My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

ladyred133 · June 2012

Dump him! Your health is so much more important than his selfish intentions. He likes you heavier because men won't look at you if your fat. He sounds insecure and seems not quite the man you'll want once you look beautiful in your new slim suit!! KEEP GOING!!

What if he dumps you and you're left fat, unhappy, and alone...wouldn't you rather if he dumps you to be thin, beautiful, healthy, and not alone for long?

paigemarie93 · June 2012

He should like you no matter your size, as long as you are healthy of course.

devil_in_a_blue_dress · June 2012

Well, it's like this -- how would you feel if he were telling you to lose weight because he likes you thinner and you were already at your goal weight?

I get having preferences for physical appearances -- but those are preferences, not requirements. What matters most is that your are happy. Are you really going to be happy at a higher weight to please him? If so, more power to you. If you're not -- you need to tell him that. Give him the choice to leave if he can't accept you for who you want to be. Maybe that will make him see he's being an unsupportive jerk and he will stop. Maybe it won't -- and then you'll be free to find somebody who appreciates YOU for who you are and not necessarily what you look like.

love4ransom · June 2012

I'm a size 22/24 pants and 18/20 top. I've lost 30 lbs and told my hubby when I can finally wear a size 12 I'll be happy. He told me a size 12 is way too small. He told me to stop at a size 16. He told me he married me the way I am and if I change myself weight wise then I'll be changing what he loved about me. I kind of think it's his way of making me feel good about what I look like. Maybe your b/f is trying to let you know that thinner or heavier he likes you for you.

ladyred133 · June 2012

If she were married to this man and he said he liked her heavier then so be it. But she's not...they have no commitment to each other so at this point their lives are their own. She needs to ensure if something happens to the relationship she's in shape for the next one...

fiercelittlebird · June 2012

My boyfriend has always been more attracted to curvier and sometimes heavier girls. I got the same kind of "don't lose your *kitten*, don't lose your boobs" thing from him too. But once I really started committing myself to this, and he sees how much happier I am he hasn't said too much since.

Some guys just like curves, some guys are insecure. You should be able to figure out which category he falls into. And just because you lose weight doesn't mean you're going to lose your curves. I've been 120 lbs and 190 lbs and always still maintained an hourglass figure. It's all in how you carry your weight.

If the comments start getting mean or ore often, then you've gotta decide for yourself whether it's a relationship worth staying in. Don't sacrifice your happiness for anyone else!

MindyG150 · June 2012

Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

Well said.

Cmh1211 · June 2012

all the single ladies.... all the single ladies... ah get ur hands up... ohh ohh ohh, ohh ohh ohh.. ohh uwww ohh ohh ohh lol.. beyonce needs to stop making music and drop some love on this thread.

yea op. u should dump him, ull feel much better when ur cold and alone at night.

being single and impowered is way funner then having someone love u for u. just sayin

if the guy is a genuine jerk to u then by all means, turn up ur beyonce track and turn on some tyra banks and move on with ur life girl... lol but if the dude just gave u his honest opinion, tht clearly works in ur benefit, then let it be. if he loves u he will get on board.

trybabytry · June 2012

To everyone who's saying you should dump him -- LOL WHAT. I think that would make YOU the crazy one in this situation!

Sometimes watching loved ones change physically can be difficult -- all attraction aside. When I was little and my mother first dyed her hair I cried for three days. When my dad finally got his teeth fixed last year I was so sad to see his wonky smile transform. My best friend lost a bunch of weight a couple years ago, and looked FANTASTIC, but part of me really missed the old, adorable, chubby girl I loved so much.

So maybe it'll just be a matter of him getting used to it? Regardless, I agree with everyone who says you should talk to him seriously about your choices. Maybe just making him feel involved will help some.

kimad · June 2012

This is for YOU and only YOU.
You need to do what you want, and if they don't support that then maybe they aren't worth it. I know that sounds harsh.
I have had family, friends, and even my BF say I don't need to lose anymore weight (I am at 162) and I don't agree so I am doing what I want to do.

AJTwiddy · June 2012

:happy:

Is he heavier? Maybe he fears that if you lose all the weight you will leave him?

My thoughts exactally!! Maybe he is afraid that if you look and feel better that U wont wanna put up with any of his ISH!!!! It will give you the confedence to leave him!!! If thats Not the case then ask him What ur happiness means to him???? If he answers correctly then tell him that this is ur happy and U would like to share it with him!! See if he will wrk out with you maybe he will understand the FEEL GOOD bout the whole thing!!! Best of luck to you and keep up the good work!!! :happy:

Jishmeister · June 2012

It's your life, not his. You're losing weight for yourself, not him. He's just insecure because more attractive guys will be attracted to you and he's afraid you'll leave him for one of them. Otherwise, why would he be against you getting fit and healthy? If he's going to sabotage you, then cut him out of your life. Getting rid of negativity is another step to getting healthy.

