Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance

AprilRenewed

I don't send blank FRs, and I prefer to see the ones sent to me with a few lines, or at least a "hello!" If I don't, though, it's usually b/c we've been talking in a thread or something. I don't want to accept someone who randomly, for no reason, sends me a request. But I do agree that it seems kind of hoity-toity to REQUIRE someone to send a few lines explaining why I want to be friends with them. Really?

BondBomb

I can't believe how many people are defending what they write on their own profiles. This makes me want to make it private and just keep the few friends I have. Who the hell cares how I use this site? It's myfitnesspal. Not ourfitnesspal. If you think people are self important then FFS don't add them. I am astonished by how many people are bothered by how other people use this site. It's hilarious.

AtticusFinch

Is it just me or does this seem a bit self important?

It's you

I know what you mean though, some messages are blunt to the point of rudeness, or too long and prescriptive. Usually those remarks are just a request for politeness, and if you naturally give a 'Hi' or whatever when you approach someone, that's the civil thing to do.

Trust your first instinct though - if you don't like the way a FR proviso is worded don't apply for the position.

:drinker:

ItsCasey

It's funny because, while I personally have always included a message when I send someone a FR, I don't really care whether or not people include a message when they send me a FR.

When someone with whom I've never communicated on the boards or on a blog sends me a random FR, I'm always curious about why they want to add me, so it's nice when they mention it, but I do not demand that they explain themselves. I have denied people for not having anything at all on their profile because I just think it's creepy to want to get get up in someone else's business when you haven't revealed anything about yourself. But I have never denied someone solely for not including a message with their request. I figure if I add someone and he turns out to be a weirdo, I can quickly and easily delete and/or block him.

Kara_xxx

I am wondering if OP means the difference between:

"Please send a quick note with friend requests to introduce yourself"

and

"FRIEND REQUESTS WITH NO MESSAGES WILL BE DENIED"

Exactly. That's certainly how I interpreted it.

All this capitalised 'throwing your weight around, reading people the riot act before they may engage in conversation with you (if you still want to bother by that stage) makes me think that a few people should ask for a refund from charm school. I mean do you communicate like that IRL?? :huh:

Captain_Tightpants

Nothing self-important about it whatsoever. After you get 200+ friends or so it becomes necessary to pick and choose just so you can keep your wall feed manageable and provide the support and motivation that your existing friends deserve.

mommy2AR

It doesnt bother me either way I just like having good friends that need support as well as will be a good support for me

yoovie

I dont understand why I should allow a stranger, who has never spoken to me before, who found me on the internet, to see my private weight loss and fitness struggles and all of my weak moments and celebrations, without them even having the decency to introduce themselves or explain why they want to connect with me (someone they do not know).... or else I will be known as someone who thinks of themselves as self-important.

I find this to be the heartbreaking opposite of internet safety.

"You should add anyone who requests you, with no information, allow them to see your pictures and stats, and requesting any information or introduction in return is rude."

No Im sorry, I have some prerequisites and you know what? I am important. My feelings and privacy do matter. And I will not pretend they dont. Im awesome but that doesnt mean I belong to everyone else.

Kara_xxx

I dont understand why I should allow a stranger, who has never spoken to me before, who found me on the internet, to see my private weight loss and fitness struggles and all of my weak moments and celebrations, without them even having the decency to introduce themselves or explain why they want to connect with me (someone they do not know).... or else I will be known as someone who thinks of themselves as self-important.

I find this to be the heartbreaking opposite of internet safety.

"You should add anyone who requests you, with no information, allow them to see your pictures and stats, and requesting any information or introduction in return is rude."

No Im sorry, I have some prerequisites and you know what? I am important. My feelings and privacy do matter. And I will not pretend they dont. Im awesome but that doesnt mean I belong to everyone else.

Wow...

