MFP and disturbing posts
Replies
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Wow - judgmental much? Personally I try to encourage people to eat well and be healthy. I don't judge them for eating too little, or judge them for eating too much and making themselves obese in the first place.
If something doesn't appeal to me whether it's a post, a personal diary, or whatever, I just move on. Life's too short to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether it is "good" for them or not.
There are people on here who are PRO ana... meaning they support an unhealthy lifestyle and actively tell others about how good it is. So yes, I do judge those people and report them since it is actually against site rules to do so.
If I have a friend that starts eating really low, I will ask them why and suggest ways to increase their intakes. If they don't want to do be receptive to my help, then they get deleted. I will not support people who are being unhealthy and who are blind to the fact. I HAVE supported those with EDs who honestly were trying to recover and work at it. There is a HUGE difference.0 -
Exactly my point of this post Athijade!!! thank you
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I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.
i think so too. i always look at the diary and sometimes it says "this person posted under their calorie goal" and i look and all they ate was two mc donalds cheeseburgers.
uh good job? no0 -
Wow - judgmental much? Personally I try to encourage people to eat well and be healthy. I don't judge them for eating too little, or judge them for eating too much and making themselves obese in the first place.
If something doesn't appeal to me whether it's a post, a personal diary, or whatever, I just move on. Life's too short to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether it is "good" for them or not.
Right on. An eating disorder is an emotional illness. If someone has an ED and is looking for help, we shouldn't criticize them for a bad day anymore than we should criticize overweight folks for having a cheat day.
(This doesn't hold for those bragging about about eating 150 calories in a day, which I've also seen here.)0 -
I don't understand the food diaries of a lot of people. Tons of grains and dairy but no whole fruits or veggies? And lots of premade stuff. Must be hard for a lot of people to try and cook in advance, though, too busy.
I usually make meals on my days off for the rest of the week. But I'm also just a single person.
I ate super low and bad yesterday because I was having my first day of my monthlies. I ended up awake at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. This is really abnormal for me but then I realized my body wasn't letting me sleep because it wanted food, so I had some Belvita Breakfast biscuits, fell right back to sleep.
It just makes me feel sad reading posts about people who aren't losing weight and then looking at their diaries. I feel like I could and do eat more at 1200cals then they do without eating the exercise calories. How are they not hungry and miserable all day?
Lettuce is super filling and low cal. So are most veggies.0 -
I would hope that you are not just looking at peoples diary but their other post. I am at 1200 calories I am always under some days by a lot. I don't and never have had an ED. I simply eat when I am hungry and stop when I feel full. I am also making better choices of what I eat. I have noticed that I am an emotional eater and have tried to not do that anymore. I am very supportive of my friends on here. I also hope that people would not judge me based on my dairy alone. That being said feel free to add me as a friend.0
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To clarify im talking about.people who write posts asking or giving tips on an ED or other unhealthy lifestyle. Im not talking about.looking at a daily deficit and assuming. This is not abiut people being under their calorie goals. Its about people using this sit to promote horrible eating behavior.0
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I am sorry, I missed that part thank you for clearing it up 0
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No problem it was more geared towards those who assumed i was being assuming and judgemental. I guess some people are missing my point about finding positive people who are dealing with the same frustrations. Dont like my post? No need to reply 0
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Great post ~ well spoken. I've only been a member for a month, but was discouraged by some 'friends' posts....and like you unfriended them quickly....no time for the negative on the journey I've just begun! Would love to have some positive, encouraging folk on my friend list ~ by all means send me an add!!...... 0
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I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.
This just annoys me. I won't congratulate people for under eating consistently nor will I take friend requests from closed diaries. I'm looking for people who have similar goals and methods to mine so that we can all support each other. I will try to help new folk get their calorie intakes to a healthy place but if I keep seeing 'under' after a certain time I just lose them.
^This, exactly this.0 -
I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.
^^^ THIS drives me NUTS ^^^0 -
I support ALL my friends, not just the people whose weight loss methods I agree with.0
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Wow - judgmental much? Personally I try to encourage people to eat well and be healthy. I don't judge them for eating too little, or judge them for eating too much and making themselves obese in the first place.
If something doesn't appeal to me whether it's a post, a personal diary, or whatever, I just move on. Life's too short to worry about what everyone else is doing and whether it is "good" for them or not.
Right on. An eating disorder is an emotional illness. If someone has an ED and is looking for help, we shouldn't criticize them for a bad day anymore than we should criticize overweight folks for having a cheat day.
(This doesn't hold for those bragging about about eating 150 calories in a day, which I've also seen here.)
It is against MFP rules to use the site in a way which reflects an unhealthy lifestyle. So if someone comes to the site using MFP as a way to "better" their ED, then they are breaking the rules and therefore have a right to be criticized.
