Shallow men.....

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  • joecollins9385
    joecollins9385 Posts: 355 Member
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    for the record... men cant help who they are attracted to. i like petite women, my brother likes women with some meat on their bones. its not all about the outside though, because a good personality goes a long way in attraction
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    Before I met my husband, I spent plenty of time using online dating sites. Even during the time when I was in peak physical condition, I made it my policy completely to ignore any man who had a statement in his profile about only dating women who were "HWP" (height-weight proportional) There were several who were so crass they actually said, "No fatties." I figured if some guy wouldn't want to know me when I was heavier, why should I expect to have a relationship with him at any weight? There ARE men out there who aren't shallow. You just have to look a little harder to find them.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    OP, I'm 4'2" with cystic acne, impotent and I have a bad case of moobs. Can I get your number?

    I also don't have a job, kind of surprising seeing that I have an 8th grade education...

    I'm sure you'll be contacting me shortly. I can't wait to meet you:flowerforyou:

    My dreamboat has docked!
  • TxAngel79
    TxAngel79 Posts: 318 Member
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    I met my husband when I was bigger and he says all the time he loved my body then! I lost the weight for me!
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.

    The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....

    Ooh, sounds like the ideal man, no wonder you were so disappointed when he knocked you back :noway:
    Gotta have high standards!
  • KM11102011
    KM11102011 Posts: 41
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    Agreed. Being overweight can say a lot about a person's lifestyle.

    ^^^^^^
    THIS.
  • LavaDoll
    LavaDoll Posts: 595 Member
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    i think it comes down to YOU feeling like YOU are attractive, and believing it, no matter what your size.

    beauty comes from within, and radiates.

    find your inner beauty queen goddess, and let your light shine so bright, you blind them.

    <3
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    I just don't think many men like big women.. It is totally understandable though. You're allowed to be a little shallow. If you aren't attracted to someone how can you have a functional relationship? You like what you like..that doesn't mean they don't deserve a chance though. Those men might find that size doesn't matter and they'd be happier with that 'bigger' woman.

    =)
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    You are right that many men are shallow and can treat a woman like a preferred car model, but what you describe is so subjective its hard to comment on.

    Is "heavy" 20 pounds? 100 pounds?
    Do you have an active or sedentary lifestyle?
    How confident are you in your own skin?
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    I think it works both ways... Men aren't the only shallow ones. Personally, I'd much rather date a guy who is in good shape. Mostly because I'm in the gym every day and it is something I love. So I want a guy who is just as into weights as I am. Not saying I would never date big guys because I have but it all depends on whether they are at least trying to live a healthy life. I lost all attraction I had for one guy after he started completely letting himself go, drinking too much, and gaining weight (he was already a big guy to begin with but he always made the effort before). I don't really think it is just somebody being shallow. It's a personal preference. Some people want somebody in the same stage as them.

    Now what I don't get is the big men who talk trash about women and expect their women to be skinny and beautiful when they don't try on their part. =/ I've seen it the other way around as well. That I don't get.
  • BootCampC
    BootCampC Posts: 689 Member
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    the shallow part would come in if you were with someone and gained a few pounds and then they said i dont want you any more since you gained weight. Some men like women no matter how much they might weigh , some men or women for that matter appreciate a slender look... but i think we are talking about 2 different things here.. I can like anyone no matter what they look like . i wouldnt think anything less of that person. if i knew a man/woman who was 500 lbs i may want to help them lose weight because its unhealthy and worry about their condition. a shallow person may look at that person in disgust . Honestly I dont mind a few pounds on a woman. It doesnt bother me in the least bit.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    yeah. Cause it's just the men that are shallow........ok.....now that that's out of the way......How confident are you in yourself? From your post I would say not very.......It comes across.....you put across a vibe. People want to be with upbeat/positive people. Not negative people. That said.....get happy with yourself first.....Maybe then you can be happy with someone else.
  • clynettehaynes
    clynettehaynes Posts: 7
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    i have been fat all my life, from childhood. I was made fun of and my family would ridicule me, thinking it would make me more motivated to lose weight. As an adult, I heard about BBW websites and wanted to know what kind of men would actually like big women. I listened to men and women chatting and looked at their profiles and realized they were just people, of all sizes. That is when i discovered that many men like big women. i have been dating a man who likes big women for the last 4 years. i am over 300 pounds and he says he loves me no matter my size. it has helped me with self esteem. he is supportive of me losing weight because i have health problems and he doesnt want me to die. There are many men out there who love us for who we are. not what we look like. The way i present myself and my personality make me attractive to others, no matter what type of woman they like. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    I don't know. I got into relationships with worse men when I was fatter than what I am now. I had low self esteem and they took advantage of that. I started losing weight and then met my current bf. He supports my goals of weight loss but thinks I'm beautiful as I am now. So yeah, it's how you carry yourself. Confidence is key, I think. :)
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
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    This is the first year I have ever been heavier and from the comments I received previously from guys, I should be getting more attention but I don't, guys just don't look at me like that. All my life I was grossly underweight, but I never had a problem meeting guys and getting attention, fast forward a year, add on 29lbs pounds, and nothing, seriously. My friends say I look alot better, and I feel healthier but yeah if I wasn't waiting for the right guy, I'd probably be crying right about now haha. I'm not trying to meet new guys but maybe my experience may help you see things in a different light?
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Shallow is subjective. If a man is particularly attracted to a heavier woman (and those men are out there) is he shallow if isn't attracted to a thin woman?

    People are attracted to who they're attracted to, but I know plenty of heavy women and men who are in relationships, many with wonderful people.

    They may be "out there", but they are few and far between; and not all of them are worth dating, either. While I agree that not wanting to date a heavy/fat/chubby girl doesn't automatically make a guy shallow, it's not any less hurtful to be rejected solely based on how you look. It's devestating to one's confidence when you are repeatedly rejected for the same reason. I think that's really the point the OP is trying to make. After a while, it starts to feel like no one is ever going to want you because you are fat and unattractive. You can carry yourself with all the confidence in the world, but it's not going to change the fact that the majority of guys prefer thin/fit women.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    for the record... men cant help who they are attracted to. i like petite women, my brother likes women with some meat on their bones. its not all about the outside though, because a good personality goes a long way in attraction
    Exactly this.

    I'm 5'10, and regardless of how thin I am, I'm always "curvy". A lot of men, like Joe, don't find that to be attractive. Would I call Joe shallow just because he doesn't think I'm the hottest thing on the damn planet. Nope.

    Men, and women, are visual creatures. Yes, personality is more important than looks. But looks matter, as well. Admitting that doesn't make anyone shallow, it just makes them honest.
  • Skittlebrew
    Skittlebrew Posts: 9
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    You slimming down isn't going to change men. We are what we are. Men who take care of their own bodies have every right to want to be with someone who also takes care of their own body. Why be in a relationship with someone who you don't find sexually attractive?


    Seems to me, that if you honestly cared about men being "shallow", being fat is the perfect way to weed them out.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.

    The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....

    If he is a raging alcoholic then his judgement probably isn't spot on in... well....ANYTHING. You would be unhappy with him anyway so you had a lucky escape in my opinion.

    Make your preference a man with no addictions, that should open things up a bit.
  • TexasRattlesnake
    TexasRattlesnake Posts: 375 Member
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    Why be in a relationship with someone who you don't find sexually attractive?

    Exactly, even if I love you why would I want to be with you if I don't wanna bang you? A brother has needs.

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