Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

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  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
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    being over 40 working part time at walmart while living with your mom cause you're lazy
    That's awfully specific.

    I think shallow is a little more than just not finding someone attractive. Someone can even fit your general type and still not be attractive to you.

    Being shallow is more like not finding someone physically attractive, and being unwilling to give their personality a chance, even. Say, if you told them "Sorry, I'm gay" and then followed it up with "now get outta my face, fatty." As opposed to friendships starting, as you said they tend to do.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
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    I never thought he was shallow for not being attracted to bigger girls, but I did think he was a dumb a** for having a random number in his head like that.
    I have to totally agree. A lot of people underestimate my weight by a lot -- often more than 20 pounds because of the way I carry it. I've had this my whole adult life, even when I was quite thin and fit. That's really dumb.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
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    I dated a really large woman in college, but I wouldn't do it today. If we are talking say a woman 5' 6" and 30/40 lbs over weight, I can work with it.
    Well, hello there! :wink:
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    It works both ways. I have dated thin men and obese men. What gets me is the obese men who only want to date a THIN woman.
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
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    bump for later readings
  • arathena720
    arathena720 Posts: 449 Member
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    Dating is hard, period, and God knows I've done my share. As anyone who's done online dating or have gone out looking for a mate will tell you, a lot of it is in the initial attraction. For me, chemistry is whether or not I'm attracted to someone not only physically but also in their mannerisms, how they talk, their sense of humor, the eyes, etc. When I was dating, I never limited my matches by body type, income, height, etc. For me, a guy's personality can change my attraction to him by the time the evening is over. The best looking guy I dated was also the creepiest I've met.

    So, I don't think it's shallow to not be attracted to overweight women. There are guys that I've turned down for dates based on their looks before I really got to know them. But I'd also say that you never know, there might be that one person who is overweight that you look at and just go WOW for some reason.

    And remember, things change. When I first met my boyfriend, he was working out all the time and I couldn't keep my hands off of him. In the last six months he's stopped working out, lost a lot of weight...and I can't keep my hands off of him. I gained 17 pounds after we met, and he still can't keep his hands off of me. If it's meant to be, it's going to be.
  • kalynn06
    kalynn06 Posts: 368 Member
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    Preferences are one thing... it's how someone behaves that determines whether or not they're shallow. Everyone has preferences. If you can have those preferences without being offensive and rude, that's not a problem.

    This, I think is the important point. There is a difference between quietly being turned off by a certain feature and assuming that no one could be attracted to anyone who had it. Men or women who make general statements like "Men don't like fat girls" or the equivalent are rude.

    There is also a difference between having personal preferences and hurting someone who didn't meet them. There is a difference between telling someone, "Sorry, I'm gay" and saying "Sorry, I don't like overweight women" The first one assumes the person making the advance is a woman, so is not especially judgmental or offensive. The second implies the person is overweight, which is a judgement and often a matter of opinion. I know people who consider all women that aren't waifs overweight. When someone makes an advance, they are making themselves vulnerable, and saying something hurtful is unnecessary and rude.
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
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    I don't think it's shallow at all. Aside from the minority exceptions created within our complex society and various cultures, such as with those who are specifically attracted to overweight/obese/emaciated people, on the whole I think the human animal is attracted to a healthy physique, in a potential mate. Overweight is not healthy, so it's perfectly understandable to me why someone wouldn't be attracted to that.
  • blonde71
    blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
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    Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

    I don't think it's shallow. I think we need to look closer at the person on the inside though, before we make too many judgements.

    Totally agree with this. You can't "make" yourself feel something towards someone - it's either there or it's not. On the other hand, a person's personality can make them much more attractive. Looks are only one part of it in my experience.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
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    you like what you like, and not much will change that. it's not shallow. it's normal.


    i'm not attracted to overweight people, but people can always lose weight!
    they generally don't get a new personality ;)
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    Well, it depends. And, if you use celebrity crushes as an example, I can appreciate David Beckham and Jeff Garlin (from Curb Your Enthusiam). Two very different types, attractive for different reasons.
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 897 Member
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    Its all about how the person reacts to it.

    If some girl asks a guy out and he says no, sorry not interested but thank you.

    That is one thing

    If the girl asks the guy out and the guy says "No fat chicks"

    Then you know... you are just a shallow douche.
  • jyuubi
    jyuubi Posts: 109
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    Being an overweight woman myself, I used to find it shallow...when I was young and desperate for someone to like me. Now, however? I realize that while personality, faith, trust, and all that kind of stuff is most important in a relationship, there's in the end, no relationship at all if there's no physical attraction. In order to have that physical attraction, you need to be attracted to their appearance. Sometimes people change, and they learn they like different (so it may be wise to not immediately dismiss it, because you could very well be surprised), but otherwise, it's not shallow. Some men prefer heavier women. It'd be like saying their shallow for preferring big women over small.
  • azyaria
    azyaria Posts: 18 Member
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    Not being attracted to overweight people is a preference. If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted.

    I think the difference is when you refuse to date someone that you might otherwise date BECAUSE they are overweight is shallow.
  • evilpixiegrrr
    evilpixiegrrr Posts: 103
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    It's also about biology. We're supposed to be attracted to healthy mates because healthy mates = healthy offspring. That's why I think there's a natural lack of attraction to any extreme -- both obesity and skinniness.
  • LifeJacketWaterJogger
    LifeJacketWaterJogger Posts: 231
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    It may not be shallow to some, but if you lose weight the same guy will try to date you that turned you down when you was overweight! I personally think it shallow. because you can't relate weight to health in all cases, I you are only going to date people who are smaller you are going to miss out on the good things in life. And i do have preferences but not in people only good or bad one's is all that matter other things like teeth, weight can be fixed.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
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    I am not attracted to men or women who are overweight either and I don't think it's shallow.

    I associate fatness with laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. I'd rather my partner was fit and active.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    Physical attributes are just as important in attraction as, say, personality. You can find someone funny, charming, even downright likeable but if you can't accept the whole package then it's not going to work.

    I've been overweight my whole life and I've never found it shallow that guys didn't want me because I was fat. The only thing I ever found shallow was when I was rejected--publicly--by a crush because I was "weird." Because I happened to dress in darker clothing and I had short hair, a lot of people thought I was weird, a Satanist, or a butch lesbian and that's what he judged me on, unconfirmed stereotypes.

    Unfortunately what I've noticed is these pro-heavy girl mantras floating around that tend to turn a heavy girl toward that mindset the same way someone might say, "oh you just said that because you're racist" when race isn't even the issue. It's fine to be okay with yourself, but you can't take any and all rejection as a direct offense. If they don't feel attracted to your size, to you as you are, would you honestly want to be with them?
  • HMVOL7409
    HMVOL7409 Posts: 1,588 Member
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    I don't think it's shallow. As a woman I'm not attracted to overweight men nor am I attracted to the bodybuilder type either. It's how you portray your actions that can make you look shallow. Calling someone, a body type or even a size as "gross" or "ewww" or being rude and condescending makes you shallow IMO.
  • pnwgurl
    pnwgurl Posts: 5
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    you had me at, 'turbodouche!' ;)

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