Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

CreativeGuy504
CreativeGuy504 Posts: 16 Member
in Motivation and Support
Wasn't sure what forum category to put this -- and this is NOT meant to start anything...I'm genuinely curious about this topic. :)

I'm gay. Like any guy, I've been asked out by women -- many of them heavy. When I pull out the "thank you, but I'm gay" line, no one is ever offended, nor do they take my rejection personally. In fact, often times, a friendship is formed out of the whole thing.

What I don't understand is this: someone like myself who isn't attracted to women at all -- that's just viewed as having a preference. But I get the feeling that if I were heterosexual, and had a preference for thin women -- then I'd be attacked for being a "shallow jerk", or "not looking at the person for who they are on the inside".

I'm only saying this because I've witnessed this behavior countless times, not only against my straight-male friends, but also on message boards. I'm just curious as to why in one instance, the rejection is OK, yet in another, it often results in a personal attack against the individual. Thoughts?
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Replies

  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    No it's not shallow. I've been surprised to find myself attracted to overweight men because it has only happened on rare occasions, but when it did, I went with it. I suppose it would have been shallow if I'd been attracted to an overweight man and refused to date him because he was overweight, though. That seems like it would be shallow and also silly.
  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
    Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

    I don't think it's shallow. I think we need to look closer at the person on the inside though, before we make too many judgements.
  • KaidaKantri
    KaidaKantri Posts: 401
    Eh I don't think it's shallow, it's a preference thing. Some men like their women big, some don't. Some women like their men big some don't.. It's a preference thing, not a shallow thing. In my opinion, overweight people aren't all that attractive. One reason why I'm losing my fat is because I believe that and I don't feel attractive because of it. But it does come down to preference.
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    i'm never offended when a guy isn't attracted because of my weight, i have preferences too! For instance eff-ed up teeth or being over 40 working part time at walmart while living with your mom cause you're lazy are both deal breakers for me. And i like my guys thick, but i am very turned off by guys whose faces look like their drowning in fat.
  • sun33082
    sun33082 Posts: 416 Member
    I just feel like people are attracted to who they are attracted to. I've always been overweight but have never been attracted to guys who are overweight. It's mostly just a preference.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    Some people are both overly egocentric and insecure, that if someone has an opinion about beauty that doesn't include them, they get really offended.

    The reality is: attraction is physical and mental.
    Once in a while, it's just one or the other. It isn't shallow, it's just preference.
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    I think people forget you can respect and think all bodies are beautiful without being attracted to all bodies. I personally am not really attracted to super skinny men. Not my thing. Doesn't mean I have a problem with their body, it just means when looking for a partner, I may not be sexually interested in someone like that.
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
    You bring out something that prob. 99% of us have never thought of... A preference is a preference, however, I believe it has to do with not the rejection itself but the reaction during the rejection -- not everyone is going to be as polite at rejecting.
  • imjessly
    imjessly Posts: 140 Member
    I think it's viewed as not being very socially acceptable to say, regardless that most people think it.


    And on the other side people will often presume its because of their weight when they get rejected too, regardless of what they were told.


    There are always exceptions though
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    I don't think it's shallow but I sure did when I was obese lol. I tend to go for thicker guys rather than skinny guys myself...and not always "good" thicker lol. That's just my personal preference and I don't think anyone would call me shallow if I said I wasn't attracted to skinny guys but I'm a girl. Most ppl label heterosexual men as shallow to begin with...
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Everyone is entitled to preferences as long as we put everything in perspective and understand what is "worldly" and what is more lasting.
  • pavingnewpaths
    pavingnewpaths Posts: 367 Member
    Everyone has preferences. You can't choose who you're sexually attracted to.

    It's only wrong when you blatantly write someone off as a person not worth knowing because they're overweight.
  • TexasRattlesnake
    TexasRattlesnake Posts: 375 Member
    It's a niche market. If you're into it, great. If not, other fish in the sea.

    Hell, I'm not attracted to me (not sure why my fiancee is), how could I expect other people to be?

    I've seen overweight people who I would call pretty or handsome, but when it comes to attraction... not so much. And I'm fat.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    It's not shallow.
  • FitSid
    FitSid Posts: 117 Member
    As a female attracted to tall, thin men, if you want to call it shallow fine, (not you personally), but I'm sure as hell no one is attracted to me because I'm intelligent.

    And what's the difference, if someone likes you for your looks, or if someone likes you for you car, your cash, your brains, your house, your powerful job position, your sperm potency or because you make them laugh, it's a preference nonetheless just because it's not skin deep how does it make it any less shallow?

    PUNK!

    Uh, not sure if my point made sense (1:30am), but the point was, we all have a preference and seek that in others. Whether that be skin deep or not - no need calling other people shallow because if you look hard enough only dating fat chicks is shallow.
  • BVannillie
    BVannillie Posts: 140
    Agree with everyone. I've had guys tell me they're put off by my height, I'm 5'3, and I'm not offended. I wouldn't date a guy who was my height.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

    This.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    I don't think attraction comes down to just looks. Sometimes you can meet someone and the chemistry is there. Pheremones, lol.
  • annahiven
    annahiven Posts: 177 Member
    Well, homosexual is a biological trait, not a trait of mere 'preference'. You haven't learned to be attracted to men from glossy magazines, Photoshopped images and society's ideals of beauty. So I don't know that the comparison of rejection is really valid.

