overweight and relationships

navybrat84

I am just wondering if anyone has experienced relationship issues that end up about your weight? I mean, I know I shoudl be healthy, thats important. But I sometimes feel like less of a person because of my weight. My husband jokes around sometimes, like "put those oreos back, your supposed to get smaller, not fatter", "maybe I should lock all the food up", "can youtry eating just once a day", "will you ever be skinny", .......................................sounds harsh when I write it out like this. I was a 14/16 when we got together, post miscarriage Im 18/20. I did gain 12lbs. LOL maybe its just me. Our sex life has dramatically decreased. He says he is just on a porn kick. (sorry TMI). Just need a little advice. Guess I never thought 12lbs would cause suck a riff in our marriage. Sorry for the venting, really dont have anyone to talk to.

ElizabethRoad

My husband jokes around sometimes, like "put those oreos back, your supposed to get smaller, not fatter", "maybe I should lock all the food up", "can youtry eating just once a day", "will you ever be skinny", .......................................sounds harsh when I write it out like this.

Um yes it does sound harsh. Are you really ok with being treated like this? Have you talked to him about it? It's really unacceptable.

taintedbutterfly18

His comments sound a bit harsh. I understand that you are married, but your husband is treating you bad with comments like that. Weight loss is a tough battle. It is much easier to gain weight than to lose it. Your spouse should be more supportive. If he loved you for what you were 12 lbs ago, it should not make a difference. There is so much more to love than what size your partner is wearing in pants.

mmachick2011

I know that my weight has effected my relationship... but it is internally driven (Don't feel confident, don't feel worthy/ attractive.) Not externally...

I would absolutely talk to my husband if he had made those comments. You wouldn't say those things to your best friend... so why are you letting anyone say them to you?

_granola

I just can't imagine being with someone who treated me that way. Communicate with him. Tell him that the things he is saying are not supportive. Tell him what he could do to be supportive instead.

SabrinaNorton70

I would say no matter what type of relationship you are in it is best to look at first the way you want to be treated and to figure out why you believe it is acceptable to be talked to in a degrading manner whether or not it is "joking" it can still be as harmful to your self esteem. (been there done that)

Katahna

My weight usually prevented relationships lol

_the_feniks_

Your husband is an @$$hole. True story.

jyuubi

What your husband does can be considered abuse, because whether he's joking or not, it sounds like he's trying to put you down because of your weight. That's emotional abuse.

Weight has done nothing to my relationship. He supports my weight loss, and he has no problems if I were to decide to not lose weight.

AmandaInGA

If I was in that relationship, I would tell him it would be easier to take off the weight if he wasn't putting you down all the time. Instead, couldn't he suggest an after dinner walk? or some other activity that would help the weight to come off? Sorry to hear about the miscarriage, been through that, and sometimes it is hard to move past it and it could be a cause of the unhealthy eating. Have patience, it will come back off.

ElizabethRoad

So, actually, if I'm reading this right, you had a miscarriage, gained a little weight, and now your husband puts you down and won't have sex with you. Maybe you should consider marriage counseling.

ShareeMorty

A supportive loving husband shouldn't talk to you like this, I'm sorry but you deserve to be treated better than that. Talk to him about it and if he doesn't change his attitude I would be seriously contemplating whether he was the right man for you.

syland02

You husband talking to you like that does not help you in your loosing weight goals. Actually, my husband play around with me and encourages me to eat sweets sometimes. However, he reminds me of the consequences. I weigh myself every morning, and he ask me,,,do you want to see the numbers go up or down. The choice is your, however, I'm going to love you anyway. That statement alone makes me put the cookies and cake back and refocus on why I'm dieting. You can do it. My suggestion to you and everyone, is take one hour at a time. Some people say take one day at a time, I find it easier for me to say take one hour at a time. Once I reaced my half way point, I do now say take one day at a time because now I'm learning what works with my body. I know I can't have all the sweets I want, but I no longer dreprive myself. I have truly learned how to eat in moderation, and treat myself to something special once a month.

fitpilatesqueen

Ouch...I feel for you. Talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel and how it isn´t helping you to break the bad endless circle.
Or let him read the answers you are getting, maybe he will wake up and realize that he is only pushing you to feel bad and feeling bad pushes you to have some comfort food.
Be strong, don´t let him tear you down, tell him how you feel.

sydnisd183

"put those oreos back you're supposed to be smaller not fatter"
"are you ever gonna be skinny"
"can you try eating once a day"

"oh don't mind me i'm just on a porn kick"



no offense but it sounds like there is more stuff going on with him that has nothing to do with you gaining 12 lbs.

infamousmk

Those things are not what someone 'jokes' about with their spouse. He sounds like a giant *kitten*. Weight can affect a relationship, but it sounds like you're dealing with some emotional sh|t, which can wreak havoc on your health. Get yourself in to therapy to work on your feelings about your miscarriage, and your self esteem.

chunkydunk714

sounds really douchey and immature the way he is talking to you. Not cool mama

zgochenour

The passive aggressive comments indicate he's sort of a douchenozzle tbh. Who would treat their wife that way?

That said, if you've gained a sizable amount of weight since you first met it is understandable that someone will be less attracted to you. Maybe it has also changed your level of confidence and how you carry yourself as well. You guys should sit down and have a really serious conversation about what the expectations are between you, what exactly the problem is, and how you are going to fix it. As with any relationship problem, communication is the key to avoiding misery and/or breakup.

jrs5444

Your husband is an @$$hole. True story.

^ This. Sorry to say it, but he really comes off as one!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

There is a difference between weight causing relationship issues and one partner using it as an excuse to be verbally abusive. You husband doesn't have to like your weight, but he should love you enough to be considerate about his concerns. He honestly might not realize how he sounds. If you express that to him and he continues, I would drop him. Immediately.

Living with somebody who belittles you as a "motivator" is not a life anyone should live.

springseternal

So, actually, if I'm reading this right, you had a miscarriage, gained a little weight, and now your husband puts you down and won't have sex with you. Maybe you should consider marriage counseling.

^^^this.