Plus, some of us who have struggled with EDs in the past and are trying to finally do this in a healthy way may find members like this to be triggering.0 -
Thanks peacelovechaos! I am a very supportive person, but i wont tolerate triggering and unhealthy behavior!0
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You're welcome. (: It may not look like it, but I struggled with EDNOS for years as a teenager, and I still get triggers to this day. It's hard enough trying to lose weight without having to deal with all of that.0
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100% agree 0
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We are in the same boat! Add me if you like!0
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yes.0 -
Slow and steady wins the race
Agreed!!!0 -
I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.
guilty done it a few times:ohwell:0 -
I tend not to add people without EDs/people who are recovering for this very reason - I am not recovered and wouldn't want to trigger anyone who is trying to recover. But the ED community on here is supportive, telling others with a low intake or too much exercise or purging behaviors to "stay safe," which to us means, "I know I can't stop you from doing what you want, even though I wish I could, but please be as healthy as possible." That's at the very least. No one that I have encountered tells anyone else anything particularly unhealthy. There are a few here and there, but typically they're thought of as drama queens and wanarexics. It's all about finding people who understand. EDs are very lonely.
And I'm sure that no one with an ED is "misinformed" about health and weight loss. I certainly know that what I have done to my body in the past (and still do to a lesser extent) is NOT healthy. I don't think any of us are that delusional.
All in all, it's not about "condoning" someone's behavior. I've found myself improving in terms of healthy behaviors since joining this site. But it's slow going. Definitely not something anyone can just "snap out" of.
What does make me sad is the really young girls with EDs who lied about their age to sign up. I've seen more than a few girls get removed for their age, and I worry for them. They should be enjoying life, not trying to commit a slow suicide.
I agree with this. And I wonder why would anyone delete someone who is not healthy? We need to be there for each other no matter who we are and what our struggles are. Just the concept of this being a site to find more health means we are all going to make mistakes and many of us have some kind of ED (anyone think about the fact that overeating is a disorder just as much as undereating?) We are all in different stages of our journey and I have a variety of friends varying from the ones who think it's a "good day" to eat a bunch of chemicals as long as they are under thier calorie goal, and those who think it's a "good day" to eat only 300 calories. We all get to choose how we receive feedback and support, and yes, we can choose the friends that give the kind of support we want/think is best but why encourage everyone to unfriend all the people who are struggling and just make them more lonely and isolated so they will get worse? (speaking from experience with my overeating lonely teenage years, and my sisters lonely undereating days?0 -
I tried an experiment one day and logged a whole bunch of junk - candy bars, sodas, potato chips, etc. just to see if any of my friends would say good job or other compliments. It was under my calorie goal, but not one of my friends made a comment. They didn't scold me, but they didn't compliment me either. Those are my kinda friends - not judgmental - but also not condoning bad choices. If anyone had complimented the junk diary, I would have known that they never even looked.0
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I don't understand the food diaries of a lot of people. Tons of grains and dairy but no whole fruits or veggies? And lots of premade stuff. Must be hard for a lot of people to try and cook in advance, though, too busy.
I usually make meals on my days off for the rest of the week. But I'm also just a single person.
I ate super low and bad yesterday because I was having my first day of my monthlies. I ended up awake at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. This is really abnormal for me but then I realized my body wasn't letting me sleep because it wanted food, so I had some Belvita Breakfast biscuits, fell right back to sleep.
It just makes me feel sad reading posts about people who aren't losing weight and then looking at their diaries. I feel like I could and do eat more at 1200cals then they do without eating the exercise calories. How are they not hungry and miserable all day?
Lettuce is super filling and low cal. So are most veggies.
Wow, your post came across as very judgemental toward anyone who doesn't choose to eat the way you do. I could be just as judgemental about people (like you) who only eat 1200 calories a day and don't eat back exercise calories, but what it comes down to is personal choice. I do what works for me and you do what works for you. I don't see why you had to demean anyone doing something different than you. ???
As for the topic being discussed, I choose to not add folks with obvious EDs who are not recovered because I do not feel like I have the skills to support them...but in general I don't judge my friends' food choices. I have about 165 friends on my friends list, I definitely don't have time to go through all of their food diaries and judge how they eat.0 -
I tried an experiment one day and logged a whole bunch of junk - candy bars, sodas, potato chips, etc. just to see if any of my friends would say good job or other compliments. It was under my calorie goal, but not one of my friends made a comment. They didn't scold me, but they didn't compliment me either. Those are my kinda friends - not judgmental - but also not condoning bad choices.
