Is it rude...
Replies
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You're attending so much of their wedding event already. I'm sure if you explain your situation, a caring friend would understsand and even encourage you to take advantage of the time to see your family.
I wouldn't go to a present opening party even if they lived around the corner. You've allready spent all weekend with them lol.0 -
This is a pretty standard thing around here, but, it is very informal, and very few people attend. I don't know that anyone is ever required to attend. It is usually close family, close friends, some of the wedding party and maybe a few people from out of town. I have seen many of these hosted in a family member's living room. It is really more of a time to relax and have some time to chat with each other than anything. Some parties very few, if any presents were actually opened. I can't see why so many people are so upset about this. Bridal showers you can sit for over an hour watching the bride open presents and that is ok, but going somewhere when you aren't expected to bring anything and watch a few presents opened is a big deal?
I'm sure if you talk to your friend, you can come to a solution that works for both of you.
More proof I'm a freak. I'm not into the whole bridal shower/baby shower thing, either....0 -
I would say don't attend. In the past 2 years I have had friends marry on the east coast and have been in their weddings. I didn't buy them a gift and they didn't expect one, the reasons being 1) I'm in their wedding party that's gift enough 2) I spent money to fly out there and get a hotel room, again that's gift enough.
The wedding is over and therefore your responsibilities as a bridesmaid have ended. Also, what would you truly be "needed" for at a gift opening party?0 -
Edit to add: Tradition or not, family trumps ex-bride... that's all.
Exactly. The bride has had her day, the world no longer revolves around her. family comes first.0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Disagree! If you're in the wedding then you're obviously close to bride. She will understand if you take Sunday to visit your family. Just tell her you can't wait to here about everything she got and you will be there for her 100% friday and saturday.0 -
Count me as another person who has never heard of this gift-opening party thing. But if you're in the wedding, I think you are obligated to go.
But I also hold the unique opinion that when you invite people to give up an entire weekend (or more, in some cases) to watch you get married, YOU should be bending over backward to accommodate them, not the other way around. I just don't understand the "Everything is all about me" attitude of most brides. My sister is one of the most giving people I know, but even she was Bridezilla about her wedding, not just on the actual wedding day but from start to finish.0 -
This is "expected" because it's a tradition in some areas. Maybe you don't know the definition? Might I refer you to dictionary.com if you need help. Just like a rehearsal dinner or a bridal shower, a gift opening is traditional to a wedding event in the upper midwest. YOU might not agree with it, but it's NOT to the expense of other people seeing as how they would have already bought you a gift. As an invited person, you are expected to do nothing other than enjoy the food and drink that the bride and groom (or their families) provide to you and enjoy their company in a RELAXED environment. It's a time to relive the day before. Tell stories that maybe the bride didn't see or hear since she was so busy. So yeah...I guess it's just rude and uncouth for people to want to enjoy casual time with their friends and family and to thank them for all of their hard work and support for the most special day of their lives. Boy....what savages....
The Midwest is a little odd anyway (I'm from the Midwest) but thankfully, this was never a tradition in my family and jeans were even acceptable at most of our weddings because most of us were POOR. I was on my honeymoon the day after my wedding, which I thought -was- the main tradition in most places. We had a reception with his family (out of state) after the wedding and honeymoon. A reception with mine right after the wedding. It's just something a lot of people haven't heard of. That doesn't make them savages for not hearing about it and they don't need referred to dictionary.com. It is just an idea that is foreign to some people. We all experience the same feeling with traditions we haven't heard about, including ones in other countries.
I like the vote everyone had for "Talk to the bride" because with the strength of their friendship, it sounds like this is more of a non-issue. I can understand the worry, but at the same time, I think she's covered. No one needs to miss out on what could be the last visit with grandparents for an additional wedding tradition that wasn't mentioned when she signed on to be the bridesmaid. I say that having lost every grandparent I had as well. Life is too precious.0 -
Yeah the day after my wedding I wanted to spend all this time with my wedding guest still. Just ask your friend if it is okay to skip. Then flat out ask the groom if he wants to spend the day after his wedding opening gifts from the wedding guest. If he says yes, then that boy just ain't right.
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a party so you can watch the bride and groom open their presents? WTF? wow I have been to loads of Weddings, been a bridesmaid 7 times, been married twice, my daughter is married, my cousin got married at the weekend, I was on a wedding planning forum with hundreds of other people, I have honest to god never ever heard of such a thing....
WOW
Just wow.....
I can only assume this is a US thing
No, this is NOT a US thing. This is a rare thing that 90% of the people on this thread have never even heard of! hah hah0 -
anyways, it's really a (usually in my area anyways) catered affair at the reception hall where the wedding was, it's an opportunity for the bride and groom to buy everyone breakfast (especially travellers) and have that last visit before everyone goes back to where they came from....to be honest in the million of these events I have been too, I have only seen two couples actually open gifts, the time is mostly spent going from table to table visiting with people who you didn't get to really say hi to at the crazy day known as your wedding...eat a little brekkie and laugh at the still tired kids and still hungover young adults....
