My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

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Replies

  • Perfectdiamonds1
    Perfectdiamonds1 Posts: 347 Member
    You are just 31, right? You are not stuck. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, but your heart is speaking right now.
  • jkmorgan719
    jkmorgan719 Posts: 1 Member
    Maybe it's not that your losing weight. It might be that your clothes aren't fitting as well. My hubby loves how I look espicall in jeans but as I lost weight they didn't look as good on me. I bought some better fitting clothes and he was happy again lol ;)
  • PhotogNerd
    PhotogNerd Posts: 420 Member
    Time for a new guy? Let him find some bigger boobs elsewhere I guess.
  • haylz247
    haylz247 Posts: 435
    maybe you need to be with someone else? he should appreciate you for who you are!
    my partner is always telling me i look good (which i have trouble believing him!) but he is supportive of me losing weight. have a chat with your bf and tell him how you feel :)
  • rhonniema
    rhonniema Posts: 522 Member
    My boyfriend used to say that when I started taking this weight loss thing seriously.
    Now he notices when I lose weight, counts calories with me, and comes with me to the gym sometimes.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    Your body, your choice. You have three options:

    1. Lose him and find someone who likes the new you.
    2. Give in to his request and gain the weight back in fat.
    3. Meet him half way, up your proteins, and work on muscle toning and building through some heavy lifting (you won't go all "bodybuilder" without massive tons of work, I promise!)

    I'd try #3 first. You'll end up liking yourself even more, and if he can't handle it you'll be the kind of gal guys would die for, so you won't have any problems finding someone compatible with the new you.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
    I see several possibilities from the posts here... all very good ones I might add.

    1. He is extremely insecure and afraid that you will leave him once you gain confidence and feel more attractive.

    2. He doesn't want to upset you by making you think he WANTS you to lose weight.

    3. He truly does just like heavier women (in which case... if he can't accept you thinner... cut him loose).

    4. AND MOST IMPORTANT... This is all for YOU and not for him!!! Do NOT sacrifice being healthy because ....... "I want to please him and make him happy." Putting your own health aside to make another person happy is called codependency... it's NOT a healthy way to think or to live.
  • picassoadagio
    picassoadagio Posts: 407 Member
    My husband likes me heavier, saying he married me at my heaviest. I still lost regardless to what he said to me. In fact, when I say, "I would like to a few more pounds about 5 or 10 lbs." He always says, "When is this going to stop? You said it was at 180 lbs., but you weigh less than that now, and you think you need to lose more?!?! So when is this going to stop? Please tell me."

    Over the years, he has learn to leave me alone when it comes to my health and fitness. He might get mad at me because I can get a little obsessive about it, but in the end, he knows I am not the only one reaping the benefits.

    The people I have to look out for are the in-law. The are Italian and they are always telling me, "You need to eat. You are too thin. Eat. Eat." Which then I feel obliged to eat, but I do it in moderation.

    Good luck! Know you are not alone. And do what you think is right. :)
  • JacMarieSTL
    JacMarieSTL Posts: 68 Member
    My husband liked me heavier too...

    I filed for divorce in March. End of story.
  • cPT_Helice
    cPT_Helice Posts: 403
    Just tell him he is going to have to like you healthier instead of heavier. Would he also like you to start smoking?
  • Kenhabes
    Kenhabes Posts: 187 Member
    Tell him you would like him smarter and more compassionate. End of line.
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

    Yep. This!
  • merzback
    merzback Posts: 453 Member
    It's his insecurity but to me that's also as bad and nasty as a man telling you that you'd just look better if you went on a diet and lost 10lbs. If he can't accept you to who you are, then it's time to move on.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
    First and foremost be concerned about how YOU feel, not him. It is YOUR body, not his. As far as I am concerned if he cannot appreciate what you are trying to do you should find someone who will.
  • merzback
    merzback Posts: 453 Member
    no offense but I think you need to RUN from this one.
  • mahlerosa
    mahlerosa Posts: 56
    GET A NEW BOYFRIEND!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    My husband liked me heavier too...

