Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

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  • mtaylor1980
    mtaylor1980 Posts: 135 Member
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    Ha! This word for word....
    including the "Too lazy to read other responses"...
    Too lazy to read other responses before I respond.

    Just because you don't find someone attractive because they're overweight doesn't mean you're shallow. I don't find someone attractive if they have poor dental hygiene.. Does that make me shallow?

    Short answer: No, not shallow.
  • cersela
    cersela Posts: 160 Member
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    Not finding someone attractive based on some physical features (in this case weight) is not shallow. Deciding it's okay to ridicule someone or say insensitive things because they posses a feature you consider unattractive, under the assumption it's a fault does cross the line. Remembering that even though they are not a person worthy of your affection, they still are worthy of common decency is important.
  • Jesse_Hunter
    Jesse_Hunter Posts: 162 Member
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    For me, It has nothing to do with thin vs. overweight.

    I spend a lot of time and energy on my fitness and health. These are very important aspects of life to me.

    With that said, I personally don't think I could be with someone who doesn't.
  • GaidenJade
    GaidenJade Posts: 171
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    You really can't help who you're attracted to. Everyone has different taste. The only time I would ever get on someone's case (for not "being attracted to" someone else) is if they were being a cocky pr!ck about it and hurting the other person's feelings.

    ^^ This.

    If a guy said to me. "No sorry, I don't date fat chicks." Then he would get hurt from being a prick. However if he just said "Thanks but you're not my type." Then it would be fine.

    We all have our types and I can't do anything to change that. Now there will be some people with low self esteem that might read into that and get angry thinking it was because he/she was fat. Can't do anything about those people either. They have to find their own way to cope with lives.
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    i am definitely attracted to tall, thin men, but neither my ex-husband nor my current boyfriend have met this "ideal". for me, attraction is far more chemical and destined by overall lifestyle & spirituality / philosophy.

    i have always been a "heavy" woman and have never had a problem finding a boyfriend, ever. i know that maybe the "ideal" for some of the men I had dated was different than my body shape, but really I have found that it's less important to most men than one might think (via media).

    a *kitten* is a *kitten* no matter how you fill it.
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
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    Not being attracted to someone just because of a preference doesn't necessarily make you shallow. It depends on tact. You may not be attracted to a woman/man because of their appearance/weight, but openly going "no fat dudes/no fat chicks" would make you appear shallow. However, if you're respecful about it "Sorry, not my type", then it's a matter of preference.

    However in my opinion, being prejudiced or hating a certain group of people for their appearance (male or female), i'd consider that shallow.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    It's not shallow. I would prefer to have a relationship with someone in shape as well, so I need to be up to that standard.
  • Amryfal
    Amryfal Posts: 225
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    i am definitely attracted to tall, thin men, but neither my ex-husband nor my current boyfriend have met this "ideal". for me, attraction is far more chemical and destined by overall lifestyle & spirituality / philosophy.

    i have always been a "heavy" woman and have never had a problem finding a boyfriend, ever. i know that maybe the "ideal" for some of the men I had dated was different than my body shape, but really I have found that it's less important to most men than one might think (via media).

    a *kitten* is a *kitten* no matter how you fill it.

    this!
  • emmymae22
    emmymae22 Posts: 206
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    I don't think it's shallow. I'm not really attracted to big guys...there have been exceptions but generally I like thinner men. I think where the shallowness could come in is how you handle it when a person who you aren't attracted to approaches you. I think if you treat them like a person and politely decline instead of being like "no, you're fat and gross", it's more than fine to not be attracted to overweight women/men. Treat them like a person.
  • madelonism
    madelonism Posts: 292 Member
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    I dont take that personal anymore. at all. because I stopped and thought about how im attracted to fit guys. im not generally (there are exceptions) into fat guys. my reasoning? i have enough fat for both of us! lol. but really. im working hard to give my ideal match something they want too. everyone has a type. just dont be a **** about it, and its all good.
  • subcult
    subcult Posts: 262 Member
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    I'm attracted. To all sizes but my shallow side comes down to the face.
  • Heatherjg0419
    Heatherjg0419 Posts: 52 Member
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    It is shallow, but I wouldn't want to date someone who likes me or loves me but can't stand to look at me/touch me because of my weight.