    If you are gay, and that's why you aren't attracted to a woman, that woman knows there is nothing they can do to attract you. So they walk away, thinking, "He rejected me because of something I can't help". There is no reason for them to beat themselves up. They can't change their gender, right?

    However, if you reject them because they are fat, well... They CAN help that, in most cases. Your rejection of them because of their weight is a reminder to them that they are failing in some aspect of being attractive. They can take that much more personally and beat themselves up about it.

    In general, though.... I wouldn't say it's necessarily shallow to not be attracted to overweight people. To me, overweight signals that the person is not taking care of themselves and they do not lead the sort of life style that I want to lead, and we'd likely not be a good match. I'd be much more wary of them as a potential partner than someone fit.
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    I don't think it's shallow, we all have different specific tastes, but if a person already feels insecure about an attribute if someone declines interest in them because of it, it is simply going to feed their negative feelings and the response is likely to 'lash out' at the other person in some way, even if it is subtle one.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    It's not shallow, though overweight women tend to be EXTREMELY sensitive about their weight and automatically go to "that jerk.... it's because I'm fat... that shallow jerk!" AND I will say that being overweight typically equates to living an unhealthy lifestyle.... being unhealthy is less attractive to me. Then again, I'm living a healthy lifestyle and want someone who can live it with me.

    Preference is preference. I'm more into personality than body type, BUT I will say that I'm not really attracted to blonde men... it's just not my thing. Does it make me shallow? No.... it's just what I like. I'm babbling, but yeah.... not shallow. Women (and some men) are just OVERLY sensitive about their appearances.
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
    CreativeGuy, thanks for bringing up a topic that can be so easily misconstrued in a logical, respectful way. I hope that all of the people who decide to reply to this stay respectful as well. I agree with you. It is simply a preference. Stay awesome- I hope to see more posts from you!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Preferences are one thing... it's how someone behaves that determines whether or not they're shallow. Everyone has preferences. If you can have those preferences without being offensive and rude, that's not a problem.

    Take for instance the sticker I saw on the back of a souped-up pickup truck yesterday, "Jack it up.. fat chicks can't climb." As a thin chick, there's no frickin' way I want anything to do with a turbodouche like that.

    Also, there's a difference between preferences and requirements. The cast of Magic Mike all turn my head, but I don't expect a guy to look like that. It's not a requirement. My requirements have more to do with personality and compatibility.
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
    People are attracted in different ways, to say someone is shallow for that reason would make us all shallow.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    Attraction is what it is.
    And if you want to know ideal beauty, check out any swim suit competition or beauty pageant.
    It's all about great looks, and that's the ideal for most people.
    And just like I was not invited to be a Chippendale Dancer when I was pushing 300 lbs, Big Bertha won't be winning the Miss America swim suit competition this year.
    That's reality.
    It's not to be unkind, shallow or a put down.
    I was FAT, and I was UGLY, and my wife told me I was unattractive to her.
    That really happened.
    We married, I was fit, sharp looking, and then got fat. That's not what she married, so of course she found me loathsome.
    All that did was motivate me to get back to peak fitness for her and for myself.
    You can't nag people into a state of attraction.
    Welcome to planet Earth!:drinker:
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
    I think that in some cases, it may be a case of someone being shallow. In others, it is simply who you are attracted to. I am attracted to someone's mind and personality over their body....I have seen some gorgeous people that ended up being ugly as hell because of who they were inside as well as some not-so-attractive people that I ended up finding absolutely breathtaking because of the person they are.
  • jamm2000
    jamm2000 Posts: 79
    No, I don't think it's shallow at all. No matter how much we are supposed to love someone for who they are inside, the fact of the matter is attraction is initially based on outward appearance. We like what we determine to be visually appealing that's our entitlement. Just like you may not be attracted to another race, or gender, or height, or whatever, that doesn't make you shallow or racist or sexist.
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
    Well, homosexual is a biological trait, not a trait of mere 'preference'.

    Agreed. Not an "apples-to-apples" comparison. I definitely understand the point OP was making with that but aesthetic preference vs biologically determined sexuality is a tough stretch.
  • petreebird
    petreebird Posts: 344 Member
    I think one might think they aren't attracted to overweight individuals because they never have been. That doesn't actually mean they aren't.
    I mean, I've dated 1 guy who was about 5'10" and 225 another who is 5'6" and 180 and one who was 6'3" and about 160 and in a wheel chair!! Would I ever say that I am attracted to "those types", probably not. Have I been attracted to many men like them outside of those 3 relationships? No, I haven't. I've actually turned down potential dates that were fairly identical.
    So I think it's really hard to concretely say what type of person your attracted too, outside of the gay part :happy: until you've met that one person who turns your head. :smokin:
  • epoeraven
    epoeraven Posts: 458 Member
    I have wondered about this too. I have a tendency to be more attracted to a guy who carries a few extra pounds around. Really skinny guys just don't do it for me. In fact, I am more likely not to even give them a chance if they don't have some meat on their bones. I rarely get teased or chastised about it though.

    I have a friend who is just the opposite - the skinnier the better for her. She doesn't like a guy who is even a little overweight. She, however, has gotten chastised for her postion.

    In my mind weight is no different than hair color, eye color or height when it comes to being a factor in what I find attactrive.

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