Is it rude...

b_fit4life

This really has been a good read! Who knew a topic like this would stir so many emotions!!??

My family actually does have a casual brunch the day after weddings (it started when my sister got married and will probably end when I get married...we are 2 or 4 grandchildren in the family). It is always a very casual event and it's mostly just family in attendance. Bridal party and some friends are invited but it's clear that they are not expected to come. For me, it's just another opportunity to spend time with the people I love! It's an exhausting weekend anyway...so why not right?

To the OP....don't feel obligated. Your bride will certainly understand that you don't make it home often and would like to spend some time with family after spending 2 days with her for wedding events. Don't sweat it like some of these other posters are.

roodieroo

The wedding is this weekend & they just informed you? In that case I would politely decline. Something like.....
"I'd love to make it but I promised I would spend the day with my family. I really wish I would have known sooner about your party. My family planned a special gathering knowing I was in town. I am so sorry, I can't attend your party"

I agree. Also, never heard of this "tradition", but I have grown up in the deep South.

Papillon22

Seems like your friend would rather bask in the glow of being a bride rather than be with her new husband. Some women just create events to make their special day(s) last and last so they can be the center of attention for as long as possible.

agree 100%.

llahairdna

I just figured out what "IMO" means, and I'm pretty excited about that. That is all.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....

(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)

AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?

BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!

TRADITION!!!!

one more time

TRADTION

A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.

Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.

So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!

Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.

My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.

No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??

I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?

I have read every single post on this thread. And yes...you and everyone else are attacking the event itself by calling it selfish, ostentacious, rude, self-indulgent, etc.

I don't agree with springing it on the bridesmaid last minute. However, if she's from there (as I assume she is since she called it "Home") and it's a tradition/custom from that area (which I'm also assuming it is since she's heard of it and knows what it is), she should have expected it to be happening. And as part of the wedding party, should have expected to have to go to it.

Actually, in my first post I acknowledged that they could be doing it out of tradition, and if that were the case the bride probably won't care. If the bride actually cares that OP doesn't want to come -- yeah, she is selfish.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

wow.... just WOW......

This is fantastic. I wasted 20 mins of my life reading the 'cardio makes you fat' thread and then it's all made better by reading this one....

How many calories in popcorn? :bigsmile:

I heard popcorn is a negative calorie food. :smokin:

VeganPanda

Tell your friend and spend time with your family. They should understand.

mynameiscarrie

You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.

Agree 1 million percent.


You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.

Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.

Hell. No. The wedding is OVER after the event. You're not even required to do any of the pre-wedding festivities. I think a gift opening party is tacky, too. Nonetheless, you do not have to go. After my wedding, we had a bbq and the only reason my bridesmaids came was because they're my sisters. My MOH didn't come. ANd I didn't care. She wanted to spend time with her boyfriend and that was just fine. You're not required to do anything, technically, except get a dress and smile for pictures.

Edit to add: Tradition or not, family trumps ex-bride... that's all.

Josie_lifting_cats

I've heard of it. I think it's obnoxious. "Ohhhh, hey, look at me open up these gifts where people spent money on me! Yay!"

I don't get it. Of course, I'm a "weird" woman. The whole wedding ceremony in general seems selfish and elaborate to me.

If I was your friend, I would totally understand and would encourage you to spend time with your family. I know I'm not #1 priority for anyone.... and just the fact that you took time off and came out to be in the wedding is huge.

I vote to spend time with your family. I would have struggled to give up the family time for the wedding itself!

Serenstar75

You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.

Agree 1 million percent.


You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.

Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.

I disagree 1 million percent. I think if the person is your friend and their wedding festivities have taken the entire time and you're paying to see your family too...then they should be understanding that you need some time with your family. I wouldn't ever have asked that of my wedding party. I'm a FRIEND, not a selfish person. I think it's selfish for them to expect that many days of a wedding. Generally our gift opening was always after the wedding. It just makes more sense. I don't need more "Me me me" time. Having been married twice, divorced twice, I seriously think people make too big a deal over the wedding and not enough over the marriage and family. Those things matter far more.

Feed_the_Bears

You're attending so much of their wedding event already. I'm sure if you explain your situation, a caring friend would understsand and even encourage you to take advantage of the time to see your family.

I wouldn't go to a present opening party even if they lived around the corner. You've allready spent all weekend with them lol.

Josie_lifting_cats

This is a pretty standard thing around here, but, it is very informal, and very few people attend. I don't know that anyone is ever required to attend. It is usually close family, close friends, some of the wedding party and maybe a few people from out of town. I have seen many of these hosted in a family member's living room. It is really more of a time to relax and have some time to chat with each other than anything. Some parties very few, if any presents were actually opened. I can't see why so many people are so upset about this. Bridal showers you can sit for over an hour watching the bride open presents and that is ok, but going somewhere when you aren't expected to bring anything and watch a few presents opened is a big deal?

