Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance

deadbeatsummer

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

LOL. Can you imagine? ha ha

Haha thank you - finally someone could see I was demonstrating it as a joke

Easywider

I just really don't care enough to have 'requirements' for those who want to be my 'friend' on this social media outlet. Maybe I should raise the bar however...

How about: "Please forward resume and cover letter to our Human Resources department for candidacy consideration on behalf of your outbound friend request. A decision will be made within 72 hours of your request and you will be contacted by a representative whom will detail the verdict. We realize you have a choice in fitness pals and we sincerely thank you for your interest and encourage reapplication."

blonde71

I request that they include a message because I've had more than my share of trolls and I want to weed them out.

I always include a sentence with my FR telling the person where I saw them or I liked their profile or something to that effect.

I don't think it's a bad thing.

But that's me, everyone's different.

deadbeatsummer

I just really don't care enough to have 'requirements' for those who want to be my 'friend' on this social media outlet. Maybe I should raise the bar however...

How about: "Please forward resume and cover letter to our Human Resources department for candidacy consideration on behalf of your outbound friend request. A decision will be made within 72 hours of your request and you will be contacted by a representative whom will detail the verdict. We realize you have a choice in fitness pals and we sincerely thank you for your interest and encourage reapplication."

haha

2143661

I put it on there because I'd like for people to tell me why they are adding me. It’s not some kind of self importance thing to me. It’s about people adding me for support, motivation or they just think I’m hot. Either way I want to know why they are adding me. I don’t think that is very unreasonable. &if someone doesn't want to include a message then I do excatly what it says on my profile, deny!

It was the "tits out Friday" pics that got me....:devil:

you hush! we were friends way before I even put the butt picture up!

Fieldsy

I just really don't care enough to have 'requirements' for those who want to be my 'friend' on this social media outlet. Maybe I should raise the bar however...

How about: "Please forward resume and cover letter to our Human Resources department for candidacy consideration on behalf of your outbound friend request. A decision will be made within 72 hours of your request and you will be contacted by a representative whom will detail the verdict. We realize you have a choice in fitness pals and we sincerely thank you for your interest and encourage reapplication."

haha, perfect

3shirts

I don't state on my profile that I want a message, but I do tend to ignore the ones that don't and I always include one when sending a request. It seems quite rude to be asking for access to their photos, profile details and (possibly) food diary without even introducing yourself.
As I say, I don't specifically state it becasue, quite frankly, I think people that include a message without prompting are probably going to be nicer people generally.

deadbeatsummer

****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****

---

I just used the above as an example...

Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:

There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:

--> This. Exactly.

In defence of the OP, I don't think she's suggesting people should accept all and any blank friend requests, she even indicated she usually does send a message. I think the point, which seems to have been lost a bit, is that it seems odd for people to leave specifics of what they want in a message (and I have seen profiles that state they want a message detailing why you think you'd be a good match etc - like you have to sell yourself to them, which could be off putting for some) as a little bit of overkill. If you think the message someone has sent is inadequate, surely you can then just deny the friend request. Even just a "it would be nice if you could leave a note saying where you found me :-)" would be more palatable than the list of rules.

I always send a message with any friend requests, but have to admit I would be put off adding someone whose profile had an overly aggressive tone to it. Just my two cents :-D

Thank you - I should pay you to write what I actually mean on here - everyone seems to have taken it the wrong way!

cardiokitten

It's not about self importance for me at all. If you're friending me, I would expect you to take a second or two to glance over my profile and see the request I have for a message. If you don't include one, I just figure you didn't even look over my profile at all, and if so, why are you even friending me in the first place? This is a community about communication and support and if you're just adding me to collect friends, why bother?

CountryBoy65

I don't state on my profile that I want a message, but I do tend to ignore the ones that don't and I always include one when sending a request. It seems quite rude to be asking for access to their photos, profile details and (possibly) food diary without even introducing yourself.
As I say, I don't specifically state it becasue, quite frankly, I think people that include a message without prompting are probably going to be nicer people generally.

I was going to pretty much say this...word for word. I especialy ignore those who FR me with a blank request...then their profile is private and I can see NOTHING about them.....

galegetsthin

I AM important.


I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......

deadbeatsummer

First, there are a billion posts about this already.

Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?

I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people like you, OP.

I don't really understand why your goal is to piss me off, seems like a bit of a waste of time as it didn't really work.

But you have fun with that

But I did piss you off without having a single interaction with you, simply by having that on my profile. :flowerforyou:

See your OP in this thread. You're bothered by its very existence.

Sorry, 'without having a single interaction'? You've bombarded me with about 4 rude posts for some reason.. Not really sure why you seem to hate me quite so much...

But you were angry about what's written on my profile before I ever posted in this thread. And you probably never even looked at MY profile, but were still angered by the fact that some people have that written on their profiles. So, you were already pissed off simply because it's there and you never even interacted with me.

