Shallow men.....

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  • jeddy3mcc
    jeddy3mcc Posts: 177 Member
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    A few things here. There are some jerks out there. Guys and Girls. I dont thing "being a jerk" has a sexual preference. Shallow and preference is a different thing.

    My advide is two fold. First of all the person you should be with should like you for you not because you LOOK a certain way. If you lose an arm or even a knee cap, they should like you for you. That is wether your 125 lbs, 225 lbs, or even 1000 lbs. The way they feel about you should come from the inside out.The other things Is be confident in yourself. A lot of guys dont like women who are unsure of themselves, jest as some women don't like men who lack confidence, but if you can be the best YOU that YOU CAN BE. The right person will come along and it wont matter to them what you look like on the outside.

    As for myself, my preference is so broad that it is not really apreference. As long as your associating yourself with good, positive ppl, and looking for wholesome guys. I don't think you will continue to have this problem.

    This is however just my opinion and I cannot speak for ALL the guys out there

    ~Jay
  • kaylaandthestarcatcher
    kaylaandthestarcatcher Posts: 836
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    "No matter how much weight you gain or lose, I will always see you as beautiful." Actual quote from an actual dude that I am totally crazy about. I think that if a guy doesn't make you feel good about yourself, then he doesn't deserve your time.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. It seems to me that as an overweight person I have such a hard time meeting men. I have decided to give up for now, until I get some more weight off, as I don't want to deal with these shallow guys. Has anyone else experienced this or maybe you have a totally opposite experience with this. I thought as men got older it would not be so much the case, but it turns out that men in their 30s and 40s are still hung up on weight. I met this guy I liked last year. Thought he was different. But as we became closer friends, he told me if he was to date anyone, she would have to be like him.....not heavy. He told me any fat on a woman was "gross." He turned out to be a jerk in more ways than this, so we are no longer friends, but this made me not want to even try to meet anyone until I am thinner.


    So do you also try new foods only once and thats it? All men are not like this guy so try not to say because you had this guy treat you bad that all men are like him. Plus I hear women say its whats on the inside that counts, but I don't see fat guys and normal size women together hardly ever.
  • MeliJean78
    MeliJean78 Posts: 249
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    Personality should always come in to play, but it is not the deciding factor in chosing a partner. No matter how nice a guy is, if I am not wildly attracted to him it is a no-go.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    A man not being attracted to an overweight woman is not shallow.

    Exactly, you can't make yourself fancy someone, it's either there or it isn't. If people (not just men) aren't attracted to heavier people that is their taste, does not make them shallow. I don't like bigger men, it simply doesn't appeal to me and would find it insulting to be told I'm shallow for it!!!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    I don't see how that's shallow. Some men like girls who are heavy some don't.

    I don't particularly find extremely heavy/obese men attractive. Does that make me shallow?
  • hiawathaperez
    hiawathaperez Posts: 71 Member
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    A very dear friend of mine was a beautiful, confident, witty, well read, the uber flirt and 250 pounds. Lemmie
    just tell you what....I over heard a conversation at a party by skinny girls who were huddled in a corner, pea green with envy
    at just how well she attracted men!!!!! How does she do it, one of the little x-rays asked another.

    If you exude happiness and zest for life and wear a smile.....you are gonna so be in demand.....regardless of what shape you are.

    By the way I just love a tree top lover....you must be at least 6 feet tall to ride this ride....heh heh
  • unimportant
    unimportant Posts: 3
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    Same thing op... just flip it from guys to girls and you have me... it falls under both sexes, even more so if the guy is short too
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.

    The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....
    Then you should be thrilled he turned you down.
  • UticaBoy51
    UticaBoy51 Posts: 344 Member
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    It's all confidence, I know plenty of overweight women who are straight up sexy because of how they carry themselves. Find your confidence and don't settle.... and don't paint with such a broad stroke, not all guys are shallow.
  • nicehormones
    nicehormones Posts: 503 Member
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    I have had my experience with shallow men. "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost a few pounds."

    Let me tell you, you should run away from these types of guys because even when you are skinny, they will find some fault.

