Dating Advice Needed

gshoemaker06

I didn't read any of the other replies so sorry if I double-back.

I would bring it up to him, but don't do it in a nagging way. If you don't bring it up, he may not even know and then you'll just resent him more and more for not doing it. If you bring it up in a nagging way, he'll most likely get a little upset and then it will become a bigger issue than normal.

If you do it in a polite way, letting him know you care about him and he means a lot to you, which is why you would love to hear from him a little bit more even if it's just a 2 min phone call at night, then he'll be more likely to follow up on it.

Although, I do wonder, are you sending him a text or calling him at night? If you are then there might be an issue if he's not responding. If you aren't... then why not?

Edit: I have a lot of experience with this stuff. I'm currently in a year & 9 month relationship that has been long distance for just over a year.

Kenzietea2

July 13 was only a few weeks ago. Maybe he isn't quite as serious as you. If you are exclusively dating, then it is a reasonable request. If you are not, then maybe back off a little.

edit to say: One thing I have learned is you have to communicate. Obviously don't be demanding towards him, but definitely let him know how you feel now before any resentment has built up. If you continue on being displeased, and he isn't even given the opportunity to fix things, it is unfair to both of you.

KimberlyDCZ

I disagree with the ones who say "drop him". My boyfriend lives an hour and half away, we only see each other on the weekend, he doesn't like texting or talking on the phone, but he adores me. I let him know early in the relationship that I like getting a phone call before bed, even if it's just to say a quick good night and a text in the morning before work. I know mornings are hard on him and he gets rushed and has a hard time focusing on everything he has to remember to do before work so at one time I actually told him he didn't have to text me in the morning even though it makes me very happy when he does. He hasn't missed a morning text since. I also once explained to him that I like a call at night so that we both know that the other is safely at home. Again, I get a call every night, even though he hates talking on the phone. I know he's into me because he drives an hour and half every weekend to see me AND MY SON. We only have one weekend/month alone and that's when I drive up there. He also read the book The Five Love Languages as I encouraged early in our relationship and knows my love language is WORDS, and does his best to show it. I know that his love language is TOUCH, so I know when we're together, that he's showing love in his way. Just let him know how happy it makes you when you get a text or call from him. If he cares, he'll be happy to oblige. :-)

ChristyRunStarr

I hope you'll have the talk with him soon...I know it's tough but it's not helping either of you until you have it.

And I'm another happy online dating story-yeah, I definitly went through my fair amount of toads before meeting my prince but all in all, it was worth it. We started talking the end of February of this year, met in March and since then he's been my rock while my mom went through surgery for cancer, my grandmother died, my best friend went in the hopsital for 5 different things (she's getting better now but it was touch and go for awhile) and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. I knew on the third date that he's going to be the man that I marry

But I know what you're going through, I've been there before and as tough as the talk will be, it'll be better once you have it cause it won't be hanging over your head. Good luck! and I'm friend requesting you

tami101

I am an example of a happy relationship ( 2 years so far) that started from an online dating site! I hope everything works out well for you. I'm glad you are going to talk to him about this, communication is so important. But keep in mind, that if you are having problems getting his attention this early in your relationship, he may just not be that into you.

Caz104

Ok.....

So here's a quick update for those of you who asked.

I emailed him. I know, I know! Not the best way to handle these things but my face-to-face time with him is very valuable and I didn't want to spend that time talking about it. Plus, it's been weighing on my mind way too much to let it go until the weekend.

I told him my concerns exactly.

Note: We are exclusively dating. I do know that for a fact. Neither of us dated anyone else since we met.

Anyway - I sent him the email late last night and first thing this morning I got a text from him to say that he had been busy and he had been slacking with me and was not going to do that anymore. He also made a point to say that he would call me tonight and has sent quite a few texts today.

I know that one day doesn't mean a thing. But I do think he at least deserved me to communicate my frustrations and be given a chance to do something about it.

Thanks to you all for you comments, very valid points and update requests! Especially those of you who found love online. It's sad that people still think negatively of online dating.

