Dating Advice Needed
So a couple of months ago I joined an online dating site, went on a few dates that didn't work out for various reasons, but finally met someone super nice.
We went on our first date on July 13.
He lives about an hour away from me and has full time custody of his 7 year old child. His family are close by and are really great about helping out with his child. I only get to see him once a week, at the weekend, which is fine (for now) EXCEPT.....
..... he rarely calls me throughout the week and his texts are getting fewer and fewer. I don't think his interest is fading at all and I know that he's not seeing anyone else (he doesn't have the time). I think he just gets busy or I'm not an important enough thought in his mind.
My problem is that I just need more communication. A text takes 5 seconds and just a 2 minute phone call at the end of the day would mean so much.
I just don't know how to handle the situation. His schedule is pretty busy and I am ok with working around that. I don't want to appear nagging but I know that I'm not happy with the way the communication is now.
Do I say something? And if so, what do I say that doesn't seem nagging? Or, do I let it go (my fear in that is him thinking this level of communication is ok).
I really like this guy and hope at some point in the future we progress from a once-a-week date.
Advice?!
Thank you!
We went on our first date on July 13.
He lives about an hour away from me and has full time custody of his 7 year old child. His family are close by and are really great about helping out with his child. I only get to see him once a week, at the weekend, which is fine (for now) EXCEPT.....
..... he rarely calls me throughout the week and his texts are getting fewer and fewer. I don't think his interest is fading at all and I know that he's not seeing anyone else (he doesn't have the time). I think he just gets busy or I'm not an important enough thought in his mind.
My problem is that I just need more communication. A text takes 5 seconds and just a 2 minute phone call at the end of the day would mean so much.
I just don't know how to handle the situation. His schedule is pretty busy and I am ok with working around that. I don't want to appear nagging but I know that I'm not happy with the way the communication is now.
Do I say something? And if so, what do I say that doesn't seem nagging? Or, do I let it go (my fear in that is him thinking this level of communication is ok).
I really like this guy and hope at some point in the future we progress from a once-a-week date.
Advice?!
Thank you!
0
Replies
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My advice is pretty simple: cut the dude loose.
If he wants you and you are important to him, he will text, call and pursue you. If not, "he's just not that into you." Seriously, I think it's that simple. Find someone closer to you and more invested. You deserve that.0 -
If you need more communication you just need to straight up tell him. Men just don't always need the constant communication we do. Which, is unfortunate.
Can you email him at work, like in the morning? We have started to do that, as it's easier for both of us and takes less time away from work.0 -
Some men do not equate "she's important to me" with "I should text her all the time."
If you wish he would communicate more, YOU should communicate more and tell him this. If you tell him and he still doesn't make an effort, sure, maybe he's not into you. But it could be he just doesn't realize his actions are bothering you.0 -
Thanks for the advice!
I definitely was wondering if I was in denial and he really isn't that in to me. But, I also am a firm believer that if someone doesn't know there is a problem, how can they fix it?
So I guess I need to pull up my big girl pants and say something to him.
(I did try texting him first thing in the morning and increasing my communication to see if that would help. It didn't!)0 -
In my opinion, there is just so far you can go to make it work. Let him know what you need and give him a small amount of time to adjust.. If you are still not getting what you need, "Throw him back " and look for a new one that is more perhaps sensitive. There is no point in putting energy into something that isn't going to work out. Your time is valuable.0
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My advice is pretty simple: cut the dude loose.
If he wants you and you are important to him, he will text, call and pursue you. If not, "he's just not that into you." Seriously, I think it's that simple. Find someone closer to you and more invested. You deserve that.
Best advice for any girl who likes staying single.
But if you like to stay with somebody, try telling him that while you understand his situation and understands that he's busy and are cool (for now) with seeing him only once a week, he should make an effort to talk to you more via phone/email/text/whatever.
Also, try to initiate the talk. Most men are not lovey dovey. We don't understand that texting/calling you during a day is important. Just the way our mind is0 -
More great advice!
I definitely feel that he is worth the respect of a conversation about it.
I'll talk with him about it and let him know that communication is important to me - and I think you're right, guys just don't think it's as important as us girls do.
