Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance

deadbeatsummer

I don't say anything in real life either so why should I do it on the internet? I prefer the "oh noes" look on their face when I sit next to them on an empty bus and offer them a polo mint... mmmm polo

Haha :laugh:

BecomingElle

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

I disagree! You've disproven your own point!
"Hi, I'm Bob - How are you?" IS a message that someone could send with a friend request?! You do do it in real life!
People don't just walk over to a person, stand there in silence for a moment and magically become friends. When you approach someone in real life, you normally always start with a polite hello, a smile, some small talk, or something you noticed about the person you're trying to befriend that caused you to approach them.

In my humble opinion, it's internet etiquette; it's polite, and it's not much to ask

deadbeatsummer

When I send an FR I always give a brief synopsis of myself, where I am in pursuing my goals, and my strong / weak points as I don't want to be accepted as a friend and then have people get annoyed by my eating and exercise habits later.

On the flip side, when accepting FRs, I used to just accept all, but now I am bit more careful as I have had a few unsuitable ones in the past (although 99% of MFP pals have been great).

Wow that's a commitment - maybe I'm just lazy!

eatrunstretch

You know what I hate? When someone friend requests you with a blank message and then you checkout their profile and they have that message listed themselves!!! Hypocrites :noway:

deadbeatsummer

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

I disagree! You've disproven your own point!
"Hi, I'm Bob - How are you?" IS a message that someone could send with a friend request?! You do do it in real life!
People don't just walk over to a person, stand there in silence for a moment and magically become friends. When you approach someone in real life, you normally always start with a polite hello, a smile, some small talk, or something you noticed about the person you're trying to befriend that caused you to approach them.

In my humble opinion, it's internet etiquette; it's polite, and it's not much to ask

Ok, yes, but there isn't a real life equivalent of sending a friend request. You understand what I mean though.
I don't expect people to list all the reasons why they think we could be great friends before I allow them to talk to me in real life.

deadbeatsummer

You know what I hate? When someone friend requests you with a blank message and then you checkout their profile and they have that message listed themselves!!! Hypocrites :noway:

That's even worse!

JoeGa

Actually, I haven't really asked to be friended as I don't want to come off as a stalker ... :laugh: I have a couple of family as friends but only a couple of folks that came to me on MFP. Could use a few more involved friends though to keep me on track so maybe I'll try and reach out to a few more folks...

deadbeatsummer

haha I've had 2 blank FR since posting this topic

DonttrythatwithME

Yeah I can understand that actually if it's an issue with meeting weirdos on here in the past.

Sometimes it just irritates me to a point where I see someone has written something funny on a thread and they look a similar age to me, I click on their profile and there is a message which is written rudely about writing a message to them in a FR or ELSE, so then I just don't want to add them.

cant be me i have never written anything funny on here

lion_queen

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

I disagree! You've disproven your own point!
"Hi, I'm Bob - How are you?" IS a message that someone could send with a friend request?! You do do it in real life!
People don't just walk over to a person, stand there in silence for a moment and magically become friends. When you approach someone in real life, you normally always start with a polite hello, a smile, some small talk, or something you noticed about the person you're trying to befriend that caused you to approach them.

In my humble opinion, it's internet etiquette; it's polite, and it's not much to ask

THIS.

beachlover317

You know what I hate? When someone friend requests you with a blank message and then you checkout their profile and they have that message listed themselves!!! Hypocrites :noway:

This. But also when you check their profile, they have NOTHING listed as their goals, why they want to lose weight, what their inspirations are, NOTHING! It takes 5 minutes to fill this out. If they can't bother with that, they probably won't support me or anyone else. Probably not a good fit for MY FP.

cramernh

Everyone is using MFP for various reasons. That also includes how they want to work the friend-requests.

Just something to think about: I work in healthcare, over 300+ physician/clinicians. MFP is highly recommended for our patients. Not only am I a patient with a couple of the physicians in our group but I also represent them where I work.

Legally, I need to maintain HIPAA laws and State laws whether in the office or out of the office.

I cannot accept a FR of someone that I definitely recognize because of the professional implications of what I know and who I know that relate to being my patients at work.


On a more personal note, there are those members who would like to have a common-ground. I do like to know where someone 'found' me and why they are sending the FR because it gives me a clue as to the 'why'. But, I cant be keeping track of everyone - as this ties in to my first comment.

