overweight and relationships

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  • vaqueen4
    vaqueen4 Posts: 2
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    My husband has never said anything about my weight issue. From time to time i would make a commit about needing to lose weight or how fat i was feeling to him. the only thing he would say is how beautiful i am and how he liks my big butt LOLOl.
  • syland02
    syland02 Posts: 6
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    If you are lost for words, just have him read your blog. I got sad after reading it. If he's a human being, he will feel your pain and stop doing the things that are making you feel sad.
  • staceylopriore
    staceylopriore Posts: 18 Member
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    Your husband is an @$$hole. True story.


    I second that........sounds like a real d bag. Talk it out with him if you can but you may consider kicking his @$$ to the curb.
  • navybrat84
    navybrat84 Posts: 54
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    If only I had the guts for that. to say bye after dropping the weight. i did erase the desktop pic. A random nude shot. "now thats hot"......... Oh my. Now with all of you commenting, I feel even more lost. I didnt want to get married again, it just kind of happened. He does not make me happy anymore. And for the first time, I look around my house and say to myself, "I would leave everything behind to just get away!"
  • Vic_of_Steel
    Vic_of_Steel Posts: 570 Member
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    Sounds like you married a douche bag. Coming from always being heavy and always dating attractive girls. I have never been so much as called fat from them at least during the relationship. I think if someone loves you they love you no matter what and trying to help you would be something more like hey baby I think we need to start getting more active and eating better. He says you are sensative well I am sure if you walked around calling him a bum and worthless for not having a job. He wouldn't consider that help.
  • shana_phoenix83
    shana_phoenix83 Posts: 98 Member
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    It's less about the fact that you've gained 12 lbs and more about the fact that your husband is a jerk. Wow.
  • jzrharv
    jzrharv Posts: 126 Member
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    So, actually, if I'm reading this right, you had a miscarriage, gained a little weight, and now your husband puts you down and won't have sex with you. Maybe you should consider marriage counseling.

    Or botulin toxin.

    " Oh my dearest, have some more vichyssoise, you studly porn-aficionado. Oh, no, I shant eat any, it has more calories than a fist full of Oreos."
  • navybrat84
    navybrat84 Posts: 54
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    :smile: What a great guy to always say your beautiful, where did you find him? lol Does he have a brother LOL jk
  • AmandaInGA
    AmandaInGA Posts: 122 Member
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    I have asked about counseling, he is not interested in spending the money. i have also told him several times that his comments sometimes hurt my feelings. He says im just a sensitive person and I should take his comments as positive. "telling you your fat should not hurt you, it should help you!!"

    Start making comments about the fact that he is not working and how he isnt bringing enough money into the house, when he starts to get mad just, "you shouldn;t be so sensitive, I am just trying to help. this is a positive i am say to you" see how he likes the shoe on the other foot.

    Yes, I am an evil evil girl :)
  • HollywoodDJ
    HollywoodDJ Posts: 296
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    My husband started in with comments after I started MFP on March 1st.....He would say, "I thought you were on a diet" and "I thought you were watching your calories!?!?!?!"...

    I finally snapped at him and said, "You're right..."I" am watching my calories...NOT YOU....ME...I AM WATCHING MY CALORIES!"

    He hasn't said anything since and even got me a beautiful flower display and card when I lost my first 20 lbs.

    Don't allow him to say those things to you and treat you like that. Put your foot down and demand (nicely) that he be better.

    You can do it~
  • wildcat808
    wildcat808 Posts: 140 Member
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    thats terrible!! those are very hurtful words. i would address the issue now before you end up listening to the same words for years to come. my dad was nasty towards my mom and she still hasnt bounced back. words can have a lingering effect.
  • artickb22
    artickb22 Posts: 411 Member
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    I can tell a huge difference in my relationship since I gained 80 lbs after quitting smoking. Not so much from my spouse- he's WAY to easy on me acutally. We've had to have the "stop enabling me" talk multiple times as he's always telling me how beautiful I am and all that. Which is nice, don't get me wrong, but I need motivation and having someone tell me how perfect and beautiful and wonderful I am fat is not encouraging me to lose weight. While I am a pretty confident person, I can tell a major difference in how I really feel interanally. On the outside I present myself as the same confindent person but inside I don't like what I see and am doing something about it.

