"I'm sorry, your spouse is going to die...
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He is my world.
If I couldn't move heaven and earth to keep him hear what could I do but just love him.?.
I have seen lives taken fast and just lastnight I saw a woman who was hours away from death earlier this year in a karate class.
Only One knows when we are to go.
I feel sorry for thoses of you who are so bitter.0 -
For those flaming me for starting this topic, and placing it in the chit chat section, I'm sorry. This topic doesn't pertain to weight-loss or fitness at all. That's the reason it's here. Not because it's fun and games. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Being on either end of this situation.
i was seriously curious as to how people would/have handle(d) this situation. That's all. And no, I'm not going into specifics as to how he handled it. It's not fair to him. I'll just say it was not with the grace i'd have liked, and some of you have shared.
I experienced loss at a very young age, not a boyfriend, but a parent. I learned a long damn time ago that death is part of life.
In saying that, I'm confused why you would post this particular topic if you're already familiar with how fragile life is?
I'm also confused at your reaction. You had to know that some people will be offended, others will not be.
Just like everyone grieves differently. Some of us keep all the anger and sadness all inside and don't talk to anyone. Others go to church and pray for strength. And some of us sit in the cemetary with our half empty whiskey bottle and remember the "good ol' days".
Personally, I find some of the responses to this topic offensive.
Life should be cherished and lived like it's your last day on earth.
There's my 0.02.
I expected some to be offended. That's the MFP norm. I'm okay with that.
And me being familiar with how fragile life can be has nothing to do with my posting this topic. I nearly died. It sucked. I would have left a 1 and 2 year old without a mother. I wouldn't wish that on any person on earth. I was paralyzed for 9 days. I lived those days thinking that maybe it'd be better to die than to "curse" my family with having to take care of me. But i didn't die. And i'm not paralyzed. I'm alive and well and able to do more now than i could before ever getting sick in the first place.
I started this topic as a result of a conversation i had with my husband regarding this exact thing, and how he reacted to this very situation. as i said, it was not with the grace that i'd have liked, and others here have shown. But it was his way of dealing, and i get that. i can respect that, as i don't know how i'd react had the tables been turned.
I don't think it's a bad thing to make people think a little bit...0 -
For those flaming me for starting this topic, and placing it in the chit chat section, I'm sorry. This topic doesn't pertain to weight-loss or fitness at all. That's the reason it's here. Not because it's fun and games. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Being on either end of this situation.
i was seriously curious as to how people would/have handle(d) this situation. That's all. And no, I'm not going into specifics as to how he handled it. It's not fair to him. I'll just say it was not with the grace i'd have liked, and some of you have shared.
I experienced loss at a very young age, not a boyfriend, but a parent. I learned a long damn time ago that death is part of life.
In saying that, I'm confused why you would post this particular topic if you're already familiar with how fragile life is?
I'm also confused at your reaction. You had to know that some people will be offended, others will not be.
Just like everyone grieves differently. Some of us keep all the anger and sadness all inside and don't talk to anyone. Others go to church and pray for strength. And some of us sit in the cemetary with our half empty whiskey bottle and remember the "good ol' days".
Personally, I find some of the responses to this topic offensive.
Life should be cherished and lived like it's your last day on earth.
There's my 0.02.
I expected some to be offended. That's the MFP norm. I'm okay with that.
And me being familiar with how fragile life can be has nothing to do with my posting this topic. I nearly died. It sucked. I would have left a 1 and 2 year old without a mother. I wouldn't wish that on any person on earth. I was paralyzed for 9 days. I lived those days thinking that maybe it'd be better to die than to "curse" my family with having to take care of me. But i didn't die. And i'm not paralyzed. I'm alive and well and able to do more now than i could before ever getting sick in the first place.
I started this topic as a result of a conversation i had with my husband regarding this exact thing, and how he reacted to this very situation. as i said, it was not with the grace that i'd have liked, and others here have shown. But it was his way of dealing, and i get that. i can respect that, as i don't know how i'd react had the tables been turned.
I don't think it's a bad thing to make people think a little bit...
I am glad that you are better. And, no, I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone.
I don't understand everyone's answers... but I can agree that it is not a bad thing to make people think...0 -
I met my husband at the age of 10.
We married at 20.
We will celebrate our 20th anniversary in a year and a half.
He is the love of my life, the father of my children and our spiritual leader.
He has loved me at my best and worst.
I would do everything in my power to make sure he understood how much I love and respect him.
If I was given only one week with him I'd shut the world out and spend every waking minute with him and our children.
