Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance

beachlover317

You know what I hate? When someone friend requests you with a blank message and then you checkout their profile and they have that message listed themselves!!! Hypocrites :noway:

This. But also when you check their profile, they have NOTHING listed as their goals, why they want to lose weight, what their inspirations are, NOTHING! It takes 5 minutes to fill this out. If they can't bother with that, they probably won't support me or anyone else. Probably not a good fit for MY FP.

cramernh

Everyone is using MFP for various reasons. That also includes how they want to work the friend-requests.

Just something to think about: I work in healthcare, over 300+ physician/clinicians. MFP is highly recommended for our patients. Not only am I a patient with a couple of the physicians in our group but I also represent them where I work.

Legally, I need to maintain HIPAA laws and State laws whether in the office or out of the office.

I cannot accept a FR of someone that I definitely recognize because of the professional implications of what I know and who I know that relate to being my patients at work.


On a more personal note, there are those members who would like to have a common-ground. I do like to know where someone 'found' me and why they are sending the FR because it gives me a clue as to the 'why'. But, I cant be keeping track of everyone - as this ties in to my first comment.

I have way too many health-related problems that I need to focus on myself only, including waiting on the results of whether or not I have communited fractures of both heel-bones. I dont mind helping with answering questions or sharing recipe requests, but I dont want to be flooded with "Drama" - and there is enough drama to go around and I really rather not deal with any of it. Im here under physician direction and I take that seriously.


I also agree: if I didnt have the legal matters to address, and my own personal medical problems to address... I would still want someone to consider letting me know why in a FR... its polite. And there is nothing wrong with it.

Elf_Princess1210

I don't add people that say that.

kimmianne89

I don't request a message, and I now accept most people, Who am I to judge before I know them. But everytime I get a request I always wonder where they have found me from, whether it be a thread or through a mutual friend. If I ever request someone I generally write 'Hello ' or if there is a good reason for adding I will write why. But I have seen it written so rudely on peoples profiles and I have been put off too :P

solarpower03

I accept all sorts or friends but get rid of them quickly if they are not supportive! I don't look at age, weight, look etc but focus on similarity in goals, commitment etc Most annoying are those who send friends request and never interact. I also avoid people who have several friends as I am sure they will not be supportive to all of them!

KittieLea

I don't have anything like that posted but, if I get a friend request with no message I don't accept. Why? Because what incentive do I have to accept this person? I have no idea what we have in common. I like being friends with like minded people on MFP. Having common goals allows us to support each other. Any time I send a friend to request to someone I ALWAYS include a message introducing myself and stating what we have in common in a few short words. It's a polite thing to do. I feel like anyone who skips that part is just plain lazy.

Kara_xxx

haha I've had 2 blank FR since posting this topic

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

*chortil* Now that's what I call a good sense of humour!

deadbeatsummer

Everyone is using MFP for various reasons. That also includes how they want to work the friend-requests.

Just something to think about: I work in healthcare, over 300+ physician/clinicians. MFP is highly recommended for our patients. Not only am I a patient with a couple of the physicians in our group but I also represent them where I work.

Legally, I need to maintain HIPAA laws and State laws whether in the office or out of the office.

I cannot accept a FR of someone that I definitely recognize because of the professional implications of what I know and who I know that relate to being my patients at work.


On a more personal note, there are those members who would like to have a common-ground. I do like to know where someone 'found' me and why they are sending the FR because it gives me a clue as to the 'why'. But, I cant be keeping track of everyone - as this ties in to my first comment.

I have way too many health-related problems that I need to focus on myself only, including waiting on the results of whether or not I have communited fractures of both heel-bones. I dont mind helping with answering questions or sharing recipe requests, but I dont want to be flooded with "Drama" - and there is enough drama to go around and I really rather not deal with any of it. Im here under physician direction and I take that seriously.


I also agree: if I didnt have the legal matters to address, and my own personal medical problems to address... I would still want someone to consider letting me know why in a FR... its polite. And there is nothing wrong with it.