    You wouldn't be doing overweight women any favor by dating them (you know, if you were interested in women) *DESPITE* their weight ... that's worse than a sting of "no, thanks. I'm not interested" right away.

    And really, we're all shallow ... at the beginning of any relationship, it's about the shallow stuff. It's only months and years into knowing someone that you get to the "deeper" stuff.
  • krisiepoo
    krisiepoo Posts: 710 Member
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    Nope... not shallow at all.

    I'm heavy but am not attracted to obese males. Overweight, yes, obese, no. It is what it is.
  • MrsBully4
    MrsBully4 Posts: 304 Member
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    I think judging someone's abilities, personality or worth or criticizing them based on their weight is pretty damn shallow, but if you're not attracted to someone then you're just not attracted to them. Nothing at all wrong with that. I personally find dark tans unattractive. I don't think that makes me shallow or a bad person.

    Different strokes for different folks.
  • Heatherjg0419
    Heatherjg0419 Posts: 52 Member
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    That ^ being said, just because it's not shallow, doesn't mean you aren't a rude douche nozzle if you feel free to say to any overweight woman who asks you out, "sorry, I don't do fatties" or something similar.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    Of course it's not shallow.
    When was the last time a fat girl won Ms America or Ms Universe?
    HELLO!
    And when was the last time the Chippendale dancers hired a fat guy?
    Ain't going to happen.
    It's not unkind to be truthful.
    I WAS UGLY FAT!
    My wife even told me she was no longer attracted to me. She did not fall in love with and marry a fat guy.
    Not shallow!
    Reality.
    Welcome to the human race.:drinker:
    1340915048-chris-farley-chippendales.jpg
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    I've seen this same thread before. It's all hypothetical and what's the point really. We all know there's a bias against weight. Some of it is cultural, some of it evolutionary. But I'm not sure I see the point of this topic on this board. So people can reveal their painful stories?
  • MrsBully4
    MrsBully4 Posts: 304 Member
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    That ^ being said, just because it's not shallow, doesn't mean you aren't a rude douche nozzle if you feel free to say to any overweight woman who asks you out, "sorry, I don't do fatties" or something similar.

    I think this bypasses shallow and goes straight to douchebaggery personally.
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    I hate when it's called "shallow" because I don't think it's a bad thing. It's just different priorities.

    I, for one, am not really into muscular "ripped" guys. I'm kind of a freak among my friends. But if they have a good smile or can make me laugh, I'm instantly attracted. That's just what I find hot. Physique is not important. However, if you have a good smile and make me laugh but you don't dress well for your physique (stomach hanging out from your too-short-tee shirt, for example - I find it a lot more difficult to be attracted. Although I can't say I've ever noticed this combination. So I guess that's a moot point for now.

    So, if I find the personality so much more important, does that make me "deep"? And I've been attacked on the threads for not immediately being attracted to muscular guys. People get offended when they feel that people are saying directly that they are not attracted to them - and I don't get it. I don't expect (or want) every guy to be attracted to me. In fact, I only care that one of them is attracted to me... and that's my husband. But I certainly would not want someone to be attracted to me for just my body, because it's so much more than that to me. It's flattering if you think I look good, but I think I'm hilarious, I'm strong willed, I'm smart, I work hard, and I care about others far too much... I want those things to be appreciated, too.

    Also, I'm kind of nerdy, and want to be appreciated as such. :ohwell:
  • canadianhood
    canadianhood Posts: 8
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    I don't think it's shallow. I don't think we can control what we're going to find attractive or not. If it's there it's there, if it isn't it isn't.

    What I do think is shallow though, is completely ruling out someone who does not meet your visual definition of perfect. Looks are only a small part of the equation.

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