Any other single parents deal with this?
Replies
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Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents.
Yeah, you might have to date, or smash, gals who don't live at home. That there alone will help your situation. Oy!
It's hard, I'm still in college lol
Um, maybe, If you have children and are in college, dating or smashing should be less of a priority.
I have a 3.8 gpa, I'm an amateur boxer, and I'm an excellent father. My son is 4 and I've taught him how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, read, and write his name.
I think I have earned the right to have a bit of fun on the side too.
At least you get to have some fun on the side...the only way I can is I can find someone to watch my kids. Their dad takes our kids one or 2 days a week, if I'm lucky. Doesn't leave much time for fun
Don't get me wrong, my kids & I have a blast together; I'm talking about fun with other adults.
Yeah, this was my frame of mind when my original comment. Most single moms I know don't have time to have a relationship or date because their children's fathers are not involved. It's not that you don't deserve a relationship -- but if you have time for it -- you're way ahead of most people.
This is why some of us just "smash" instead of date.....
I've got not only my teenage daughter but my elderly father living with me. it wouldn't even be fair for me to try to start a relationship with anyone right now, so, yeah....if there's any time at all for adult fun, you're lucky.
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@ the woman who's date said she was contaminated with kid germs, that's horrible!! what a relief you missed that boat...cause honestly if that's his reaction? that tells you, you would have ended up with another child(him) by keeping that relationship... so childish...
@YaBoiMugs - I applaud your accomplishments, especially as a plugged in dad....like most single mothers, I'm with my child 24/7 except for the 3 or 4 weekends a year her father deigns to spend time with her, and one month in the summer which has now been reduced to 2 weeks thanks to child services...
I NEVER get a break to even develop adult relationships so I am jealous of your abililty to do so.
I do agree with some people that you are maybe dating a pool that's a little on the young side. or at the very least the inconsiderate side...however as they get older, they will be more understanding, you have a choice, you can wait until they get older, or you can start dating older now....by maybe dating older, at the very least you can make some lasting relationships and good connections while you're at it.
Just a suggestion...take it or leave it
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Yep! Thats happen to me! You meet someone, get to know them a little bit and start to talk about your kids... in my case, i only have one daughter, but i have 2 nephews whom I claim as my kids lol . .. . But I talk about them like its nothing, bc to me, it is nothing. I'm not out here looking for a daddy for my child. She has a daddy. I'm looking for a man for ME! Now, he HAS to treat my daughter with respect. But i think most guys find those girls who have kids, who think that the guy is going to take care of the kid. in my situation, thats not true. But most women ruin that for me. . . So yea its happened to me. . sadly enough i'm still single, probably because of it. . . but, hey if they dont like to have kids around. . they aren't for you :flowerforyou:
Exactly, I'm not looking for a mother to my child. He's got that, and trust me, nobody will ever trump her in his eyes. I'm just looking for someone to hold ME down.0 -
Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents.
Maybe you need to include "maturity" in your personality type when searching for a date. I'm 23 (a "young woman") and my husband has two kids of his own. Not a big deal. It's actually kind of nice. I get to practice a little parenting before raising my own child, find out where my husband really stands on important issues like discipline and rewards, and I get to send them home at the end of every long weekend as they beg to stay longer. Most women are forgiving of a man having children, and really, I think it can be good for them too.0 -
If they don't accept your child they aren't worth your time in the end. I was a single parent dating for a while and i know it's not fun, but once I found a guy that didn't run away scared, and we really hit it off, and he finally met my little one and they hit it off too, it's just been fabulous!! Almost 2 years ago now!!
I know it's hard right now, but ultimately if they run away because of a child they aren't the one that is meant for you Good luck! 0 -
Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents.
Maybe you need to include "maturity" in your personality type when searching for a date. I'm 23 (a "young woman") and my husband has two kids of his own. Not a big deal. It's actually kind of nice. I get to practice a little parenting before raising my own child, find out where my husband really stands on important issues like discipline and rewards, and I get to send them home at the end of every long weekend as they beg to stay longer. Most women are forgiving of a man having children, and really, I think it can be good for them too.
Sometimes you don't find out their level of maturity until AFTER you tell them you have a child. That's when they show their true colors.0 -
Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents.
Yeah, you might have to date, or smash, gals who don't live at home. That there alone will help your situation. Oy!
It's hard, I'm still in college lol
Um, maybe, If you have children and are in college, dating or smashing should be less of a priority.
I have a 3.8 gpa, I'm an amateur boxer, and I'm an excellent father. My son is 4 and I've taught him how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, read, and write his name.
I think I have earned the right to have a bit of fun on the side too.
At least you get to have some fun on the side...the only way I can is I can find someone to watch my kids. Their dad takes our kids one or 2 days a week, if I'm lucky. Doesn't leave much time for fun
Don't get me wrong, my kids & I have a blast together; I'm talking about fun with other adults.