That's fine if you don't want to accept all friend requests but going on your profile you have about 5 full paragraphs of who should and shouldn't FR you. That is the kind of thing I mean. It makes you look like you take yourself way too seriously.

una48

I normally choose to send a friend request because I think, looking at their profile, or their diary, or a comment that they have made on a message that I have something in common - be it diabetes, the same weight and weight loss goals, or their attitude to food or losing weight, so I normally send a message telling them what I feel we have in common.

Having said that, I dont feel the need to insist on a message, but I can understand why might want one!

cramernh

That's fine if you don't want to accept all friend requests but going on your profile you have about 5 full paragraphs of who should and shouldn't FR you. That is the kind of thing I mean. It makes you look like you take yourself way too seriously.

Of course!!!! I do take my health very seriously and I have to concentrate on my health where I have conditions that some of the doctors are having trouble diagnosing. I am participating in medical studies right now - youre damn right I take it seriously.


My blurbs about folks with ED - that is a legal matter where I am employed in Healthcare.... and our health system uses MFP 100% in that area of medicine - and I am legally bound to keeping privacy - and that includes turning anyone with ED down for FR and always recommending they go back to their ED specialists or if they need help finding one, I will help in private. But that is it.

I have been attacked way too much (religious folks, folks giving unsolicited advice) and decided to hold a dialogue with the owners of MFP and discussed with them what content would be acceptable for a profile. They know the kind of people I have run into - and they are aware how nasty some people can get on MFP and as a result, I have MFP management's blessing on how far I had to go with my profile. I have the backing of MFP with regard to my profile and that is all that matters.


See... while you are so quick to judge others (including me), you never once asked 'why do you have your profile the way you do?" You fail to ask for 'the other side of the story'... That unfortunately is your misstep.

cramernh

MFP is a tool that folks use and the manner to which they use it is up to the individual. You dont have to like how others manage their MFP profile, usage, FR's... but you do have to show respect.

When you get older, your expectations of things on a personal, professional level will change....

george29223

yeah i just radomly blank friends request people so i can see if there posing in there underwear in any of there pictures if not ilook on there friends lsit for hot ones the madness never stops

Bobby_Clerici

I do not care; I assume they want to connect with other like-minded people on the road to success.
And if anything gets fishy like sexy talk or high maintenance craziness, I just boot them.
Hardly ever happens.
I welcome friend requests :drinker:

BecomingElle

Can I just interject here and say that this is a free-website for losing weight and staying healthy. Everyone is here with their own best-interests in mind, and everyone use this site somewhat differently. Can't we just respect that and let everyone be? You don't like people who demand a message with a friend request, and others don't like people who don't leave a message with a friend request. Big whoop. Just avoid one another? There are plenty of people on here doing things in their own way, and they're not hurting anyone.

deadbeatsummer

Of course!!!! I do take my health very seriously and I have to concentrate on my health where I have conditions that some of the doctors are having trouble diagnosing. I am participating in medical studies right now - youre damn right I take it seriously.


My blurbs about folks with ED - that is a legal matter where I am employed in Healthcare.... and our health system uses MFP 100% in that area of medicine - and I am legally bound to keeping privacy - and that includes turning anyone with ED down for FR and always recommending they go back to their ED specialists or if they need help finding one, I will help in private. But that is it.

I have been attacked way too much (religious folks, folks giving unsolicited advice) and decided to hold a dialogue with the owners of MFP and discussed with them what content would be acceptable for a profile. They know the kind of people I have run into - and they are aware how nasty some people can get on MFP and as a result, I have MFP management's blessing on how far I had to go with my profile. I have the backing of MFP with regard to my profile and that is all that matters.


See... while you are so quick to judge others (including me), you never once asked 'why do you have your profile the way you do?" You fail to ask for 'the other side of the story'... That unfortunately is your misstep.

