Who should pay when dating? men/women/both

Options
12357

Replies

  • emmeylou
    emmeylou Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    Once I start seriously dating... well, I want the guy to pay! At least at first. I am pretty old fashioned in I want the man to pick me up (or meet me there), open the doors and let me walk through first.... and pay for the meal. For me it isn't about the money. I would be just as ecstatic with a picnic in the park with PB&J's as I would dinner and movie. I am very independent, but I WANT the guy to take the initiative to treat me. For once, I want to relax and not worry about the money or the plan.

    That being said, once in a while I want to be "in charge" of the date and plan it and treat him! But, as someone else mentioned, it wouldn't feel like a date to me if we each paid our way. One or the other would need to treat.
  • kazzari
    kazzari Posts: 473 Member
    Options

    Also we do not have the complication of "tipping" either here - how does that work in the US?

    Yeah, tipping is a scam. I hate it.
  • SpazzyMal
    SpazzyMal Posts: 276 Member
    Options
    Also we do not have the complication of "tipping" either here - how does that work in the US?

    In the US, we tip because restaurants pay a smaller minimum wage than other jobs do. Usually something like $2-3 an hour, which is often less than half the regular minimum wage. Honestly I'm not sure why they are still allowed to do this, or why they are the exception to the minimum wage rule. But that's how it is.
  • hasiangirl
    hasiangirl Posts: 1,613
    Options
    50/50

    I've been meeting men lately who think that imma pay for them...I'm sorry but just because I choose to pay my own bill doesnt mean i want to pay yours either lol...and it also varies on how long ya been with the person i spose?
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    Options
    Well, without researching the archives *dorky computer beeping sounds*, I would imagine it was originally based on the fact that men worked outside the home more; and thus it would be silly to ask or expect the woman to pay if she wasn't working. Just guessing ...

    But today it's much different ... (love the rock/paper/scissors idea by the way!) ... however I'm still a traditionalist, but I would never pay if it was making my partner uncomfortable ... I would always offer, but never fight for the check.

    Every relationship and situation is different ... relationship building is worth far more than bill anyway :) ... I've always made a decent income and would have felt odd if I didn't pay, but there were time in my dating days I let the check slide over! :) ... whatever works for the couple!

    great attitude, let that be your answer. :)
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    Options
    It's so weird that a lot of women claim they don't like old-fashioned rules, but then they turn around and want the man to pay for everything... which this came about because in the past women were not allowed to own money and were property of their fathers, so the man HAD to pay. In this day and age, I think it's most appropriate to respect women's rights and go dutch, or trade off paying for dates, to create a solid and even footing for the remainder of the relationship.

    I guess I will never have to worry about this particular problem though, since I'm a lesbian.
    I'm a lesbian too - trapped in a man's body.......:drinker:
    But I still pay when I invite.
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
    Options
    Depends on the circumstances but initially I think men should pay.
  • allisonmrn
    allisonmrn Posts: 721 Member
    Options
    I pay even if it's a bad date. it might be stupid ! but i am a gentleman

    YOU, my friend, are awesome!!!!
  • BiscuitsNDavy
    BiscuitsNDavy Posts: 212 Member
    Options
    Men should pay if it's clearly a date and it's known that they're romantically interested, and the relationship is budding. If the relationship is longterm and committed, then it should be 75/25% or something to that extent, unless the woman has a much bigger paycheck. And if longterm, I'd hope there'd be a mature discussion about it, leading to a mutual understanding. As with any relationship, communication is paramount. If it's a friendship, ambiguous or not, it should be separate, unless it's a special occasion.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    Options
    50/50
  • JennyLisT
    JennyLisT Posts: 402 Member
    Options
    The men! Once again, they are paying for the pleasure of my company. Plus I'm in the south now. I have plenty of my own money but I'd rather let the guy take care of paying. Less headaches for me and he can feel good about providing for me. ;)

    *sigh* :noway:
  • MooMooooo
    MooMooooo Posts: 306 Member
    Options
    I'm married and haven't dated much at all in my life. (Dated 3 guys, married 2 of them)

    But the man must pay if he wants to date me.