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. I was overweight when we started dating but really packed on the pounds once I got a desk job at a call center. I cannot believe how big I got. My boyfriend never mentioned it, only told me how beautiful I was. Now that I have lost around 56 pounds, he still just tells me how beautiful I am. He doesn't seem to care how I look either way, but is happier that I am healthier and feel more confident in my own skin. THIS is how guys should be. I got really lucky. Just know, you'll find a guy like this too one day. They are out there hiding!! lol

    So I don't think you should put your love life on hold until you get slimmer. I think it would be harder to find the good ones at that point. If a guy is worth anything, he'll love you right now just the way you are.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    I don't see how that's shallow. Some men like girls who are heavy some don't.

    I don't particularly find extremely heavy/obese men attractive. Does that make me shallow?

    ^^^
  • PANZERIA
    PANZERIA Posts: 471 Member
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    I think you hit a good topic, but you're just a little off in your description of it and I don't think everyone is getting your meaning.

    The fact is that men are encouraged to go for the smaller sized woman these days. Look at all of the most powerful men in the world - their women are very, very small. The smaller your woman, the higher the prestige. (anyone who dates an actual model also ends up being a GOD of some sort) For example - Donald Trump, Gene Simmons, David Beckham, etc. (Anyone watched Millionaire Matchmaker? NONE of the women have any fat on them)

    (Now since this is the internet and my opinion will, somehow, offend someone, I will say that OBVIOUSLY this doesn't pertain to ALL men (I can't believe I have to put this in here, but y'know, some people are quite sensitive on this subject =P).

    I see where you're coming from, but don't worry - not all men are shallow a**holes. Some are, to be sure, and they'll want you to fit into this tiny little Victoria's Secret mould, but those aren't the kind of guys you want to be around. Sure, looks have something to do with it, but like everyone else is saying here, do the weight loss for YOU, not to get a guy.

    You want the guy who makes you think, who is your best friend, who you can be completely comfortable around, excess weight or no, and not the guy who wants your hair constantly done up, makeup perfect, and always in heels and then criticizes you when you wear your lulus, lol.

    Edit: Also, shallow also pertains to intellect. If they're shallow, they won't care about what you say, they JUST care about how you look.
  • TexasRattlesnake
    TexasRattlesnake Posts: 375 Member
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    I don't see how that's shallow. Some men like girls who are heavy some don't.

    I don't particularly find extremely heavy/obese men attractive. Does that make me shallow?

    Exactly... just like there's plenty of thin women I'm not attracted to because I think they look like worn out dimestore tramps... doesn't make me shallow, that's just my preference of not being with people who look like that.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    IMO, that doesn't make them shallow. They simply aren't attracted to over wieght women. Some men are. There is someone for everyone out there. I hope you find love soon. :)
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    It's all confidence, I know plenty of overweight women who are straight up sexy because of how they carry themselves. Find your confidence and don't settle.... and don't paint with such a broad stroke, not all guys are shallow.

    In my own personal experiences, alot of men SAY this, but then when a very confident, but overweight woman expresses interest in them, they either run for the hills or make fun of her behind her back. Not saying that's how you are, but it's an unfortunate truth. It upsets me terribly when people say something they don't really mean just to boost other peoples' perception of them.
  • TeamNoExcuses
    TeamNoExcuses Posts: 66
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    Learn to love you. That is all you have to do right now. Think about all the things that make you laugh, smile and feel beautiful and wonderful about yourself. Engage in those activities that make you feel happy. For example, I love to write so I make a habit of writing because it is like a treasure of mine that can't be taken away. You may feel that each rejection diminishes your value but it does not. Don't put your self-worth into other people's hands.

    It may seem difficult if rejection has happened more than once but trust me there are millions of people facing rejection every day. Short people, tall people, skinny people, blond hair, curly hair etc. Look at Tyra Banks, she's a retired supermodel and she's never had a super long-term relationship and even suffered emotional abuse in a relationship. But that doesn't make her less of a woman and these things can happen to everyone.