skinnynerd · June 2012

Communication.

candrea1402 · June 2012

Sounds like he might be having insecurity issues. I've lost 24 pound so far ,and the cup size has shrunk lol, but i to feel better about myself, my husband has been very supportive. Just tell him how much sexier you feel when you lost the extra pounds , and how much better you feel, he will come around when he sees how cute you look in all those new clothes

BSBgirl337 · June 2012

I think it depends on his attitude toward you. When I first lost weight, my now husband told me I was skinny enough and stay at that weight. Then we were getting married, and I wanted to lose more. He was supportive about it, but didn't mind me heavier either. After the wedding, I was sick of dieting, etc., so I put weight back on. The plus side is that he doesn't mind, and I know that, and it makes me feel better. it would be far worse in my mind if he liked me better skinny, an wanted me to lose weight. In the end, he is happy with me as I am, fat or skinny. I think that is the most important thing.

MrsLVF · June 2012

If he doesn't like you for you he is not the one. It's your body, not his, end of story.

sjeagle30 · June 2012

If she were married to this man and he said he liked her heavier then so be it. But she's not...they have no commitment to each other so at this point their lives are their own. She needs to ensure if something happens to the relationship she's in shape for the next one...

How do you know they have no commitment to each other? Maybe they have kids? Maybe they own a house? Nobody knows ecept her!

KC3003 · June 2012

This isnt about weight, or bra size. It's about your health ! Would he like you better if you had a heart attack from lugging around extra weight ? Are you willing to consider that....or any of the other major health issues that stem from obesity.....just for him ?

Is he in love with you...or your boobs?

Some men feel threatened, as we loose weight. We become more attractive and more confident. They feel there will be more competition, just to keep you. They are right.

I'd say he should change his attitude, or you should change boyfriends, but what do I know ! Best of luck with your decisions !

davidsgirl145 · June 2012

Hmmm, wondering if it's making him feel insecure?

or he may just be a chubby lover, and that's ok. but, you don't gotta be fat for anyone!!!! nuh uh!

DonniesGirl69 · June 2012

Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

Right.........

JeSuisPrest · June 2012

Here's what matters.....

a) health....are you healthier now than before?
b) you........are you liking the way you look?

Is boyfriend noticing other guys looking at you now?Could he be feeling insecure? Maybe he thinks you're getting "too thin" and is concerned for you health?
But the truth still is it doesnt matter what anyone thinks about how you should look. What do YOU think?

Captain_Tightpants · June 2012

DTMFA

degan2011 · June 2012

He told me he married me the way I am and if I change myself weight wise then I'll be changing what he loved about me.

So what he loved about you was your weight??? Sorry, but this does not say "I love you the way you are" because the way you ARE is right now, no matter when NOW is... I love the way you WERE, is more like it.

When I met my husband I weighed 155, by the time we married I weighed 200! (down from 225). He is always telling me that he loves me no matter what weight I am. What he doesn't love is how unhappy I am being over weight. He loves the excitement and commitment I have made to myself now and whether I lose the weight or stay right here what he DOESNT want me to loose is my happinees and enthusiam for being healthy.

sl1ngsh0t · June 2012

sounds like a control thing to me. I have another friend experiencing the same issue with her partner, and it isn't healthy.

ninerbuff · June 2012

So MFP community,

I've been losing weight with the help of MFP for about 3 months now and have been met with great success. The support from this community has been overwhelming, and has motivated me to really go for my goals! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.

However, my boyfriend is not as happy. He likes me with a bigger cup size, and prefers me heavier. When he sees my pants are loose now, he says things like, "We'll get you some lasagna and help you get those 5-10 lbs back."

I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I LOVE how I look and feel now - I feel so beautiful b/c everything I'm doing for my body is healthy, and my workouts make me feel great. But I also want to please him and make him happy. I feel like I can't do the right thing.

What is your perspective on this? Do you have a spouse that likes you heavier? Really need some opinions and feedback, I'm so confused. . .

Is he overweight?

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

danyeinarson · June 2012

I know exactly how you feel. My ex would consistently have me over eat to keep me heavy, and I hated it. He was bigger too, but not as big and it always made me mad how he would say things like "I like you just the way you are", and "you don't have to change, you're perfect". What it came down to was, he was scared if I lost the weight I would leave him for someone better looking.

Sit down, have a heart to heart. He might be hiding his insecurities behind your weight loss.

turningstar · June 2012

My husband said the same thing. He liked me 22 lbs ago, and even went so far as to tell me one night that my legs looked scrawny. Im still working on dropping some body fat, but I've started lifting weights. Since I've built some muscle and put some more curve back on, he says he likes my new body. As for losing the boobs, were both sad....

Trechechus · June 2012

Talk to him. Tell him how important your HEALTH is to you, and that it isn't helpful when he makes comments like that. My ex used to continue to call me fat even after I lost the weight. I do not miss having to deal with that...