Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance
Replies
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I AM important.
I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......0 -
First, there are a billion posts about this already.
Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?
I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people like you, OP.
I don't really understand why your goal is to piss me off, seems like a bit of a waste of time as it didn't really work.
But you have fun with that
But I did piss you off without having a single interaction with you, simply by having that on my profile. :flowerforyou:
See your OP in this thread. You're bothered by its very existence.
Sorry, 'without having a single interaction'? You've bombarded me with about 4 rude posts for some reason.. Not really sure why you seem to hate me quite so much...
But you were angry about what's written on my profile before I ever posted in this thread. And you probably never even looked at MY profile, but were still angered by the fact that some people have that written on their profiles. So, you were already pissed off simply because it's there and you never even interacted with me.
I think it's cute that you're bothered that people are annoyed that you want to dictate how we choose to live our lives. I can't imagine why what you said bothers people. BAER
So... what's your point? Yes, it does bother me that people have ridiculous requests on their profile asking potential friends to jump through hoops before they become friends with them.. And if you have that on your profile, that includes you, I guess. That's why I made a thread to ask people what their reasoning is behind this. Did I really have to explain how my thought process behind making a thread works?
The last paragraph doesn't make any sense. What the hell is 'BAER'?
I think you should just go lay down now. You've had a long day of trolling.0 -
I AM important.
I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......
This seems like a fair point0 -
First, there are a billion posts about this already.
Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?
I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people like you, OP.
I don't really understand why your goal is to piss me off, seems like a bit of a waste of time as it didn't really work.
But you have fun with that
But I did piss you off without having a single interaction with you, simply by having that on my profile. :flowerforyou:
See your OP in this thread. You're bothered by its very existence.
Sorry, 'without having a single interaction'? You've bombarded me with about 4 rude posts for some reason.. Not really sure why you seem to hate me quite so much...
But you were angry about what's written on my profile before I ever posted in this thread. And you probably never even looked at MY profile, but were still angered by the fact that some people have that written on their profiles. So, you were already pissed off simply because it's there and you never even interacted with me.
I think it's cute that you're bothered that people are annoyed that you want to dictate how we choose to live our lives. I can't imagine why what you said bothers people. BAER
So... what's your point? Yes, it does bother me that people have ridiculous requests on their profile asking potential friends to jump through hoops before they become friends with them.. And if you have that on your profile, that includes you, I guess. That's why I made a thread to ask people what their reasoning is behind this. Did I really have to explain how my thought process behind making a thread works?
The last paragraph doesn't make any sense. What the hell is 'BAER'?
I think you should just go lay down now. You've had a long day of trolling.
You don't even know what trolling is. But you're adorable. Google is also your friend if you don't understand an Internet acronym.0 -
. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......
I just sat beside you and said nothing........and next thing I knew, you were trying to dig the roll of quarters out of my jeans pocket....0 -
I AM important.
I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......
This seems like a fair point
Nah that point sucked tbh... ;D0 -
i never message...if i FR you, you either I liked what you had to say in a thread, you're motivation or i find you attractive...i dont feel the need to sell my e-friendship accept or ignore it makes no difference. I also add everyone, and rarely delete. Friends is the last thing i came here for.0
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First, there are a billion posts about this already.
Second, I've found that the vast majority of people who don't include a message (unless it's someone I already know) don't interact with me at all, so why do I want their posts clogging my news feed?
I didn't used to have that message in my profile, but the ridiculous amount of threads complaining about it brought out my rebellious side and I added it just to piss off people like you, OP.
I don't really understand why your goal is to piss me off, seems like a bit of a waste of time as it didn't really work.
But you have fun with that
But I did piss you off without having a single interaction with you, simply by having that on my profile. :flowerforyou:
See your OP in this thread. You're bothered by its very existence.
Sorry, 'without having a single interaction'? You've bombarded me with about 4 rude posts for some reason.. Not really sure why you seem to hate me quite so much...
But you were angry about what's written on my profile before I ever posted in this thread. And you probably never even looked at MY profile, but were still angered by the fact that some people have that written on their profiles. So, you were already pissed off simply because it's there and you never even interacted with me.
