Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

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Replies

  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Seems like the general consensus. I've never found overweight women attractive because of the health implications that go along with that and have taken criticism for it as I am overweight.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,177 Member
    Because I do not want to receive a strike today, I will keep my comment to myself.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
    Having a preference for a particular physical appearance isn't shallow. What is shallow is if that is the sole thing that drives a search for a partner and there isn't more to it. Personally, I think personality is much more important, but I still have my preferences. Like some men will never be attracted to an overweight woman, I would likely not be attracted to a man who is smaller than me (height and body mass).
  • Merithyn
    Merithyn Posts: 284 Member
    No it's not shallow. I've been surprised to find myself attracted to overweight men because it has only happened on rare occasions, but when it did, I went with it. I suppose it would have been shallow if I'd been attracted to an overweight man and refused to date him because he was overweight, though. That seems like it would be shallow and also silly.

    ^^This^^

    It's not shallow to have a preference. It IS shallow to find someone attractive and then choose not to ask them out because of what others my think of them.
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
    Eh, maybe, maybe not. Personally, I think people are entitled to their preferences. And I think it's good to follow them, unless they're in some way self-destructive.

    Of course, I've had people tell me that they liked my personality, and would date me (that is, have sex with me), but that I should not expect a long term thing because I'm not their "type". (Gee, thanks. Don't do me any "favors", *kitten*.)
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Fun story. My ex (who is still one of dearest friends even though I moved on, married somebody else, and started a family) randomly said one day that he wasn't physically attracted to women who were over weight and couldn't imagine being with somebody who weighed more than 150 pounds. We wasn't being a jerk on purpose and he wasn't implying he wasn't attracted to me -- but at the moment I weighed 153 . I said nothing to him at the time because I was positive it wasn't passive-aggressively directed at me - but I did always felt like if I gained a pound he'd suddenly stop loving me. We continued to date for a year, it was never brought up again -- and I ended up leaving him to chase other dreams (I wanted to live a city and have better job opportunities).

    Flash forward 5 years -- the topic of weight came up again and I told him how that comment all those years affected me -- he was horrified and embarrassed.

    I never thought he was shallow for not being attracted to bigger girls, but I did think he was a dumb a** for having a random number in his head like that. Long story short, not finding a particular person attractive for ANY reason is legit - but I am all about case by case assessments rather than sweeping generalizations. And to me, being rejected because a guy is gay is a little different. than being rejected because of being fat. Yes, they are both matters of appearance and perception - but weight is something we have a bit more control over weight than what sex organs we're born with. Somehow being rejected for weight just feels like a more personal.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    I dated a really large woman in college, but I wouldn't do it today. If we are talking say a woman 5' 6" and 30/40 lbs over weight, I can work with it.
  • enewsome2
    enewsome2 Posts: 355 Member
    The answer is "yes" and "no". Lol. If you click with someone and you won't date them because they are overweight and you are worried about what people will think, then you are probably shallow.

    If you are just plain not attracted to bigger men or women, then fine, don't date them. I have only ever dated a "bigger" guy once, and that was because his personality was great enough to break through my normal "really thin" guy "type" I 9/10 times go for.

    Also, people go for others who will fit their needs. It's not that all overweight people are "gross" or "unhealthy" neccessarily. But most times, people with different body types have different interests, and your relationship is not going to be easy if one person (for example) eats vegan and likes to mountain bike and the other eats burgers and watches a lot of TV. (Again, this is probably a bad example in and of itself, because not all overweight people are lazy, but a lot of times, these kinds of habits make people fit or overweight).
  • CreativeGuy504
    CreativeGuy504 Posts: 16 Member
    You bring out something that prob. 99% of us have never thought of... A preference is a preference, however, I believe it has to do with not the rejection itself but the reaction during the rejection -- not everyone is going to be as polite at rejecting.

    I agree with this 100%. I think it's not just about the rejection, but the way the rejection is worded. Even if I were straight, and weren't attracted to heavy women, I would never say that -- just because I think it might be disrespectful. I think in that case it's better to say "Thank you", and leave it at that.
  • Lambeze
    Lambeze Posts: 237
    For me I am attracted to both. Its all about how you carry yourself. I think its amazing to watch any woman to try and better herself. One thing I don't like is if a big woman complains about her weight and eats McDonalds and says she is going to workout and never does.

    One of my favorite sexy actresses is Queen Latifa. She carries herself very well.
  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
    being over 40 working part time at walmart while living with your mom cause you're lazy
    That's awfully specific.

    I think shallow is a little more than just not finding someone attractive. Someone can even fit your general type and still not be attractive to you.

    Being shallow is more like not finding someone physically attractive, and being unwilling to give their personality a chance, even. Say, if you told them "Sorry, I'm gay" and then followed it up with "now get outta my face, fatty." As opposed to friendships starting, as you said they tend to do.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
    I never thought he was shallow for not being attracted to bigger girls, but I did think he was a dumb a** for having a random number in his head like that.
    I have to totally agree. A lot of people underestimate my weight by a lot -- often more than 20 pounds because of the way I carry it. I've had this my whole adult life, even when I was quite thin and fit. That's really dumb.
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
    I dated a really large woman in college, but I wouldn't do it today. If we are talking say a woman 5' 6" and 30/40 lbs over weight, I can work with it.
    Well, hello there! :wink:
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,276 Member
    It works both ways. I have dated thin men and obese men. What gets me is the obese men who only want to date a THIN woman.
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
    bump for later readings
  • arathena720
    arathena720 Posts: 449 Member
    Dating is hard, period, and God knows I've done my share. As anyone who's done online dating or have gone out looking for a mate will tell you, a lot of it is in the initial attraction. For me, chemistry is whether or not I'm attracted to someone not only physically but also in their mannerisms, how they talk, their sense of humor, the eyes, etc. When I was dating, I never limited my matches by body type, income, height, etc. For me, a guy's personality can change my attraction to him by the time the evening is over. The best looking guy I dated was also the creepiest I've met.

