My boyfriend likes me heavier :(
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My husband used to say he liked me "curvey" and that he didnt want me to lose weight, but as I toned up and got in better shape he couldn't get over how much better I looked.
Wear flattering clothes that show off you curves. Its the curves the guys like, not the fat...they just don't always know the difference :-)0 -
Perhaps he's concerned that if he were to be supportive, that could be seen as tantamount to him saying that he wants you to change?
So he is trying to play it safe by showing that he likes you just the way you are.
Yeah I think he's fumbling for a way to make you feel like this isnt necessary and he really likes you as is. If he gets excited, you might be upset that he may have been hoping for this all along. So he's playing it safe by priving over and over that he's always loved your size.
Even if thats not the case, your blossoming confidence will win him over.
I third this. I said pretty much the exact same thing to a girl I was dating when she started lifting weights, even though her appearance was improving. I basically wanted her to know that I thought she was hot exactly how she was. However, I was not unsupportive of her choices and I was please with the changes. Dudes are clumsy conversationally when it comes to these things - probably because girls are crazy and we can't predict what will freak you out.0 -
damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.
this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.
OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.0 -
To the people saying get rid of him - WTF is wrong with you? THIS is why we have such a high divorce rate... people aren't willing to work through even the tiniest issues!
Exactly. Going through life imagining the grass is always greener somewhere else won't make you happy. Sometimes we need to stop and work on the lawns we already have. Strong relationships take hard work!
^This!!^
And, I can't believe that people feel so free to destroy a relationship!0 -
I wouldn't read too much into this. If you're half-way toward a 22-lb. weight loss goal, you're not that overweight to begin with. He's simply expressing his preference for a softer, fuller you. There are many men out there who prefer that. There's a tendency for women to prefer being thinner than the general male ideal. To each their own. Certainly not worth ending a serious relationship over, in any case.0
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! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.
That's all that matters. I am curious, though....is your b/f on the heavy side or not?0 -
My husband is very athletic and he always used to tell me he liked it better when I was 125. ( I was shorter ten, it would be the equivalent of me being 135-140/25lbs heavier than now) I know that it was because he was insecure and that he was afraid if I looked better that I would leave him. Either when he realize that wasn't actually his preference for me or when he realized that I wasn't going to leave him, he got on board and he no longer tells me those things.
As for the cup size thing, thats bull****. He did not get with you for your cup size, and if he did, he is an *kitten*. I don't even see why that relevant.0 -
I went through this a few years ago when I had a dramatic weight loss and got down to my goal weight of 132. About 4 months after I had gotten down to that weight, I began dating someone I had known through work for years. He constantly complained that he liked me better when I had been bigger, liked my bigger butt & boobs (it should be known that I have no butt to begin with & when I lost weight it just became that much more obvious, but my breasts only went from an F to DD...there should have still been enough there to keep him happy). He was always feeding me, trying to 'fatten me back up' (his words). The relationship ended after only a few months, but by then the damage had been done. The weight had started to creep back on & even after we split, I was back to all my old, bad habits. Fast forward 3 years and here I am again, working hard and getting my body/weight/health back under control. Your boyfriend's like & preferences are certainly important, but not as important as your own when it comes to your body. Please do what's best for you. :flowerforyou:0
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damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.
this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.
OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.
How do you "loose'' weight?0 -
To the people saying get rid of him - WTF is wrong with you? THIS is why we have such a high divorce rate... people aren't willing to work through even the tiniest issues!
Exactly. Going through life imagining the grass is always greener somewhere else won't make you happy. Sometimes we need to stop and work on the lawns we already have. Strong relationships take hard work!
^This!!^
And, I can't believe that people feel so free to destroy a relationship!
Exactly... This isn't the "be all, end all" to a relationship. Wow.0 -
My husband definitely prefered me heavier. It doesn't mean that he loves me less thinner. Nor does it mean that he's going to stray or sabotage my efforts or be bad for me. He is sweet and loving and supportive. But when we go somewhere and some sexy girl catches his eye, she is inevitably a larger curvier girl. If we go somewhere and some sexy guy catches my eye, he is inevitably large boned, stocky, deep chested, and broad shoulded - none of which would describe my husband. Relationships have to mean more than purely physical attraction if they are going to last for any length of time. Your boyfriend finding you less sexy smaller will not stop him from wanting to be with you, and if he's really in it only for the physical then it's better to find out sooner rather than later. If his comments are bothing you then talk to him about them. Your body is your choice, and you can tell him that, and he should respect that. But if you haven't communicated to him that his comments are bothersome, then he really can't be expected to know that he needs to stop saying things like that. People often say things without realizing the potential interpretations - it doesn't become an issue of disrespect until you ask him to stop and he doesn't.