I think it's cute that you're bothered that people are annoyed that you want to dictate how we choose to live our lives. I can't imagine why what you said bothers people. BAER
So... what's your point? Yes, it does bother me that people have ridiculous requests on their profile asking potential friends to jump through hoops before they become friends with them.. And if you have that on your profile, that includes you, I guess. That's why I made a thread to ask people what their reasoning is behind this. Did I really have to explain how my thought process behind making a thread works?
The last paragraph doesn't make any sense. What the hell is 'BAER'?
I think you should just go lay down now. You've had a long day of trolling.
You don't even know what trolling is. But you're adorable. Google is also your friend if you don't understand an Internet acronym.
First google result for 'BAER acronym' = "Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response"
Thanks for the input darling. KISS x0 -
I don't think it's really safe to assume that requesting a message with a friend request is self-important because I honestly don't believe it's about potential friends having to prove their worth. It's not a "pitch" really, I look at it as more of an introduction. People just feel more comfortable making friends online as they would in real life. You always find out what your common interests are when you first meet someone, whether or not they have the same goals as you is important on a fitness site - especially for users whose friend lists are quite large.
Think about it, you wouldn't feel comfortable having a total stranger in your space without some kind of introduction, would you? And plenty of Facebook users decline requests from people they don't have some kind of a connection to - are they self important? (Well, I don't think so). It seems like more of a simulation of real life friendship making to me. Not to mention the very personal information people publish on their profiles: weight, measurements, diary entries, details about their personal and professional lives, nutritional information, progress photos (sometimes in swimwear and underwear).
I think, considering the anonymity that the internet grants users, and the intimate nature of this site, people have every right to be selective about who is and is not able to access their personal information; furthermore, I think it's good manners (not to mention refreshingly honest) to state, right from the beginning, that they don't feel comfortable accepting friend requests without some kind of message/personal introduction.0 -
. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......
I just sat beside you and said nothing........and next thing I knew, you were trying to dig the roll of quarters out of my jeans pocket....
That is because I sent YOU the FR and included a message. Plus, I would do a lot of things for a roll of quarters......0 -
I AM important.
I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......
This seems like a fair point
Nah that point sucked tbh... ;D
See, Person who I will not be adding............0 -
Is this really that important??
If someone requests this.....fine
If someone does not.....fine
There is likely a reason someone has that request. They probably don't want creepy guys like me sending random FR with no message. I wouldn't label anyone or judge anyone based on their request.
It's a simple solution - if you do not like it, do not send them a FR. Don't let it ruin your day.0 -
I limit my friends list to a manageable number of people I actually like. But I guess if you rarely get a friend request, it's feasible to accept all of them without having any standards.
And yeah, my self is pretty important. What's wrong with that?0 -
Is this really that important??
If someone requests this.....fine
If someone does not.....fine
There is likely a reason someone has that request. They probably don't want creepy guys like me sending random FR with no message. I wouldn't label anyone or judge anyone based on their request.
It's a simple solution - if you do not like it, do not send them a FR. Don't let it ruin your day.
Also, this.
At the end of the day, all kinds of people have come here looking for different things. Some only want to add friends with the same goals as them, some want to make as many friends as possible.
If it's not your bag, don't play into it. Other people's insight into the whys of requesting messages with FR doesn't seem to have made it less annoying to you so I'd backup brianchi here and suggest you just let it be what it is without letting it frustrate you 0 -
I like you, OP. Friend request sent!
It really makes me no difference. I tend to accept friend requests whether there is a message or not. Sometimes a message doesn't help, I've gotten a few and they were creepers! LOL denied.
I friend request people, sometimes with a message sometimes not. If they have that long list of requirements to friend request (and yes I have seen those) I don't even bother; that gives me the impression that they find 'friendships' on MFP problematic. I think a lot of this has to do with the level of interaction one expects to have with one's friends on MFP. I have friends who feel the need to comment on each and every workout and all the food their friends eat as well as send lots of private messages...and they expect the same from their friends. Personally I just like to drop a comment or two every day or every other day on my friends' walls, and like it/appreciate a comment or two on mine, but I do recognize that everyone is operating under different time constraints. For some it's all they can do to log their meals and exercise, they really don't have time to interact much with their friends.
went off on a little tangent there...0 -
See, Person who I will not be adding............