If things don't change then I will walk because as it was pointed out, I (WE ALL) deserve so much better.

shannajojo

I would move on. If a man likes you he will pursue you regardless of what is going on in his life.

Christi6604

My advice is pretty simple: cut the dude loose.

If he wants you and you are important to him, he will text, call and pursue you. If not, "he's just not that into you." Seriously, I think it's that simple. Find someone closer to you and more invested. You deserve that.

^^^^ This. I used to make excuses for those dudes. Then I met a great guy who was into me. :-) I wish people would tell you, but they don't...a lot of them leave ya hanging. Next!

Littlegurl

Ok.....

So here's a quick update for those of you who asked.

I emailed him. I know, I know! Not the best way to handle these things but my face-to-face time with him is very valuable and I didn't want to spend that time talking about it. Plus, it's been weighing on my mind way too much to let it go until the weekend.

I told him my concerns exactly.

Note: We are exclusively dating. I do know that for a fact. Neither of us dated anyone else since we met.

Anyway - I sent him the email late last night and first thing this morning I got a text from him to say that he had been busy and he had been slacking with me and was not going to do that anymore. He also made a point to say that he would call me tonight and has sent quite a few texts today.

I know that one day doesn't mean a thing. But I do think he at least deserved me to communicate my frustrations and be given a chance to do something about it.

Thanks to you all for you comments, very valid points and update requests! Especially those of you who found love online. It's sad that people still think negatively of online dating.

If things don't change then I will walk because as it was pointed out, I (WE ALL) deserve so much better.

Good for u! Thanks for keeping us posted! have a fabulous week

ChristyRunStarr

Ok.....

So here's a quick update for those of you who asked.

I emailed him. I know, I know! Not the best way to handle these things but my face-to-face time with him is very valuable and I didn't want to spend that time talking about it. Plus, it's been weighing on my mind way too much to let it go until the weekend.

I told him my concerns exactly.

Note: We are exclusively dating. I do know that for a fact. Neither of us dated anyone else since we met.

Anyway - I sent him the email late last night and first thing this morning I got a text from him to say that he had been busy and he had been slacking with me and was not going to do that anymore. He also made a point to say that he would call me tonight and has sent quite a few texts today.

I know that one day doesn't mean a thing. But I do think he at least deserved me to communicate my frustrations and be given a chance to do something about it.

Thanks to you all for you comments, very valid points and update requests! Especially those of you who found love online. It's sad that people still think negatively of online dating.

If things don't change then I will walk because as it was pointed out, I (WE ALL) deserve so much better.

I was an English Major in college so I get the whole email thing...sometimes for me it's so much easier to write something out and get to re-read it then edit it before it's spoken and taken out of context. I'm glad you didn't put it off any longer and drove yourself crazy :drinker: One day at a time so it's good that he let you know he'd call you and that he got it rather than not replying at all. Good luck!

Cindym82

Look, it's simple. People do what they love. People act on what they want. Want drives everything.

[rant =on]

Because I want to be in contact with a woman, I wont be able to HELP contacting her. When I - if I - ever fall helplessly in love...scratch that...

When I even fall in LIKE again - form a real dating relationship...It will not be a case of 'if I like her I will communicate with her" - that's backwards....BECAUSE I like her I won't be able to NOT. When I find "her" and we have sparks and connection and energy and all that happy-sparkly...

The love part will be EASY. E.A.S.Y.

If you can't easily love the one you're with, you might should not be with them. Fight about stupid **** like dishes or laundry or bills. But when there exists within a relationship a real, true, and wonderful bond or chemistry...dude...all the texting and phone calls and hanging-out will happen because it'll have no choice.