My friends are generally like yours
Every so often I'll get a funny comment if I go way over calories or eat or something, like "wow that must have been a great burger!" (or whatever it was) but I have never had a MFPal make a judgemental remark about my diary.0 -
I think a lot of people don't actually look at the food diary so when they see "completed food diary and was under calorie goal" they just post "awesome!" regardless of what someone ate for the day.
guilty done it a few times:ohwell:
Same here, but only if their diary is not open. I just compliment them on staying under goal.0 -
To clarify im talking about.people who write posts asking or giving tips on an ED or other unhealthy lifestyle. Im not talking about.looking at a daily deficit and assuming. This is not abiut people being under their calorie goals. Its about people using this sit to promote horrible eating behavior.
It's not just promoting horrible eating behavior that I've witnessed on here. There's much more than that. Horrible advice in general. People spouting off at the fingers about things they know nothing about, others acting as if they've been a doctor for 20 years. Such is the nature, sadly, of open forums like this. I'm sure there are people on here who think what I have to say is horrible and way off.
I've seen people use this website to promote everything from weight loss pills to other websites. Personal agendas, clubs and even themselves. I've seen people try to use it as a dating site. I am very fond of the douche-B-gone button and when things get too nasty or snarky the mods are well known for hitting the nuke button.
Judgmental people suck but they come on all shapes, sizes, sexes. The world is full of them.0 -
But to your comment about high school girls nowadays, I teach high school in a lower income area and frankly far too many of the girls are NOT skinny, not FIT and frankly I worry for their health! It is great that they seem to be confident about their body shapes, but I really do worry about how unhealthy their eating habits are. Sure, there are still the really skinny girls at the school where I work, but not nearly as many as there used to be!!!
I teach at a low income school where we give out free and reduced lunches to 80% of the population. It's a high mixture or ESE, ESOL, African American, Hispanic, Caucasian and many immigrants; basically, we draw from the poorest areas of our county. I totally understand the challenges faced by teaching in this environment including the nutritional ones. Teachers seem to run from our school (you'd be surprised how many have jumped ship lately due to teacher evaluations - they don't want to risk their careers in our school) because of the teaching challenges. It's nice to see that you have the same work ethic I have - basically, we aren't going to give up on a kid no matter what. You care - that's all that matters.
It's weird how different school populations can be though. I can only say what I've observed in my classes and we have a lot of skinny girls and a few who are heavier. My school has a lot of athletics. The young lady I referenced was an athlete who worked out and was doing a team sport; she wasn't someone who sat around. My concern is that the kids put so much pressure on each other that it's easy to tip the other way and then they can't recognize they are healthy. As for unhealthy eating, I totally agree there. Luckily, our school district has been changing it's food over the past year and I've seen better food selections so it seems like they are choosing the real school lunch more often. Lately, they've started to bring in samples of healthy foods to see what the kids like which is great. Unfortunately, they still carry the pizza and french fries but I recently heard that the french fries may soon be going away. They don't want to offer anything fried anymore.
I was more concerned that she seemed to feel she was overweight when she wasn't. She was comparing herself to girls who were a size 0 and 2 when she was a size 8 which is not unreasonable considering she had a bigger body build and wasn't a really short girl. My younger sister is that size and is very athletic. As for the heavier girls, yes, we need to do something. I'm extremely upset with how they keep cutting back on gym classes. There's definitely a need for more of that in high school. It seems like the needier the school, the fewer gym classes are offered which isn't right.
Well, that's my observation. By the way, have a great Monday! We start then so I'm guessing you will too. Hopefully, you'll have a fantastic year. I like to start by thinking positive and telling my kids that they can be successful and will be if they believe in themselves as much as I believe in them.
Monica0 -
Totally agree! I also ask the people whohide their diarys to revel them. I also tell the person who has eaten 300 calories they need to eat more. Ok some times I am under calories but I am making healthy food choices and I am eating. I was told by a doctor to eat between 1000-1100 calories, I am older and my metabolism has slowed greatly. I totally agree with you!0
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Agree. Most of the hateful comments to under eaters are aimed at people like me who usually stay around the 1200 or so mark daily. I don't encourage eating 300 calories a day and can tell pretty quick if someone is looking for tips on how to do it. I have no tips for that. I've noticed it is mainly young girls who don't need to lose weight anyway trying to stay below 900 or 600 a day. They do need help and hopefully most will get it before it's too late. It really bothers me when I see a post about a boyfriend making jokes or something to that affect. A lot of these young girls are just fine the way they are and need to realize no one is perfect and can live up to what society sees as perfect.
Online forums are not the place to turn too. Some may be able to suggest a good group or be there when a person needs to vent or cry but there is no replacement for professional help. I was a teenager in the 80's and I don't remember me or any of my friends trying to the thinnest we could. I noticed when my kids where in high school that most young girls today look like sticks. What happened?
Unfortunately it was there in the 80s. Those of us that were doing it hid it is all. If only they knew... I suspect anorexia has a lot to do with my health problems now.0
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