Who should pay when dating? men/women/both

kimad
kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
in Chit-Chat
Just a purely curious topic.

When you are dating someone (not the first date) who do you think should pay? Men 100% of the time, or is it ok to go 50/50?

I have been in both situations and not sure which one I prefer. I have been with a man who NEVER let me pay and overtime I felt bad becuase I wasn't dating him for a 'free ride'. I have also been with a man who paid the first date but after that I offered to share the bill and it became the norm -- or one paid the movie, one paid dinner, etc. This is totally ok for me, but once in awhile I think it would be nice for them to reject me and pay...

I realize men like to 'take care' of women, so does going dutch offend men?

So just curious on thoughts!!
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Replies

  • prawnie1975
    prawnie1975 Posts: 15
    although its nice for a man to pay , i think its also good to split the cost
  • Bilbobradshaw
    Bilbobradshaw Posts: 79 Member
    I've been in a relationship where I paid for 95% of our dates, and I definitely didn't feel like I was being used for my money--It actually made me feel a lot more comfortable/grateful to have my meals paid for later on in life.

    That said, if I'm feeling bad about having a man pay who keeps refusing to let me pay for things (like my boyfriend), I'll suggest we rock-paper-scissors for it. It's a cute way to settle the dispute without weird relationship politics getting involved.
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    It depends, sometimes i'll let her pay. Usually its discussed prior so theres no awkward looks with the check comes. I dont really care for dutch its usually my treat or yours, dutch seems so non date-ish
  • rmartin72
    rmartin72 Posts: 1,085 Member
    I feel that the men should pay or at least offer to pay when going out on a date. If the woman ask or says dutch he pays for his and she pays for hers. I guess it all depends on the situation!!
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    I usually pay, because the pimps get pretty pissed when I don't.
  • MissShancey
    MissShancey Posts: 464
    It depends, sometimes i'll let her pay. Usually its discussed prior so theres no awkward looks with the check comes


    Guy pays ... always .. no discussion required lol

    sidenote: i will pay if i dont consider it a date, or dont want HIM to consider it a date ... its my way of telling him its not a date without saying “hey we are just hanging out dont get the wrong idea” lol

    of if its his birthday .. ill pay on his birthday lol
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    When my husband and I were dating, we did both. I think he paid more than I did, but I paid sometimes as well. Now that we're married, we decide based on who has more money at the time.
  • CajunNino
    CajunNino Posts: 269
    I feel that the men should pay or at least offer to pay when going out on a date. If the woman ask or says dutch he pays for his and she pays for hers. I guess it all depends on the situation!!
    This.

    My dad taught me early on that I'd be the one to pay....unless it became an issue and offended. Through my "dating years" I just paid without question or incident. I think it was expected and I haven't really thought of it until just now.
  • Kissybiz
    Kissybiz Posts: 361 Member
    I have also wondered about this. I am used to paying my own way for everthing, so when a guy pays I feel awkward. I always feel like I need to make up for it by taking him out the next time.
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
    Both. I'd feel guilty if only the guy paid, what the deal with that? I don't think that's fair.
  • Hezzietiger1
    Hezzietiger1 Posts: 1,256 Member
    The guy. Here in the South a man would take it as an insult if I tried to pay. I know, I have. If he doesn't pay.. it wasn't really a "date". Once in a "relationship" that could be different.

    Hezz
  • lyxus
    lyxus Posts: 85
    I pay even if it's a bad date. it might be stupid ! but i am a gentleman
  • Dani_wants_to_be_fit
    Dani_wants_to_be_fit Posts: 550 Member
    50-50 though it is quit nice if they pay the odd time, but not often. I like my independence and don't want a man buying me everything. I've even bought my recent ex meals. So yeah, depends. Usually both, occasionally either me or him.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I always go in with the expectation of paying for my own meal/drinks.

    But I don't date women so it's a little different.
  • caseyjade88
    caseyjade88 Posts: 89 Member
    My husband and I always had a system where he pays for dinner and I leave the generous tip! Or if we're not at a restaurant, he pays for the date but I pay for any extras we may want to go along with it. That way he still feels like the man in the relationship, but at least I never have to feel like I'm taking advantage of his money.
  • coloradocami
    coloradocami Posts: 368 Member
    The man does. Even after 20 years of marriage (finances are commingled) , my husband always "picks up the check" and I always "thank him" for dinner when we eat out. :flowerforyou:
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
    I think that who ever asks for the date should pay,, If you ask someone to dinner then you should treat. But i also think it's fair to have one pay dinner one pay movie or whatever.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    I know when I started dating the guy I am seeing now, he pays, but that is only because I do not make a whole lot. I usually try to keep our dates cheap so at least its simple. But I do reciprocate by making desserts or something for him .to take home to his son so they can share it. Or I will make him dinner at my house.

    But for sure I would say a first date, the man should pay.

    Anytime thereafter, dutch or alternate paying.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    No fence riding for me. The man pays.
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
    I always go in with the expectation of paying for my own meal/drinks.

    But I don't date women so it's a little different.

    This is something I wondered about?!!? When it's two men do you just pay for your own stuff or take turns paying?
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Who asks, pays. Offering dutch, or one picking up the food, the other drinks, is also good.

    I always offered to pay my share when asked out, but I only INSISTED on paying my share if the date was going horrible and I knew I'd never want to see the guy again. I didn't want to feel in any way indebted.
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    I always go in with the expectation of paying for my own meal/drinks.

    But I don't date women so it's a little different.

    This is something I wondered about?!!? When it's two men do you just pay for your own stuff or take turns paying?

    two dudes pay for their own, unless someone owes the other money #guycode.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    The man pays, always! Old fashioned or whatever, but we'll raise our boys to be the buyers. :)
  • UhOhItsKylie
    UhOhItsKylie Posts: 92 Member
    My husband (then boyfriend) paid the first few times we went out, but after we officially became a "couple" we started switching off. I would pay one time, he'd pay the next, and so forth. I don't think I could handle being with someone who paid all the time. I'd feel inferior or something, lol.

    Even now that we are married and sharing our finances, I've noticed that he and I will switch off who's debit card we pay with - even though it's linked to the same account. ;)
  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
    With the guys I've dated I have always just agreed that we would take turns.
    I hate splitting the bill. Too much math, haha.
    Just taking turns is way easier.

    I think if I would let a guy pay all the time I would just end up feeling guilty.
    I've got a job too, so it's not like I can't afford dinner.
  • MissShancey
    MissShancey Posts: 464
    I always go in with the expectation of paying for my own meal/drinks.

    But I don't date women so it's a little different.

    This is something I wondered about?!!? When it's two men do you just pay for your own stuff or take turns paying?

    two dudes pay for their own, unless someone owes the other money #guycode.

    i think the question is regarding to the OTHER guy code lol
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
    Split the cost. Or... the man pays for the meal.. and I'll buy the drinks after. ;)
  • CajunNino
    CajunNino Posts: 269
    "Men pay. Always."
    I notice most of the women don't mind THIS old fashioned, unspoken rule. Funny to me.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
    "Men pay. Always."
    I notice most of the women don't mind THIS old fashioned, unspoken rule. Funny to me.
    Hah, yeah. We demand equality then come out with crap like this.
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
    I always go in with the expectation of paying for my own meal/drinks.

    But I don't date women so it's a little different.

    This is something I wondered about?!!? When it's two men do you just pay for your own stuff or take turns paying?

    two dudes pay for their own, unless someone owes the other money #guycode.

    i think the question is regarding to the OTHER guy code lol

    Yes, I meant if it's a date :)

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