I really do appreciate you all taking time out to help me with this one.0 -
Depending on what you need in a relationship, someone who lives closer and can see you in person more often may be a better fit for you.0
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Drop him. Find someone who adores you and treats you better than that.0
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Drop him. Find someone who adores you and treats you better than that.
You forgot to say Bazinga!
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Taunto - LOVE IT!!!
Ugh - I'm not looking forward to the conversation I need to have. I don't put up with crap from people I date, but I am a big chicken and have to psych myself up to have 'talks' with them! ha ha0 -
Look, it's simple. People do what they love. People act on what they want. Want drives everything.
[rant =on]
Because I want to be in contact with a woman, I wont be able to HELP contacting her. When I - if I - ever fall helplessly in love...scratch that...
When I even fall in LIKE again - form a real dating relationship...It will not be a case of 'if I like her I will communicate with her" - that's backwards....BECAUSE I like her I won't be able to NOT. When I find "her" and we have sparks and connection and energy and all that happy-sparkly...
The love part will be EASY. E.A.S.Y.
If you can't easily love the one you're with, you might should not be with them. Fight about stupid **** like dishes or laundry or bills. But when there exists within a relationship a real, true, and wonderful bond or chemistry...dude...all the texting and phone calls and hanging-out will happen because it'll have no choice.
When I am with a woman I really am into - None of the TPS reports, or cover-sheets for them....none of the long nights at work...none of the gawd-awful 'Excellence Meetings!'....all the Metrics....none of that **** will matter - or it WILL matter but i'll be distracted. Hell, I might even send a quick pic of my nuts to the woman - IF she's into that sorta thing; doesnt have to be a pic of my testicles, could be just a pic of my dimples...or my eyes...or me at work...or whatever...but I'll send that stuff JUST so she knows what she has to look-forward to the next time i get her out for wining and dining and...."long walks on the beach"
Geezus - sometimes we make things so difficult on ourselves. STOP CHASING PEOPLE, people. Let those who really WANT you...let them follow gravity towards you. Let chemistry happen. If chemistry doesn't happen - do NOT chase/force/coerce or demand anything from them...just let it go folks. Move on. I promise you...you are SOMEBODY's DREAM woman or man.0 -
well im in the same situation except.. of course with a female LOL
me and her don't text much.. but it doesn't bother me. a few text here and there is fine. i don't expect to be texting her through out the day, and she doesn't expect to be doing the same.
a simple straight up question would be the easiest.. like hey, i really want this relationship to move forward more.. maybe we should go out every weekend or something yada yada..
but if you want more communication.. YOU should put some effort into it.. rather than wait for him to send you a message..
i hate texting personally cause a conversation can go dead with just 1 text... the dreaded... "LOL" or.. "K" can kill a text conversation pretty fast, or they just never reply after a few days lol
story: i never texted the girl i was talking to for 2 weeks.. and she finally texted me asking what i was doing, and where I've been haha, we been texting each other a lot but now its dying out again. soo i'm just not going to text her for a while.
add: i would also like to add sometimes being out of communication for awhile can be a good thing.. in my situation it was. cause she had the sense of need to text me and ask where i have been... there for telling me she really does want things to work out.0 -
I love your brutal honesty DetroitDarin. You had me laughing and pensive almost at the same time.
And you're absolutely right with everything you said.
Thank you. I needed to hear (read) that!0 -
I love your brutal honesty DetroitDarin. You had me laughing and pensive almost at the same time.
And you're absolutely right with everything you said.
Thank you. I needed to hear (read) that!
Honey...wait until some guy feels like he hit Powerball for finding you. You deserve it. When you find him...he'll go out of his mind making you feel wanted. WANTED...not just tolerated or 'nice to have'. Hang in there babycakes.
Darin0 -
Look, it's simple. People do what they love. People act on what they want. Want drives everything.
[rant =on]
Because I want to be in contact with a woman, I wont be able to HELP contacting her. When I - if I - ever fall helplessly in love...scratch that...
When I even fall in LIKE again - form a real dating relationship...It will not be a case of 'if I like her I will communicate with her" - that's backwards....BECAUSE I like her I won't be able to NOT. When I find "her" and we have sparks and connection and energy and all that happy-sparkly...
The love part will be EASY. E.A.S.Y.
If you can't easily love the one you're with, you might should not be with them. Fight about stupid **** like dishes or laundry or bills. But when there exists within a relationship a real, true, and wonderful bond or chemistry...dude...all the texting and phone calls and hanging-out will happen because it'll have no choice.
