My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

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  • krazykelz1978
    krazykelz1978 Posts: 12
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    I think it might be an insecurity thing. He's worried that you'll "get skinny" and want someone else.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Perhaps he's concerned that if he were to be supportive, that could be seen as tantamount to him saying that he wants you to change?

    So he is trying to play it safe by showing that he likes you just the way you are.

    ^This is a possibility. However, he could also be sincere in what he's saying. Either way, I think it warrants a deep, meaningful discussion on the issue. If he is feeling the need to express his satisfaction with the way you look at any size, he needs to understand that, while the "compliment" is appreciated, you prefer being fit and healthy. If he really does prefer you at a larger size, just tell him your reasons for losing weight are more about being healthy so that you have the strength, stamina, and energy to live a long, active, happy life. If he really loves and respects you the way that he should, he will listen to what you have to say and will make an earnest attempt to change his behavior...even if he doesn't agree. If he refuses to listen to reason, as hard as it may be for you, it may be time to consider breaking off the relationship and moving on.
  • Jenny111372
    Jenny111372 Posts: 87 Member
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    I've just recently passed my final goal of 130 and decided I wanted to go for 125..I'm 5'2" so that's not that skinny..lol. My weigh in was yesterday and that's when I got to 128..I was thrilled and told my hubby..his response was "Great job honey, gonna stop now?"...I was like "really?? stop??"...he prefers me to not lose anymore weight but has said to do what make me happy and feel good about myself and that he loves me regardless of what I weigh. He did say that he prefers "something to hold onto" and isn't overly thrilled with the fact I've went from a C/D cup to a B cup but I tell him I can always buy them! ;) I know he loves me..20 years and 2 kids later he's still here..118 pounds when we met and up til this past Jan..165 pounds..he's been there through it all but ultimately he at least understands..it's about ME feeling good about myself! I will agree, men, at least my hubby, are probably afraid to say much about weight issues because I'm being honest..us women can tend to take any little comments way out of context sometimes or over think them and take them the complete wrong way! :) Talk to him and let him know how you feel..communication is key to making any relationship work! Good luck! And congrats on your weight loss so far!
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
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    Sometimes in the moment people don't see themselves accurately and MAYBE he's worried about you.
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
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    Do you think he really prefers you heavier or do you think your new looks and happiness with your body makes him a bit insecure?

    Either way, you need to have a sit down and explain to him that YOU are happier with the new look. Not only do you feel you look better but you feel happier as well and THAT trumps everything else. If you explain to him how much happier you are maybe he will come around - or at least stop making comments that upset you.
  • gowitdaflo
    gowitdaflo Posts: 8
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    how can you make someone happy if you aren't happy mentally and physically. maybe he's insecure and thinks other guys may try and talk to you.
  • focus4fitness
    focus4fitness Posts: 551 Member
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    My husband complains about my pants too. You should try some pants that fit. :) Maybe he will like the view better.
  • JenMull44
    JenMull44 Posts: 226 Member
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    Is he heavier? Maybe he fears that if you lose all the weight you will leave him?

    Yep, exactly what I thought when I read this post.
  • vegannlg
    vegannlg Posts: 170 Member
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    damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.

    this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.

    OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.
    ^^^^This from a WOMAN that's been married almost 30 years to the same dude. People in relationships have to communicate for things to work, and being in relationship with people is what makes life good.
  • kelgalon
    kelgalon Posts: 34 Member
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    I saw your post. The only person that has to be happy with you is YOU! I'm sure you're boyfriend is wonderful and means well, but a lot of men do not want their women to look and feel better because they (the men) are insecure. As innocent as it may seem, this is a control issue. The better you feel, the more confident you become, and they don't like it. My husband hates when I diet for the very same reasons. The most important thing I can say is that whomever you choose to share your life with, he needs to allow you to be you, not what he wants you to be or not be. And in turn, you shall do the same. You can not change people nor should you try, and the fact that YOU want to make changes health-wise, the right man for you will be the one that supports that, no questions asked. Good luck to you. Remember this ten years down the road b/c the control issues start out just like this, simple and silly things that seem to not be a big deal. Trust me, I live this every day. Get it squared away now, make the decisions best for you, and keep up the good work!!!