    I should add...that with all that ^ being said, if someone made those kind of remarks to me like your husband does I'd probably eat more out of fustration and being hurt. It's ok every now and then when said in a joking manner (if he knows your ok with it) but if it's something that bothers you...address it with him. You should always be able to talk to your spouse about your feelings no matter what. and If you can't then maybe there are some issues there that extend further than weight.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    His comments are flat out rude. Although we all have this perception that once we get married "he should love me regardless of what I look like" and while that may be true (he is still with you...) that doesn't mean we are always physically and sexually attracted to our significant others. I am not saying he is NOT attracted to you, but the fact that he makes those comments and seems to be addicted to porn and turning you down is not looking good. I would have a heart to heart with him, and if you want to lose weight for YOU, do it. Use his comments as motivation to push you harder!
  • annicins
    annicins Posts: 45
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    There are a lot of worse things than being alone. I know that when I feel good about myself I want to work out and eat right. His putting you down is not going to help you lose weight, it's going to make it worse.
  • dollipop
    dollipop Posts: 379 Member
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    And you want to breed with this guy? He's a douche to you, what makes you think he'd be a good dad?
    Sorry, but I completely don't understand getting married when you didn't want to. Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me.
  • staceylopriore
    staceylopriore Posts: 18 Member
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    ok and just some food for thought....I understand you want kids. Do you want them to have a father that is going to talk to them like he talks to you?? God Bless and I really hope you can do what is best for you.
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
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    Im not going to lie, it does hurt sometimes. I have excused myself to cry quietly in the bathromm. I really want to believe that loves me for me. I have never had a personal problem with my weight. But husband has for several months now. Then the whold pregnancy thing. Im not using the pregnacy as an excuse for the weight gain, just being honest. I ate what I craved. We have not been married that long, two years. We met and married very quickly. its been rough. Im a full time student, about to enter my masters program. He is a Union electrican. He has not had work in about a year. We have been surviving on his unemployment. I was working at school library, but took the summer off.
    I noticed the change in him about 4 months ago. He was acting strange, always gone. Hiding the cell phone, deleting history on comp. Finally he said he was erasing the porn from phone and comp. I cant stop him from watching, at first it really hurt. But I guess I block it out now. He used to comment on my hair and makeup, or certain outfits. But not anymore.Now if Im on comp for too loong he says. Are you going to wash dishes, I dont want you to hurt your bakc or anything. Just stupid comments like that.


    this is my second marriage and I really dont want to get divorced again. I am trying to just ignore the comments. I hoping he will 'get over it' or just stop.

    I dont want to feel this way anymore, I want to feel.......well, i want to feel WANTED.

    IDK what to do anymore. I have never been with anyone who has made so many comments about my weight. Oh god does any of this even make sense??

    Hunny it sounds to me like he has big problems, a lot of guys can't handle it when their partner is percieved to be smarter and able to earn more than them. (I was married to one), His being out of work is probably compounding that. He is either hugely addicted to porn to make himself feel better or he is cheating. He sounds like belittling you is in some weird way making himself feel better about himself.
    I understand that you don't want to be divorced again, but life is too short to waste it on someone who is pretty much emotionally abusing you from what you have said. Do you really want to be 60 and look back at your life and wish you hadn't stayed with someone who treats you like this? Confront him, drag his *kitten* to counselling and see if it can work, if it can't get out. It is better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable take it from me.
  • fitpilatesqueen
    fitpilatesqueen Posts: 337
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    Sweetheart - he is not respecting you at all. Porn is okay, everyone can and should look, but if he's deleting his history and *hiding his phone* my gut leads me to think there is something more going on.
    I agree. Reading that made me get a knot in my stomach. He has more to hide than porn.
    He is defenetly not respecting you. I think it´s time for councelling.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    My husband jokes around sometimes, like "put those oreos back, your supposed to get smaller, not fatter", "maybe I should lock all the food up", "can youtry eating just once a day", "will you ever be skinny",

    My fiance read this over my shoulder and went "Oh dear... sounds like he's got a very strong opinion"

    I personally would not find the comments your husband has made to be appropriate. It sounds more than "a bit harsh" to me, it sounds down right rude. What would be much better are comments like "hey! I got us some carrots!" or "hey! let's go on a walk together." If he wants you to be skinny then he should try to build you up, not tear you down.

    You might want to have a talk with him before this gets worse.
  • TimedEventSystem
    TimedEventSystem Posts: 60
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    It's just wild to me that other people's significant others even comment about anyone counting calories! The only thing that my boyfriend says to me is, "I don't want you to diet, because I like having junk food in the house," lol. And then the occasional "but you don't need to" or "so what happens if you lose your butt?"

    Not to mention, can you imagine the terrible body image he would instill in your future children? Now that's a terrifying thought for any woman wanting to be a good mother.

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