Shallow men.....
cindergirl73
Posts: 51
in Chit-Chat
I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. It seems to me that as an overweight person I have such a hard time meeting men. I have decided to give up for now, until I get some more weight off, as I don't want to deal with these shallow guys. Has anyone else experienced this or maybe you have a totally opposite experience with this. I thought as men got older it would not be so much the case, but it turns out that men in their 30s and 40s are still hung up on weight. I met this guy I liked last year. Thought he was different. But as we became closer friends, he told me if he was to date anyone, she would have to be like him.....not heavy. He told me any fat on a woman was "gross." He turned out to be a jerk in more ways than this, so we are no longer friends, but this made me not want to even try to meet anyone until I am thinner.
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Replies
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I never had a problem meeting men. It's all about how you carry yourself.
And lose weight for YOU. Not for a man or to get a man. Men that like "skinny women only" really aren't someone you want to be dating anyways.0 -
A man not being attracted to an overweight woman is not shallow.0
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Shallow is subjective. If a man is particularly attracted to a heavier woman (and those men are out there) is he shallow if isn't attracted to a thin woman?
People are attracted to who they're attracted to, but I know plenty of heavy women and men who are in relationships, many with wonderful people.0 -
My husband and I started dating long before I was thin. It's all about confidence. Men can tell when a woman doesn't like herself, and that sends all the good ones packing. I've seen plenty of gorgeous men married to overweight women, but those women just exude confidence.
The men who are hung up solely on looks are the ones you want to avoid like the plague anyways.
And like Corn said, don't lose weight for anyone but yourself.0 -
I guess it's a confidence thing for me. I like that one guy recently who wanted a thin woman and that kinda set me back. I do want to be comfortable with me and so I decided to focus on getting that accomplished now.0
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liked*0
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I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. It seems to me that as an overweight person I have such a hard time meeting men. I have decided to give up for now, until I get some more weight off, as I don't want to deal with these shallow guys. Has anyone else experienced this or maybe you have a totally opposite experience with this. I thought as men got older it would not be so much the case, but it turns out that men in their 30s and 40s are still hung up on weight. I met this guy I liked last year. Thought he was different. But as we became closer friends, he told me if he was to date anyone, she would have to be like him.....not heavy. He told me any fat on a woman was "gross." He turned out to be a jerk in more ways than this, so we are no longer friends, but this made me not want to even try to meet anyone until I am thinner.
Be careful with this.
Right now there is a short guy mirroring your sentiment on shallow women.0 -
Not to be a total ****.
Yes men are shallow. Most anyway. Keep looking though, you will find one that isnt as concerned with weight or fat.
Everybody is shallow though. I want my partner to make good money... I want to be able to brag about my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife... (Around friends) OOOOh look at the way so and so does this... I wont date anyone unless they are this tall... "I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. "... THESE ARE ALL SHALLOW STATEMENTS
Hang in there.0 -
Being shallow really has nothing to do with gender.
People like what they like, I have a hard time REALLY calling that shallow.0 -
Meh. Everyone has preferences. I don't like super skinny guys or super muscular OR super fat. I like average or chubby dudes. Doesn't make me shallow.
People take interest in the people who they can relate to. If a guy is active and healthy, it wouldn't work with the girl who eats crap all day and would rather watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians than go for a hike. My tastes have changed with my new lifestyle. Not so much with looks, but with the lifestyle they lead.0 -
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and yes, confidence counts too. I've met and dated a few men that I liked who were completely okay with me in every way (including weight). I've met other men who liked me in every way except for my weight and they told me so. While it was upsetting at the time, I really am not bothered by it now. People do have preferences and some men might prefer you at your current weight while others will not want to even get to know you because humans judge on appearance first (men and women). If you want to lose weight then do it because it will make you feel better and not because some man somewhere might like you better. It's all about you! 0
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Surely you are attracted to some men and not others based on looks.0
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Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.0
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I'm ~120 pounds overweight, and I'm happily married. I also get asked out frequently. It can be a little more difficult, but IMO most of the men that wouldn't give an intelligent, confident, big woman who loves herself a second look aren't all that great anyways. I do think it's reasonable to want your partner to be healthy, but it's impossible to gauge health by looks. 0
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I guess it's a confidence thing for me. I like that one guy recently who wanted a thin woman and that kinda set me back. I do want to be comfortable with me and so I decided to focus on getting that accomplished now.
