My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

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  • DonniesGirl69
    DonniesGirl69 Posts: 644 Member
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    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

    Right.........
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Here's what matters.....

    a) health....are you healthier now than before?
    b) you........are you liking the way you look?

    Is boyfriend noticing other guys looking at you now?Could he be feeling insecure? Maybe he thinks you're getting "too thin" and is concerned for you health?
    But the truth still is it doesnt matter what anyone thinks about how you should look. What do YOU think?
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    DTMFA
  • degan2011
    degan2011 Posts: 316 Member
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    He told me he married me the way I am and if I change myself weight wise then I'll be changing what he loved about me.

    So what he loved about you was your weight??? Sorry, but this does not say "I love you the way you are" because the way you ARE is right now, no matter when NOW is... I love the way you WERE, is more like it.

    When I met my husband I weighed 155, by the time we married I weighed 200! (down from 225). He is always telling me that he loves me no matter what weight I am. What he doesn't love is how unhappy I am being over weight. He loves the excitement and commitment I have made to myself now and whether I lose the weight or stay right here what he DOESNT want me to loose is my happinees and enthusiam for being healthy.
  • sl1ngsh0t
    sl1ngsh0t Posts: 326 Member
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    sounds like a control thing to me. I have another friend experiencing the same issue with her partner, and it isn't healthy.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,569 Member
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    So MFP community,

    I've been losing weight with the help of MFP for about 3 months now and have been met with great success. The support from this community has been overwhelming, and has motivated me to really go for my goals! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.

    However, my boyfriend is not as happy. He likes me with a bigger cup size, and prefers me heavier. When he sees my pants are loose now, he says things like, "We'll get you some lasagna and help you get those 5-10 lbs back."

    I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I LOVE how I look and feel now - I feel so beautiful b/c everything I'm doing for my body is healthy, and my workouts make me feel great. But I also want to please him and make him happy. I feel like I can't do the right thing.

    What is your perspective on this? Do you have a spouse that likes you heavier? Really need some opinions and feedback, I'm so confused. . . :(
    Is he overweight?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • danyeinarson
    danyeinarson Posts: 19
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    I know exactly how you feel. My ex would consistently have me over eat to keep me heavy, and I hated it. He was bigger too, but not as big and it always made me mad how he would say things like "I like you just the way you are", and "you don't have to change, you're perfect". What it came down to was, he was scared if I lost the weight I would leave him for someone better looking.

    Sit down, have a heart to heart. He might be hiding his insecurities behind your weight loss.
  • turningstar
    turningstar Posts: 393 Member
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    My husband said the same thing. He liked me 22 lbs ago, and even went so far as to tell me one night that my legs looked scrawny. Im still working on dropping some body fat, but I've started lifting weights. Since I've built some muscle and put some more curve back on, he says he likes my new body. As for losing the boobs, were both sad....
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Talk to him. Tell him how important your HEALTH is to you, and that it isn't helpful when he makes comments like that. My ex used to continue to call me fat even after I lost the weight. I do not miss having to deal with that...
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    To the OP:

    How tall are you and what is your current weight????
  • HeatherNoyes
    HeatherNoyes Posts: 114 Member
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    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.


    ^^^^^I agree with this a MILLION times! This is about you, not him.
  • Perfectdiamonds1
    Perfectdiamonds1 Posts: 347 Member
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    You are just 31, right? You are not stuck. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, but your heart is speaking right now.
  • jkmorgan719
    jkmorgan719 Posts: 1 Member
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    Maybe it's not that your losing weight. It might be that your clothes aren't fitting as well. My hubby loves how I look espicall in jeans but as I lost weight they didn't look as good on me. I bought some better fitting clothes and he was happy again lol ;)
  • PhotogNerd
    PhotogNerd Posts: 420 Member
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    Time for a new guy? Let him find some bigger boobs elsewhere I guess.
  • haylz247
    haylz247 Posts: 435
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    maybe you need to be with someone else? he should appreciate you for who you are!
    my partner is always telling me i look good (which i have trouble believing him!) but he is supportive of me losing weight. have a chat with your bf and tell him how you feel :)
  • rhonniema
    rhonniema Posts: 522
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    My boyfriend used to say that when I started taking this weight loss thing seriously.
    Now he notices when I lose weight, counts calories with me, and comes with me to the gym sometimes.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    Your body, your choice. You have three options:

    1. Lose him and find someone who likes the new you.
    2. Give in to his request and gain the weight back in fat.
    3. Meet him half way, up your proteins, and work on muscle toning and building through some heavy lifting (you won't go all "bodybuilder" without massive tons of work, I promise!)

    I'd try #3 first. You'll end up liking yourself even more, and if he can't handle it you'll be the kind of gal guys would die for, so you won't have any problems finding someone compatible with the new you.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 775 Member
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    I see several possibilities from the posts here... all very good ones I might add.

    1. He is extremely insecure and afraid that you will leave him once you gain confidence and feel more attractive.

    2. He doesn't want to upset you by making you think he WANTS you to lose weight.

    3. He truly does just like heavier women (in which case... if he can't accept you thinner... cut him loose).

    4. AND MOST IMPORTANT... This is all for YOU and not for him!!! Do NOT sacrifice being healthy because ....... "I want to please him and make him happy." Putting your own health aside to make another person happy is called codependency... it's NOT a healthy way to think or to live.
  • picassoadagio
    picassoadagio Posts: 407 Member
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    My husband likes me heavier, saying he married me at my heaviest. I still lost regardless to what he said to me. In fact, when I say, "I would like to a few more pounds about 5 or 10 lbs." He always says, "When is this going to stop? You said it was at 180 lbs., but you weigh less than that now, and you think you need to lose more?!?! So when is this going to stop? Please tell me."

    Over the years, he has learn to leave me alone when it comes to my health and fitness. He might get mad at me because I can get a little obsessive about it, but in the end, he knows I am not the only one reaping the benefits.

    The people I have to look out for are the in-law. The are Italian and they are always telling me, "You need to eat. You are too thin. Eat. Eat." Which then I feel obliged to eat, but I do it in moderation.

    Good luck! Know you are not alone. And do what you think is right. :)
  • JacMarieSTL
    JacMarieSTL Posts: 68 Member
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    My husband liked me heavier too...

    I filed for divorce in March. End of story.

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