    I filed for divorce in March. End of story.
    :laugh:
    Of course he liked you fat.
    That was his power over you. A fit women is a self-empowered woman.
    He always knew you deserved better.
  • MrzBlessedLady
    MrzBlessedLady Posts: 164 Member
    Sounds like he is insecure or jealous. It may be that he doesn't want other men looking at you also, he should be happy and proud that you have lost weight and become healthier. You deserve much better in my opinion!
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
    I see several possibilities from the posts here... all very good ones I might add.

    1. He is extremely insecure and afraid that you will leave him once you gain confidence and feel more attractive.

    2. He doesn't want to upset you by making you think he WANTS you to lose weight.

    3. He truly does just like heavier women (in which case... if he can't accept you thinner... cut him loose).

    4. AND MOST IMPORTANT... This is all for YOU and not for him!!! Do NOT sacrifice being healthy because ....... "I want to please him and make him happy." Putting your own health aside to make another person happy is called codependency... it's NOT a healthy way to think or to live.

    Excellent advice!
  • Gioooo
    Gioooo Posts: 301 Member
    ew. if my bf ever dared to tell me how im supposed to look id tell him to suck a big one
  • JacMarieSTL
    JacMarieSTL Posts: 68 Member
    My husband liked me heavier too...

    I filed for divorce in March. End of story.
    :laugh:
    Of course he liked you fat.
    That was his power over you. A fit women is a self-empowered woman.
    He always knew you deserved better.

    SO VERY TRUE!! :)
  • 13inchestogo
    13inchestogo Posts: 296 Member
    What is your weight? Are you underweight now?

    Because if you are still in a healthy weight range he is being SUPER selfish and unsupportive. But doesn't mean he is a bad guy, he just sounds like he wants you to know you were beautiful to him even when you thought you werent? I could see if you are actually underweight and unhealthy, but otherwise he is being silly. You own your body, not him :S
  • nikkiprickett
    nikkiprickett Posts: 412 Member
    Your healthiness and feeling good should be what he wants most over wanting you to have bigger boobs and what not. If you're healthy and he's not supporting how good you feel, tell him to shove it :)
    I can't imagine if my hubby would tell me that he wants the old me back because HE liked it better.
    Could it possibly be jealousy? That he doesn't want anyone else to notice you (not that they didn't before) but I know some
    guys like to have their women bigger and unhealthier because they will be less appealing to other men who like smaller fit women.
    That disgusts me. If you've had the willpower and strength to lose, he should appreciate that!
  • Love2HikeMT
    Love2HikeMT Posts: 42
    I would ditch this guy. Any man who wants his 'woman' heavy and unhealthy is possessive. He is the one that is unhealthy ~ mentally unhealthy. Stick to your success.
  • Ironman2be
    Ironman2be Posts: 140 Member
    I love fit girls...just saying
  • EvieNieves
    EvieNieves Posts: 31 Member
    Sounds like an insecure man.
  • gottolosethisweight
    gottolosethisweight Posts: 31 Member
    Congrats on your weight lose! As long as you are happy and healthy with the way you look that is all that matters. My opinion is that he is scared that you are going to get more attention from other men and is scared that he will lose you. He is insecure. Again this is my opinion. Do what is best for you and makes YOU happy.
  • Enkibean
    Enkibean Posts: 56
    So, just to be clear.

    If he doesn't like you heavier and wants you to lose weight, he doesn't love you for who you are, and is a therefore horrible person.

    If he does like you heavier and says you don't need to lose weight, he is unsupportive, and is therefore a horrible person.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    Give him a 10lb bag of potatoes. Then gently explain that he is asking you to carry that around with you all day and you would rather not.

    Oh and buy tighter trousers. :flowerforyou:
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Maybe he's worried about what you will do with him when you get to your perfect you, will you change your mind on wanting him in your life? Maybe this is his TRUE concern. And you know there are men out there that love heavy women, they truly like them heavy, doesn't make them dirtbags or unsupportive, they like what they like and to change that may be to much for them to continue in the relationship. It's not fair to "dump" him because he like heavier women, after all he wanted you didn't he?

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