This is a great attitude to have, work on yourself first. I, too, was in your shoes (not too long ago).0 -
Having certain tastes in the opposite sex isn't shallow. It's what we are attracted to. Would you date a really ugly guy just because he was nice or rich? I'm personally attracted to bigger girls but that's my taste, what I like. There are men that will find you attractive and as someone else posted, its also how you carry yourself.0
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I know plenty of overweight girls that have snagged tons and tons of guys. These chicks know how to work it. Confidence is key! Even if you have to fake it till you make it, I really think it's all about how you carry yourself and portray yourself to others. If you believe you can get a guy, you will get a guy. Walk up to someone you're interested in, remember that you're one badass, sexy muthaf*cka and do your thing!
Also, I don't believe that the men you are describing are shallow. You can't choose what you're attracted too. We all have particular things that we look for in a partner and things that don't interest us, however, that doesn't make anyone shallow. It's just their preference.0 -
That's like saying they are shallow because they don't fancy tall men. I'm sure you have a "type", does that make you shallow? it's not fair to label a man just because you're not his type.0
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Oh, and obviously you're not happy with how look and feel when overweight. Why would you expect men to like it??0
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There are plenty of men who don't have weight issues. It's all about preference and how you carry yourself. Don't lose weight so men will like you more. Lose it because you want to. For every man that won't speak to you because of your weight or breasts or butt or hair, there is another one somewhere who those things don't matter to. I know tons of overweight women with boyfriends and husbands. Step back and look at who you attract/are attracted to as well. 0
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Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.
The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....0 -
CONFIDENCE! Makes a big difference my dear.0
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I guess it's a confidence thing for me. I like that one guy recently who wanted a thin woman and that kinda set me back. I do want to be comfortable with me and so I decided to focus on getting that accomplished now.
It is about how you perceive yourself. It's his preference, just as he was yours. It sucks, but there's a guy out there twice as awesome that'll totally rock your socks.0 -
I think it has everything to do with how you feel about yourself luv. Men are attracted to confidence I find and it isn't something you can fake easily.
Take it from me, being skinny doesn't make it an automatic fix. I went from a size 12-14 to a size 2 and I still have men trouble. Oh sure, I get lots of attention, but it isn't always the kind I want and I'm still sitting here with a broken heart because the one I want left and is dating a girl who probably wears a size 16....so it is all relative...
Work on you and do it for you...the sure way to happiness is to love yourself through thick and thin. You have a lovely face, and I'll be willing to bet a lovely personality.0 -
Agreed. Being overweight can say a lot about a person's lifestyle.Meh. Everyone has preferences. I don't like super skinny guys or super muscular OR super fat. I like average or chubby dudes. Doesn't make me shallow.
People take interest in the people who they can relate to. If a guy is active and healthy, it wouldn't work with the girl who eats crap all day and would rather watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians than go for a hike. My tastes have changed with my new lifestyle. Not so much with looks, but with the lifestyle they lead.
I'm very health-conscious, even moreso since joining the site, and I just would not be compatible with someone who is severely overweight, does no exercise and probably chows down fast food all day, every day.0 -
I have to agree with the rest. Everyone has a preference. Me? My preferences are athletic to chubby, but not severly overweight. I am still pretty active and I like men who can be just as active or don't mind staying in. I can't be mad at a man for not being attracted to a woman that's "thicker than a Snicker." 0
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Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.
The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....
And you found that attractive?0 -
Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.
The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....
Ooh, sounds like the ideal man, no wonder you were so disappointed when he knocked you back :noway:0 -
Having certain tastes in the opposite sex isn't shallow. It's what we are attracted to. Would you date a really ugly guy just because he was nice or rich?
Nice? No. Nice doesn't pay the bills.
Rich? Yes. Rich pays the bills. 0 -
I have dated plenty of men when I was large. There are a lot of men out there who find full bodied women very attractive. it is about confidence and dressing for your size and shape.
In my opinion It is ony shallow when he likes you enough to sleep with you but is embarrassed to be seen out with you.
I don't find overweight men sexually attractive myself so who am I to judge a man for his preferred taste in women.0
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