I’m thinking the 5 of us would crawl in to our king size bed, snuggle, look through photos, recall our favorite moments
and appreciate every breath.0 -
I don't like this thread at all. I regret reading it, and I wish you hadn't posted it.0
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well, I am not married, but I have been with my SO for a long time, so if someone said he was going to die, I would insist that he go to another doctor for a second opinion. I would also be completely devastated. I love him so very much and I would be so lost without him. I would be a wreck. I would probably regress to drinking and doing drugs to cope and I probably wouldn't eat much at all because I don't eat when I am depressed. I don't like thinking about these things, though, because I have a tendency to get really hung up on death and the fleetingness of life when I do.0
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I never got the luxury of these words...my bride passed 4 1/2 years ago....3 days before her 32nd birthday...That final day haunts me still.
Truly sorry for your loss.....0 -
I have heard those words, 12 years ago in april I lost my first love and the father
of my children to cancer, he was 38 yrs old.
What did i do ? I honestly don't remember I saw everything thru a haze and pondered
why my neighbors were mowing there grass why kids were playing basket ball and
laughing and birds were singing Didnt they know my Bill was dying ! I remeber a pic nic
and a butterfly exhibit I remember screaming into a towel in my bathroom for god to
take him cause i couldnt do it anymore and the guilt I still feel for that request.
Fast forward almost 13 years my kids are grown and parents, my husband of almost 10yrs
will be 44 and after surgery Chemo and Radiation over the past 10 months I now await those words again
What if ? I hope you never get your answer........
I am so sorry....
I understand exactly what you are talking about when you say "haze" and wondering why neighbors were mowing and kids were playing. I have felt the same way.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was very aggressive and 8 months later, I was spending every moment with her during her last week of life. The first day she didn't out of bed at all, I laid behind her. I was trying not to cry. She said, "You have to be tough". This was my mother....on her death bed...telling me to be tough. I wiped my eyes and said, "I AM tough". I was 25 years old, feeling like I was 5 again.
A girl I went to school with recently lost her husband. She was 8 months pregnant. She just had their little girl and every time I think of them, every time I think of her losing her husband, I cry. I don't even know them that well, but it breaks my heart.
I don't know why people are so upset with the lady who started this thread. Death is the non-negotiable outcome for all of us. It is a fact of life. Death can help motivate us to do more with the life we have....instead of just...waiting. The possibility that the next moment could be our last should help us to live more fulfilled lives. Death is not easy to handle or overcome....but it can help me improve the precious moments that I do have.
One of my favorite quotes about death:
“Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It's that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.”
― Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky0 -
I was told this very thing several times before my husband finally passed in 2010. Our entire life together was with the expectancy that he would not be around to see our child graduate high school or get married.
So he and my son played ninja... we had Christmas and celebrated birthdays... though we never knew which time would be the last time the doctor told us to prepare for his death, we kept living and growing as individuals and a family. You never know when your time will come, so your everyday normal should be treated as precious, regardless of the warning of a doctor.
When he died of a heart attack in 2010, our hearts broke, but the world didn't stop spinning. In time, we continue to heal, knowing that our lives are better, having known him.
As far as whatever your husband's reaction was: NOBODY EVER knows how to respond to something like that- no matter how many times it happens. Unless he spit on you and kicked you in the teeth (or something equally terrible), you might want to consider forgiveness.
I am glad that you are okay, and not dying. I also didn't realize that this was what I would find on a weight loss site. Perhaps your eating is emotional and it helps you to discuss this? I hope it helps, and that those angry to find this wasn't "chit-chat, fun, and games" are able to let go and move on. I mean that with all sincerity, and genuine kindness in my heart. Good luck to you.0 -
i have no clue...dont want to think about it0
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Ensure that their last wishes were kept. Then be sad...................