Yeah, this was my frame of mind when my original comment. Most single moms I know don't have time to have a relationship or date because their children's fathers are not involved. It's not that you don't deserve a relationship -- but if you have time for it -- you're way ahead of most people.
This is why some of us just "smash" instead of date.....
I've got not only my teenage daughter but my elderly father living with me. it wouldn't even be fair for me to try to start a relationship with anyone right now, so, yeah....if there's any time at all for adult fun, you're lucky.
Shoot...getting time to just "smash" is next to impossible some times :grumble:0 -
Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents.
Yeah, you might have to date, or smash, gals who don't live at home. That there alone will help your situation. Oy!
It's hard, I'm still in college lol
Um, maybe, If you have children and are in college, dating or smashing should be less of a priority.
I have a 3.8 gpa, I'm an amateur boxer, and I'm an excellent father. My son is 4 and I've taught him how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, read, and write his name.
I think I have earned the right to have a bit of fun on the side too.
At least you get to have some fun on the side...the only way I can is I can find someone to watch my kids. Their dad takes our kids one or 2 days a week, if I'm lucky. Doesn't leave much time for fun
Don't get me wrong, my kids & I have a blast together; I'm talking about fun with other adults.
Yeah, this was my frame of mind when my original comment. Most single moms I know don't have time to have a relationship or date because their children's fathers are not involved. It's not that you don't deserve a relationship -- but if you have time for it -- you're way ahead of most people.
This is why some of us just "smash" instead of date.....
I've got not only my teenage daughter but my elderly father living with me. it wouldn't even be fair for me to try to start a relationship with anyone right now, so, yeah....if there's any time at all for adult fun, you're lucky.
Shoot...getting time to just "smash" is next to impossible some times :grumble:
RIGHT!?! *sigh*0 -
If a women ever hits on me...I'll let you know if my 2 kids scare her off. Who knows, maybe that has stopped some women from hitting on me as my kids are the most important part of my life.
They're 13 & 10 & if a woman doesn't want to date me because of my children, then I don't want to date her.0 -
I don't have this problem because I let people know up front, minute 1 that I have 3 kids. It's hard for them NOT to find out because I am not only a single parent, but the ONLY parent right now. I don't see how these girls you "smash" come to "find out" about your kid. If you have a kid, people you meet need to understand immediately that you are a package deal.
Unless of course, you're a dead beat.0 -
There are plenty of young hot single moms. where im from at least. you should find someone like that so yall can actually have something in common other than your likes and dislikes. you cant really be with someone who has a totally opposite lifestyle from you and expect them to adapt to your life w child. Its a huge commitment. My first babys daddy is with this girl who is my age (22) and and the ***** cant stand being around our daughter....i hate that he is still with her, but theres nothing i can do about it. She is 22 but has the mentality of a 16 yr old. Find someone who is mature.0
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I always refused to date someone with children, but it had nothing to do with the kids. I don't know what it is, but I just never wanted to deal with drama associated with the mom.
When it comes to smashing; who cares about the family dynamic as long as you're getting it in? But for real, when it comes to dating I couldn't handle kids because I wanted to avoid the stress of dealing with the other parent.
Now, I have my own child. I am not with her biological dad; however, I have been with my partner (we have since married) since I was pregnant. I am very thankful that he was willing to look past all of that and be with me throughout my pregnancy and now raising a child with me that is not his. Albeit, bio dad is not present in her life (his choice), so that makes things a lot easier on my husband I'm sure.0 -
Maybe you should try explaining that you aren't looking for a step mommy. I mean, for those of us who had our kids in our early 20's it was a major adjustment. And I can guarantee before I had my son I wouldn't want to date someone that I thought would try to make me have ANY responsibilities toward their child. Although perhaps if the relationship progresses that might change. Dating is just so casual in the beginning a serious commitment like a child is scary.0
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I know for most college woman that the idea of a "ready made family" would scare them! They are probably thinking of careers and then someday having kids. The responsibility, even if it is yours, is enormous because every decision made in the relationship would have to include the child. Most college aged woman aren't ready for that. Also, the woman you've been dating... have they ever been around kids? Other than the occasional babysitting? If they haven't, it makes it even more difficult.
The other side to you having a child is the permanent relationship you have with the mother (whether that relationship is friendly or not...). Talk about pressure!!
But don't give up... there are plenty of us out there that LOVE kids and the idea of their boyfriend having a child doesn't bother them. I really think it truly depends on the individual. My suggestion... be up front about it!! Talk about him/her and make it obvious that they are a big part of your life. That way you will weed out the people who aren't interested pretty quickly.0 -
We'll see what happens. She keeps hittin' me up, saying she wants to see me later so we can talk, assuming I give her the time of day.0
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Young women aren't that accepting of it. Understand, most of the woman I date, or smash, still live with their parents.
Yeah, you might have to date, or smash, gals who don't live at home. That there alone will help your situation. Oy!
It's hard, I'm still in college lol
Um, maybe, If you have children and are in college, dating or smashing should be less of a priority.