    You are in complete control of your self-love, self-confidence and self-worth. That's why those terms have "self" in it. You can not find it in anyone else. It starts with you first. Work out any issues you have by getting real honest with yourself. What do YOU want? What makes YOU happy? What makes YOU feel beautiful? Figure that out and treat yourself like the beautiful woman you are. Adore yourself. Spoil yourself and after a while you will be exuding a true confidence that is irresistible. When you feel great about you it will show. And guess what, you don't need to be a size zero to do any of it! ;) If losing weight will make YOU happier and feel better about YOU then do it, but just know it starts with you!
    Treat yourself like a queen and you may just attract a lucky king!

    P.S.- Don't ever feel sorry for yourself, that's something I am working on. Trust me we all have our pains from things we can't change. But I won't join the pity party anymore. Add me for support with weight loss goals. You can do it, if you're doing it for your happiness!
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    yeah. Cause it's just the men that are shallow........ok.....now that that's out of the way......How confident are you in yourself? From your post I would say not very.......It comes across.....you put across a vibe. People want to be with upbeat/positive people. Not negative people. That said.....get happy with yourself first.....Maybe then you can be happy with someone else.

    She's not confident because no one's ever given her a reason to be. If you've never been morbidly obese or been repeatedly rejected because of your looks, you can't possibly understand how it feels. Like I said in a previous comment, you can carry yourself with all the confidence in the world, but if a guy isn't attracted to overweight women, no amount of confidence is going to change his mind. Same thing with what women are attracted to...although with women it's usually more about how successful a man is, than how physically attractive he is.
  • tnjackso1
    tnjackso1 Posts: 312 Member
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    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: I so argree with my friend. You have to first learn to love you and spend time with yourself learning who you are! If you can't love you or know what you like or even know who you are no man--small, big, light, or dark will have know either. Stay encouraged!!
    Learn to love you. That is all you have to do right now. Think about all the things that make you laugh, smile and feel beautiful and wonderful about yourself. Engage in those activities that make you feel happy. For example, I love to write so I make a habit of writing because it is like a treasure of mine that can't be taken away. You may feel that each rejection diminishes your value but it does not. Don't put your self-worth into other people's hands.

    It may seem difficult if rejection has happened more than once but trust me there are millions of people facing rejection every day. Short people, tall people, skinny people, blond hair, curly hair etc. Look at Tyra Banks, she's a retired supermodel and she's never had a super long-term relationship and even suffered emotional abuse in a relationship. But that doesn't make her less of a woman and these things can happen to everyone.

    You are in complete control of your self-love, self-confidence and self-worth. That's why those terms have "self" in it. You can not find it in anyone else. It starts with you first. Work out any issues you have by getting real honest with yourself. What do YOU want? What makes YOU happy? What makes YOU feel beautiful? Figure that out and treat yourself like the beautiful woman you are. Adore yourself. Spoil yourself and after a while you will be exuding a true confidence that is irresistible. When you feel great about you it will show. And guess what, you don't need to be a size zero to do any of it! ;) If losing weight will make YOU happier and feel better about YOU then do it, but just know it starts with you!
    Treat yourself like a queen and you may just attract a lucky king!

    P.S.- Don't ever feel sorry for yourself, that's something I am working on. Trust me we all have our pains from things we can't change. But I won't join the pity party anymore. Add me for support with weight loss goals. You can do it, if you're doing it for your happiness!
  • nwilson91
    nwilson91 Posts: 70
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    People take interest in the people who they can relate to. If a guy is active and healthy, it wouldn't work with the girl who eats crap all day and would rather watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians than go for a hike. My tastes have changed with my new lifestyle. Not so much with looks, but with the lifestyle they lead.

    ^This^. I'm just getting back into shape, so I'm not yet one to talk, but I'm working hard for the body I want, and I want to work hard to keep it. To do that, I know that I'll need people in my life who are on the same journey - luckily, my girlfriend hasn't slipped as much as me, and motivates me every day.

    While people can be shallow (yeah, I'm a short guy, so I feel it), it's just hard if you don't have similar interests, or something you can do together. Otherwise you just end up growing farther apart, and that's no way to START the relationship.

    It's also good to focus on you and what you want, without worrying about what others care about. Find your happy place and the right person will find you.

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