You're missing out.0 -
See, Person who I will not be adding............
You're missing out.
I've been thinking I have been. FR sent! (:0 -
I don't accept FR from anyone without a message. It has nothing to do with my being "self-important", and everything to do with wanting to know why someone has chosen to add me. If we have nothing in common, or we are not compatible people, I have no reason to want you around.0
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I am wondering if OP means the difference between:
"Please send a quick note with friend requests to introduce yourself"
and
"FRIEND REQUESTS WITH NO MESSAGES WILL BE DENIED"
For myself, I don't mind no messages--it just makes me curious about how they found me and what we have in common. I also don't think it's a sign of laziness or friend collecting--some people are shy and maybe they didn't read my profile, but maybe they had a similar view on my forum posts. That's how I friended my first MFP pal--I liked her forum post.0 -
I am wondering if OP means the difference between:
"Please send a quick note with friend requests to introduce yourself"
and
"FRIEND REQUESTS WITH NO MESSAGES WILL BE DENIED"
For myself, I don't mind no messages--it just makes me curious about how they found me and what we have in common. I also don't think it's a sign of laziness or friend collecting--some people are shy and maybe they didn't read my profile, but maybe they had a similar view on my forum posts. That's how I friended my first MFP pal--I liked her forum post.
I know if there is no message that the person didn't bother reading my profile and these are 100% of the time people I have never seen on the boards or through mutual friends. If I'm requesting someone because of a forum post, I say in my request,
"Loved what you said in thread X." That simple.
I also have heard many times of people denying FRs and then getting nasty grams about it from the requester. If my profile clearly states, "no message, no acceptance," then that person can't complain when I say no.0 -
****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****
I just used the above as an example...
Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:
There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:
--> This. Exactly.
In defence of the OP, I don't think she's suggesting people should accept all and any blank friend requests, she even indicated she usually does send a message. I think the point, which seems to have been lost a bit, is that it seems odd for people to leave specifics of what they want in a message (and I have seen profiles that state they want a message detailing why you think you'd be a good match etc - like you have to sell yourself to them, which could be off putting for some) as a little bit of overkill. If you think the message someone has sent is inadequate, surely you can then just deny the friend request. Even just a "it would be nice if you could leave a note saying where you found me :-)" would be more palatable than the list of rules.
I always send a message with any friend requests, but have to admit I would be put off adding someone whose profile had an overly aggressive tone to it. Just my two cents :-D
Thank you - I should pay you to write what I actually mean on here - everyone seems to have taken it the wrong way!
Hey hon, whatever you write, however you explain it, however nice you try and be there's always some mfp's that will come on to rant and rave and accuse you of all manner of things. :ohwell:0 -
I know if there is no message that the person didn't bother reading my profile and these are 100% of the time people I have never seen on the boards or through mutual friends. If I'm requesting someone because of a forum post, I say in my request,
"Loved what you said in thread X." That simple.
I also have heard many times of people denying FRs and then getting nasty grams about it from the requester. If my profile clearly states, "no message, no acceptance," then that person can't complain when I say no.
I just read your profile and you're right, people clearly didn't read your profile if they don't send a message with their friend request. (Or they are trying to annoy you. ) It doesn't really bother me if people don't read my profile (and up until very recently I had it on private anyway.) I feel like I learn more about people from their interactions on the forums then from profiles. But to each their own--I can see why other people would be bothered by someone requesting them without reading their profile. 0 -
I have noticed on about 80% of people's profiles on here, there is a section which says:
'If you are going to Friend Request me - make sure you add a few sentences saying why you are adding me otherwise you will be DENIED'
Is it just me or does this seem a bit self important? It makes me want to unfriend people who have this message as it feels like they want you to suck up to them and kiss their *kitten* in order to get into their friend list.
What are you supposed to write in the friend request - 'Hey I really love ___ about you and thought ___ was really good so I thought we could be friends *brown nose*'. I hate sucking up to people. It's like fishing for compliments.