I'm sure if you talk to your friend, you can come to a solution that works for both of you.

More proof I'm a freak. I'm not into the whole bridal shower/baby shower thing, either....

Mbishop7684

I would say don't attend. In the past 2 years I have had friends marry on the east coast and have been in their weddings. I didn't buy them a gift and they didn't expect one, the reasons being 1) I'm in their wedding party that's gift enough 2) I spent money to fly out there and get a hotel room, again that's gift enough.

The wedding is over and therefore your responsibilities as a bridesmaid have ended. Also, what would you truly be "needed" for at a gift opening party?

BVannillie

Edit to add: Tradition or not, family trumps ex-bride... that's all.

Exactly. The bride has had her day, the world no longer revolves around her. family comes first.

misticache

You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.

Agree 1 million percent.


You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.

Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.

Disagree! If you're in the wedding then you're obviously close to bride. She will understand if you take Sunday to visit your family. Just tell her you can't wait to here about everything she got and you will be there for her 100% friday and saturday.

ItsCasey

Count me as another person who has never heard of this gift-opening party thing. But if you're in the wedding, I think you are obligated to go.

But I also hold the unique opinion that when you invite people to give up an entire weekend (or more, in some cases) to watch you get married, YOU should be bending over backward to accommodate them, not the other way around. I just don't understand the "Everything is all about me" attitude of most brides. My sister is one of the most giving people I know, but even she was Bridezilla about her wedding, not just on the actual wedding day but from start to finish.

Serenstar75

This is "expected" because it's a tradition in some areas. Maybe you don't know the definition? Might I refer you to dictionary.com if you need help. Just like a rehearsal dinner or a bridal shower, a gift opening is traditional to a wedding event in the upper midwest. YOU might not agree with it, but it's NOT to the expense of other people seeing as how they would have already bought you a gift. As an invited person, you are expected to do nothing other than enjoy the food and drink that the bride and groom (or their families) provide to you and enjoy their company in a RELAXED environment. It's a time to relive the day before. Tell stories that maybe the bride didn't see or hear since she was so busy. So yeah...I guess it's just rude and uncouth for people to want to enjoy casual time with their friends and family and to thank them for all of their hard work and support for the most special day of their lives. Boy....what savages....

The Midwest is a little odd anyway (I'm from the Midwest) but thankfully, this was never a tradition in my family and jeans were even acceptable at most of our weddings because most of us were POOR. I was on my honeymoon the day after my wedding, which I thought -was- the main tradition in most places. We had a reception with his family (out of state) after the wedding and honeymoon. A reception with mine right after the wedding. It's just something a lot of people haven't heard of. That doesn't make them savages for not hearing about it and they don't need referred to dictionary.com. It is just an idea that is foreign to some people. We all experience the same feeling with traditions we haven't heard about, including ones in other countries.

I like the vote everyone had for "Talk to the bride" because with the strength of their friendship, it sounds like this is more of a non-issue. I can understand the worry, but at the same time, I think she's covered. No one needs to miss out on what could be the last visit with grandparents for an additional wedding tradition that wasn't mentioned when she signed on to be the bridesmaid. I say that having lost every grandparent I had as well. Life is too precious.

collinj8

Yeah the day after my wedding I wanted to spend all this time with my wedding guest still. Just ask your friend if it is okay to skip. Then flat out ask the groom if he wants to spend the day after his wedding opening gifts from the wedding guest. If he says yes, then that boy just ain't right. .

Sharyn913

a party so you can watch the bride and groom open their presents? WTF? wow I have been to loads of Weddings, been a bridesmaid 7 times, been married twice, my daughter is married, my cousin got married at the weekend, I was on a wedding planning forum with hundreds of other people, I have honest to god never ever heard of such a thing....

WOW


Just wow.....

I can only assume this is a US thing

No, this is NOT a US thing. This is a rare thing that 90% of the people on this thread have never even heard of! hah hah

Serenstar75

anyways, it's really a (usually in my area anyways) catered affair at the reception hall where the wedding was, it's an opportunity for the bride and groom to buy everyone breakfast (especially travellers) and have that last visit before everyone goes back to where they came from....to be honest in the million of these events I have been too, I have only seen two couples actually open gifts, the time is mostly spent going from table to table visiting with people who you didn't get to really say hi to at the crazy day known as your wedding...eat a little brekkie and laugh at the still tired kids and still hungover young adults....

Thank you for taking the time to explain it, Lauren. This sheds a better light on the event. Wish I could condense my answers into one post. I should have done that while writing :P Can't delete.