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
since we are on the topic i can share my story,from the other side of things.... last may (15 or so months ago) i went to the ER because of randomly going blind in my right eye,after an horible looking MRI i spent the next 10 days in the hospital while they found out and told me i had a stroke and countless mini-strokes (at the age of 26) due to a rare blood cancer with no known cure/treatment (most similar to a form of leukemia), as my mother and sister and fiancee sat beside me we were told if i continued my life like i was i would be dead within a year for sure, probably much less. the best advice they had for me was to get out and be active (and stop smoking cigarettes) and with luck i should top a year or more,but they were not too sure. from the hospital i went to my moms house with my mom and my fiancee, i set my 20oz mountain dew down in the first room just inside the door and said i just need a few minutes alone,i walked into the bathroom and ran some cold water over my face and looked in the mirror at a person i already seen as dead,and thought to myself "i just need to keep it together,can't really get too much worse from here,i know whats wrong now and thats the hand i've been dealt,time to deal with it." i walked out of the bathroom and back to the room to grab my mountian dew, i noticed the ring sitting on top of the cap, looked around for a second and no one was home. i thought for a second and remembered the phone in my pocket was on silent while i was in the hospital....i looked at it to see my mom had sent me a text that my fiancee wanted a ride to her parents house, along with a text from her that said "i know you need time and don't want to get married so i gave the ring back" which i'm pretty sure everyone here can tell that was a cheap way out,but i have a few bright sides to my story, firstly that changed me greatly (after 4 months of chemo and about 3 months depression after that) and i realized anyone that throws someone away like that means nothing if you mean nothing to them, and secondly with my excercise and eating right (thanks MFP) i have now been told by my doctors if i continue THIS path i'm about as likely to die of old age as i am anything else according to their best guess. and lastly, i still have not given up hope that someone out there would stick by me and actually care enough to do what i have done when i found out i was "going to die soon" ....which is start living life,learn things and use my knowledge to help people,take all those trips i wanted to take but never had time to because work got in the way,just this year i have seen my brother that i have not seen since childhood,white water rafted down the rio grande, hiked in acient ruins,spent time in a beach house,got a tattoo from my brother,and currently i'm working on becoming a personal trainer and nutritionist,not to be rich but to help people who really want to change their life,because you never know when it will be too late, and you also never know when fintness might literally save your life,just like it has done for me so far. so my direct answer to the question is that, assuming i had a significant other and that situation came up i would ask her where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do, tell work i'm off work until i tell you i'm back and if you got a problem with that then hey,sucks to be you,i'll see you when i see you and then you can tell me if i still have a job,if not then i'll find one,life is about time,not money. :happy:0
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since we are on the topic i can share my story,from the other side of things.... last may (15 or so months ago) i went to the ER because of randomly going blind in my right eye,after an horible looking MRI i spent the next 10 days in the hospital while they found out and told me i had a stroke and countless mini-strokes (at the age of 26) due to a rare blood cancer with no known cure/treatment (most similar to a form of leukemia), as my mother and sister and fiancee sat beside me we were told if i continued my life like i was i would be dead within a year for sure, probably much less. the best advice they had for me was to get out and be active (and stop smoking cigarettes) and with luck i should top a year or more,but they were not too sure. from the hospital i went to my moms house with my mom and my fiancee, i set my 20oz mountain dew down in the first room just inside the door and said i just need a few minutes alone,i walked into the bathroom and ran some cold water over my face and looked in the mirror at a person i already seen as dead,and thought to myself "i just need to keep it together,can't really get too much worse from here,i know whats wrong now and thats the hand i've been dealt,time to deal with it." i walked out of the bathroom and back to the room to grab my mountian dew, i noticed the ring sitting on top of the cap, looked around for a second and no one was home. i thought for a second and remembered the phone in my pocket was on silent while i was in the hospital....i looked at it to see my mom had sent me a text that my fiancee wanted a ride to her parents house, along with a text from her that said "i know you need time and don't want to get married so i gave the ring back" which i'm pretty sure everyone here can tell that was a cheap way out,but i have a few bright sides to my story, firstly that changed me greatly (after 4 months of chemo and about 3 months depression after that) and i realized anyone that throws someone away like that means nothing if you mean nothing to them, and secondly with my excercise and eating right (thanks MFP) i have now been told by my doctors if i continue THIS path i'm about as likely to die of old age as i am anything else according to their best guess. and lastly, i still have not given up hope that someone out there would stick by me and actually care enough to do what i have done when i found out i was "going to die soon" ....which is start living life,learn things and use my knowledge to help people,take all those trips i wanted to take but never had time to because work got in the way,just this year i have seen my brother that i have not seen since childhood,white water rafted down the rio grande, hiked in acient ruins,spent time in a beach house,got a tattoo from my brother,and currently i'm working on becoming a personal trainer and nutritionist,not to be rich but to help people who really want to change their life,because you never know when it will be too late, and you also never know when fintness might literally save your life,just like it has done for me so far. so my direct answer to the question is that, assuming i had a significant other and that situation came up i would ask her where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do, tell work i'm off work until i tell you i'm back and if you got a problem with that then hey,sucks to be you,i'll see you when i see you and then you can tell me if i still have a job,if not then i'll find one,life is about time,not money. :happy:
Big giant hugs to you and a middle finger to the former fiance. And, hugs to all those that have lost or almost loved their lives or a loved ones life. I lost my mother to a pancreatic cancer nearly 5 years ago.
I'm a wife now of 2.5 years, I'd take off work, ask my husband want he wanted for that week and make it happen. I'd probably throw in a holiday celebration of sorts for us and the kids as well.
I work with survivors of suicide loss now, I work with those in crisis after traumatic losses and I embrace everyday while remembering to (try) and enjoy every moment. The material **** won't last but the memories and love will.