Thoughts?
EDIT: I do most of the time include some small sentence when I FR people and I'm not disputing that it is nice to add a little something - but my gripe is more with the 'demands' on peoples profiles of who can and cant request their friendship and under what conditions they should do it. it makes them look like they take themselves very seriously.
When you become friends with people in person there is some common ground right? Most people that write this in their profile just want to know what you think that common ground is. Do you like their point of view on things? Do you live close to each other? Do you both like the color purple? It's a common courtesy, you don't just become friends with someone in person by standing next to them correct? There must be a conversation.0 -
I know if there is no message that the person didn't bother reading my profile and these are 100% of the time people I have never seen on the boards or through mutual friends. If I'm requesting someone because of a forum post, I say in my request,
"Loved what you said in thread X." That simple.
I also have heard many times of people denying FRs and then getting nasty grams about it from the requester. If my profile clearly states, "no message, no acceptance," then that person can't complain when I say no.
I just read your profile and you're right, people clearly didn't read your profile if they don't send a message with their friend request. (Or they are trying to annoy you. ) It doesn't really bother me if people don't read my profile (and up until very recently I had it on private anyway.) I feel like I learn more about people from their interactions on the forums then from profiles. But to each their own--I can see why other people would be bothered by someone requesting them without reading their profile.
That's the thing, though. The people who are sending blank FRs are people I have never seen post on the forums. It's possible they are lurkers who saw me, but I didn't see them. So since they're requesting me, shouldn't they mention they saw me on the forum? I don't mind a request from someone who saw me on the forums and didn't read my profile, but if you have never posted on the forums, then I don't know that's why you're requesting me.
And if they're trying to annoy me, they're not. I just deny the request and move on.0 -
Is it just me or does this seem a bit self important? It makes me want to unfriend people who have this message as it feels like they want you to suck up to them and kiss their *kitten* in order to get into their friend list.
No, it's not self important... I like to know where people have seen me... I don't like to just add random people, but if they were involved in a forum thread that I was involved in then I don't find that person to be random... or if they saw something I said on the forums and are adding me because of that, then I would like to know that too... It's kinda like the businesses that post the "how did you find out about us" question on their webpage as you are checking out...
And I'm with rml, when people don't leave a message, to me that also says they aren't all that vested in having me as a friend, as they didn't even bother to read my profile.0 -
I think I get it. I've seen some people, middle-ages guys in particular, that seem to friend a LOT of younger (18 sometimes) girls. It makes me wonder if they just want to scope out their pics and it seems a bit creepy to me. Of course, I could just be a jaded and cynical Dad.0
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See, Person who I will not be adding............
You're missing out.
I've been thinking I have been. FR sent! (:
Accepted. Note not necessary..My ego isn't that inflated. ;]0 -
Or as I call it, a realist. I'd not 'friend' my daughters friends on FB, so why would a friend randon strangers on here.I think I get it. I've seen some people, middle-ages guys in particular, that seem to friend a LOT of younger (18 sometimes) girls. It makes me wonder if they just want to scope out their pics and it seems a bit creepy to me. Of course, I could just be a jaded and cynical Dad.0 -
The first line in my profile politely asks for a friend request with a message, and I stated why. I don't want to be a random person added to someone's list and get lost in a sea of random people. I did not state it rudely, its just a simple request. I would like to know how someone found me and why they would like to connect. When I first joined MFP, a bunch of random people requested me and I accepted. Some of them would send me tons of messages with nothing to do about MFP or being healthy. One of them started asking for my number and asked what kind of underwear I wear. Yeah, no thanks. A few others wanted to meet up and asked where I live. Ever since then, I deleted all those random people who did not offer support and treated MFP like a dating website or a myspace account. I am on here to find friends to connect with and offer help and guidance and who will do the same for me. I ask for a simple message with a friend request so I can weed out the bad people like I had in the beginning. I am not asking for a paragraph, just a simple hi. It's not that hard.0
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I like having some words to go with my friend requests - a little bit about the person and why they want to add me. I have accepted a few people who don't say anything but if they end up being weird or pervy then I delete...lol0
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