we first started dating. When I get excited over a pound, he's right there to tell me how proud he is. The major difference is that instead of saying "I'll always love you, but I like you at this weight more" (like my ex), he's there supporting my mental health. Whatever makes ME happy.

I totally went off on a rant there.. I guess my point was just that if you explain to your boyfriend that those comments are bringing you down, he might adjust his attitude. Like other posters have said; he might think its a way to explain that he likes you at any weight. He just isn't saying it in a supportive way, and needs to know.

I wouldn't "drop" him over that. Even with my ex, it was frustrating,but I DID speak up at let him know my weight loss was for me, not to be HIS ideal weight.. Over time, he stepped back with the comments.

Good luck! Sorry for the long post!

lady_in_weighting

my bf really wants me to put on weight too, i love being a uk size 8 and im a healthy weight for my height even if i do look skinny when im naked. he says he likes women with curves and something to 'hold onto' as it were. LOL. :P

i think you should do what makes you happy, its your body and at the end of the day if he loved you for who you are then your body shouldnt be an issue.

keep up the good work <333

rjcelmer

Your boyfriend is insecure. He's afraid that if you lose weight you'll look for someone "better" than him. I've seen this type of thing happen many times. Just reassure him that you're not going anywhere.

As a man, I agree with this. I was going to post the exact same thing. He can give you as many stories as he wants but it will boil down to this.

girlonfire15

Whether he wants you skinnier or heavier, never change yourself for a man. Change your body for YOUR happiness, not anyone else's.

Just a thought - this could also be his way of showing concern for you. Maybe he thinks you have body image issue/anorexia/any other myriad weight-centric issues.

choppie70

My initial thought is that maybe he is just worried that if you lose too much weight you will either leave him or other guys will be after you!

You do need to do what is right and what makes you happy.

My husband likes bigger women. He constantly tells me he likes me the way I am. I am not happy with the way I am, so I have been working hard to lose the weight. He is beginning to understand that when I am more happy with myself, I am more willing to do things for him :blushing:

Yesterday he called me at work and said he bought me a gift. I came home to a new scale and a sports bra! I was a little taken back at first but he bought them to help!

ChrisRS87

You want to be thinner, but he likes the bigger cup size?

Boob job.

Win-win for everyone

crybil

r u kidding me thats just crazy its so not good for your health dont let him discourage your keep it up!

TheRoadDog

So MFP community,

I've been losing weight with the help of MFP for about 3 months now and have been met with great success. The support from this community has been overwhelming, and has motivated me to really go for my goals! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.

However, my boyfriend is not as happy. He likes me with a bigger cup size, and prefers me heavier. When he sees my pants are loose now, he says things like, "We'll get you some lasagna and help you get those 5-10 lbs back."

I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I LOVE how I look and feel now - I feel so beautiful b/c everything I'm doing for my body is healthy, and my workouts make me feel great. But I also want to please him and make him happy. I feel like I can't do the right thing.

What is your perspective on this? Do you have a spouse that likes you heavier? Really need some opinions and feedback, I'm so confused. . .

You need to do what is good for you, makes you happy and healthy. You also need a partner that supports your goals. The two are not mutually exclusive. Don't go through life trying to please someone else. Find someone else that is pleased with you and supports you. If he can't do it, believe me, there are many out there that want to.

margo36

Most men like curvy women and not a bag of bones. The is world of difference between slim, toned and curvy and being fat. He maybe thinks you are going to over do and turn into a bag of bones.

WifeNMama

My husband likes me a bit squishy, but we both know there's too much of it right now. :laugh: He says it's no fun to hug a jackknife, and I'd have to agree. I am getting to my healthy body fat% by decreasing fat and hopefully increasing muscle. I want to feel powerful...powerfully feminine. My husband is happy that I'm making healthy changes and that I feel more confident. There are good rewards with a woman who feels better about herself.

SeasideOasis

Its about health and fitness. He should be happy you are getting your health in order, which is the best success you can have. Ask him if he would like you in a casket sooner...Talk about eye opening....