MFP and disturbing posts

MuddyEquestrian

I'm hoping to find some common ground with POSITIVE people by posting this. And I'm going to say right now that I have nothing against those with an ED being on this site, seeing as I have struggled with one before as well.
MFP is here to help those wanting to get healthy and lose weight the right way. I am finding it appalling to see so many people losing weight in an unhealthy manner and having people congratulate them. I have had to "unfriend" several members due to the fact that they posted about being "fat" constantly (when they had about 5lbs to lose each). They also posted unhealthy "tips" to lose weight and would stay at about half of their 1,200 calorie a day limit. I understand we are all different, we all lose weight and exercise in different ways and we sure all have different views on food. I don't however think it's appropriate to tell someone "good job" after eating 300 calories for the day after burning 1,000. What happened to positive criticism and support? It is not healthy to eat that little and exercise that much! Good for you if you were under your calories, however don't congratulate someone for not eating that day. It's condoning ED's and again, appalling, especially for those recovering. I am seeking POSITIVE friends and could certainly offer much support, I will not however, tolerate any sort of ED behavior. If you are recovering, such as I am....GOOD FOR YOU! If you are seeking approval for your unhealthy habits and are not looking to improve your life and unhappy habits...well, they instead of posting on MFP you should seek professional, nutritional help.


End of rant! I'm sure I can't be the only one who is feeling this frustration...
And btw I'd love to add some new friends who i can support and who can support me on this positive life change

mtmom1012

Agreed!

sheshe32

I found I had the same problem. All you can do is tell them what you need too, then delete friend. They are only going to look for friends who are more like minded in the long term anyway. It's sad, but there isn't much you can do. But I understand your frustration!

nickwylie

So totally agreed. Support is awesome, but not when it is for crazy behaviour!

marthadztx

Slow and steady wins the race

RobynMWilson

I agree! It's kinda like ppl on FB who lost their license and more b/c of an addiction bragging all about their partying and ppl saying "Good job!" I don't keep friends like that on MFP but unfortunately they will find like-minded friends on here and all we can do is be honest and not condone their behavior..

hannahamay

THANK YOU. I completely agree, it makes me sick to my stomach to see so many people being misinformed about health and weight loss.

Hendrix7

I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.

skonly

Agree. Most of the hateful comments to under eaters are aimed at people like me who usually stay around the 1200 or so mark daily. I don't encourage eating 300 calories a day and can tell pretty quick if someone is looking for tips on how to do it. I have no tips for that. I've noticed it is mainly young girls who don't need to lose weight anyway trying to stay below 900 or 600 a day. They do need help and hopefully most will get it before it's too late. It really bothers me when I see a post about a boyfriend making jokes or something to that affect. A lot of these young girls are just fine the way they are and need to realize no one is perfect and can live up to what society sees as perfect.

Online forums are not the place to turn too. Some may be able to suggest a good group or be there when a person needs to vent or cry but there is no replacement for professional help. I was a teenager in the 80's and I don't remember me or any of my friends trying to the thinnest we could. I noticed when my kids where in high school that most young girls today look like sticks. What happened?

lilacsun

I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.

I also think this is true.

TheRealParisLove

I congratulate those people when they have a good/healthy eating day. I will compliment their food choices on those days (well, as long as it wasn't double bacon cheeseburgers) and tell them how great they are doing.

They need positive reinforcement when they do a good job. Don't criticize when they are having a bad day, like 300 calories, just offer something like "Tomorrow will be better! I'm here to support you." People with EDs act out when they are feeling stressed or depressed or both. When you see one of those bad days, just know that person is hurting and that is how (s)he is dealing with the pain.

svanzinha

Absolutely! I am in this to get healthy and strong!

flydash8

Spoken from the heart. Nice one!

caraiselite

a lot of people post 'wtg' or 'good job' without actually seeing what the person ate.

delete and move on, they're not worth your time.