For the poster I'm so sorry your husband handled it poorly years ago but I hope he's learned and grown from that.0 -
since we are on the topic i can share my story,from the other side of things.... last may (15 or so months ago) i went to the ER because of randomly going blind in my right eye,after an horible looking MRI i spent the next 10 days in the hospital while they found out and told me i had a stroke and countless mini-strokes (at the age of 26) due to a rare blood cancer with no known cure/treatment (most similar to a form of leukemia), as my mother and sister and fiancee sat beside me we were told if i continued my life like i was i would be dead within a year for sure, probably much less. the best advice they had for me was to get out and be active (and stop smoking cigarettes) and with luck i should top a year or more,but they were not too sure. from the hospital i went to my moms house with my mom and my fiancee, i set my 20oz mountain dew down in the first room just inside the door and said i just need a few minutes alone,i walked into the bathroom and ran some cold water over my face and looked in the mirror at a person i already seen as dead,and thought to myself "i just need to keep it together,can't really get too much worse from here,i know whats wrong now and thats the hand i've been dealt,time to deal with it." i walked out of the bathroom and back to the room to grab my mountian dew, i noticed the ring sitting on top of the cap, looked around for a second and no one was home. i thought for a second and remembered the phone in my pocket was on silent while i was in the hospital....i looked at it to see my mom had sent me a text that my fiancee wanted a ride to her parents house, along with a text from her that said "i know you need time and don't want to get married so i gave the ring back" which i'm pretty sure everyone here can tell that was a cheap way out,but i have a few bright sides to my story, firstly that changed me greatly (after 4 months of chemo and about 3 months depression after that) and i realized anyone that throws someone away like that means nothing if you mean nothing to them, and secondly with my excercise and eating right (thanks MFP) i have now been told by my doctors if i continue THIS path i'm about as likely to die of old age as i am anything else according to their best guess. and lastly, i still have not given up hope that someone out there would stick by me and actually care enough to do what i have done when i found out i was "going to die soon" ....which is start living life,learn things and use my knowledge to help people,take all those trips i wanted to take but never had time to because work got in the way,just this year i have seen my brother that i have not seen since childhood,white water rafted down the rio grande, hiked in acient ruins,spent time in a beach house,got a tattoo from my brother,and currently i'm working on becoming a personal trainer and nutritionist,not to be rich but to help people who really want to change their life,because you never know when it will be too late, and you also never know when fintness might literally save your life,just like it has done for me so far. so my direct answer to the question is that, assuming i had a significant other and that situation came up i would ask her where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do, tell work i'm off work until i tell you i'm back and if you got a problem with that then hey,sucks to be you,i'll see you when i see you and then you can tell me if i still have a job,if not then i'll find one,life is about time,not money. :happy:
Wow. You are simply.....amazing. :flowerforyou:0 -
I lived for nearly two years, knowing my brother was going to die by suicide - I don't know what having a spouse is like - he was by far my closest person. He did die. It's crap, and it hurts every day unfailingly and unbearably.0
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Honestly, I would be completely 100% heart broken. I wouldn't leave his side for anything. I would spend every moment with him and want our family to gather round and just enjoy each other.
This.0 -
take a leave of absence and spend as much time with him as i could. Then I would crawl into bed with him and hold him until he took his last breath. I would keep my promise to live on and be happy, of course I would be sad and miss him terribly.0
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I lived for nearly two years, knowing my brother was going to die by suicide - I don't know what having a spouse is like - he was by far my closest person. He did die. It's crap, and it hurts every day unfailingly and unbearably.
I'm so sorry, Sally
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As we have three beautiful kids we would put our differences aside and spend it with and for them.
..however..
if we had no children I guess we'd plan our respective parties....0 -
I got home from a week long work trip late on a Thursday night in November 1997, on my door was a note "went to the hospital", dated that day. My guy had taken a hand full of misc. pills that he had collected from various "friends". By the time I got to the hospital he was in an induced coma and on life support in the ICU. This started a month of hell.
Since we were not married I could not make medical decisions on his behalf. I spent weeks trying to explain to his senile father and drug addict son that they needed to get to the hospital ASAP. They both refused to come. The hospital had to legally keep trying to help him. They brought him out of the coma and started dialysis and other life saving treatments. He couldn't talk because of the breathing machine, and they kept insisting that he wasn't sane enough to make decisions on his own behalf. I had to keep trying to get his son or father to sign a power of attorney for me to authorize treatment or not. When he pulled the dialysis lines out for the 3rd time the doctors came to conclusion that he had made his choice, and that he wanted to go. They discontinued treatments.
In the mean time...since we were not married...I was limited to the time I could spend with him at the hospital. Since he wasn't a legal spouse I had to keep reporting to work as scheduled or lose my job. I slept very little, cried a lot, and had to present to the world a "normal" face. We had been together 10 years. He passed away 2 days before Thanksgiving. I collected his ashes from the crematorium on Thanksgiving day. I managed to arrange a 4 day weekend so I could fly him home for a memorial service. His friends scraped together $500 to help me with expenses. His father and son did not attend.
If you are not legally married make sure you have both signed power of attorney papers allowing any necessary decisions that may need to be made.0
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