Do you actually think someone sending you a couple of lines saying "hello, I saw your titillating posts and had a look at your profile... "I think you're sooo interesting / knowledgeable / funny / we have so much in common / I also had a cesaerian / 12 children / 47 cats / am a born again Christian..." [delete where appropriate] makes you know a stranger any better or this process any "safer"??? :huh:

JustJennie1

I have it on mine because I truly want to know why you want to be my friend. I'll get lots of requests that say "You're an inspiration" or "Our goals are the same!" and in that case I'll accept you. I've also gotten FR's with out any sort of message and their profile is private so IMO you're a creeper just looking to collect friends. When I send my FR's it's usually to someone who I saw post something on the forum that I agreed with and I'll include a note that says that.

Also if you just FR me with no note then you didn't read my profile and again you're a friend collector. I think it's a simple request and if you can't read my profile and do the simple request that is stated in the beginning then why should I accept you as a friend?

yoovie

I dont understand why I should allow a stranger, who has never spoken to me before, who found me on the internet, to see my private weight loss and fitness struggles and all of my weak moments and celebrations, without them even having the decency to introduce themselves or explain why they want to connect with me (someone they do not know).... or else I will be known as someone who thinks of themselves as self-important.

I find this to be the heartbreaking opposite of internet safety.

"You should add anyone who requests you, with no information, allow them to see your pictures and stats, and requesting any information or introduction in return is rude."

No Im sorry, I have some prerequisites and you know what? I am important. My feelings and privacy do matter. And I will not pretend they dont. Im awesome but that doesnt mean I belong to everyone else.

Wow...

Do you actually think someone sending you a couple of lines saying "hello, I saw your titillating posts and had a look at your profile... "I think you're sooo interesting / knowledgeable / funny / we have so much in common / I also had a cesaerian / 12 children / 47 cats / am a born again Christian..." [delete where appropriate] makes you know a stranger any better or this process any "safer"??? :huh:

uhhh YES, I think that knowing a person was drawn to me because they had a cesarian as well and shares my faith and found me in such and such thread and their name is blah blah blah is exactly how you know someone better. Because then I can write back and a dialogue is now open and we can converse like grownups.

better than I OWE YOU NOTHING NOW GIVE ME ACCESS, BTCH.

Im not a twitter feed, Im a real person. You cant subscribe to me, you have to interact with me.

yoovie

It doesnt even say on my profile that if you dont include a message, I wont friend you. I simply decline the ones that dont have the decency to introduce themselves before they try to collect me.

BigDaddyBRC

Here's how I see it...

If you engage with someone from the beginning, then you are most likely going have a more productive support group.

Think of it as me buying you a beer at the pub before pulling your hair later that night.

greasygriddle_wechnage

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

thebaconbeast

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

I don't like to be the one receiving; I like to be the one dishing out.

3shirts

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

Yes, got forbid a topic stimulates a lot of conversation. Bet you are a riot at parties.

nwhitley

I just really don't care enough to have 'requirements' for those who want to be my 'friend' on this social media outlet. Maybe I should raise the bar however...

How about: "Please forward resume and cover letter to our Human Resources department for candidacy consideration on behalf of your outbound friend request. A decision will be made within 72 hours of your request and you will be contacted by a representative whom will detail the verdict. We realize you have a choice in fitness pals and we sincerely thank you for your interest and encourage reapplication."

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

rml_16

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

Yes, got forbid a topic stimulates a lot of conversation. Bet you are a riot at parties.

Conversation is overrated.

And I think the person who posted that didn't actually read the thread because I don't believe that was the conversation ...

findfan4ever

I don't have any issue with it. Someone said it is like little introduction which is a good way to put it. If someone is willing to put just a little time and effort into a comment or two may help someone feel their add request is genuine. I tend to put a little comment anyway to try to break any tension and purpose of my request.

Kenzietea2

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

Most people don't ask for a "pitch on why they should be friends with you".
Most people on here ask for a message with their friend request because they want someone to take time to read their profile to see if they have anything in common.
I can't tell you how many times I have gotten a friend request, accepted it, only to be deleted by that person because they realize I am pregnant, married, or both.

And this isn't real life. This is the internet. We don't even know who is really on the other end of the MFP accounts So of course people are going to handle themselves differently and do/say things they might not normally.

It is the equivalent of an introduction and to me it seems common courtesy.

mermx

If I get a blank FR then I send a mail to the person before accepting. If they don`t respond then I don`t add! simple!