Tag9

Personal Weight Loss Arithmetic
I have been eating 1200 calories per day (often less, seldom more) for 140 days. I can’t exercise for physical reasons.
I’ve lost 13 pounds, which averages out to a loss of one pound per 10.77 days.
As we all know, one pound equals 3500 calories.
3500 calories divided by 10.77 days = a 325 calorie deficit per day.
If I add the 325-calorie deficit to the 1200 calories I’m consuming it equals 1525 calories.
Evidently, I need 1525 calories per day for maintenance of my current weight, which is 40 pounds overweight.
Conclusion: if I want to lose one pound a week -- which requires a 500-calorie per day deficit -- I need to limit my intake to 1025 calories per day.

suzieqcookie

i have deleted quite a few anorexics, and i too (a long time ago) was anorexic. I know from going through it that ANY attention whether it be a pat on the back for eating too little and encouraging you or people harping on you to eat more (you'll show them). Deleting them sends the strongest message... that you're not willing to play.

leeanneowens

Great post.

Koldnomore

I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.

This just annoys me. I won't congratulate people for under eating consistently nor will I take friend requests from closed diaries. I'm looking for people who have similar goals and methods to mine so that we can all support each other. I will try to help new folk get their calorie intakes to a healthy place but if I keep seeing 'under' after a certain time I just lose them.

kissedbytheocean

Chances are that those who are congratulating others on eating 300 calories have ED's, too.

This site is open for everyone, so I say just delete or ignore them if it bothers you. Chances are they don't want to be involved with people who don't have ED's anyway.

(Speaking from experience as someone with an ED.)

dunlunicor

I tend not to add people without EDs/people who are recovering for this very reason - I am not recovered and wouldn't want to trigger anyone who is trying to recover. But the ED community on here is supportive, telling others with a low intake or too much exercise or purging behaviors to "stay safe," which to us means, "I know I can't stop you from doing what you want, even though I wish I could, but please be as healthy as possible." That's at the very least. No one that I have encountered tells anyone else anything particularly unhealthy. There are a few here and there, but typically they're thought of as drama queens and wanarexics. It's all about finding people who understand. EDs are very lonely.

And I'm sure that no one with an ED is "misinformed" about health and weight loss. I certainly know that what I have done to my body in the past (and still do to a lesser extent) is NOT healthy. I don't think any of us are that delusional.

All in all, it's not about "condoning" someone's behavior. I've found myself improving in terms of healthy behaviors since joining this site. But it's slow going. Definitely not something anyone can just "snap out" of.

What does make me sad is the really young girls with EDs who lied about their age to sign up. I've seen more than a few girls get removed for their age, and I worry for them. They should be enjoying life, not trying to commit a slow suicide.

SusieSonshine

I can't agree with you more! And I've come to the conclusion that all I really care about is being healthy. I lost my gall bladder and had to have another operation because I was anorexic. I NEVER want to be in that place again! Thank you for your post!

icklekimmy

I dont come on the message boards that often so I have not really been exposed to this as yet. It kind of defeats the purpose of the whole point of this site which is to encourage healthy lifestyles. Are there no moderators who monitor such things and can ban such blatant disregard for the purpose of this site from it?

monicalosesweight

I can't believe there are people here eating only 300 calories. That's nuts and extremely scary. I know that teens are really pressured by the media and they keep seeing these images of anorexic looking models. I had one teenager a few years ago break down in my classroom and I immediately asked her what was wrong. She had a normal beautiful girly build with curves and she though she was fat. She'd had a boyfriend go with a skinnier girl. I told her she was beautiful and in great shape and that she deserved a boy who would love her for herself. She left with a smile from my room. It's horrible what kids are facing today. They really believe that the ideal is an anorexic build. I personally blame the designers. It's always, my clothing has to drape on her and they all want a size zero which is unrealistic. I miss the beautiful full figured models of the past.

wisters

Online forums are not the place to turn too. Some may be able to suggest a good group or be there when a person needs to vent or cry but there is no replacement for professional help. I was a teenager in the 80's and I don't remember me or any of my friends trying to the thinnest we could. I noticed when my kids where in high school that most young girls today look like sticks. What happened?

