My friend wants me to eat cake
Replies
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hell no you shouldn't!! Tell her for YOU its not in the plan but the thought was nice and you appreciate it. Try a joke - like eat a piece for me!
At the end of the day its your weight loss journey and the only person who is going to prevent you from eating what you shouldn;t be eating is you. So - do you.0 -
Dont ever feel sorry or bad for turning something down. If is a true friend they will understand. Do what is right for you. Good Luck!0
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Her friend is making her feel guilty. People do it to me all the time. Even here on this thread people are telling her "just have a little bit, it won't hurt" but the point is she isn't hungry and doesn't want it. She is thinking about eating it due to peer pressure from her friend, who is probably also following up with "your not really fat anyway' "you shouldn't deny yourself" etc. . Why do people do that all the time? It drives me crazy when they do it to me. It is hard to figure out how to be able to hang out and not eat stuff that you don't want because other people make you feel weird if you don't. How is a good way to explain this to your friends or better yet not feel like you have to explain if you just don't want to eat something? :drinker:0
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Practice moderation instead of deprivation.
She has stated that she doesn't want cake! Just because she doesn't want to eat the cake at this particular time doesn't mean that she is depriving herself. I can have a sweet tooth at times but it comes and goes. Right now I would not be tempted by brownies, birthday cake, cookies whatever. Another day or time I might have the taste for sweets and those same foods would temp or even torment me.
My husband just brought home a Costco size "bucket" of chocolated covered almonds. He said "I will take them to work so I don't temp you". I told him, it's ok I don't have the taste for sweets right not.0 -
Her friend is making her feel guilty. People do it to me all the time.
No, her friend simply mentioned that she baked a fruitcake. She's feeling guilty about it.
Simple choices:
1. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! You're a great friend, so I know you'll also understand that I cannot afford to accept this gesture of your friendship due to my dietary restrictions and our friendship will not suffer because of it, but please do enjoy a slice on my behalf!"
2. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! Since I need to minimize impact to my daily caloric deficit, I will enjoy a very small piece, knowing that 140 calories will not have a significant impact in my long-term weight loss as long as it's an occasional deviation from my plan. It's life, we adapt."
3. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! Since this is a special occasion, I will forego my daily caloric deficit and eat at maintenance today, knowing that I will set my diet back by exactly one day, and enjoy a good portion of this delicious treat."
4. "You bake something high-calorie every time I come over, you un-supportive so-and-so, and therefore I suspect you are trying to sabotage my attempts at self-improvement. This is not the behavior of a friend. You are the weakest link. Good-bye."0 -
well i have no time to work out today so i cant fit it into my calories and to be honest i dont want to eat it .. im happy with my greek yoghurt . I just dont like the fact that i almost feel like i should eat it to make her feel better ....
If you don't want to eat it, then don't. Why do you feel like you should eat it? Did she say anything or imply that her feelings were going to be slayed if you don't eat it?
That is the "good girl" mindset that we have all had drilled into us since kids... be polite, don't refuse food, clean up your plate (at least my parents were lenient on that), there are starving children in other countries, I worked SO HARD making this treat, blah blah. You have to take control of YOUR body and stick to your guns. Tell her you really appreciate the sentiment but going out of her way was not necessary and you are really trying hard to resist temptation. Food pushers are the worst... I have a food pusher friend who is naturally very thin, and she is always bugging me to just cheat one day, blah blah. No more!0 -
Again i do not want to eat the cake... im not bothered about it ... i am an everything in moderation person but today i am not bothered about cake.
I just think i shouldnt have to feel guilty for my decisions...
It's a weird feeling at first- declining something offered to you. But chances are, your friend will understand (or at least she should). Before I started trying to lose weight, I had many situations where people would decline things I had made- cake, cookies, whatever...of course I like people to enjoy what I make but honestly, I admired these people's ability to stick to their goals and wished I could have the same will power!
The idea someone said about taking a small piece to-go is a good idea too.0 -
If you don't want it, don't eat it. If you think it will weaken you and you might eat over calories, don't eat it. You/I/we do not have to accept every bit of food that we are offered. That is probably how most of us got the way we are. You do NOT have to feel guilty about it. We are adults and entitled to like what we like and do what we do and be who we are. Stop feeling guilty!!! Keep up the good work and don't give in to pressure!!!0
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well i have no time to work out today so i cant fit it into my calories and to be honest i dont want to eat it .. im happy with my greek yoghurt . I just dont like the fact that i almost feel like i should eat it to make her feel better ....
Do NOT eat something to make someone else feel better, because it will make you feel worse. Stick to your plan and everything will be okay. It is your body and you take care of it - no one else takes care of your body. Enjoy the party & don't worry about saying no, it is okay.
