Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance

futuremalestripper

You know what I find to be obnoxious and "self-important"?

People who judge how I choose to associate with strangers on the internet.

BruteSquad

If I may.

When I first was here I thought it was a bit odd, although I didn't take it as a sense of the person being self important. The first person that I saw that on their profile, I realized two things. First was that they had a large number of people on their friends list. Second she is an attractive lady.

Side note, she had started out, like many of us, very overweight but had reached a point of hotness. If I was a hot chick, after seeing some of the less desirable representatives of my gender, I would probably want at least a line of introduction.

I personally just want to know how you found me and be fairly sure you aren't sending me a FR because you lost a bet.

nikkitodhunter

I'd definitely expect someone to explain why they were friending me; it's just like facebook, I do not intend to add random people :S

casperuk

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

I disagree! You've disproven your own point!
"Hi, I'm Bob - How are you?" IS a message that someone could send with a friend request?! You do do it in real life!
People don't just walk over to a person, stand there in silence for a moment and magically become friends. When you approach someone in real life, you normally always start with a polite hello, a smile, some small talk, or something you noticed about the person you're trying to befriend that caused you to approach them.

In my humble opinion, it's internet etiquette; it's polite, and it's not much to ask

That being the case then why put it?

If you dont request a note then the people who DO leave one are worth keeping, the ones who dont, just ignore.

If you put YOU MUST MESSAGE WHY YOU WANT TO BE A FRIEND, then you are going to get people who are only writing something because you said so.

If its not there and people message you will have a better indication of whether they are worth it or not without the rules imo.

Kara_xxx

****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****

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I just used the above as an example...

Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:

There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:

MLgarcia3

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

Well no, Bob introduced himself there, which is the point of adding a message with a FR, to introduce yourself.
You'd be creeped out as **** in RL if Bob came up to you, never said a word, and started following you about and deciding he was your friend.

Bob would get hit with some mace

rml_16

****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****

---

I just used the above as an example...

Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:

There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:

If you read my above comments in this thread, your question is answered.

Also, thanks for reposting that because i just caught a typo!

BrettPGH

A request with no message is like someone walking up next to you silently and expecting you to like them.

Fieldsy

I think its hilarious when you are hardly wearing any clothes and get pissy/offended when you get lit up for friend requests

YokoJ

I agree with you.....I've seen some nicely written, but most are rude and pretentious. *shrugs* I just remind myself everyone doesn't think like me.

caberselli

I think it makes for a great sieve. If you have this as the first sentence in your profile, I quit reading. You are not worthy of my friendship.

If you are too lazy &/or important to read my profile, then I can't be bothered with reading yours.

Any friend request I get, I take the time to read their profile & usually can see right off what we have in common.

Fieldsy

First, there are a billion posts about this already.

There are a billion posts about every single topic on the forums....

getyourbeans

****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****

---

I just used the above as an example...

Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:

There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:

--> This. Exactly.

In defence of the OP, I don't think she's suggesting people should accept all and any blank friend requests, she even indicated she usually does send a message. I think the point, which seems to have been lost a bit, is that it seems odd for people to leave specifics of what they want in a message (and I have seen profiles that state they want a message detailing why you think you'd be a good match etc - like you have to sell yourself to them, which could be off putting for some) as a little bit of overkill. If you think the message someone has sent is inadequate, surely you can then just deny the friend request. Even just a "it would be nice if you could leave a note saying where you found me :-)" would be more palatable than the list of rules.

I always send a message with any friend requests, but have to admit I would be put off adding someone whose profile had an overly aggressive tone to it. Just my two cents :-D

rml_16

****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****

---

I just used the above as an example...

Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:

There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:

--> This. Exactly.

In defence of the OP, I don't think she's suggesting people should accept all and any blank friend requests, she even indicated she usually does send a message. I think the point, which seems to have been lost a bit, is that it seems odd for people to leave specifics of what they want in a message (and I have seen profiles that state they want a message detailing why you think you'd be a good match etc - like you have to sell yourself to them, which could be off putting for some) as a little bit of overkill. If you think the message someone has sent is inadequate, surely you can then just deny the friend request. Even just a "it would be nice if you could leave a note saying where you found me :-)" would be more palatable than the list of rules.

I always send a message with any friend requests, but have to admit I would be put off adding someone whose profile had an overly aggressive tone to it. Just my two cents :-D

And, to repeat myself ad nauseum, that is on my profile in the form it is in direct response and defiance to threads like this.

JoolieW68

I have it on mine, simply because I think it's good etiquette to at least say hello.

Being able to view my profile and diary is like letting someone in my MFP house. If you're going to knock on the door, don't just stand there, say hello, say why you'd like to come in, etc. You'd do the same in real life if you came over to my real house - you wouldn't just knock on the door and expect to be let in without saying a word, would you?

NurseCarolyn2014

I understand your point OP. I don't have that "message required" listed on my profile myself but honestly, I've wanted to. I think some people list that because they want to be interactive with their friends and if someone doesn't even take the time to write a message on the FR they are afraid they WON'T be a very supportive friend.
From my experience, this is kind of true. I have had people FR me with no message and I look at their profile, similar age, goals, so I accept and then the person NEVER talks to me. I always wonder "why did you even request me anyway?"

I don't think these people are looking for you to "puff them all up" in the message, just a simple hello, or where you noticed them, similar goals that you have in common, etc... It's like when you meet someone IRL.......you usually say "hi, nice to meet you."

Fieldsy

I never understood why some people are so private with their profiles, but they are posing pictures in their underwear and bra...lol

indisguise

I disagree! You've disproven your own point!
"Hi, I'm Bob - How are you?" IS a message that someone could send with a friend request?! You do do it in real life!
People don't just walk over to a person, stand there in silence for a moment and magically become friends. When you approach someone in real life, you normally always start with a polite hello, a smile, some small talk, or something you noticed about the person you're trying to befriend that caused you to approach them.

In my humble opinion, it's internet etiquette; it's polite, and it's not much to ask

THIS!! SO MUCH!
I've never outright denied anyones request just because they leave it blank, but I really appreciate it when they at the very least introduce themselves and say hi.

supplemama

It's polite?

I don't think it's polite to make people give you pitch on why they should be friends with you before you 'accept them'. I think it looks rude on your profile. You wouldn't do it in real life..

Person 1: Hi, I'm Bob - How are y--
Person 2: Sorry - If you want to be friends with me then please list why it was that you came over here and started talking to me in the first place.'

LOL. Can you imagine? ha ha

2143661

I put it on there because I'd like for people to tell me why they are adding me. It’s not some kind of self importance thing to me. It’s about people adding me for support, motivation or they just think I’m hot. Either way I want to know why they are adding me. I don’t think that is very unreasonable. &if someone doesn't want to include a message then I do excatly what it says on my profile, deny!