When I am with a woman I really am into - None of the TPS reports, or cover-sheets for them....none of the long nights at work...none of the gawd-awful 'Excellence Meetings!'....all the Metrics....none of that **** will matter - or it WILL matter but i'll be distracted. Hell, I might even send a quick pic of my nuts to the woman - IF she's into that sorta thing; doesnt have to be a pic of my testicles, could be just a pic of my dimples...or my eyes...or me at work...or whatever...but I'll send that stuff JUST so she knows what she has to look-forward to the next time i get her out for wining and dining and...."long walks on the beach"
Geezus - sometimes we make things so difficult on ourselves. STOP CHASING PEOPLE, people. Let those who really WANT you...let them follow gravity towards you. Let chemistry happen. If chemistry doesn't happen - do NOT chase/force/coerce or demand anything from them...just let it go folks. Move on. I promise you...you are SOMEBODY's DREAM woman or man.
How you doin?0 -
Hksalex - I did try more communication. I texted him first thing in the morning etc. I definitely tried to lead by example.0
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Hksalex - I did try more communication. I texted him first thing in the morning etc. I definitely tried to lead by example.
give it some time... i added somethings to my previous post that should make sense... im not great at these conversations lol0 -
Hksalex - Thanks
I get what you're saying, but that seems a little like playing games, don't you think? 0 -
Well DetroitDarin...... dammit.
You're so right!
Wake up call!0 -
My experience with guys, if they want you they won't be able to stay away. Plain & Simple0
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Hksalex - Thanks I get what you're saying, but that seems a little like playing games, don't you think?
well im not really playing games with her. i mean on facebook we leave a post here and there. like every few days lol
when a person is absence from your life for a while... whether it be your bf, wife, husband, brother, sister, etc.. it creates that sense of need, and you want to be around them for a while...0 -
I'd say take a little initiative. Call/text him first. You'll be surprised what a little communication can do.0
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Hksalex - Thanks I get what you're saying, but that seems a little like playing games, don't you think?
well im not really playing games with her. i mean on facebook we leave a post here and there. like every few days lol
when a person is absence from your life for a while... whether it be your bf, wife, husband, brother, sister, etc.. it creates that sense of need, and you want to be around them for a while...
Again.... I see your point. But when you first start dating someone and you're really into them shouldn't it be harder to NOT communicate with them, that it is to do so? I would hope it's that way.0 -
If the guy is capable of reason, then just say "I need something a bit more sustaining for this to work" which is true, and explain it in the same way you explain it to us, and if he can't provide this, then as much as you would like it to work, it just won't.
And from a guys point of view, you're really not asking for that much =]0 -
He sounds a lot like my latest ex. When communication slowed down I started looking into things and found out he was actually still married and living with her. I suggest letting him know how you feel and if he can't work with you on it then it's time to move on. Communication is essential in a relationship and if things are hard now they'll be 10x harder when you get more serious.0
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I'd say take a little initiative. Call/text him first. You'll be surprised what a little communication can do.
I've tried this approach. Not successful and I definitely don't want to be a stage-5.0 -
Drop him. Find someone who adores you and treats you better than that.
Right on... because after a month of dating, he should be serving her breakfast in a bed of rose petals. :huh:
Seriously, the OP can always mention to him that she'd like to see/hear from him more often. After all, maybe he thinks that she's fine with how things are and is skittish about stepping it up.0 -
How you doin?
(closes my eyes)pleasebeahotchickandnotaguy!!pleasebeahotchickannotaguy!!Well DetroitDarin...... dammit.
You're so right!
Wake up call!
Careful, it'll go to my head. I'm not right much - but what i am is broken to the core and pissed off at myself for letting it happen. What you're seeing in my post is me, preaching at ME.
Cheers, kiddo.0 -
Hksalex - I did try more communication. I texted him first thing in the morning etc. I definitely tried to lead by example.
give it some time... i added somethings to my previous post that should make sense... im not great at these conversations lol
Hksalex is right. It took my ex-bf almost 4 years to decide he wanted to be in our daughters life. Now definatly don't give it 4 years, but give him time. Guys are a little slower to notice things, like maybe how much he needs you.0
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