I have a 3.8 gpa, I'm an amateur boxer, and I'm an excellent father. My son is 4 and I've taught him how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, read, and write his name.
I think I have earned the right to have a bit of fun on the side too.
At least you get to have some fun on the side...the only way I can is I can find someone to watch my kids. Their dad takes our kids one or 2 days a week, if I'm lucky. Doesn't leave much time for fun
Don't get me wrong, my kids & I have a blast together; I'm talking about fun with other adults.
No kidding, I'm in the same boat. My ex has time to date all the time, me, not so much.0 -
Most single dad's I know use the kid to win over their prospective girlfriend! In my personal experience, I am in my early 20's, started dating my bf 3 years ago, knew he had a kid before we started dating and it's one of the reasons I stayed!0
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Nope. Never happened.
But, how would they "find out". My kids are at the top of my list. I mention them within 2 mintues of meeting any person in the world. I couldn't be on a whole date with someone without them knowing within a few mintues. In fact, I wouldn't even be on a date without someone knowing because that would have come up when I met them. So, I 'm not sure how the "them finding out" thing works in your world.
Couldn't agree more. Maybe you should grow up and be more concerned about your children than the girls you are "smashing". :noway:0 -
You meet somebody, hit it off perfectly, then when they find out you have a kid, it scares them off. It's probably about to happen to me again, but has it happened to you?
When dating, everyone knew I had a kid right from the beginning.
None met him, until my wife did, about 3-4 mos after we started dating.0 -
I'm WAY more attracted to a guy that has kids. I have found older guys with kids nearly my age a little strange, though. But yeah. Good daddy = sexy.0
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You meet somebody, hit it off perfectly, then when they find out you have a kid, it scares them off. It's probably about to happen to me again, but has it happened to you?
Be up front about it. And honestly, if they're turned off by your kids, isn't that a turn off for you?0 -
Yes it happened a couple of years back. I thought we would have been great together but since Ive gotten married, I realize the other guy was all wrong for me. His breakup excuse was that he wanted to be able to spend time alone with his wife before children were in the picture. Sounds lovely but not really an option for me.0
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Yes I sure have many times:) I decided for me to date another single parent with a kid or two. then I know he would accept mine . He would know I accept his too. I know there are some kind people out there who do accept a single parent my oldest nephew married a lady who was a single mom.0
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... My kids are at the top of my list. I mention them within 2 mintues of meeting any person in the world. I couldn't be on a whole date with someone without them knowing within a few mintues. In fact, I wouldn't even be on a date without someone knowing because that would have come up when I met them. So, I 'm not sure how the "them finding out" thing works in your world.
^^This^^
Even if I tried (and I wouldn't), I can't go 10 minutes without mentioning something awesome about my son.0 -
LOL! You're obviously a man because this happens to single moms ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a single mom, and back when I was online dating, there would be loads of men who would put in their profiles that they refused to date a single mom.
I think it's easier with men because women are more accepting of it.
Exactly... well put....this happens to me over and over.....0 -
My former SIL said that my ex would date several young (read VERY YOUNG) women at a time and when he grew bored wtih them he'd trott out his daughter and ex-wife that he had conveniently forgotten to mention. Being 21 or 22 at the time, most of them would then run off. Except this last one, they're getting married in 3 weeks. And, while she's young enough to have been our daughter's babysitter. . . she's seems nice and I'm glad she didn't run away when he reveal the daughter and ex-wife.
My current (and final) husband was a single dad with custody of his 3 boys. I found that sexy as hell! He was (and is) amazing with the kids and I was hooked!
Realize that it takes a bit of maturity to be willing to step into a situation with an ex (girlfriend/wife) with whom you'll have to have some interaction. Lots of girls aren't interested. Ditto for guys. They want a girl without any "baggage" so to speak.
Keep looking for quality women. They are out there!0 -
I can say from experience that it was not the kids that ran me off but their crazy mommies. You would not believe some of the scenes woman have made in front of their kids when they met me. It was embarrassing and pathetic, since most kids loved me and that was threatening to some women, especially the younger moms. I found the older ones were happy to meet me and loved the fact that there was someone that was good to their kids.0
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I feel like I am back in high school seeing/using the word "smash"0
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when i was a single mom and dating i would NEVER tell the person i was dating that i had a kid unless it started getting serious. i could tell what kind of guy would get scared so i would quickly end the relationship before bringing my kid into it. i used to think that this was smart and i was being careful etc. however, when i met my husband (now). he already knew that i was a single mother- it didn't bother him at all. i think some people just aren't ready for kids. i know i wasn't. before i was a mom i would not consider dating a single father. i guess i was stupid and selfish. i would feel like i would have to "share" his attention or affections with his kid(s). i was an idiot, i guess. i think it is all about maturity level.0
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Yep.....but it goes away the older you get . I actually question it when a man is in his thirties and has never been married or had kids (commitment issues?). I was a single parent for a very long time and it was never easy. I'm very lucky that I am no longer in that boat . Best of luck!0
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