In addition, you are very young and I dont expect you to understand, nor would it require you to. But, MFP is a tool that folks use and the manner to which they use it is up to the individual. You dont have to like how others manage their MFP profile, usage, FR's... but you do have to show respect.

When you get older, your expectations of things on a personal, professional level will change.... right now though, youre still in many ways 'growing up'.....

Great, thanks for that little patronising message. If I'm so 'very young' and 'still growing up' then why has my opinion obviously got to you so much? You just criticised me for judging you but what have you just done yourself? Seems a bit childish to be trying to troll me for being so young and stupid (apparently) - you really don't know anything about me or the things that have forced me to 'grow up' in my life. THis thread wasn't even supposed to be about that.

You make it sound like your the only person who cares about their health! I clearly wasn't questioning that you don't take your health seriously. Many of us care about our health.. There are a lot of people on here trying to get fit and also suffering from various ailments. I don't see how that would be affected by who tries to be your friend on My Fitness Pal.. Just seems a bit over the top to get MFP administators to approve your profile text.

If you went on someone's profile who you thought would be cool to be friends with and they had a 5 paragraph long demanding list of who can and can't be their friend, would you be enticed to find out 'the other side to the story' or just be put off by the massive rejection wall? In my head, I imagine it like going to a networking event and standing there with your arms crossed and a big frown on your face.

sarahmoo12

I just want to know people arnt just friend collecting I need people who help and keep my motivation up lol

thebaconbeast

All I require is for you to be awesome.

cameralinds

I require a message because I want to know how or whom they found me through... that way I know whether we have a mutual bond (like a group on here). Not self-importance, just self-awareness.

niknak2308

I politely request a message because quite frankly I find it a bit odd just requesting to be someone's friend when you've never spoken before! Don't get me wrong, I added a few people I didn't know when I first joined up and that was through an introduction thread I posted, but generally I like to know who I'm talking to. I used to add everyone message or not, and kept finding that i didn't actually have much in common with them and then feeling obliged to remain "friends". I'm happy with my current friends list how it is, but am willing to accept requests if someone tells me how they came across my profile... BUT I don't expect people to suck up to me. It's just common decency. Even to those I didn't know at the beginning I still sent a short message with my stats as and introduction...

dad106

I have it.. and no it's not because I'm self important.

It's because I don't want my friends list going over 5 pages...I feel when it does, it's too hard to keep up with everyone. So I'm pretty selective in who I choose. Unless there is a common goal or a pretty good reason why we should be friends, well then it goes in my decline pile.

I don't see anything wrong with it... and if people are going to get upset because I denied an internet friend request, well then thats a bit silly.

sexforjaffacakes

I just think it's rude to add someone without speaking to them first. I don't need you tell me how awesome I am, just say hello, mind if I add you?

It's also a way of making sure someone has actually read your profile or at least bothered to click on it, rather than just add you for the sake of adding numbers to their friends. It means if you get an add with no message from someone you don't know, you know they've not even bothered to look at your profile, so why are they adding you if they can't even tale a second to find out something about you?

And finally, the message is on my profile so that people know why I have rejected their FR. I've given my reasons as to why I consider a message important, but if some people still send me adds with no message and wonder why I rejected it, the info is there on my profile as to why.

dandelion39

Self-importance? In a way, yes. A big part of what many people find at MFP is an appreciation of their own importance, their self-worth, their value as a human being--not a number, large or small. Part of understanding and protecting your own self-worth is requiring others to respect it....like asking that they have the common courtesy to send a brief message with a friend request. We shouldn't have to ask for that; it should be automatic. But, unfortunately, courtesy isn't always common, here, or anyplace else.

AliceKlaar

Most annoying are those who send friends request and never interact.

IKR?! What's all that about? I was considering adding a (polite!) note to my profile for this very reason but decided against it for the simple reason that some of my more supportive friends on here sent a blank fr in the first place, I don't overthink their reasons for not doing so, they simply may not be internet-savvy enough to consider it a pre-requisite when they first sign up. I do delete people if I don't get anything back from them, though - I work fulltime and still find the time to comment on most people's status most days - if you're not going to give anything back then that's what the 'remove friend' button is for!