    So, I don't think it's shallow to not be attracted to overweight women. There are guys that I've turned down for dates based on their looks before I really got to know them. But I'd also say that you never know, there might be that one person who is overweight that you look at and just go WOW for some reason.

    And remember, things change. When I first met my boyfriend, he was working out all the time and I couldn't keep my hands off of him. In the last six months he's stopped working out, lost a lot of weight...and I can't keep my hands off of him. I gained 17 pounds after we met, and he still can't keep his hands off of me. If it's meant to be, it's going to be.
  • kalynn06
    kalynn06 Posts: 368 Member
    Preferences are one thing... it's how someone behaves that determines whether or not they're shallow. Everyone has preferences. If you can have those preferences without being offensive and rude, that's not a problem.

    This, I think is the important point. There is a difference between quietly being turned off by a certain feature and assuming that no one could be attracted to anyone who had it. Men or women who make general statements like "Men don't like fat girls" or the equivalent are rude.

    There is also a difference between having personal preferences and hurting someone who didn't meet them. There is a difference between telling someone, "Sorry, I'm gay" and saying "Sorry, I don't like overweight women" The first one assumes the person making the advance is a woman, so is not especially judgmental or offensive. The second implies the person is overweight, which is a judgement and often a matter of opinion. I know people who consider all women that aren't waifs overweight. When someone makes an advance, they are making themselves vulnerable, and saying something hurtful is unnecessary and rude.
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
    I don't think it's shallow at all. Aside from the minority exceptions created within our complex society and various cultures, such as with those who are specifically attracted to overweight/obese/emaciated people, on the whole I think the human animal is attracted to a healthy physique, in a potential mate. Overweight is not healthy, so it's perfectly understandable to me why someone wouldn't be attracted to that.
  • blonde71
    blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
    Let's face it, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.

    I don't think it's shallow. I think we need to look closer at the person on the inside though, before we make too many judgements.

    Totally agree with this. You can't "make" yourself feel something towards someone - it's either there or it's not. On the other hand, a person's personality can make them much more attractive. Looks are only one part of it in my experience.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    you like what you like, and not much will change that. it's not shallow. it's normal.


    i'm not attracted to overweight people, but people can always lose weight!
    they generally don't get a new personality ;)
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
    Well, it depends. And, if you use celebrity crushes as an example, I can appreciate David Beckham and Jeff Garlin (from Curb Your Enthusiam). Two very different types, attractive for different reasons.
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 897 Member
    Its all about how the person reacts to it.

    If some girl asks a guy out and he says no, sorry not interested but thank you.

    That is one thing

    If the girl asks the guy out and the guy says "No fat chicks"

    Then you know... you are just a shallow douche.
  • jyuubi
    jyuubi Posts: 109
    Being an overweight woman myself, I used to find it shallow...when I was young and desperate for someone to like me. Now, however? I realize that while personality, faith, trust, and all that kind of stuff is most important in a relationship, there's in the end, no relationship at all if there's no physical attraction. In order to have that physical attraction, you need to be attracted to their appearance. Sometimes people change, and they learn they like different (so it may be wise to not immediately dismiss it, because you could very well be surprised), but otherwise, it's not shallow. Some men prefer heavier women. It'd be like saying their shallow for preferring big women over small.
  • azyaria
    azyaria Posts: 18 Member
    Not being attracted to overweight people is a preference. If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted.

    I think the difference is when you refuse to date someone that you might otherwise date BECAUSE they are overweight is shallow.
  • evilpixiegrrr
    evilpixiegrrr Posts: 103
    It's also about biology. We're supposed to be attracted to healthy mates because healthy mates = healthy offspring. That's why I think there's a natural lack of attraction to any extreme -- both obesity and skinniness.
  • LifeJacketWaterJogger
    LifeJacketWaterJogger Posts: 231 Member
    It may not be shallow to some, but if you lose weight the same guy will try to date you that turned you down when you was overweight! I personally think it shallow. because you can't relate weight to health in all cases, I you are only going to date people who are smaller you are going to miss out on the good things in life. And i do have preferences but not in people only good or bad one's is all that matter other things like teeth, weight can be fixed.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
    I am not attracted to men or women who are overweight either and I don't think it's shallow.

    I associate fatness with laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. I'd rather my partner was fit and active.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Physical attributes are just as important in attraction as, say, personality. You can find someone funny, charming, even downright likeable but if you can't accept the whole package then it's not going to work.

    I've been overweight my whole life and I've never found it shallow that guys didn't want me because I was fat. The only thing I ever found shallow was when I was rejected--publicly--by a crush because I was "weird." Because I happened to dress in darker clothing and I had short hair, a lot of people thought I was weird, a Satanist, or a butch lesbian and that's what he judged me on, unconfirmed stereotypes.

    Unfortunately what I've noticed is these pro-heavy girl mantras floating around that tend to turn a heavy girl toward that mindset the same way someone might say, "oh you just said that because you're racist" when race isn't even the issue. It's fine to be okay with yourself, but you can't take any and all rejection as a direct offense. If they don't feel attracted to your size, to you as you are, would you honestly want to be with them?
  • HMVOL7409
    HMVOL7409 Posts: 1,588 Member
    I don't think it's shallow. As a woman I'm not attracted to overweight men nor am I attracted to the bodybuilder type either. It's how you portray your actions that can make you look shallow. Calling someone, a body type or even a size as "gross" or "ewww" or being rude and condescending makes you shallow IMO.
  • pnwgurl
    pnwgurl Posts: 5
    you had me at, 'turbodouche!' ;)

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