Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

CreativeGuy504

Wasn't sure what forum category to put this -- and this is NOT meant to start anything...I'm genuinely curious about this topic.

I'm gay. Like any guy, I've been asked out by women -- many of them heavy. When I pull out the "thank you, but I'm gay" line, no one is ever offended, nor do they take my rejection personally. In fact, often times, a friendship is formed out of the whole thing.

What I don't understand is this: someone like myself who isn't attracted to women at all -- that's just viewed as having a preference. But I get the feeling that if I were heterosexual, and had a preference for thin women -- then I'd be attacked for being a "shallow jerk", or "not looking at the person for who they are on the inside".

I'm only saying this because I've witnessed this behavior countless times, not only against my straight-male friends, but also on message boards. I'm just curious as to why in one instance, the rejection is OK, yet in another, it often results in a personal attack against the individual. Thoughts?

MaraDiaz

No it's not shallow. I've been surprised to find myself attracted to overweight men because it has only happened on rare occasions, but when it did, I went with it. I suppose it would have been shallow if I'd been attracted to an overweight man and refused to date him because he was overweight, though. That seems like it would be shallow and also silly.

itgeekwoman

Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

I don't think it's shallow. I think we need to look closer at the person on the inside though, before we make too many judgements.

KaidaKantri

Eh I don't think it's shallow, it's a preference thing. Some men like their women big, some don't. Some women like their men big some don't.. It's a preference thing, not a shallow thing. In my opinion, overweight people aren't all that attractive. One reason why I'm losing my fat is because I believe that and I don't feel attractive because of it. But it does come down to preference.

suzieqcookie

i'm never offended when a guy isn't attracted because of my weight, i have preferences too! For instance eff-ed up teeth or being over 40 working part time at walmart while living with your mom cause you're lazy are both deal breakers for me. And i like my guys thick, but i am very turned off by guys whose faces look like their drowning in fat.

sun33082

I just feel like people are attracted to who they are attracted to. I've always been overweight but have never been attracted to guys who are overweight. It's mostly just a preference.

wellbert

Some people are both overly egocentric and insecure, that if someone has an opinion about beauty that doesn't include them, they get really offended.

The reality is: attraction is physical and mental.
Once in a while, it's just one or the other. It isn't shallow, it's just preference.

thelovelyLIZ

I think people forget you can respect and think all bodies are beautiful without being attracted to all bodies. I personally am not really attracted to super skinny men. Not my thing. Doesn't mean I have a problem with their body, it just means when looking for a partner, I may not be sexually interested in someone like that.

chachita7

You bring out something that prob. 99% of us have never thought of... A preference is a preference, however, I believe it has to do with not the rejection itself but the reaction during the rejection -- not everyone is going to be as polite at rejecting.

imjessly

I think it's viewed as not being very socially acceptable to say, regardless that most people think it.


And on the other side people will often presume its because of their weight when they get rejected too, regardless of what they were told.


There are always exceptions though

RobynMWilson

I don't think it's shallow but I sure did when I was obese lol. I tend to go for thicker guys rather than skinny guys myself...and not always "good" thicker lol. That's just my personal preference and I don't think anyone would call me shallow if I said I wasn't attracted to skinny guys but I'm a girl. Most ppl label heterosexual men as shallow to begin with...

dmpizza

Everyone is entitled to preferences as long as we put everything in perspective and understand what is "worldly" and what is more lasting.

pavingnewpaths

Everyone has preferences. You can't choose who you're sexually attracted to.

It's only wrong when you blatantly write someone off as a person not worth knowing because they're overweight.

TexasRattlesnake

It's a niche market. If you're into it, great. If not, other fish in the sea.

Hell, I'm not attracted to me (not sure why my fiancee is), how could I expect other people to be?

I've seen overweight people who I would call pretty or handsome, but when it comes to attraction... not so much. And I'm fat.

hesn92

It's not shallow.

FitSid

As a female attracted to tall, thin men, if you want to call it shallow fine, (not you personally), but I'm sure as hell no one is attracted to me because I'm intelligent.

And what's the difference, if someone likes you for your looks, or if someone likes you for you car, your cash, your brains, your house, your powerful job position, your sperm potency or because you make them laugh, it's a preference nonetheless just because it's not skin deep how does it make it any less shallow?

PUNK!

Uh, not sure if my point made sense (1:30am), but the point was, we all have a preference and seek that in others. Whether that be skin deep or not - no need calling other people shallow because if you look hard enough only dating fat chicks is shallow.

BVannillie

Agree with everyone. I've had guys tell me they're put off by my height, I'm 5'3, and I'm not offended. I wouldn't date a guy who was my height.

NoAdditives

Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

This.

Lauren8239

I don't think attraction comes down to just looks. Sometimes you can meet someone and the chemistry is there. Pheremones, lol.

annahiven

Well, homosexual is a biological trait, not a trait of mere 'preference'. You haven't learned to be attracted to men from glossy magazines, Photoshopped images and society's ideals of beauty. So I don't know that the comparison of rejection is really valid.

If you are gay, and that's why you aren't attracted to a woman, that woman knows there is nothing they can do to attract you. So they walk away, thinking, "He rejected me because of something I can't help". There is no reason for them to beat themselves up. They can't change their gender, right?

However, if you reject them because they are fat, well... They CAN help that, in most cases. Your rejection of them because of their weight is a reminder to them that they are failing in some aspect of being attractive. They can take that much more personally and beat themselves up about it.

In general, though.... I wouldn't say it's necessarily shallow to not be attracted to overweight people. To me, overweight signals that the person is not taking care of themselves and they do not lead the sort of life style that I want to lead, and we'd likely not be a good match. I'd be much more wary of them as a potential partner than someone fit.

RhonndaJ

I don't think it's shallow, we all have different specific tastes, but if a person already feels insecure about an attribute if someone declines interest in them because of it, it is simply going to feed their negative feelings and the response is likely to 'lash out' at the other person in some way, even if it is subtle one.