Is it rude...

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  • celtictechie
    celtictechie Posts: 39
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    If you're attending: the wedding and the reception

    Going to a gift opening is not required. If you want to see your family instead, then do so. At least I wouldn't take offense if someone didn't care to see me open their gift... (Granted, I like many others have not even heard of this tradition??)
  • LAS_1980
    LAS_1980 Posts: 156
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    Well considering your circumstances and as far away as you live, I would personally talk to the bride alone and explain to her that you would really enjoy spending Sunday with your family since you have to go back home Monday. I am pretty sure that she will say go ahead and not be offended. I do understand that you're part of the wedding party, but my ex-husband was a groomsman for a good friend of his and we went to rehearsal and didn't stay for the dinner...it was my birthday and he took me to eat somewhere. However, all he did was politely ask his friend if it was ok if we didn't stay and ofcourse all he said was sure thing!!
    Just talk to her...I am sure she will understand! :)
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    aaaah, middle america. this is why i like the coasts. you give gifts for the bridal shower, and money at the wedding. no silly "wedding gift opening party."
  • KIMBAILEYWILLIAMSON
    KIMBAILEYWILLIAMSON Posts: 258 Member
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    I don't think it would be rude at all to not go. Spend time with your family and grandparents!!!!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I didn't find it rude when some of my family and friends couldn't come to the gift opening party... just tell your friend the reasoning and if she doesn't understand....
    Family and friends is one thing, but your bridesmaids????
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    I've never heard of this before. I don't think it's rude since you're not the maid of honor and you are traveling from very far away. I would just talk to the bride and explain that you'd really like to spend a little time with your family before you head back home. If you're good friends, I'm sure she'll be understanding.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Forgive my bluntness, but a "wedding-gift-opening party" sounds pretty damn stupid. Who wants to sit around and watch people unwrap toasters? It's one thing when it's 10 minutes of a birthday party, but a whole party based on watching people getting free stuff? No thanks.

    Spend time with your family. I think the entire premise of the party is rude.
  • MamaKeeks
    MamaKeeks Posts: 234
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    Talk to your friend, and be honest with her. You are in her bridal party because you are friends! A friend will understand that your family needs you too. I am sure she will understand.

    You are not the only bridesmaid, and you're not the Maqid of Honour... the bride will not be without her party. She can do this without you!

    Talk to her! :flowerforyou:
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    I have never heard of such a thing! Seriously? A luncheon to watch someone open gifts? I wouldn't go.

    This.
  • IveLanded
    IveLanded Posts: 797 Member
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    I've never heard of that!!!!! I can imagine that some relatives and close friends would like to see the couple open their gifts, I guess, but if it doesn't matter to you I'm sure it's no big deal if you don't go.
  • lovecellomusic
    lovecellomusic Posts: 26
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    Not rude at all. Once the wedding is over so is your obligation to the bride.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    I have never heard of such a thing! Seriously? A luncheon to watch someone open gifts? I wouldn't go.
    I agree. I've never heard of this type of thing, and think its a bit much to expect people to come to that.

    Perhaps its just the Bride & Groom's way of getting more time with their own out of town guests, but I'm sure they'd understand that you want some down time with your own family while you're home as well!
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
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    If you didn't see your family and something tragic happened before seeing them again, you'd be upset. If you miss the bride opening a new bread maker and something tragic happened to the bread maker before seeing it again, I really don't think you'd care.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    Since you're going to spend time with family, I would think that's an understandable excuse not to go. Yes you were part of the wedding and such, but you're not obligated to do anything--you're asked. You're asked to be a bridesmaid, asked to pay for certain things, asked to help and/or attend the wedding and fulfill a certain duty. It's not demanded of you; you get a choice. So like everything else, that's you being asked and you have the option to say yes or no. You shouldn't feel bad about declining something you have little to no interest in to visit family when you're leaving the next day anyhow. If someone gets their nose out of joint, oh well. You did what a bridesmaid has to, you owe them nothing more.
  • twistofcain
    twistofcain Posts: 190
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    Go see your family. Your part is done as a bridesmaid once the wedding is over.
  • MrsB123111
    MrsB123111 Posts: 535 Member
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    I think the bride would completely understand if you were going to visit family in lue of going to watch her open gifts. I had a gift opening party AFTER my bridal shower (there were over 100 people there), I extended an invitation to my bridesmaids, but it was under no circumstance "mandatory".
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Since you're going to spend time with family, I would think that's an understandable excuse not to go.
    Excuses are not required.
  • rachellem86
    rachellem86 Posts: 62 Member
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    It's a super old tradition that not many people really do anymore.

    We won't be having one, but my fiancé's friend had one, and it was super awkward to watch them open envelopes with cash in them.

    That being said, I think it would be rude to skip it without talking to the bride first. If you explain that Sunday is your only opportunity to visit your aging grandparents, I think she *should* understand.
  • carebear7951
    carebear7951 Posts: 404 Member
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    I agree with the previous posters that said you should talk openly to your friend (the bride) explaining the situation and if she doesn't understand....can anyone say bridezilla?? I hope she understands. Friends come and go FAMILY IS FOREVER.
  • Dreamerryu27
    Dreamerryu27 Posts: 281 Member
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    I'm sorry a party just to open gifts? I am fairly certain that this is not a formal rule in Miss Manners book of etiquette as it is truly rude to show off "gifts". That should be an optional attendance in my opinion. If they are your true friends it would not be expected.
    The rehearsal dinner, wedding day, Shower I get all of those but gift opening is a little excessive especially since you live so far and are only in town a short time. Enjoy your Sunday the way you choose to!

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