PS Men are more receptive to emotional conversations and bad news after sex.0 -
It's difficult, no matter which way you go hun. If you really love the man, sit down and talk with him. Find out if it's really his preference or if there is another reason (insecurity, worries, ect). If it turns out that he is being selfish (or maybe won't explain why he wants you larger rather than smaller) then maybe it's time where you need to reconsider your relationship with him, sadly. Talking is the key either way, he may just be worried over some silly imagined issue that once you two talk, he'll see if was nothing. Not every guy is stuck up, some do listen and share their emotions (I know rare, but they do exist, I promise :} )
My hubby likes me bigger as well, but he also understands I have really horrible self issues because of my weight in addition to medical issues that in loosing weight, will make me feel a whole lot better. He's not happy w/ the loss of "butt & boob" but he understands, plus now that I've lost some weight and started toning up, he likes what he is seeing.
Plus, I know I won't ever be the skinny bony chick, I have issues with seeing my bones so I plan on stopping alot sooner before that. Smaller & healthy is my goal, I will be happy for the 150-170 mark
Good luck and remember - this is for you more than anyone else. You need to do what makes YOU happy.0 -
I agree with the guys on here, I wouldnt worry, I think he was just trying to say he loves you whatever...come on we all know how guys struggle with knowing the right thing to say to please us girls!
Im sure he meant well....
xxx0 -
First of all, you have to realize that many men engage their mouth before their brain even gets into gear. My guess is he is just looking for something to say. A good portion of what many guys I know say in conversation is said with little to no thought given to how it will affect someone else emotionally, many (most?) of us do not think that way.
Look at it from his POV.
A large percentage of men cannot possibly comprehend the way a large percentage of women think. If what he says bothers you then tell him that. He will not alter his behavior unless you indicate that it is causes you a problem. We aren't as plugged in to the emotional side of things. You can wish we were, but we aren't and will not be just because you wish it to be so.
On the other hand, if you are looking for a reason to dump him, well you have it. You'll confirm any fears he may have about you getting healthy and dumping him, but who cares, you'll feel better right?
P.S. I don't know too many guys that aren't going to be disappointed by a loss of boobage. It can be compensated for however 0 -
Asking you to make his favorite dish or wear a special outfit is a resonable expectation for something you can do that will "make him happy."
Asking you to remain unhealthy -- for any reason -- is not.
Be cognizant of the true reality of the situation at all times. You may love him very much.. but do NOT, under any circumstances, surrender your SELF in deference to HIM (or anyone).
Stef0 -
When I told my bf I was trying to lose some weight he said I could do what I want as long as I don't lose my thick thighs or start looking like a body builder...But he is also a boob guy, and mine have gotten smaller but he says they are still awesome.
What I'm trying to say is I know the feeling of wanting to keep him happy and wanting to keep you happy. Honestly I think he is just struggling with a way to tell you that to him you look fine either way. It really is hard to know what to say to people that are trying to lose weight, everything can be taken the wrong way. I'm sure he'll still be attracted to you once you've reached your goal!0 -
When it gets to the point that she has to ask a question like this on a public forum then is definately a problem. :-PIt amazes me that people are so quick to tell this woman to "dump him and move on" when we have no idea how much she has invested in this relationship, how often he makes the comments, what the context of the conversation is. It really is sad to see how many people don't think relationships deserve a discussion about feelings and perhaps figuring exactly what the root of the problem might be, or if there truly is even a problem at all.0
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How much do you weigh?? What's your height? Are you overly restrictive?0
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Get pants that fits you tighter.. clothing that accentuates your figure better and SHOW how GREAT you look with sexy stuff!!..
I bet you, he will ENJOY IT and show it to you veery well..
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Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.
This says it all!0
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