    This post struck home for me. This is exactly what happened with an EX when I started losing weight. He got super insecure and I believe deep down believed I'd just move on after I got to where I wanted to be and was happy with myself. He started regularly questioning how far I was going to go and encouraging me to eat badly, very badly. I'm a vegetarian and he continually tried to get me to eat meat, not because he thought I needed it nutritionally but because it was 'cheating'. It turned into encouraging me not to work out, questioning if I was capable of doing what I wanted to do (run a half marathon) and like the above poster said trying to control me. After awhile this moved not only discouraging me with my fitness goals but my life goals and I had had enough. I should've run out the door much earlier than I did. I'm not saying its the same situation, we don't know what your bf really means, but please watch out for this. Like many others have said, you need to be happy with you and the right person will support you in that effort!
  • juliebeannn
    juliebeannn Posts: 428 Member
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    Your health and body preference take precedence over his. End of story.

    this
    i agree with this too.

    its YOUR body.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
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    "Great job honey, gonna stop now?"...I was like "really?? stop??"...

    Well see, heres the thing, FItness is hard work and I was thinking last night "when I finally get the body I want will I stop?" The answer is no, I can't, because you gotta keep up with it. Will I ease up a little? Sure I will. My husband gets insecure sometimes but he gets over it because at the end of the day, what you do for your body is optimal for your health and you will live a longer life.\

    OP, your boyfriend will get over it, and if he doesn't then he will probably leave. You need to decide what is more important, your health or his needs. If he's a good enough guy, he'll learn to be okay with it.
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
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    Two thoughts:

    1. How heavy/out of shape is he? He might be insecure that you're looking better and better. If it's that, there might be a way to work on his insecurity - but really, that's more his issue than yours. If it's not that, and he really wants you differently than how you want yourself - for whatever other bizarre reason - then that's just a compatibility issue. Bag it.

    (Ok, just one thought, actually.)
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
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    Sounds to me like your doing good for your health. Is he wanting you heavier because he doesn't want anyone else to be attractive towards you? Or because he's just really attracted to bigger women. Some men are like that. Either way if he loves you he will get used to it. Don't go back to gaining weight because your BOYFRIEND wants you too. Cuz if ya'll ever break up then you will regret it. Just keep doing what you are doing. That part of you life he cannot control.
  • sunrise611
    sunrise611 Posts: 1,850 Member
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    Do what you want for yourself. Being healthier and more fit is for YOU, not for him.

    If he can't enjoy the benefits of you looking and feeling better then it's HIS problem, not yours. Don't make it your problem.

    He can adjust. Don't go back to being heavier and unhealthy for him.

    Even if he was your hubby and not your boyfriend, my advice would be the same.
  • sarrrahj
    sarrrahj Posts: 8
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    Always do what makes you feel happy. If you change so that others will like you, you will eventually start to resent them and hate yourself
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
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    He might be insecure or uncomfortable with your weight loss. Or a multitude of other reasons. I would definitely have a conversation about how you're doing this for you and why. Let him know that you don't want to be stuck between what you really want and his happiness. Maybe then, he'll understand and be a bit more supportive. It is a tight rope to walk!

    My boyfriend likes me the way I am, but I don't. That is why I'm trying to be healthier. He fully supports me and said he'd help in whatever way he can. This is due to him losing 70 lbs before we got together so he fully understands.

    So give talking to him a try! Explain everything, be open about your feelings, but not harsh. I think that'll really help the situation. I am not going to say "break up with him if he can't support you." I don't know your full situation nor do I know anything about your relationship. There are a lot of factors at play in relationships, that only the couple see. Good luck and I hope he comes around!
  • LavenderChamomile
    LavenderChamomile Posts: 52
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    Talk to him about it.
    None of us know your boyfriend, none of us can possibly interpret what he might mean by what he says. Communication is the number one most important thing in being happy with a relationship.

    My guess is that he's making offhanded comments because he just really hasn't thought that much about it. Also, it's a tricky situation when you are changing but he wants to show you he loves you no matter how you are. If he encourages you to keep losing, that might imply he thinks you need to lose more and would look better that way. Instead, he might be trying to show you he loved you even with the extra weight and doesn't realize how it's being interpreted.

    But again, I don't know because I'm not your boyfriend.
  • corsetqueen09
    corsetqueen09 Posts: 16
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    i had the same problem, then i went onto birthcontrol and my boobs got bigger and he shut up!! lol but don't worry what he says, he its how you'll feel, he might not be used to the way your body has changed yet
  • Cmh1211
    Cmh1211 Posts: 104
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    damn so quick to bash the dude... if a guy tells a women to loose weight he is an *kitten*... and if he tells her he likes her the way she is the guy is still an *kitten*.

    this thread prooves that men never win. thts why i just stay quiet and worry about me.lol wen my wife asks then ill tell her my opinion.

    OP. u do u... if he likes u for who u are and how u look, then he will like the new you. just dont let the weight loss change the person he met and ull be gravy.

    How do you "loose'' weight?

    lol. im glad out of everything i wrote u caught tht. glad ur paying attention.

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