Thank you for taking the time to explain it, Lauren. This sheds a better light on the event. Wish I could condense my answers into one post. I should have done that while writing :P Can't delete.0 -
I'm going to be a bad person and I'm sure to raise a lot of eyebrows but....What's the divorce rate in America now? Over 50% I believe? And yet in this broke *kitten* economy weddings have become such an overblown self indulgent narcissistic affair in our country. From destination weddings to an example like this...a gift opening party. Why the hell would anyone want to sit around and watch you open your gifts?! I would not feel obligated at all to go, even if I was in the wedding party. The wedding festivities ended with the reception. The day after belongs to you. It's a long distance you've traveled and I'm sure put out a pretty penny for! Visit your family and Grandparents, life is short, they won't be around for ever. And I'm sure if your friend who is getting married is a really good friend she will understand this and if she doesn't..........0
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Traditions are over-rated...0
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I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and say that I've never heard of it.. and I personally find it *really* tacky and rude. Wow... I wouldn't go to something like that whether I was a bridesmaid or not, but then again, I don't know anyone who would think it's a good idea to organize one, either.
^^This. Not to be harsh to the bride, but that sounds like a really rude thing to do with wedding gifts. Besides how many days does she expect you to be hostage to "her day", lol. Say thanks but no thanks and go see your family. It's definitely not rude to not attend every single event.0 -
IMO - asking people to watch you open gifts is rude. Lol. I'm just do not into wedding crap. Just tell them you'd like to spend that day with your family.
^^^ what she says.0 -
I just figured out what "IMO" means, and I'm pretty excited about that. That is all.
Well could you please tell me, then? I just realized I quoted someone and I don't know what it means...derp.0 -
I just figured out what "IMO" means, and I'm pretty excited about that. That is all.
Well could you please tell me, then? I just realized I quoted someone and I don't know what it means...derp.
IMO = in my opinion
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I just figured out what "IMO" means, and I'm pretty excited about that. That is all.
Well could you please tell me, then? I just realized I quoted someone and I don't know what it means...derp.
In my opinion. That's what it means.... I'm not going to offer my opinion about what it means. Although I guess that is my opinion.
IMO, it means "in my opinion".0 -
I'm going to be a bad person and I'm sure to raise a lot of eyebrows but....What's the divorce rate in America now? Over 50% I believe? And yet in this broke *kitten* economy weddings have become such an overblown self indulgent narcissistic affair in our country. From destination weddings to an example like this...a gift opening party. Why the hell would anyone want to sit around and watch you open your gifts?! I would not feel obligated at all to go, even if I was in the wedding party. The wedding festivities ended with the reception. The day after belongs to you. It's a long distance you've traveled and I'm sure put out a pretty penny for! Visit your family and Grandparents, life is short, they won't be around for ever. And I'm sure if your friend who is getting married is a really good friend she will understand this and if she doesn't..........
Eyebrow not raised. I feel this same exact way about weddings a lot. When they get really demanding, are asking for really expensive stuff, or are getting really elaborate I can't help but think exactly what you said.0 -
I just figured out what "IMO" means, and I'm pretty excited about that. That is all.
Well could you please tell me, then? I just realized I quoted someone and I don't know what it means...derp.
IMO = in my opinion
Thank you veddy much:bigsmile:0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Agreed. You agreed to it, didn't you?0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Agreed. You agreed to it, didn't you?
Totally disagree with this Bridzilla mentality!!0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Agreed. You agreed to it, didn't you?
Weddings are unique circumstances where two people express their love and affection for each other in a celebration that is supposed to be actual FUN for invited guest -- not an opportunity to force friends and family to play fantasy tea party for 3 consecutive days. She agreed to be a bride's maid, not a slave. All celebrations and parties end with the wedding day. This is something that was sprung on the OP well AFTER she agreed to be a bride's maid.0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Agreed. You agreed to it, didn't you?
No she didn't.0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Agreed. You agreed to it, didn't you?
Totally disagree with this Bridzilla mentality!!
Its funny. I am getting married in September. My sister /MOH (maid of honor) recently got a new job and unfortunately my schedule and hers does not allow for one of us to attend my bachelorette. I have told others i would rather not have a bachelorette without my sister and I keep getting the "its your day" thing when I say that. No one listens when I say no b party because they want a b party I detest the its your day thing. It stops being all about you when you invite people to join the celebration.
The present opening party IS a regional thing in some parts of the US ( based on my time spent on wedding etiquette boards) which is likelynwhy some have heard of it and not others. It doesnt make it less valid. It is also something i have seen here, in Eastern Canada. Here, it is always just anither family/close friend get together and not about showing off. While I am choosing not to have one, none of the ones I have been to have been about that, hard to explain i guess. I have also skipped a fair number.
To the OP - my advice would be - an invitation is not a summons. Decline politely. Any normal bride would understand.
ETA - the requirements of a bridesmaid requiring showing up on time on the wedding day, sober, grooming (not professionally) and in the dress requested by the bride. That is it. throwing parties and attendance at such parties are nice, but optional.0 -
It is rude IF you didnt discuss it with the bride beforehand ..
I agree with that. I think if you just let her know the situation then she'd be fine with it. And if she got upset with your for wanting to spend time with family and aging grandparents then she's a selfish witch. But it would be rude if you just didn't show up without talking to the bride.
I mean really...it's just opening presents and pretending to see what somebody else is getting...it's not that entertaining...0 -
No thats definitely not being rude. You have a valid reason for skipping. Just let your friend know.0
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You were *invited* thats all. Dont sweat it! If its a larger wedding they probably wont even notice. lol!0
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As much as I loathe the idea of people throwing a gift-opening party, I think since you're a bridesmaid you should attend. It sucks, I know, but that's what I would do. I would think it's stupid, but I would go. That being said, as soon as that last gift is opened I'd bolt! You'll still have Sunday evening with family.0
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What the heck is a gift opening party?? Isn't that what a pre-wedding shower is for? Sounds like a stupid thing designed to make everyone give even better gifts since they'll be opened in "public".0
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