Here is one I sent to someone yesterday

Hi thanks for you FR

I will be honest that I look at diaries and don`t just do the WTG thing if that is a problem then for sure just delete me lol!

I notice you have lots and lots of friends already I like to keep it neat and clean so I can keep up with everyone... I look forward to trying to encourage you. I log in every day and try to motivate my friends. and I also send little mails now and again.

sundaywishes

I simply put, "If you'd like to "be my friend" just add me, but please also include a message!" just so that way there's a little introduction. Usually the person will put something in the message that is not on their profile and you learn a little something more about them. If I request someone, I include a message as well, regardless if they ask me to on their profile or not. And if I'm on a thread in which people are looking for friends, I'll say to add me, but please put in the message that you found me on said thread. It's just an easy way to know how someone came across me and that they are active on the message boards. I have added people that didn't include a message, but I'd prefer one. It's not a "make-or-break" type of thing, at least for me.

AprilRenewed

I know if there is no message that the person didn't bother reading my profile and these are 100% of the time people I have never seen on the boards or through mutual friends. If I'm requesting someone because of a forum post, I say in my request,
"Loved what you said in thread X." That simple.

I also have heard many times of people denying FRs and then getting nasty grams about it from the requester. If my profile clearly states, "no message, no acceptance," then that person can't complain when I say no.

I just read your profile and you're right, people clearly didn't read your profile if they don't send a message with their friend request. (Or they are trying to annoy you. ) It doesn't really bother me if people don't read my profile (and up until very recently I had it on private anyway.) I feel like I learn more about people from their interactions on the forums then from profiles. But to each their own--I can see why other people would be bothered by someone requesting them without reading their profile.

That's the thing, though. The people who are sending blank FRs are people I have never seen post on the forums. It's possible they are lurkers who saw me, but I didn't see them. So since they're requesting me, shouldn't they mention they saw me on the forum? I don't mind a request from someone who saw me on the forums and didn't read my profile, but if you have never posted on the forums, then I don't know that's why you're requesting me.

And if they're trying to annoy me, they're not. I just deny the request and move on.

That's a good point.

But again, for me, as long as I've been talking to them on the forums, I don't mind a request with nothing in the message. If not, then, yeah...it's kinda strange. IDK.

I get what the OP is saying. But I understand why people would prefer a message. I get both sides of the coin.

So I'm just going to take my coin and buy a diet coke, d@mnit!

rml_16

That's a good point.

But again, for me, as long as I've been talking to them on the forums, I don't mind a request with nothing in the message. If not, then, yeah...it's kinda strange. IDK.

I get what the OP is saying. But I understand why people would prefer a message. I get both sides of the coin.

So I'm just going to take my coin and buy a diet coke, d@mnit!

If I have had enough interaction on the boards to know who a person is without a message, I will absolutely accept either way. I even have that little exception in my intro. If I don't know you from Adam, though, take the time to read my profile and leave a message.

I don't understand people who send a PM to people who don't include a message. I mean, they CAN if they'd like, but I don't feel like it's the responsibility of the invitee to do the work, you know? If I impressed you enough to send me a request, then send a message! lol I always include a message unless it's a RL friend.

_Wits_

I will accept requests without the message if I've bantered back and forth on the forums.

A completely blank request from a random person..it would be nice to know who they are (especially since my profile is private).

The paragraphs about FR's is what gets me....some of them are fine and make sense and then there are others that are so egotistical and full of bullsh*t that it just makes me laugh. Like...get over yourself, mmk?

Jules2Be

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

I don't like to be the one receiving; I like to be the one dishing out.

oh?

_Wits_

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

I don't like to be the one receiving; I like to be the one dishing out.

oh?

Give. Receive. With Bacon, either/or will be fine.

thebaconbeast

you know what i find ad nauseum, that this string went on for 6+ pages about who is more important, the sender or receiver.. good gawd.

I don't like to be the one receiving; I like to be the one dishing out.

oh?

Give. Receive. With Bacon, either/or will be fine.

Okay, now just tell me when and where :bigsmile:

Jules2Be

I require an application and a 5 paragraph essay.

thebaconbeast

I require an application and a 5 paragraph essay.

Can I give you some bacon instead ?