    I would NEVER ask a man out.

    If a man who asked me out asked me to pay or go Dutch I would pay but I would never see him again.
  • paleirishmother
    paleirishmother Posts: 242
    Options
    He has always paid, I always ask if I should he never lets me. I usually leave the tip.
  • kazzari
    kazzari Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    Im a person who belongs in the 50s and 60s and I prefer to pay the way as a gentleman, although, most girls I know are very independent and pride themselfs on paying their way making it akward for chaps like me lol

    I would be happy to let the guy pay every time if that made him feel better. I don't pride myself on paying my way, I just think it is fair, and my bf agrees.
  • Darrell916
    Darrell916 Posts: 110 Member
    Options
    When my husband and I were dating, we did both. I think he paid more than I did, but I paid sometimes as well. Now that we're married, we decide based on who has more money at the time.
    Same here but now it doesn't matter cause it comes out the same account.
  • pinballwizzo
    pinballwizzo Posts: 9
    Options
    My boyfriend and I usually have it who ever offers to go out pays. He works and I don't so he usually pays more often or not, but when I get enough money I take him out.

    I think this should maybe be applied to male/female relationships as well. The person who invites, pays. I wouldn't take someone out and then expect them to pay for it. That's just plain rude, ladies.
  • SpazzyMal
    SpazzyMal Posts: 276 Member
    Options
    It's so weird that a lot of women claim they don't like old-fashioned rules, but then they turn around and want the man to pay for everything... which this came about because in the past women were not allowed to own money and were property of their fathers, so the man HAD to pay. In this day and age, I think it's most appropriate to respect women's rights and go dutch, or trade off paying for dates, to create a solid and even footing for the remainder of the relationship.

    I guess I will never have to worry about this particular problem though, since I'm a lesbian.
    I'm a lesbian too - trapped in a man's body.......:drinker:
    But I still pay when I invite.
    =P
  • takehimaway
    takehimaway Posts: 499 Member
    Options
    I pay for the most part.
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    Options
    Men should pay if it's clearly a date and it's known that they're romantically interested, and the relationship is budding. If the relationship is longterm and committed, then it should be 75/25% or something to that extent, unless the woman has a much bigger paycheck. And if longterm, I'd hope there'd be a mature discussion about it, leading to a mutual understanding. As with any relationship, communication is paramount. If it's a friendship, ambiguous or not, it should be separate, unless it's a special occasion.

    Nice answer. :)
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    The men! Once again, they are paying for the pleasure of my company. Plus I'm in the south now. I have plenty of my own money but I'd rather let the guy take care of paying. Less headaches for me and he can feel good about providing for me. ;)

    :heart:

    Seriously though, another one of these threads?!

    /sigh!!

    Honestly for me...if a woman absolutely fights me for the check, I get the straight up indication that she does NOT want me to look at our night out as a 'date'. If that's the case...she can pay for whatever she likes, and enjoy whatever the next guy takes her out to do. Once we're serious about dating (assuming we're not living together)...I'll still pay, unless circumstances dictate that I can't for whatever reason...in which case I'll allow her to pay lol, just so we can still go if she really wants to (I won't allow my circumstances to keep us home, or keep her from having an enjoyable time out). My last girlfriend and I ran into this situation during my recovery from surgery on my arm. I lost my job because of it, and a couple of nasty circumstances took a big chunk out of my savings. In our economy I didn't know when I'd be working again...and with kids to support, spending money on going out wasn't happening. At that point she took up that responsibility. I didn't like it, but it made her happy and that was obviously more important to me than what I liked or didn't.

    If we're living together...then we've obviously come to a level of commitment that transcends 'mine' and 'yours'...and it's all 'ours'. I still prefer to be the one to get the check (habit maybe?), but I also know that our money is ours (this is whether she's working or not)...and that level of sharing...not to mention her contribution to our overall support (whether financially or not), is important.

Categories