BTW: Many friends try to get me to eat chocolate (they don't realize I haven't had it since August '09) and I just tell them no or sometimes I share my reason. You CAN do it!!!0 -
Never feel guilty for being safe. If you didn't plan it into your meal or you think you will over eat then def say no. You have to think about you and your progress. You don't want to mess it up because you feel guilty saying no. There are going to be plenty of other people there to eat it. Have fun and enjoy but don't let anyone hinder your progress. You do what you feel comfortable doing.0
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well i have no time to work out today so i cant fit it into my calories and to be honest i dont want to eat it .. im happy with my greek yoghurt . I just dont like the fact that i almost feel like i should eat it to make her feel better ....
Do NOT eat something to make someone else feel better, because it will make you feel worse. Stick to your plan and everything will be okay. It is your body and you take care of it - no one else takes care of your body. Enjoy the party & don't worry about saying no, it is okay.
BTW: Many friends try to get me to eat chocolate (they don't realize I haven't had it since August '09) and I just tell them no or sometimes I share my reason. You CAN do it!!!
I think the OP should not go to friends homes to eat until she has learned to not worry about feeling guilty about eating or not eating everything that is served. If it's really that big of a deal with the friend she will not be invited anymore and the problem will be solved.
BTW I would be a very unhappy person if I had not eaten chocolate since August '09!
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Her friend is making her feel guilty. People do it to me all the time.
No, her friend simply mentioned that she baked a fruitcake. She's feeling guilty about it.
Simple choices:
1. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! You're a great friend, so I know you'll also understand that I cannot afford to accept this gesture of your friendship due to my dietary restrictions and our friendship will not suffer because of it, but please do enjoy a slice on my behalf!"
2. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! Since I need to minimize impact to my daily caloric deficit, I will enjoy a very small piece, knowing that 140 calories will not have a significant impact in my long-term weight loss as long as it's an occasional deviation from my plan. It's life, we adapt."
3. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! Since this is a special occasion, I will forego my daily caloric deficit and eat at maintenance today, knowing that I will set my diet back by exactly one day, and enjoy a good portion of this delicious treat."
4. "You bake something high-calorie every time I come over, you un-supportive so-and-so, and therefore I suspect you are trying to sabotage my attempts at self-improvement. This is not the behavior of a friend. You are the weakest link. Good-bye."
Okay, So I just couldn't NOT laugh at #4!0 -
dont feel bad about saying no. a real friend would understand. and if i was going to blow a bunch of calories on cake it surely wouldn't be fruit cake!0
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Thank you for getting it. People need to stop pushing food on people who are watching their calories! I hate when people act like my struggle to be healthy is silly and they laugh at me taking it so seriously.Peer pressure sucks! The homemade cake is a big one too. For me - it's the beer at the beach. People act like they are worried about my self esteem since I don't want a beer because it isn't worth the calories.WTF? I know they are really just trying to be nice but I want them to stop. I am trying to party at the beach and really what I want is not more beer but to look better and feel better running around in my bathing suit. I don't mind not having a beer, I mind having to turn it down 20 times and argue about WHY I don't want one. What gets me is people that try to push me to eat junk food and beer that I don't even want. If I don't want to drink beer or eat crap, it doesn't mean I have some self esteem issue. It means I want to be healthy.I don't think I'm ugly because I'm fat, but I still don't like being fat. I still feel good enough about my fat body to wear a string bikini swimming, but I do NOT feel like having a beer or some chips, because it isn't worth it to me calorie-wise (I'd rather have something else for the calories that are in a beer - like 2 pieces of fruit maybe) and I think that should be OK. A year from now I will be at a healthy weight and very fit. That is my goal. I don’t want to do things that take me further from my goal, especially if I don’t even really enjoy them. I’m not giving them a hard time, why are they doing it to me? I just had to rant for a while. It's a holiday - Argh!0
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tell her you are allergic to carbs and if you eat them you will break out in fat.
but seriously, don't eat cake if you don't want to. If you are content with what you have and don't feel deprived, then don't eat it!! Sometimes a small treat can trigger a binge if that treat is one of your trigger foods.
Don't lie about an allegy! It's not believable nor is it respectful of your friend. If you prefer not to have the cake, be forthright. If, on balance, a small piece will make her happy, allow you to taste her homemade cake and let you not feel you're depriving yourself, then thoroughly enjoy that smal piece.
Did you read what I wrote as an "allergy"? Just wondering...0 -
Girl, DO NOT EAT THE CAKE to make someone else happy!!!
If you can manage just to taste a small bite to make yourself happy, go ahead and just have a small bite, Then tell your firend how good it is.
Don't make too big a deal about not wanting any more than that just say how full you are from whatever else that was served and then just smile.
stay positive and strong.
Love~ joifulblonde0 -
so I am going to a friends house tonight.. i have got my meals planned out . She has just told me that she has baked a fruit cake and asked if i like fruit cake. I said i do like fruit cake but i am trying to be good.
Now i feel like i am making her feel guilty about eating it .
Should i feel bad becuase i declined the cake ?
Is she Marie Antoinette? (just kidding). Marie Antoinette didn't actually say, "Let them eat cake." ("Qu'ils mangent du brioche.") It apparently was an earlier French Queen.0
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