I was a teenager in the 80's too and teenage girls are generally thinner then adult women. I had a very hard time with that because I was never tiny. I was fit, but I felt so much larger than most girls my age.

Now, I want to be fit (am close!) and most of the women my age are so much larger than me.

But to your comment about high school girls nowadays, I teach high school in a lower income area and frankly far too many of the girls are NOT skinny, not FIT and frankly I worry for their health! It is great that they seem to be confident about their body shapes, but I really do worry about how unhealthy their eating habits are. Sure, there are still the really skinny girls at the school where I work, but not nearly as many as there used to be!!!

MuddyEquestrian

I tend not to add people without EDs/people who are recovering for this very reason - I am not recovered and wouldn't want to trigger anyone who is trying to recover. But the ED community on here is supportive, telling others with a low intake or too much exercise or purging behaviors to "stay safe," which to us means, "I know I can't stop you from doing what you want, even though I wish I could, but please be as healthy as possible." That's at the very least. No one that I have encountered tells anyone else anything particularly unhealthy. There are a few here and there, but typically they're thought of as drama queens and wanarexics. It's all about finding people who understand. EDs are very lonely.

And I'm sure that no one with an ED is "misinformed" about health and weight loss. I certainly know that what I have done to my body in the past (and still do to a lesser extent) is NOT healthy. I don't think any of us are that delusional.

All in all, it's not about "condoning" someone's behavior. I've found myself improving in terms of healthy behaviors since joining this site. But it's slow going. Definitely not something anyone can just "snap out" of.

What does make me sad is the really young girls with EDs who lied about their age to sign up. I've seen more than a few girls get removed for their age, and I worry for them. They should be enjoying life, not trying to commit a slow suicide



^ i completely agree! As someone recovering I find it very triggering. I guess I haven't found those with ED's who are aware of their disease and are encouraging others to remain safe. I seem to have found those who are young, have not been seeking any kind of help or change and are using this to fuel their disease. I am all for recovery and sharing that journey with other's who have struggled as well. I myself am usually below my 1200 calorie goal, but Im recovering and dealing with medical issues. I know had I joined this site a year ago, and had some of the members I just deleted on there then, I wouldve done a lot more damage than i already had. I would love to find those who understand ED's, I just can't handle those young girls who use this to fuel theirs.

dakitten2

I had a couple of friends on my list for a while and it didnt take long to figure they had ED's. I tried to talk to them via email and I couldnt help them no matter how hard they tried. The day I got a request from someone whose goal weight was 79 pounds, I called it quits. I couldnt help them and I couldnt watch them harm themselves in that way. I cringed everytime I would see all their ED friends going fantastic, fabulous, etc when they posted a daily calorie intake of 400 calories. Ultimately I had to delete them and wished them good health and hopefully someone else more equipped than myself can have them seek the professional help they need.

Good post btw.

Unknown

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Crochetluvr

I make it a point to not congratulate anyone that is eating too little. I also cant help someone who constantly binges. I sympathize but I am not qualified to help either situation. Thankfully, I only unfriended one person who was a chronic binge eater. I tried to be supportive but it was only upsetting me. I hope that person got the help they needed.

dancingdeer

Wow - judgmental much? Personally I try to encourage people to eat well and be healthy. I don't judge them for eating too little, or judge them for eating too much and making themselves obese in the first place.

If something doesn't appeal to me whether it's a post, a personal diary, or whatever, I just move on. Life's too short to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether it is "good" for them or not.

Canadien

Feel free to add me as a friend! I am looking to support people in being healthy and fit for life.

meeka472

Wow - judgmental much? Personally I try to encourage people to eat well and be healthy. I don't judge them for eating too little, or judge them for eating too much and making themselves obese in the first place.

If something doesn't appeal to me whether it's a post, a personal diary, or whatever, I just move on. Life's too short to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether it is "good" for them or not.

Exactly! I'm not here to judge people. I am here to support them in their quest for a healthier lifestyle and to receive support in return. If I see someone having a bad day either too many or too few calories I understand that people are human and could have a bad day. I have better things to do than to police other people's diaries.