I have way too many health-related problems that I need to focus on myself only, including waiting on the results of whether or not I have communited fractures of both heel-bones. I dont mind helping with answering questions or sharing recipe requests, but I dont want to be flooded with "Drama" - and there is enough drama to go around and I really rather not deal with any of it. Im here under physician direction and I take that seriously.


I also agree: if I didnt have the legal matters to address, and my own personal medical problems to address... I would still want someone to consider letting me know why in a FR... its polite. And there is nothing wrong with it.

Elf_Princess1210

I don't add people that say that.

kimmianne89

I don't request a message, and I now accept most people, Who am I to judge before I know them. But everytime I get a request I always wonder where they have found me from, whether it be a thread or through a mutual friend. If I ever request someone I generally write 'Hello ' or if there is a good reason for adding I will write why. But I have seen it written so rudely on peoples profiles and I have been put off too :P

solarpower03

I accept all sorts or friends but get rid of them quickly if they are not supportive! I don't look at age, weight, look etc but focus on similarity in goals, commitment etc Most annoying are those who send friends request and never interact. I also avoid people who have several friends as I am sure they will not be supportive to all of them!

KittieLea

I don't have anything like that posted but, if I get a friend request with no message I don't accept. Why? Because what incentive do I have to accept this person? I have no idea what we have in common. I like being friends with like minded people on MFP. Having common goals allows us to support each other. Any time I send a friend to request to someone I ALWAYS include a message introducing myself and stating what we have in common in a few short words. It's a polite thing to do. I feel like anyone who skips that part is just plain lazy.

Kara_xxx

haha I've had 2 blank FR since posting this topic

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

*chortil* Now that's what I call a good sense of humour!

deadbeatsummer

Everyone is using MFP for various reasons. That also includes how they want to work the friend-requests.

Just something to think about: I work in healthcare, over 300+ physician/clinicians. MFP is highly recommended for our patients. Not only am I a patient with a couple of the physicians in our group but I also represent them where I work.

Legally, I need to maintain HIPAA laws and State laws whether in the office or out of the office.

I cannot accept a FR of someone that I definitely recognize because of the professional implications of what I know and who I know that relate to being my patients at work.


On a more personal note, there are those members who would like to have a common-ground. I do like to know where someone 'found' me and why they are sending the FR because it gives me a clue as to the 'why'. But, I cant be keeping track of everyone - as this ties in to my first comment.

I have way too many health-related problems that I need to focus on myself only, including waiting on the results of whether or not I have communited fractures of both heel-bones. I dont mind helping with answering questions or sharing recipe requests, but I dont want to be flooded with "Drama" - and there is enough drama to go around and I really rather not deal with any of it. Im here under physician direction and I take that seriously.


I also agree: if I didnt have the legal matters to address, and my own personal medical problems to address... I would still want someone to consider letting me know why in a FR... its polite. And there is nothing wrong with it.

That's fine if you don't want to accept all friend requests but going on your profile you have about 5 full paragraphs of who should and shouldn't FR you. That is the kind of thing I mean. It makes you look like you take yourself way too seriously.

una48

I normally choose to send a friend request because I think, looking at their profile, or their diary, or a comment that they have made on a message that I have something in common - be it diabetes, the same weight and weight loss goals, or their attitude to food or losing weight, so I normally send a message telling them what I feel we have in common.

Having said that, I dont feel the need to insist on a message, but I can understand why might want one!

cramernh

That's fine if you don't want to accept all friend requests but going on your profile you have about 5 full paragraphs of who should and shouldn't FR you. That is the kind of thing I mean. It makes you look like you take yourself way too seriously.

Of course!!!! I do take my health very seriously and I have to concentrate on my health where I have conditions that some of the doctors are having trouble diagnosing. I am participating in medical studies right now - youre damn right I take it seriously.


My blurbs about folks with ED - that is a legal matter where I am employed in Healthcare.... and our health system uses MFP 100% in that area of medicine - and I am legally bound to keeping privacy - and that includes turning anyone with ED down for FR and always recommending they go back to their ED specialists or if they need help finding one, I will help in private. But that is it.

I have been attacked way too much (religious folks, folks giving unsolicited advice) and decided to hold a dialogue with the owners of MFP and discussed with them what content would be acceptable for a profile. They know the kind of people I have run into - and they are aware how nasty some people can get on MFP and as a result, I have MFP management's blessing on how far I had to go with my profile. I have the backing of MFP with regard to my profile and that is all that matters.


See... while you are so quick to judge others (including me), you never once asked 'why do you have your profile the way you do?" You fail to ask for 'the other side of the story'... That unfortunately is your misstep.