When I am with a woman I really am into - None of the TPS reports, or cover-sheets for them....none of the long nights at work...none of the gawd-awful 'Excellence Meetings!'....all the Metrics....none of that **** will matter - or it WILL matter but i'll be distracted. Hell, I might even send a quick pic of my nuts to the woman - IF she's into that sorta thing; doesnt have to be a pic of my testicles, could be just a pic of my dimples...or my eyes...or me at work...or whatever...but I'll send that stuff JUST so she knows what she has to look-forward to the next time i get her out for wining and dining and...."long walks on the beach"

Geezus - sometimes we make things so difficult on ourselves. STOP CHASING PEOPLE, people. Let those who really WANT you...let them follow gravity towards you. Let chemistry happen. If chemistry doesn't happen - do NOT chase/force/coerce or demand anything from them...just let it go folks. Move on. I promise you...you are SOMEBODY's DREAM woman or man.

THIS!!!! I met my boyfriend off a dating site 2.5yrs ago. We talked NON stop every single day until we went on our first date. And on that date we couldn't stop talking to each other to the point that he almost was late for work (he works night shift). We lived 45mins from each other and he made a huge effort to see me as much as possible. After we dated a year and a half we moved in together....and we STILL talk to each other all the time and love spending time with each other. He's at work when I get up for work and every morning I txt him I love you and every night when he gets to work he does the same. And he'll txt me until he goes to sleep just asking how my day is so far. When you find the right person you will know, don't waste your time with someone who is not willing to make you a priority. If he isn't communicating this early in a relationship there's probably a reason, and you should have to force someone to talk to you.

DetroitDarin

THIS!!!! I met my boyfriend off a dating site 2.5yrs ago. We talked NON stop every single day until we went on our first date. And on that date we couldn't stop talking to each other to the point that he almost was late for work (he works night shift). We lived 45mins from each other and he made a huge effort to see me as much as possible. After we dated a year and a half we moved in together....and we STILL talk to each other all the time and love spending time with each other. He's at work when I get up for work and every morning I txt him I love you and every night when he gets to work he does the same. And he'll txt me until he goes to sleep just asking how my day is so far. When you find the right person you will know, don't waste your time with someone who is not willing to make you a priority. If he isn't communicating this early in a relationship there's probably a reason, and you should have to force someone to talk to you.

I really REALLY envy what you have in the most positive of ways. It's a non-creepy/spiteful jealousy. Congrats to you!

Cindym82

THIS!!!! I met my boyfriend off a dating site 2.5yrs ago. We talked NON stop every single day until we went on our first date. And on that date we couldn't stop talking to each other to the point that he almost was late for work (he works night shift). We lived 45mins from each other and he made a huge effort to see me as much as possible. After we dated a year and a half we moved in together....and we STILL talk to each other all the time and love spending time with each other. He's at work when I get up for work and every morning I txt him I love you and every night when he gets to work he does the same. And he'll txt me until he goes to sleep just asking how my day is so far. When you find the right person you will know, don't waste your time with someone who is not willing to make you a priority. If he isn't communicating this early in a relationship there's probably a reason, and you should have to force someone to talk to you.

I really REALLY envy what you have in the most positive of ways. It's a non-creepy/spiteful jealousy. Congrats to you!

Thanks so much :happy: it took me a long time to finally find my "best friend" and I wouldn't have it any other way.

ChristyRunStarr

Any more of an update? I hope he's still doing what he said! Best of luck

sbernardy

Honestly, if he was interested in you a "busy schedule" would not stop him from talking to you.

I have had this happen to me twice...they say they are interested but do not bother calling/communicating with you.

Dont invest your time into a guy who won't invest his.

Soild and sound advise! If we are interested... no matter how busy we are... we'll call.. text.. or other to let you know it! i"ve stayed up for days on end just to ensure I could spend time with someone.

^^ This I met my husband on a dating website.. I had two kids he has 4 I worked first shift he works third shift... we always found time to send a txt or chat! I remember he would be at work in the middle of the night and he would send a txt.. I would wake up to the message coming and I would send one back... same thing while I was at work.. trust me if he was totally in to you he would find time no matter what! I agree with the above posters and move on.. Also would like to add that we lived 45 mins away from each other and we found time every night to see each other.. we would take turns driving... so please keep looking... and good luck!