I think it's cute that you're bothered that people are annoyed that you want to dictate how we choose to live our lives. I can't imagine why what you said bothers people. BAER

So... what's your point? Yes, it does bother me that people have ridiculous requests on their profile asking potential friends to jump through hoops before they become friends with them.. And if you have that on your profile, that includes you, I guess. That's why I made a thread to ask people what their reasoning is behind this. Did I really have to explain how my thought process behind making a thread works?

The last paragraph doesn't make any sense. What the hell is 'BAER'?

I think you should just go lay down now. You've had a long day of trolling.

deadbeatsummer

I AM important.


I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......

This seems like a fair point

rml_16

First, there are a billion posts about this already.

Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?

I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people like you, OP.

I don't really understand why your goal is to piss me off, seems like a bit of a waste of time as it didn't really work.

But you have fun with that

But I did piss you off without having a single interaction with you, simply by having that on my profile. :flowerforyou:

See your OP in this thread. You're bothered by its very existence.

Sorry, 'without having a single interaction'? You've bombarded me with about 4 rude posts for some reason.. Not really sure why you seem to hate me quite so much...

But you were angry about what's written on my profile before I ever posted in this thread. And you probably never even looked at MY profile, but were still angered by the fact that some people have that written on their profiles. So, you were already pissed off simply because it's there and you never even interacted with me.

I think it's cute that you're bothered that people are annoyed that you want to dictate how we choose to live our lives. I can't imagine why what you said bothers people. BAER

So... what's your point? Yes, it does bother me that people have ridiculous requests on their profile asking potential friends to jump through hoops before they become friends with them.. And if you have that on your profile, that includes you, I guess. That's why I made a thread to ask people what their reasoning is behind this. Did I really have to explain how my thought process behind making a thread works?

The last paragraph doesn't make any sense. What the hell is 'BAER'?

I think you should just go lay down now. You've had a long day of trolling.

You don't even know what trolling is. But you're adorable. Google is also your friend if you don't understand an Internet acronym.

CountryBoy65

. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......

I just sat beside you and said nothing........and next thing I knew, you were trying to dig the roll of quarters out of my jeans pocket....

Easywider

I AM important.


I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......

This seems like a fair point

Nah that point sucked tbh... ;D

Darkskinned88

i never message...if i FR you, you either I liked what you had to say in a thread, you're motivation or i find you attractive...i dont feel the need to sell my e-friendship accept or ignore it makes no difference. I also add everyone, and rarely delete. Friends is the last thing i came here for.

deadbeatsummer

First, there are a billion posts about this already.

Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?

I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people like you, OP.

I don't really understand why your goal is to piss me off, seems like a bit of a waste of time as it didn't really work.

But you have fun with that

But I did piss you off without having a single interaction with you, simply by having that on my profile. :flowerforyou:

See your OP in this thread. You're bothered by its very existence.

Sorry, 'without having a single interaction'? You've bombarded me with about 4 rude posts for some reason.. Not really sure why you seem to hate me quite so much...

But you were angry about what's written on my profile before I ever posted in this thread. And you probably never even looked at MY profile, but were still angered by the fact that some people have that written on their profiles. So, you were already pissed off simply because it's there and you never even interacted with me.

I think it's cute that you're bothered that people are annoyed that you want to dictate how we choose to live our lives. I can't imagine why what you said bothers people. BAER

So... what's your point? Yes, it does bother me that people have ridiculous requests on their profile asking potential friends to jump through hoops before they become friends with them.. And if you have that on your profile, that includes you, I guess. That's why I made a thread to ask people what their reasoning is behind this. Did I really have to explain how my thought process behind making a thread works?

The last paragraph doesn't make any sense. What the hell is 'BAER'?

I think you should just go lay down now. You've had a long day of trolling.

You don't even know what trolling is. But you're adorable. Google is also your friend if you don't understand an Internet acronym.

First google result for 'BAER acronym' = "Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response"
Thanks for the input darling. KISS x

aleham

I don't think it's really safe to assume that requesting a message with a friend request is self-important because I honestly don't believe it's about potential friends having to prove their worth. It's not a "pitch" really, I look at it as more of an introduction. People just feel more comfortable making friends online as they would in real life. You always find out what your common interests are when you first meet someone, whether or not they have the same goals as you is important on a fitness site - especially for users whose friend lists are quite large.

Think about it, you wouldn't feel comfortable having a total stranger in your space without some kind of introduction, would you? And plenty of Facebook users decline requests from people they don't have some kind of a connection to - are they self important? (Well, I don't think so). It seems like more of a simulation of real life friendship making to me. Not to mention the very personal information people publish on their profiles: weight, measurements, diary entries, details about their personal and professional lives, nutritional information, progress photos (sometimes in swimwear and underwear).

I think, considering the anonymity that the internet grants users, and the intimate nature of this site, people have every right to be selective about who is and is not able to access their personal information; furthermore, I think it's good manners (not to mention refreshingly honest) to state, right from the beginning, that they don't feel comfortable accepting friend requests without some kind of message/personal introduction.

galegetsthin

. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......

I just sat beside you and said nothing........and next thing I knew, you were trying to dig the roll of quarters out of my jeans pocket....

That is because I sent YOU the FR and included a message. Plus, I would do a lot of things for a roll of quarters......