I also avoid people who have several friends as I am sure they will not be supportive to all of them!

I've actually found the opposite to be true - some of my most supportive and active friends are the ones with larger friends lists.

myofibril

Self-importance? In a way, yes. A big part of what many people find at MFP is an appreciation of their own importance, their self-worth, their value as a human being--not a number, large or small. Part of understanding and protecting your own self-worth is requiring others to respect it....like asking that they have the common courtesy to send a brief message with a friend request. We shouldn't have to ask for that; it should be automatic. But, unfortunately, courtesy isn't always common, here, or anyplace else.

Bang on the money ~ great post.

I think a little authenticity is never a bad thing. For about the first 10 months or so I was here I declined all FRs because I wanted this place just to be about me: my goals & my fitness without distraction. That wasn't me being self important more so than having a clear idea of what I wanted to achieve and what was necessary to do so. I made that clear on my profile just so I wouldn't waste other people's time.

I have declined hundreds of FRs in my time here. A blank message was never the cause of that . Again this is not arrogance so much as still knowing what I want and the amount of time I have available to me.

However, if I decline a FR I will always PM the person requesting me and politely tell them why so they are not left hanging. Knowing what you want does not mean you have to be impolite.

Angelabec

In all honesty OP, you're the one that's coming across as self important. Everyone should accept your blank FR because you're so awesome you don't need to include a message? Or people don't need to leave you a message because you're so awesome it's obvious why they want to be your friend?

It's just good manners to include a message, it doesn't have to be any form of flattery, just an introduction. Surely it's worse to accept someone as a friend then just delete them a week later.

Everyone is entitled to manage their own account in whatever way they wish. Some people may even consider it self important to even question why people do certain things, particularly when it has no effect on you either way.

deadbeatsummer

In all honesty OP, you're the one that's coming across as self important. Everyone should accept your blank FR because you're so awesome you don't need to include a message? Or people don't need to leave you a message because you're so awesome it's obvious why they want to be your friend?

It's just good manners to include a message, it doesn't have to be any form of flattery, just an introduction. Surely it's worse to accept someone as a friend then just delete them a week later.

Everyone is entitled to manage their own account in whatever way they wish. Some people may even consider it self important to even question why people do certain things, particularly when it has no effect on you either way.

Ok if you read the post I said that I usually do include a small one-liner - it's just the people that expect a full out paragraph begging them to be friends - it's off putting!

rml_16

First, there are a billion posts about this already.

Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?

I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people.

rml_16

In all honesty OP, you're the one that's coming across as self important. Everyone should accept your blank FR because you're so awesome you don't need to include a message? Or people don't need to leave you a message because you're so awesome it's obvious why they want to be your friend?

It's just good manners to include a message, it doesn't have to be any form of flattery, just an introduction. Surely it's worse to accept someone as a friend then just delete them a week later.

Everyone is entitled to manage their own account in whatever way they wish. Some people may even consider it self important to even question why people do certain things, particularly when it has no effect on you either way.

Ok if you read the post I said that I usually do include a small one-liner - it's just the people that expect a full out paragraph begging them to be friends - it's off putting!

I've never seen anyone expect that.

sexforjaffacakes

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

Well no, Bob introduced himself there, which is the point of adding a message with a FR, to introduce yourself.
You'd be creeped out as **** in RL if Bob came up to you, never said a word, and started following you about and deciding he was your friend.

nerdyandilikeit

Yeah I can understand that actually if it's an issue with meeting weirdos on here in the past.

Sometimes it just irritates me to a point where I see someone has written something funny on a thread and they look a similar age to me, I click on their profile and there is a message which is written rudely about writing a message to them in a FR or ELSE, so then I just don't want to add them.

You do understand that's the type of thing people want in a FR message, right? Like where the eff you saw them in the first place? You've got to chill out.